“Paulina?”
He nods. “Yeah, she’s one of them.”
“So she just sleeps with . . . anyone?” I ask, grimacing.
“Uhhh,” he mumbles, cringing. “What they do is their business, but yeah, I guess so. I guess they think if they stay around, eventually one of the men will choose them to be their old lady. I’m not saying it’s the best plan.”
“Was the woman I saw you with on that first night one of those women?” I ask him boldly, and I can see how uncomfortable he gets. But I’m curious.
He looks out the window, his jaw tight. “This is how things are here, Erin. I’m not saying it’s right, or it’s something you’d ever want to be a part of, but it’s how things are. And I happen to like them this way. What I do is between me and Veronica, and it’s no one else’s business.”
I purse my lips.
He’s right and he’s wrong.
He’s right that it’s none of my business what he does, that’s on him, but he can’t say it’s not something I’d ever want to be a part of when bringing me into his life is making me a part of it.
Can I be one foot in and one out?
Maybe I could choose the best from both worlds and make it work for me that way. I don’t see any other option now. He’s right, it’s just how things are around here. I don’t have to do what they do, or live how they live, but basically he’s telling me that I do have to mind my own damn business. If I want to be welcome here, I need to accept that there are some things I won’t like and things that I can’t change, and unless they directly involve me, I shouldn’t try to change them.
Which I get.
“I can mind my own business,” I tell him, trying to explain why I’m asking without telling him about my situation with Ace. “I’m not going to tell anyone anything, Dad. I’m just curious is all. I came here with no idea what I was getting into, and you might say this is how things are for you and not for me, but I’m here, aren’t I? It’s like you’re confused whether you want me in this world or not, but I don’t think you get to have it both ways. Either I’m a part of it, or I’m not.”
He parks the car before answering me. “I’m not used to anyone questioning me, Erin. I don’t want you to be scared to ask me anything though, so I’m trying to be patient and give you the answers you want. Yes, you’re a part of it, but through me. I make the decisions, and I decide what happens in regards to you. You’re never going to be invited to a wild party where the men are carrying on, because that’s not something I want you to see. Is it hypocritical? Yes. But you’re my daughter, and I can choose what I want to share with you or shield you from. I know you’re a curious girl, and I know you seem to have a strong will and personality, but sometimes you’re going to have to let things go.”
“That’s not really in my nature,” I admit, flashing him a cute, sweet smile. “But I hear what you’re saying. You’re the boss, it’s your world and you’re just letting me be in it because I’m your daughter, so I need to play nice.”
“That would be wonderful,” he says, but I can tell he doubts it from his tone. “When I rang your mom to tell her that you weren’t well, she told me a few things about you.”
Oh, crap.
“Like what?” I ask casually, wondering what she would have said. She didn’t tell him about my accident, did she? Because that’s something only two people know, and something I never tell anyone.
“Just how when you want something, you don’t stop until you get it. And how you’re a fighter. You don’t give up. And how strong-willed and -minded you are. She’s proud of you, you know. I could tell it in her voice. She might act like you’re too much of a rebel for her, but she still loves you so much, Erin,” he admits, smiling absently. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for what she did, but she did raise you well. I’ll give her that. Not many girls would walk into a biker clubhouse making demands.”
“I think that makes me stupid,” I joke, nudging him with my shoulder. “I’m glad you like that I’m stubborn and strong-willed. I’ll be sure to bring this conversation up the next time you want to murder me with your bare hands.”
Like when he finds out about Ace.
A sliver of guilt hits me. Although he never said to me directly to stay away from his men, Shack insinuated as much, and Ace mentioned it as well, so I can’t act innocent here.
I guess I’m having a hard time seeing how it can be so wrong for me simply wanting to be with a man I’m so drawn and attracted to. We’re both adults. Neither of us is married or in a relationship.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I can’t seem to stop myself either. I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well, though.
This is so typical me.
He chuckles and opens his door. “I’m in for a wild ride, aren’t I?”
He has no idea.
“Can you take another picture, from a higher angle?” I ask my dad, posing in my new riding gear. It’s heavier than I thought it would be, and it cost a lot more too. But I love it. I look badass in my black leather jacket, holding my black-and-hot-pink helmet. Now I’m giving my father a lesson on angles for social-media photos, and he’s not impressed in the least.
“Why a higher angle?” he asks me gruffly, frowning in confusion.
“Because then there’s no double chin in the photo,” I explain, striking another pose.
He lowers the camera and glares. “Who told you that you have a double chin? I’m going to kill them. You’re perfect.”
“No one told me anything,” I say, removing the jacket and sitting down on the grass next to him. “Is that how you deal with everything? Threatening to kill people?”
“Hasn’t failed me yet.” He grins, teeth on show. “Make sure you don’t come out here at night. I know it’s beautiful, but we think there’s something out there.” He points across his land covered in trees and shrubs.
“Like what?” I ask him, curious. “Wolves? Ravens?”
His lip twitches. “Definitely ravens. But a few of us have seen something that looks eerily like a panther.”
