Up for Forever

by Heather Young-Nichols

  “Right.” His voice clipped the word out. It seemed no matter what I did or said he was going to get upset. “Kendra, look, I’ve gotta go.” And he did.

  Stringing together every bad word I knew, every one I’d ever heard Kevin say and those were some doosies, I took all the frustration out on my steering wheel until my fists couldn’t take anymore. They ached from clenching so tightly. Battered, where bruises would be the next morning.

  ***

  If there was one thing Linda Dorsey knew how to do, it was throw a party with little or no notice and still have it turn out amazing. The engagement party/Fourth of July celebration was just about the best thing I’d ever seen. A perfect mesh of classy with the traditional cookout deliciousness. Sure, the BBQ was being catered with several chefs at their stations, which reminded me of the stuffy parties my parents forced me to once in a while back home. Only this wasn’t stuffy. People spoke to the help, which was strictly forbidden when my mother was involved.

  A DJ thumped music at one side of the yard with a makeshift dance floor sprawling out in front of him. Some of the younger kids were already shaking everything they had. But me? I headed directly to the bar. This day was going to require some courage of the liquid kind. Instead of ordering the safer beer, I went with a rum and coke just for a kick-start. No way was I getting shitfaced, though. Had to have all my faculties about me to interact with people appropriately.

  “A tall, leggy, beautiful blond … how’d I get so lucky?” A deep voice came up behind me, so close that if I hadn’t recognized it he would’ve been eating his balls.

  “Well,” I turned slowly with a smile, “you moved all the way to California so there had to be some incentive to get you back here every once in a while.”

  Sam laughed low in his chest before scooping me up into a big hug. Yeah, he’d been back for graduation but that was almost two months before. The thing about Sam was that he and I weren’t so different on the commitment front. He and I didn’t do long-term and we didn’t do each other either. Even if Adam and I hadn’t committed to an exclusive thing, even if I had wanted to hook-up with someone while I was with Adam, it wouldn’t have been Sam. Even if he looked like my type. All dark hair and dark eyes, built like he knew how to use his body. I’d kind of grown to prefer blue eyes.

  “How’s it going?” I asked.

  “Great.” He took a big swig out of the beer bottle I hadn’t seen him holding. “Breaking hearts all over California.” A sharp jab to his ribs made him gasp and let me know he was keeping up with his workouts. Wow. “What about you?” His eyes fell over my shoulder. Whatever he saw made his brows furrow and the most confused look fall over his face. “What the fuck? Burger brought a girl to this?”

  Spinning quickly I saw what he did. Adam had indeed arrived with a girl that looked nothing like I’d pictured. Course I’d only been picturing myself with him. But she looked like what would happen if Flannery and Ava ever had a baby. Red hair, muted, not bright, small and thin. My guess was that her personality was the opposite of mine as well.

  “What a dickhead,” Sam said, reminding me that he was even there.

  “I knew he was bringing her.” The look on his face said he needed more of an explanation. “We’re … friends.”

  “Friends, huh? Was that decision made before or after New York?”

  “Why does everyone keep asking me that?” We started walking slowly toward where Adam stood chatting with Cain and Flannery. “I didn’t get a chance to tell him anything before he said he was bringing her. It’s such a mess. And now I’m here alone and he has her. She could at least have the courtesy to be ugly. Or fat.”

  “Yeah, if she had any decency she would be.” He got me. Peas in a pod, the two of us. “And, hey, you’re alone? What am I?”

  “Don’t leave me at all, got it?” He nodded.

  “But how far do we get to take this? Do I get any boob action?” I punched his shoulder pretty hard. “What? You’ve got good boobs.”

  “I’ve got great boobs. But my boobs aren’t for you.”

