A lightness spun in her head from the furious beating of her heart. She pulled in a faltering breath, fighting to gain control of her thoughts before she fainted and flopped back into the sea.
Her vision would be just like the numbness in her foot, and the shaking in her hand. It would pass, wouldn’t it?
‘I said,’ Ben began, ‘do you know how difficult it is—oh, never mind. Lions are so much easier.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Nothing.’ He sighed.
‘Sorry we were out here so long,’ Lizzie said, closing her eyes and covering them with her hands. Maybe it was the sun. Maybe if she rested her eyes for long enough, then the brightness would fade and the world would reappear.
They floated in silence for a moment.
‘It’s getting pretty hot out here,’ Ben said. ‘Your shoulders are starting to turn pink.’
Lizzie moved her hands and opened her eyes again. The brightness was still there, the world was not. She was blind. An army of goosebumps marched along her body.
‘Here,’ Ben said, ‘have some water.’
Lizzie imagined Ben holding the bottle out to her, but she didn’t try to reach for it. She couldn’t risk unbalancing herself and falling into the sea again.
‘Lizzie,’ Ben said. She could hear the concern ringing in his tone. Was that the blindness heightening her hearing? ‘Lizzie, what is it? Talk to me.’
Without waiting for a reply she heard the splash of Ben’s paddle blade in the water and the change in the motion of the board as he manoeuvred the kayak alongside of her.
‘I can’t see,’ she whispered, unable to stop the tears from falling.
‘What?’
‘I can’t see anything. My eyes went blurry about twenty minutes ago. I thought I’d got some water in them, but it’s been a while now, and I can’t see.’
‘Nothing at all?’ Ben asked.
‘I know where the sun is,’ she said, pointing up to the sky, ‘but I don’t know if that’s because I can see the change in light or because of the heat.’ Tear drops continued to run down her cheeks. She didn’t wipe them away.
A second later she felt the edges of his fingers brush her leg as his hand gripped her board, guiding her closer.
‘Try not to worry,’ he said, ‘you’re going to be fine.’ He clasped his hand in hers. Her grip tightened around his fingers. ‘We need to get you back to the beach and to hospital.’
She nodded, but didn’t reply. A new layer of dread added to the mounting panic.
‘Can you slide into the water next to me and lean over the board to kick with your legs?’ Ben asked. ‘It’ll be safer than sitting when we go over the waves, and that way I can push the tip of the board over the front of my kayak, and we’ll go in together.’
She nodded. A shivering gripped her body as she slid into the water and began to kick.
It seemed to take a long time to reach the beach. Long enough for Lizzie’s legs to grow tired and her mouth to dry. ‘How much further?’ she asked.
‘You should be able to stand up,’ he said, his voice strong and calm against her panicked whispers.
She stopped kicking and dropped her legs into the ocean. ‘Yes, I can.’ Adrenaline continued to pump through her veins as she felt Ben’s body slide into the ocean next to her.
‘Keep holding the surfboard,’ he said. ‘I’m going to push it.’
As the sea lapped against Lizzie’s knees, she sensed Ben move away a fraction. She let go of the surfboard and gripped his arm. ‘Don’t go anywhere,’ she said.
‘I won’t,’ he replied. ‘People are moving towards us. What do you want me to say?’
Voices grew louder. She recognised the peppy voice of Damien, their surf instructor, shouting to them. ‘Everything OK there, Lizzie?’
‘Don’t tell them.’ Lizzie tightened her hold on Ben. ‘Just get me out of here.’
‘Er, right. Any change?’
She shook her head, biting back a sob.
‘Everything OK, mate?’ Damien asked as they reached dry sand.
‘Yep,’ Ben said. ‘Lizzie just felt a bit sick, so I thought I’d help her in.’
She imagined Damien’s eyes on her, waiting to see if she’d elaborate, but she kept her head down and her eyes closed. She didn’t need a crowd of well-meaning helpers; all she needed at that moment was Ben’s arm and to get the hell off the beach.
‘Let me get that board for you,’ Damien said, undoing the tie on Lizzie’s ankle. ‘I’ll take your kayak too, mate.’
‘Thanks,’ Ben said.