I wave my hand in the air. “Sounds like one of those ‘finding bigfoot’ shows.”
“You gonna compare a panther to bigfoot?” he asks, throwing some grass at me. “You are something else, Erin.”
“I get told that a lot.” I smile, batting my lashes at him.
When we returned from the mall we’d decided to sit outside and enjoy nature while eating the burgers and fries we’d gotten on the way home. Along with the riding gear, I got a dress, a few tops and bottoms, and luckily some underwear. Dad left me to my own devices, and never hovered, so it was easy. He gave me his credit card, and then refused to take it back, not that I’ll ever be using it again. I don’t want him to think he owes me anything, because he doesn’t, and I don’t expect anything. “But noted, I will not venture out here at night, because there are both ravens and panthers about. Which one is more dangerous?”
“For you? The panther. For others . . .” He trails off, and even flashes me a wink.
Laughter escapes me. I lean back on my hands, the grass prickling my palms. Closing my eyes, I look up at the sky and let the sunlight touch my face. “Who knew paradise could be found in the backyard of a biker clubhouse.”
He makes a hum of agreement.
“You know, you never told me how you met Mom in the first place. And if you haven’t figured it out, she’s not the most forthcoming when it comes to you.”
He turns to me and smiles, almost wistfully. “I actually met your mother on the side of the road one day. Her piece-of-shit car had broken down, and I stopped on my bike to help her. The battery was dead though, and there was nothing I could do, so we called roadside assistance. I told her I’d give her a ride wherever she wanted to go, if she was in a rush to get somewhere. She said she was supposed to be having lunch with a friend, but now she was late and had to cancel. I said I’d take her out to lunch instead. So she got on my bike and off we w
ent.”
“Wait. My mother. On the back of your motorcycle, when you were a complete stranger to her. Are you sure?” I ask with shock. I could never imagine my conservative mother jumping on the back of a stranger’s bike.
My father laughs. “She sure did. She was a pro.”
I smile as I picture the scene. “And then how long did you . . . see each other for?”
“A few months, I think it was. I was just a prospect back then, but she came to the clubhouse a few times and I could tell she didn’t like what she saw. Then one day she came to say good-bye and bailed on me. I never saw her again. I’ve often thought about her over the years, wondering where she was, and how she was, but never once did I think I’d gotten her pregnant during our time together.”
“Well, she’s in the country, and she became a teacher,” I update him. “She married a teacher, and she got what she always wanted. Two kids and a white picket fence.”
He makes a sound of amusement. “That is what she always wanted, isn’t it? I just wish she didn’t get her dream at my expense.”
“I’m here now,” I whisper.
“I know,” he replies, smiling sadly. “And now I suddenly can’t picture my life without you.”
We share a moment, and a smile.
“Now, are you ready for this lesson? We’ll have you riding that bike on your own in no time.”
I nod. “I’m ready.”
He gets up and offers me his hand, pulling me up. I start to feel a little nervous. I know it’s not the same as driving a car, but the thought of being in control of a machine like this takes me back to the car crash I had years ago, when I was fresh out of high school. While I play off the reason I don’t have a driver’s license to other people, the truth is much different. When I was learning to drive I had an accident that nearly killed me. There was gravel on the road, and I’d lost control of the car, which skidded, and I ended up hitting a tree.
My mom was in the passenger seat, and luckily she was fine.
But I lost a lot that day, and it took me a long time to recover.
And now I’m going to face my fears and learn to trust myself again.
Biker-style.
17
I smile and hold on to my dad as we zoom through the streets. After an hour lesson, he asked if I wanted to go for a ride.
As if I’d say no.
While he didn’t let me actually ride my bike alone, he explained to me what everything was and went through all the safety. He showed me how to start the engine, and I stalled a few times but got the feel for it by the end. I was scared and nervous, but not how I am when I think about driving a car. Maybe a bike is the answer to my problem, and soon I’ll be the one zooming through the streets on Black Beauty, black-and-hot-pink helmet shining in the sunlight. We stop at the beach and walk down to the water, dipping our toes in the waves.
“I lived at the beach growing up,” I tell him, smiling out at the ocean. “We live five minutes away from the water, so any time the sun was out, that’s where you’d find us.”
“You like living out there?” he asks me, looking up at the sky. “Wouldn’t you like to move to the city? Country towns aren’t places you’re meant to stay forever.”
“I really like the college there,” I explain, shrugging. “A few of my friends will be going there. It’s home. I’m all enrolled for my nursing degree, and after that’s done, who knows where I’ll end up.” I glance over at him and add, “And it’s not so far away that I can’t come and visit on weekends and holidays.”
“I know,” he murmurs, but still sounds a little sad about the whole thing. “It’s just a little shitty, is all. How long is a nursing degree?”
“Four years.”
“And you can transfer if you wanted to?” he asks, his expression blank.
“Sure, I guess so,” I reply, looking down at my sand-covered toes. “I doubt Mom will be too happy about that though. Eden too.”
“You close with your sister then?” he asks, wandering a little deeper into the water, his jeans rolled up to his knees.