  We laughed our way over to the little group and its new member. I suddenly became very glad that I had chosen a cute little summer dress that accentuated everything I had because this girl, this Ashley, looked adorable in her khaki dress shorts that fell just above her knee and the large wedges that gave her a bit of height. She was short. Taller than Flannery, I’d guess, but looked tiny next to Adam. He had several inches on me. I liked to tell people I was five eleven, which I was with my heels. I fell more around five nine but still towered over Flan so it’s not like it mattered.

  “Hey, dickhead,” Sam called out as we approached. His hand shot out and grabbed mine like he knew I’d been considering bolting. When he cocked his head at me with that stupid little smirk, I knew he had. Sam took the saying “brother from another mother” to a whole new level.

  Sam did the guy hug thing then Adam introduced his date to the rest of us. When he said my name, her whole tiny mousy face lit up and her voice rose to a frequency I was sure only dogs could hear.

  “Like the best friend, Kendra? I’ve heard so much about you guys. You hung out all through college, right?” She did not let any of us answer. “I swear every story I’ve heard has you or Flannery in it.”

  Hung out? Really? Way to have my own words bite me in the ass. I narrowed my eyes on Adam but he only shrugged. Ashley was still talking. I didn’t hear a word she said.

  “So, are you two a couple?” It took a full minute for me to realize she was talking about Sam and me.

  “Dear God, no,” I finally choked out, making a little gagging noise.

  “Kendra, you wound me.” Sam held a hand over his heart. “Seriously, she can’t keep up with me is all.” He freaking winked at the poor girl. Ashley stared at him the way a lot of people did before getting to know Sam. You just didn’t know how to take him.

  “Ugh, please.” I rolled my eyes then pinched the soft sensitive skin under his arm.

  “Son of a motherfucker,” he yelped loud enough to gain the attention of the people in our immediate surroundings. “Don’t do that.”

  Flannery and Cain were swept away by Adele to greet some people who’d just arrived. Flan gave me a sweet look of apology but there really wasn’t anything she could do. Jackass, I mean my good friend Sam, and I situated ourselves at a table, which, not surprisingly, ended up filling out with Adam and his date.

  I tried. I really did. I tried to sit there and be normal but the thing I’d learned was that I wasn’t normal. I couldn’t just sit and listen to her talk. And man could that girl talk. Suffice it to say, Ashley wasn’t someone Flannery and I would’ve been friends with in college. Thankfully, Aislynn dropped into one of the unoccupied chairs and out talked the poor girl. If anyone could out talk Ashley it would be Aislynn. She’d yapped my ear off the first time we met the summer after Adam and I started seeing each other.

  Aislynn and I sat up until the sun rose talking about anything and everything. Then she declared me Adam’s lobster (because she believed lobsters mated for life). Out of Sam’s three sisters, Aislynn was closest to my age but the three of them were only two years apart. She’d turned twenty-one that year, Abby twenty, and Alana nineteen. They were all safely ensconced in various colleges around the country. None in Michigan.

  “So, what’d Adam do?” She cornered me near the food after I’d been able to slip away from the table.

  “Really, Ais, nothing. This is all on me.”

  “Well I don’t like this new girl. How long have they been dating?” I shrugged because I didn’t know.

  Now I wanted to.

  Chapter Fifteen

  All three of Sam’s sisters descended and I had to get out of there. Had to get away from all of them, really. I was sure no one would even notice and hoped I could just hang out somewhere until the fireworks because there was no way I’d miss those. Flannery, Cain, Sam, Adam, and I would come to the Dorsey’s for the spectacular display ever
y year. Neither my own fuck up nor the ever-chatty Ashley would put a dent in that.

  On the second floor, I found the little powder room that no one really used as my hide away. I could still hear the music though not as loudly but as something nice in the background. Sinking down to the floor, with the wall on one side, toilet on the other, I don’t know how long I sat there in the dark with only the moonlight casting a glow, letting my mind wander, but it felt good. So good, in fact, I considered staying right there for the duration. Maybe even take a little nap.

  Until the door opened quickly, making me jump to my feet.

  “Shit,” Adam whispered when he saw me there. “Sorry.” He went to go back out the door.