A moment later, she felt him pull away, but, before she could protest, his arm reached around her, pulling her into the warmth of his body.
‘I’m sorry about your clothes,’ she said as they moved in slow stumbling steps across the sand.
‘Do you really think I care about getting my clothes wet, Liz? All I care about is getting you to a hospital.’
CHAPTER 33
Jaddi
This couldn’t be happening, Jaddi thought. They were supposed to have another month at least; she wasn’t prepared for this yet. She needed more time. The world around Jaddi had started to hum. It wasn’t the low rumbling of a car engine or the electrical hum of the hospital equipment. It was high-pitched … a whine, like mosquitoes trapped in her ear drums, buzzing around in her head whenever there was silence, like now.
‘I’ve got good news and bad news for you, Miss Appleton,’ Dr Moss said, stepping into the hospital room and saving Jaddi from the humming. The doctor smiled at each of them in turn before picking up the red folder at the edge of the bed.
She appeared unfazed by Ben’s movements as he stepped around her with his camera. Her dark-blonde hair was tied in a neat ponytail at the base of her neck, and she had the freckles and tan of someone who enjoyed the beach.
Dr Moss flicked through the notes in the folder before continuing. ‘The good news is that there is no sign of any optic nerve damage or problems with the retina, so we can rule the eyes out as being the cause of your vision loss.’
She placed the folder back in its holder before stepping to the side of the bed. ‘The bad news is that we don’t know what has caused your sudden onset of vision impairment. It may be a side effect from the anti-seizure medication you’re taking, or the tumour itself, or it may be something completely unrelated. Temporary loss to one or several of your senses is a postictal symptom of a seizure, so it may be that you had a very mild seizure without realising.’
She pulled out a small silver torch and waved it in front of Lizzie’s eyes. ‘How is your sight now?’
‘Better.’ She looked in the direction of Dr Moss. ‘I can make out a few shapes and I can see the torch light.’
‘Can you tell me how many fingers I’m holding up?’
‘No.’ Lizzie shook her head. ‘I can’t even see your hand.’
‘Try not to worry,’ Dr Moss said, patting Lizzie’s shoulder. ‘It’s extremely encouraging that your sight has improved in just the few hours you’ve been here. We’re going to keep you overnight and see how your vision is in the morning. Unfortunately, our own neurologist is on holiday at the moment. We only have the one here as we’re not a big hospital, but I’ve sent your MRI scans to your doctor, Dr Habib—’
‘Habibi,’ Lizzie said, as creases appeared on her forehead.
Jaddi leaned over and took Lizzie’s hand. Events were spiralling out of their control, and she didn’t need to exchange a look with Lizzie to know that she’d be worried.
Dr Moss nodded. ‘And also to a good friend of mine in the states. He’s a neurologist, but most importantly, his speciality is brainstems. I’ve explained your situation and hope to hear from him by tomorrow.’
‘Oh.’ Lizzie’s hand formed a vice around Jaddi’s fingers.
The doctor raised her eyebrows. ‘Is there a problem?’
Lizzie closed her eyes and shook her head.
‘Well, then, get plenty of rest and sleep. A nu
rse will check on you every few hours, and I’ll see you on my rounds in the morning.’
‘Thank you, doctor,’ Jaddi said.
There was a moment of silence before Samantha spoke. ‘Are you OK, Liz?’
Lizzie nodded. Jaddi could guess the questions running through Lizzie’s head: was this it … had their trip come to an end?
One perfect moment. That’s all it had taken for Jaddi to give herself a figurative pat on the back. Just one moment when the three of them had been happy, had laughed in the sunshine, and been themselves.
But now Lizzie had lost her sight, they were stuck in hospital waiting for news, and Harrison, who had yet to check if Lizzie was all right, was standing outside talking to reporters, who’d magically appeared from nowhere again.
‘Shall we pop back to the apartment and get you some clothes?’ Jaddi asked.
‘That would be good, thank you,’ Lizzie said. ‘Has anyone heard from Harrison? Does he know I’m here?’
