She tried not to let the disappointment show on her face. “Jah, I can do that. I enjoy gardening.”
“Very well, then. I will leave extra money so you can pick up some plants when you go into town tomorrow. The children will enjoy getting their hands dirty.” He lifted a small smile.
She nodded as her father came to the door.
“I will see you tomorrow, then? Same time?”
“Jah, I will be here.” She opened the door.
Her father waved to Mervyn, then the two of them set off toward home, leaving the Swartzentruber family to enjoy their evening meal.
~
Isaac had dreaded this day his entire life. No amount of planning could adequately prepare him for all of the emotions that accompanied losing a loved one. He wasn’t ready to let Mamm go. Not yet.
She’d been the only female influence in his life. The one who balanced out him and Dat. Not only that, but she’d taught him so much about life. Taught him how to cook and clean. Taught him what to look for in a fraa—not that he’d ever find one. But if he wanted to, surely he’d marry someone like Mamm.
Ach, what would he and Dat do without her?
He’d seen this day coming. Mamm and Dat had both been elderly his entire life, and they’d only aged more as the years passed. What would he do when they were both gone? He’d be utterly alone with no one in the world to care for him. Nee, he couldn’t let that happen.
He did have Ezekiel, their bachelor neighbor who often helped out on their ranch. But Ezekiel wasn’t kin. He was a friend, jah, but he was a gut twenty years older than Isaac.
Mamm had mentioned several times, when she’d been in better health, that he should find himself a nice fraa. But how could he? Where would he get one?
All of the single maed in the g’may thought him too old. The only prospects were the few widows in their community, and they were too old for him. There were no viable options for someone like him, it seemed.
He’d wanted to fulfill Mamm’s dream of seeing him happily married off before she passed on to Glory, but not at the expense of marrying someone he would not be compatible with. He wanted someone that had been handpicked by Der Herr, someone just for him. Not a widow who would most likely constantly compare him to her first husband. And not someone young and immature. But it seemed finding a decent mate wasn’t something within Gott’s will for him. At least, not for the time being.
Whoever said there were plenty of fish in the sea had never swam in Bishop Elmer Peachy’s pond or had seen how shallow it was. Their district wasn’t tiny, but certainly couldn’t be likened to a sea. While the fish may be plentiful elsewhere, they were not here. That was for sure and certain.
FIVE
The next two weeks flew by flawlessly where the Swartzentruber family was concerned. Becky tended to the children, but she was careful not to invest too much of her heart. The last thing she needed was for the kinner to become too attached to her and see her as their mother-figure. She was their babysitter, and she knew someday her position as their caretaker would end.
She did care for the children immensely, but she didn’t desire to become their mamm. She viewed them more as younger siblings or niece and nephew instead.
She also missed her soapmaking and time spent with her own family. Her own family…what would it be like to actually have her own family? One where she was one of the heads of household. Ach, she wouldn’t dwell on that thought. Der Herr’s timing was perfect. She would be patient and wait.
As far as she was concerned, she would be content taking care of her folks all her days. Who knows? Perhaps that was what Gott had planned for her. If He wanted her to move, He’d prompt her. But for now, she knew she was to sit still.
Be still and know that I am God.
Yes, that was what she would do. She would be still. She would wait.
~
The following church Sunday had been more awkward than usual. Becky had been patient and answered questions. Of course, the g’may would be curious about her present circumstances. She was an alt maedel working for a young widowed father who was new to their district. The perfect solution to her singleness, in their minds.
Yet, she was in no hurry to marry. Especially not to Mervyn Swartzentruber. As a man and her employer, she had nothing but the utmost respect for him. He worked hard and ran his household well. But that didn’t automatically make him a suitable mate for her. Practical perhaps, but not suitable.
She thought of each of her friends growing up and the men they’d married.
Mary had been the first. She’d had a crush on Daniel for as long as Becky could remember. Apparently, Daniel must’ve had an eye for Mary as well. As soon as she turned seventeen, they’d began sharing buggy rides together. It seemed like they had a fairy tale romance. Both knew exactly what they wanted. The following wedding season, they were wed and now had several adorable kinner. As far as their relationship went, it seemed to be a match made in Heaven. They adored each other just as much today as their first buggy ride home.
Becky sighed. Jah, Mary’s life certainly seemed like a fairy tale.
And next, there was Rosemary and Atlee. Atlee had been from a neighboring district. Their youth groups occasionally spent time together, participating in various activities both of their districts were a part of. She’d caught his eye in a volleyball game. They’d been on opposing sides. When he spiked a ball that hit her in the head, he’d immediately rushed to her side and insisted on taking complete care of her. From there, they’d become fast friends and seemed to be inseparable. Within two years, they were hitched in his district and now Becky hardly saw her friend.
Then there was Judy. Judy met her husband at Rosemary and Atlee’s wedding. Jerome was a cousin of Atlee and had been visiting from another state. They’d been paired up together for the wedding supper, then spent the evening participating in games and activities as a couple. After that, they’d begun a letter courtship. She and Jerome now lived in Indiana. Occasionally, Becky would receive a letter update from her friend. Last she’d heard, they’d been blessed with twins, bringing their family unit up to seven members.