  “What are you doing up here?” I asked softly.

  “Kendra?” The light flipped on burning my retinas with it brightness. “Are you hiding in here?”

  “Sort of. Sam’s sisters were driving me insane.”

  “Ah, you disappeared so they turned on me. Thanks.” He smiled, a genuine one, for the first time that night. “How long have you been up here?” He shut the door quietly when we both heard a couple of faint voices. Neither of us wanted to be caught hiding like kids.

  I shrugged. “Did you leave them down to attack Ashley?”

  “Fuck, I didn’t even think about that.” His words said one thing but he didn’t look worried at all.

  “How long have you been dating her?”

  “We’ve gone out like three times. Why are you asking?” I was pushing him to the edge. I knew it by the bite in his voice.

  “There are some things—”

  “Our friends’ engagement party isn’t really the time to talk about whatever’s going on in your head.” He leaned against the closed door, his arms hanging limply at his sides.

  “At some point though?”

  He nodded. But I wasn’t sure if he meant it. Maybe he suspected what I wanted to say and didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t have, I told myself, couldn’t have guessed because I couldn’t even have guessed.

  Then I couldn’t help myself. I launched like a patriot missile right at him. Adam had no choice but to wrap his arms around me or we’d both hit the floor. I’d been looking at his lips the whole night and needed them against mine. I didn’t care if they’d just been against hers, but I didn’t think they had been. Not in public. Not yet. It was wrong. I did it anyway.

  The thing that surprised me was that he kissed me back. For a few seconds anyway. He didn’t hesitate to allow my tongue access to his. And it felt like heaven. My knees buckled but it was ok because he had me.

  He had me.

  Then just as quickly, he pushed me away.

  “What the fuck, Kendra? I’m here with someone.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. That … I shouldn’t have done that.” Taking a good three steps away from him just for some much needed perspective, he turned to get the hell away from me.

  Pausing before opening the door, he said, “It’s not ok to fuck with people.” Opening it just wide enough to slip his body through, he slammed the damn thing hard enough to make me jump.

  Back down with everyone else, I slid in next to Sam who was standing just off the dance floor watching all the fun. I felt terrible. He was right. Kissing him when he was there with another woman had been an insane thing to do and it wasn’t like I planned it. I had just wanted a few minutes peace and quiet. Not to complicate Adam’s life.

  “I’m an idiot,” I said, causing Sam to jump because he hadn’t heard me come up.

  “Why? What happened?”

  “I kissed him. So stupid.”

  “Talking would’ve been better.” He slipped an arm around my shoulder pulling me in close. “But that would explain the lip gloss on his lower lip that wasn’t there when he left.”

  Oh, shit. Waving like an idiot to get Adam’s attention, he tried to avoid it at first. Once his eyes fell on me, I swiped a thumb across my bottom lip. He did the same removing all evidence of my transgression. Then he went back to avoiding me like the plague.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” the DJ broke through all my naughty thoughts about other places I could smear lip gloss on Adam. “Mr. and Mrs. Dorsey would like to direct the future Mr. and Mrs. Dorsey as well as all the guests toward the pond. The fireworks display is about to begin.”

  A push of people moved to the location they’d been directed. Sam and I hung back to wait for Flannery and Cain. Once we saw them, we bolted to ensure that we’d all be together like we were every year. Unfortunately, Adam and Ashley also joined us. The way we were situated, we could all see the other clearly. Cain stood behind Flannery with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist and while we were supposed to think he was whispering sweet nothings in her ear, the look on her face said he was kissing a trail along her neck. Adam had a hand on the small of Ashley’s back when she leaned up, whispering something that made him laugh.

  I on the other hand stood next to Sam. Not exactly how I’d choose to spend a fireworks show. See, I was never the overly gushy romantic type but something about the warmth of summer with a display such as the one Cain’s parents put on, made my insides turn to mush and simmer with a low heat.