“Yeah, I am,” I reply. “But she’s my baby sister, so I can’t tell her everything. I’m probably closer with my cousin Celina.”
“Your mom’s brother’s kid?”
I nod, surprised. “Yeah. You know him? Celina is great fun.” And has a wild side I can relate to. “She’s also got a kick-ass career and is a completely independent woman, so I guess I look up to her a bit.”
“I never met him, but your mom spoke of him.”
I’m about to continue when a splash of water hits me in my face. I wipe it away and narrow my eyes and look at my father, who stands there with a grin and wet hands.
Oh, it’s on now.
I kick my leg up and practically drench him, then run for my life.
“You can’t run as fast as me, old man,” I call out to him, laughing as I make my way back to his motorcycle.
He arrives there a minute after me, while I lean on his bike with a smug grin. “Oh, there you are.”
“You’re a shithead, you know that?” he announces, amusement dancing in his gaze.
“Didn’t Mom tell you that too?”
He grabs his helmet and says, “Actually, she did.”
I roll my eyes.
“So cool how no one has tried to kill me again,” I say to Knuckles, raising my bottle of beer. “To being alive.”
“To being alive,” he repeats, clinking his bottle against mine.
I put my drink down and change the song to “Unforgettable” by French Montana. “I love this song.”
“This song is old,” he tells me, leaning back in his chair.
“You’re old,” I tell him, bringing my bottle to my lips and tipping it back. “How old are you anyway?”
“Old enough.”
“To know better?”
He barks out a laugh. “You’re a smart-ass just like your father.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
I lean forward, as if telling him a secret, even though no one else is around and the music would drown out any conversation anyway. “Do you think a man in this MC can be faithful?”
“I was,” he admits, ripping the label off his bottle of beer. “I was with Flora for about ten years, and I never once cheated on her. She’d never believe that, though. And if there’s no trust in an environment like this, you’ve got nothing.”
“Is Flora your baby mama?” I ask.
“Yeah. We haven’t been together for years now, but she still likes to make my life hell whenever she can.”
“She thinks you cheated?”
“Among other things,” he tells me, lifting his feet up on the coffee table in front of us. “I get it, I do. You see some of the other men being unfaithful, and we don’t say anything to their women. So I guess she thought I was doing the same thing to her. But if she knew me at all, she’d know that I can actually be loyal. When I’m single, sure I like to fuck around, who doesn’t? But if I’m taken, then I’m with that person for a fuckin’ reason, and that’s not to waste my time.”
“Are you a closet romantic?” I blurt out, finishing the rest of my beer and grabbing another bottle from the cooler. “Because, Knuckles, I think you are.”
“Don’t tell anyone, or I’ll have to kill you,” he teases, running his hand through his beard and smiling.
“You can get in line,” I reply in a sarcastic tone. “Apparently more than one person wants to kill me. Or maybe it was you.”
“Then my road name would be Poison,” he quips.
We both burst out laughing, clearly having had one too many beers by this point.
“Next song is your choice,” I tell him, standing up and starting to dance all by myself. “But for now, we’re going to listen to this anthem.” “No Lie” by Sean Paul plays, and I start to sing along to all the words.
Knuckles pulls out his phone and starts recording a video of me singing and dancing. “I�
��m going to send this to Ace.”
I freeze. “No, you’re not!”
I run to him and try to grab his phone.
“Too late,” he murmurs as I jump on him, showing me the little SENT bubble.
“You’re an asshole,” I tell him, sighing. “What happens with us should stay between us. The chats, the dancing, the singing, everything. You just gave me a speech on loyalty, and then you go and do this. I feel so betrayed.”
Knuckles laughs and pushes me off him. “You’re so dramatic, Trouble. That’s why I don’t go for the younger women.”
“Is that why? Or is it because you can’t get the younger chicks?” I tease, wiggling my eyebrows.
Knuckles looks behind me and calls out, “Do you hear the shit that comes out of your kid’s mouth? I think I’m going to have to teach her a lesson.”
“What are you going to do? Besides snitch to my dad,” I tease, egging him on. I know he’s just messing around. I really like Knuckles. I know he’s got some badass reputation and is known as the best fighter in the MC, but he’s a really funny, laid-back guy. And he’s such a great father. The way he talks about his kids, and the way I’ve seen him be with them with my own eyes . . . He truly is a good person.
Just goes to show that you can’t judge people.
Dad walks in, sits down, and takes a beer, cracking it open. “Look at you two carrying on like children.”
“Yeah, but only one of us is actually your child,” I remind everyone. I point to my chest. “And that would be me.” I smile at my father and sigh in contentment. “Look at us, having a drink together, like a normal dysfunctional family. And where is Veronica? I thought you two were having a romantic evening together?”
“Yeah, she left,” he admits, wincing, and rubbing the back of his neck. “So I thought I’d come and see what all the commotion was about.”
“Just me and my bestie Knuckles having beers and deep, meaningful conversations,” I tell him, touching my hot cheeks with my hands. This is how I know I’m drunk, when my face gets hot.
Ace of Hearts (The Cursed Ravens MC Series Book 1) Page 11