Jaddi and Samantha exchanged a look but neither spoke. Anger knotted in Jaddi’s stomach. She liked Harrison. If things had been different. If time and distance hadn’t been factors for him and Lizzie the first time around, then Jaddi had no doubt that their relationship would have fizzled out. Harrison wasn’t a bad person, but he wasn’t right for Lizzie. He was too self-centred; he was always looking for the next fun activity. But time was an issue, a huge issue, and Lizzie didn’t have time for fizzling, she didn’t have time to be hurt or messed about by someone as insignificant as Harrison. If that meant Jaddi had to go down to the steps of the hospital and drag Harrison up to Lizzie’s room, then so be it.
Images of Suk played on her mind. She hadn’t realised how much she’d miss their time together. Harrison wasn’t right for Lizzie, but Suk was right for her. Jaddi had found the one person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, so why wasn’t she ready to commit? It would be so easy to get married and live the life Suk wanted for them, but being easy didn’t make it right. Jaddi sighed inwardly and glanced at Lizzie and Samantha. When it came to Suk, or anything else for that matter, Jaddi didn’t trust herself to know what was right anymore.
Ben cleared his throat. ‘I think I saw him wandering around downstairs. I’ll go see if I can find him.’ He removed the camera from his shoulder and zipped it away in its case.
‘Thanks,’ Lizzie said.
‘And I’ll go back and get your things,’ Samantha said.
‘Do you want me to come?’ Jaddi asked Samantha.
‘No,’ Lizzie said with an urgency in her voice. ‘I need Jaddi to be my eyes.’
‘Good idea,’ Samantha replied. ‘I won’t be long. I’ll grab some sandwiches for all of us too.’
Jaddi waited until Samantha had left the room, then she peeled her hand away from Lizzie’s and stepped over to close the door. She reached around to the microphone pack on her back and flicked the switch to off.
‘Liz—’
‘Are we alone?’
Jaddi nodded before realising her mistake. ‘Yes, and my mic’s off.’
‘What are we going to do?’ Emotion clung to every word so that Lizzie’s voice came out rushed and high-pitched.
‘Just what the doctor said. Rest and sleep. We can push the rainforest trip back whilst you recover.’
‘If I recover.’
‘You will, Liz.’
‘You don’t know that. No one knows.’ Lizzie sat up in bed and crossed her legs under the sheet. ‘I can’t stay here. Time is running out. I’m not wasting any more of it in a hospital.’
Jaddi stepped back to the bed. She reached out her hand to Lizzie’s, but thought better of it. Lizzie didn’t want comfort; she wanted answers, and Jaddi didn’t have any to give her.
Jaddi perched on the edge of the bed. ‘Do you wish we’d stayed at home? Do you wish I’d never set up the website and started this?’ she asked, the question appearing from nowhere and yet it seemed to have been resting at the edges of her thoughts for weeks. She glanced back at the door, checking it was still closed.
A silence filled the room. The question hung between them.
‘No. Sometimes. I don’t know,’ Lizzie said, her voice calmer. ‘When I lie awake at night turning over what we’ve done in my mind, I always consider the alternative.’
‘We can go back, you know. Any time. Say the word and I’ll book us the first flight back to London.’
Lizzie didn’t answer for a moment. ‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘For better or worse, I’m sticking with my decision.’
Uncertainty dug into Jaddi’s thoughts. Was Lizzie talking about more than just their trip?
Lizzie stretched her arm out and fixed her gaze on her hand. ‘Hey.’ She smiled. ‘I can see my fingers.’
‘Really? That’s brilliant.’ Jaddi breathed a sigh of relief and stood up. ‘Get some rest. I’ll go and get us a cup of tea and see where Ben and Harrison have got to. At this rate, your sight will be back to normal by the morning.’
‘Let’s hope so.’
Jaddi stared at Lizzie’s face. Beyond the bronze glow of her tan Lizzie’s eyes were circled in dark rings. ‘If it’s not, though, if you’re still here tomorrow, it’ll be OK.’
Lizzie turned to Jaddi, staring a few inches to the left of her face. ‘You know that’s not true.’
‘What I mean is, your health comes first. Everything else we’ve done and this trip comes second, OK?’
‘It’s not that simple, though, is it?’ Lizzie closed her eyes. ‘I’m not ready for this to end.’