Each of her friends had such wonderful and different stories. Becky knew their lives weren’t perfect. But she also knew that, if given the choice, they would choose the same path again. One thing that seemed to be consistent in each of their stories was the fact that they’d been attracted to each other. She wasn’t so shallow to think that attraction was everything, but it was something.
~
“Rebekah, kumm, sit.” Her mother settled into her usual Sunday afternoon resting chair, her traditional cup of tea in hand. “We have had so little time to talk lately, with you being so busy taking care of Widower Swartzentruber’s kinner every day yet.”
Becky did as bidden and joined her mother for tea. She took the kettle and poured hot water into her cup and steeped a tea bag in it. It was wonderful that Mamm used her tea set often. It seemed many others just kept theirs in a cabinet on display. Not Mamm.
“Tell me how things have been going,” Mamm prodded.
Becky shrugged. “Gut, I suppose. But I miss being home. I miss spending time with you and Dat. And I miss making my soaps.”
Mamm smiled. “You always loved making those soaps of yours.”
“I enjoy the process. It’s relaxing somehow. And then to know that I’m providing something useful for our family to enjoy and for the stores…” She shrugged. “I guess I just miss it.”
“Why don’t you take your supplies over to Mervyn’s place?”
“He said nee. He doesn’t want the kinner around the lye.”
Mamm frowned. “Ach, that’s a shame. You’ve always been very careful when your nieces and nephews have come to visit.”
“I am. I’m aware of the danger. I’d never put the kinner at risk.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Mamm took a sip of her tea, her pinky finger pointed toward Heaven.
Becky smiled. Her mother wa
sn’t the only one who sipped tea that way. Nee, she’d noticed many others as well. She’d even caught herself doing it on occasion.
“It is going well then?” Mamm asked.
“Jah, fine. It’s a way to make money, I suppose.”
“You do not like your job? I thought you would enjoy tending to kinner.”
“Nee, I do enjoy Mervyn and Myra. They are very sweet kinner. They are easy to care for.”
“But?”
“I don’t know what it is exactly, Mamm.” Becky frowned. “Did you ever feel like part of your life was missing?”
Mamm frowned. “Can’t say I have.”
Becky sighed. “I guess I’m feeling restless.”
“That is natural, I suppose. Your friends have all been long married off and have families of their own. Perhaps you feel as though life is passing you by?”
“Not necessarily. I just feel like there is more Der Herr wants me to do, but I’m not doing it. Do you understand?”
“Ach, but you are doing it. You are waiting. Sometimes waiting is the hardest part. Maybe Der Herr is attempting to teach you something right now.”
“Waiting is difficult.”
“Trust that Gott will show you what His will is. If He has a life planned out for you, I assure you, Becky, He will not let that life pass you by.”
“How will I know it is Derr Herr’s will though?”
“He will give you peace in your heart.”
Even hours later, Becky couldn’t help but dwell on her conversation with Mamm.
Wait. Wait for peace.
Help me, Lord, to wait on You and to trust You. And make Your path for me clear.
SIX
“I’m thinking you might could be a suitable fraa and a mudder to the kinner. I would like to court you for a time, if you’re agreeable. Will you take this into consideration?”
Becky practically spit out her orange juice. Heat rose to her cheeks. Had Mervyn Swartzentruber just asked if she’d marry him? And just when would he find time to court her? He was never home. Ach.
She swallowed down a huge gulp of juice, then stared at the breakfast she’d made. Suddenly, her appetite was non-existent.
Talk about a shock.
Thoughts swirled in her mind. A fraa to Mervyn? Gott?
Nee.
Out of all the faces and statures of potential life mates that had flitted through her mind over the years, Mervyn’s had not been one of them. Not that she was vain and would only have someone handsome. But she should feel at least the slightest bit of attraction to a person if she was going to marry, shouldn’t she?
Mervyn seemed like a nice enough man. His children were well-behaved and obviously needed a mother to care for them, but something was missing. Becky couldn’t be sure what it was, but she felt an uneasiness about the entire situation.
Ach, if she mentioned the prospect to her folks, they’d be pleased, no doubt. But her folks wouldn’t be the ones married to Mervyn Swartzentruber, it would be her. Surely they would think she was ab im kopp if she turned down his request. After all, she was past marrying age in most Amish respects.
But was it too much to want to have a choice in whom she married? Was it too much to ask to feel peace in her heart about the situation? Was it too much to desire a mate that she’d be at least a little bit attracted to?
She would pray about it, for sure and certain. But she was quite confident this rock in her gut would not disappear no matter how much she prayed. But she would anyhow.
“Rebekah?” Ach, Mervyn was still waiting for an answer.
“I will pray about it.”
He nodded satisfactorily. “Gut. I’m sure you will see it is a gut offer for you, seeing that you have no family of your own.”
“Would I be able to make my soaps?”
“Ach, I would think that you’d be too busy caring for the kinner and any more we might have, taking care of a husband, and running an Amish home. You will not have time for your soaps.”
A closed door.
And just the thought of the two of them sharing the marriage bed…ach…nee, nee, nee! Her mind just would not could not abide the thought.