  Sam wrapped his hand around my left shoulder again, folding me right into his hard chest. He smelled the way he always did with a twinge of beer. I slipped my arms around his waist and squeezed tightly.

  “This fucking sucks,” I said just loud enough for him to hear.

  “Yeah it does.”

  They were still beautiful, of course, but it wasn’t the same. Last year I had been wrapped in Adam’s arms and he’d been whispering the dirtiest things in my ear all night. While I had no doubt Sam could do that if I asked, I didn’t want to hear the things he wanted my body to do. That would just be weird.

  Each year we had a tradition. After the party ended, which pretty much happened as soon as the fireworks were over, the five of us would sit on a blanket close to the water and set out our milestones for the year. Which basically meant we told each other something big we wanted to have figured out by the next year and then something we’d like to have done by the time we’re thirty.

  Only this year, we were doing it with Ashley. I just hoped she would keep her mouth shut the way Sam’s girls always did. Cain always went first. We had our order to things.

  “Ok,” he cleared his throat, “by this time next year, I’d like to have at least one kid and another on the way. Ouch!” Flannery slapped him hard on the back of his head.

  “I’m going to kill you.”

  His laughter quieted pretty quickly as he rubbed away the sting on the back of his head. “Let’s try this again.” With a quick kiss to her temple he said, “I’d like to have a house. That we own. Nothing major there. And maybe a kid by the time I’m thirty.”

  That was the first time he’d really brought kids up as anything more than a theory. Which was pretty major. But they were getting married so it was also natural.

  “By this time next year,” Flannery went next, “I’d like a job. I’ve got this twenty thousand dollar debt hanging over my head that I’d like to erase.” Cain gave her leg a nudge. “And by the time I’m thirty … honestly, I don’t know.”

  I groaned. “You didn’t know last year either.” I pointed this out to her because she needed it.

  “Or the year before,” Cain agreed.

  “I know, I know. But guys … and this is going to sound the corniest of the corny but I didn’t grow up dreaming of much more than going to college. So, it might take me a while to come up with something better.” Cain tackled her to the ground. Luckily, we’d all already been seated but they rolled around like baby monkeys making us all laugh.

  “I’m next,” Sam piped in, causing the engaged couple to sit up and take notice. “Get pissed, I don’t care. But by this time next year, I’d like to find a chick with real tits.”

  “Mine are real.” I smiled innocently up at him.

  “Ok, ones I’m actually allowe
d to touch.”

  “Loving California, huh?” Cain asked.

  “And that’s the before I’m thirty. I need the fuck out of there. It’s actually kind of great … to visit. But I just feel off. I’m more of a Chicago/New York kind of guy.” We all gawked at him. That was pretty deep, as far as Sam was concerned, considering he’d just basically admitted to missing us. He said it every time he left but never that he wanted to move back. He had friends out there, we’d met some of them, but we were his family. “All right, everyone knock it off. Go, blondie.”

  “Right,” I sighed. I’d known what I was going to say for a while but hadn’t expected Adam to have a date with him when I said it. Once again, Sam proved just how observant he was because he gave my shoulder a squeeze of support. “I recently fucked up my life.” Don’t look at him or you’ll cry and you do not cry. “So, I’d like to fix a few of the mistakes I’ve made this year. And the by the time I’m thirty would really depend on how that goes.” My eyes drifted shut to make sure those pesky tears remained behind my eyes.

  That’s when I allowed myself a look. Adam had to know I was talking about him. Had to. His eyes bore into the same spot on the ground as before only now he wasn’t blinking. He’d kissed me so I knew he couldn’t be completely over me. But I had my work cut out for me.

  “Do I get to go?” Ashley’s too sweet voice interrupted anything else I could’ve said or done. No one would stop her but not a one of us had any desire to listen. “Well, this has been so much fun that in a year I hope I’m here again. If everything goes well.”

  “We’ve been on three dates,” Adam snapped, rougher than he probably meant to. It was ok though because Ashley didn’t even notice.