A throbbing hurt stretched across Jaddi’s chest. In that moment, Jaddi was glad Lizzie couldn’t see the tears dropping from her eyes. She wasn’t ready either.
‘Jaddi?’
‘Yeah?’ Jaddi stepped closer to the bed.
Lizzie swallowed and when she spoke the voice that came out was a raspy whisper. ‘I’m scared.’ A single tear slid down her cheek.
Jaddi shook her head as her own eyes blurred with emotion. What could she say to help Lizzie? Jaddi dropped back onto the bed and wrapped her arms around Lizzie. ‘If there was anything I could do to make this … all go away …’
Lizzie gave a small laugh and pulled away, wiping her fingers across her face. ‘But you can’t.’ Lizzie finished for her. She gave a watery smile. ‘I’ll take that cup of tea though.’
Jaddi nodded and stepped towards the door, walking straight into the lens of Ben’s camera. She gasped, his sudden presence outside the hospital room catching her off guard.
‘Ben, hi.’ She forced her megawatt grin. ‘I was just coming to look for you and Harrison.’
‘Well, I’m here.’ Ben raised his eyebrows, his words curt.
‘Great.’ Jaddi reached her hand to the small of her back and fumbled with her microphone battery pack.
‘It’s off,’ he said, nodding towards her hand. ‘If that’s what you were wondering.’
Jaddi’s mind raced. ‘I know, I’m sorry. Lizzie needed a few minutes, just us,’ she said, flicking on the battery pack.
‘That’s not how this works.’ Ben shook his head. ‘You of all people know that. It stays on all the time, no matter what. I’ve tried to give you all time to yourselves, when I’m not supposed too, I’ve tried to be fair, but if you’re going to mess me ab—’
‘Watch out.’ A porter pushing an empty hospital bed veered towards them, forcing Ben and Jaddi to jump away. The gurney took an unexpected turn and seemed to follow their movements, forcing Ben and Jaddi to take another leap backwards until Jaddi’s back hit the opposite wall.
Ben turned to Jaddi and opened his mouth to speak.
‘It won’t happen again,’ she said, striding along the corridor as the humming filled her ears again.
CHAPTER 34
Lizzie
Sitting alone in the hospital room was making her jittery. Lizzie fidgeted in the bed and held her hands out in front of her. She could see the milky colour of her skin now, and the blue of the veins running un
der it. Lizzie reached for the remote control, attached to the bed by a plastic cord. She pressed the green button and the unmistakable sound of an advert jingle filled the room. Lizzie stared into the corner where the sound was coming from. She could see the square screen but nothing else.
‘Hey,’ Lizzie said, muting the sound as Ben stepped into the room.
‘How’s your sight?’ he asked, tucking his camera under his arm.
‘Much better. I can see my hands and about a metre in front of me. I can see you, almost, but beyond that, it’s still hazy, like I’m looking through a window that’s gone steamy.’
‘I’m glad it’s coming back,’ he replied.
‘Thank you for helping me on the beach,’ Lizzie said, gnawing at her lip and wishing there was another word that conveyed her gratitude. ‘I’m not sure what I would have done without you.’
He nodded. ‘Someone would’ve rescued you.’
‘It wasn’t just the rescue.’ She shook her head. ‘If you hadn’t helped me off the beach I’d have been swamped by people trying to help. I don’t know why my sight went like that. It was so scary.’
‘You know what I don’t know?’ he said, the irritation clear in his voice as he stepped forward. ‘I don’t know what this is all about.’ Ben opened the LED screen on his camera and moved around the bed so that Lizzie could see it.
He pressed several buttons, then, after a short pause, she saw herself on the bed and Jaddi standing next to her. A new wave of fear propelled its way through her thoughts. She knew why Ben had filmed it, and why he was showing it to her. Their faces etched with fear, Jaddi’s wide-eyed furtive glances back to the door, even without the sound, it looked suspicious.
‘I don’t know what you and Jaddi were talking about,’ Ben said, ‘but I feel like I’m getting to know you pretty well now, Lizzie, so I feel pretty confident that the look on your face when the doctor told you she’d sent your scans to a specialist, was fear. And I’m really starting to get the sense that you’re hiding something. Why were you so hell-bent on not having an MRI in Bangkok? What are you scared of?’
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