Gott, do You want me to marry Mervyn Swartzentruber? If not, please make it crystal clear. Please guide my path and show me where You’d like me to walk. I desire Your will, Gott. If it is with Mervyn, then so be it. But if not, please show me. I do not want to make a mistake. I do not want to marry just to be married. Take my hand and lead me to what You want for me. Amen.
~
Becky took a deep breath as she entered her home that evening. How would she explain Mervyn’s proposal to her folks without them getting their hopes up?
She had promised Mervyn that she’d pray about it, and she had been all day. Although, she had to admit, she wasn’t feeling it. But above anything, she desired Gott’s will.
“How was work today?” Mamm asked as she sat down at the supper table next to Becky.
Her father cleared his throat and bowed his head, indicating he was ready to pray for the meal.
After her father lifted his head once again and began serving himself, they did as well.
“It was…quite interesting.” Becky said carefully.
“Oh yeah? How so?” Her father chimed in.
“Well.” She snatched a roll from her plate, then put it back down. “Uh, Mervyn asked if I would be interested in him courting me.”
Her father’s grin widened, while her mother’s eyes did likewise.
She rushed on. “I said I would pray about it.”
Dat nodded. “Seems like there shouldn’t be much to pray about, I’d say. He needs a fraa and a mamm for those kinner. You need a husband.”
Her mother gasped. “Ach, she doesn’t want to marry just anybody.”
She was grateful for her mother’s interjection. “Nee, I want Der Herr’s will. I need to have peace in my heart before deciding on something like this.”
“Seems like Der Herr has already answered to me.” Her father insisted.
“Dat, how did you and Mamm meet?” Becky cut her roll in half, slathered it with butter and jam on both sides, then took a bite.
Her father smiled and caught her mother’s eye. “She was waitressing at a little diner in town. I’d stop in at least once a week for a slice of pie and coffee.”
Becky smiled, picturing it all in her head.
“Once a week?” Mamm laughed. “More like every other day.”
“I couldn’t seem to get enough of you. You were the prettiest little thing I’d ever seen. And I’d never tasted better pie.”
Her mother gasped. “Those were frozen store-bought pies. They were terrible!”
“Not with you serving them.” He winked and gently tugged the ribbon on her mother’s kapp.
Becky loved seeing this side of her folks. How come she’d never thought to ask about their courtship before?
Becky looked at her mother. “What did you think of him?”
She shrugged. “I thought he was pretty cute.”
“Pretty cute?” Her father sputtered.
“Okay, dashingly handsome.” Her mother conceded. “But you smelled like you’d been working with manure all day.”
“That’s probably because I was. You know how much I did on my father’s farm. Especially after he was injured in that accident.” He mused. “But I didn’t smell bad all the time. I showered and even bought cologne before I took you out in my buggy.”
“Jah, you did.” Mamm laughed. “Drenched yourself in it. I could hardly breathe! I’m just glad you drove an open buggy. I would have died otherwise.”
Becky giggled. “Did you know right away?”
Her father shook his head. “I was sure and certain she was sent straight from Heaven.”
Mamm nodded. “I’d dare say I fell in love with your father before he even took me out on our first date. It was a big deal, though, since we were from different districts.”
“Ach, I didn’t know tha
t!” Becky’s smile widened.
“Yep.” Her father nodded. “It’s a gut thing no one knew until we published our banns. Otherwise her father would have put an end to it then and there.”
“But it was too late.” Mamm smiled. “At that point, I would have run off with your father and become Englisch if he asked.”
Becky gasped. “You wouldn’t have!”
“Oh, yes I would. It probably wouldn’t have been gut for either of us, and thank Der Herr that our parents finally conceded.”
“So how long did you date?” Becky looked back and forth.
“We met in the summer and married in the fall.” Her father reached over and squeezed her mother’s hand.
Becky’s eyes widened. “So, just a few months?”
Mamm shrugged. “Well, when you know…”
“Did either of you have any doubts?”
Her father looked at her mother and he shook his head. “Not a one.”
Becky nodded. “That is what I want too. No doubts.”
Her parents shared a knowing look and they reluctantly seem to agree with her wishes.
~
When Becky turned in to bed for the evening, she couldn’t help but think of her parents’ romantic courtship. Ach, but it seemed like a dream. Could there be someone like that out there for her? Someone who loved her like her father loved her mother? Gott, if there is any way…
She dozed off before she could finish her prayer, but woke up sometime later.
“Lord, I’m not sure what You desire of me.” She whispered. “I want to be pleasing to You. I want to do Your will. Will You show me what that is, Lord? If You desire for me to stay single, an alt maedel, forever then so be it. My life is Yours, Lord. I place it into Your hands. You know what’s best and I trust You. Amen.”
SEVEN
The following morning, Dat greeted her while she prepared to leave. “Your mother and I talked it over last night. We want to see you happy according to Der Herr’s will. We prayed for wisdom for you. If getting hitched to Mervyn is what Der Herr leads you to do, we are fine with that. If not, we are fine with that too. It is your life, Becky, and you are free to make your own decisions.”
An Amish Reward Page 3