The urge to wrap her in his arms was so great he was having a difficult time forcing himself to stay in place. He wished he had a time machine so he could travel back and give her the support that he was sure she had needed.
“Sorry.” She shook her head and let out a nervous laugh. “That was probably too much information. I ramble when—”
“No. Don’t apologize for talking to me. I want to know everything about you.” As soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew that they sounded cheesy, like he was feeding her a line, but he couldn’t help it. That was honestly how he felt.
“Everything, huh?” She grinned, not looking convinced before taking another bite.
“Yes,” he answered honestly. He left out the part about wanting to know it now. He’d never been impatient to get to know someone, but that’s exactly how he felt. “Simone mentioned that she’s going to Chicago State, so she’s close. Do you get to see Scott often?”
“Um, yeah. I saw him before I came to the party tonight. That’s why I was late.”
“I was actually starting to think you weren’t going to show up,” Ace admitted. “I spent three hours scanning the room, sure I’d been stood up. I even asked your sister if you were coming.”
The blush that he was growing very fond of spread across her cheeks as she took another bite of ice cream.
Ace had noticed that whenever he complimented her she blushed and tried to move the subject on to something else, so he figured he’d move it for her. “He didn’t want to come?”
“Who?” Her head tilted.
“Scott. He didn’t want to come to the party?”
“Oh, um, no. Well, he was sick because he got upset and so his asthma flared up. He has…he’s got…” Shaking her head slightly she set her empty bowl down on the coffee table and squared her shoulders as she tucked herself back into the corner. “Scott’s had health issues since he was born. When he was two months old he had open-heart surgery for a congenital heart condition. So basically, for the first year of his life everyone was just concentrating on his physical health. But at his one year check-up it became clear that he wasn’t hitting the same milestones that Simone was and they knew something else was going on as well. Over the years he’s been diagnosed and misdiagnosed with a variety of developmental issues. Everything from Asperger’s, bi-polar, disruptive mood dysregulation, to autism. He still doesn’t have a definitive neurological disorder diagnosis. To complicate things he also suffers from seizures and has several respiratory conditions, including asthma.”
Holy shit.
Ace was at a loss for words as he looked at Stephanie curled up in the corner of her couch, looking so tiny, so vulnerable. His voice was thin as he said, “You took care of him? Alone?”
“Well, yeah.” She shrugged, as if it was no big deal. “There was no one else to do it.”
It all made sense now. Just like a foggy mirror clears when you point a hair dryer at it, the reason for her dichotomy of strength, innocence, vulnerability, and independence became crystal clear as she spoke. She’d spent her entire life being responsible for her brother and sister, one of which was special needs. She probably hadn’t been able to party and hang out with friends, like most people her age. She’d been too busy being an adult.
“You’re fucking amazing.” His words were filled with awe.
Like she did every time he gave her a compliment, she blushed and dismissed it shaking her head as her eyes dropped to her hands, folded on her lap. Not able to keep his hands to himself, he reached out and cupped her jaw. When he did, her eyes met his. Her skin felt soft beneath his touch and his thumb grazed her cheek.
“You are.” He repeated, “You’re fucking amazing.”
Her lips were like a beacon calling him home; he slowly began lowering towards her. He’d never put any stock in fate, he’d always been a firm believer in making your own destiny. But this felt bigger than the two of them. He hadn’t planned on kissing her tonight, but in this moment it was out of his control.
Just before his mouth covered hers, she asked, “Are you leaving?”
He stopped instantly. Instead of covering her mouth, he rested his forehead against hers. Both of their breaths came in labored pants. “Yes.”
“When?”
“I’m flying out of O’Hare at eight a.m.”
Pulling back, her eyes widened. “Eight a.m. tomorrow?”
“Actually, today.” Dropping his hands, he motioned to the clock.
“When are you coming back?”
“I don’t know. It’s a government contract. I could be back in one week or it could take six.”
“Oh.” She nodded, looking dazed.
His body was still screaming for him to kiss her. To pull her into his arms and crush her mouth to his. But if he’d been worried before about abandoning her, after hearing what he had heard tonight he sure as hell wasn’t going to be the guy that took her to bed and then disappeared. Even if it was for work.
There was nothing he wanted more than to stay here all night and just talk and get to know her better. But, he had a feeling that would be playing with fire. He didn’t trust himself not to do something that he shouldn’t.
He needed to leave.
“Do you want to go to dinner?”
“Now?”
“No. When I get back in town. The first night that I’m back.” It was killing him knowing that he needed to walk out that door and it could be weeks before he saw her again, but this was too special, too precious to mess up. He needed to do this right. She deserved that and so much more.
“Oh.” Confusion clouded her pretty features and she hesitated before answering, “Um, okay.”
“Give me your phone.”
Slowly, she pulled it out of her pocket and handed it to him. He sent himself a text. “Okay, now you have my number. I’ll call when I can, and if you need me, leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
She still looked bewildered. He wanted to claim her mouth with his and kiss any doubt, any confusion away but he was sure that would lead to other things. Instead he leaned forward and pressed his mouth to her forehead for an all-too-brief peck.
Then using every ounce of self-control he had and some he didn’t, he stood and left. When he stepped into the crisp night air and shut the door behind him, for the first time in his life he felt like he was leaving home. Which meant for the first time in his life he could look forward to coming home again.
Chapter 9
Stephanie’s heart pounded as she stood staring at her front door. She’d told herself she was just making sure the deadbolt was locked. That was confirmed oh, about ten minutes ago and yet here she was, impersonating a statue in her foyer.
Her mind was telling her to go to bed but her feet weren’t cooperating. They’d cemented themselves in place. The knowledge that Ace was behind that door, well that door and one more, was keeping them there. It was like there was an invisible force that she was powerless to fight.
In the hour since their awkward goodnight all she’d been able to think about was Ace. He’d left so abruptly. At first she’d chalked it up to her laying her whole life story on him, but the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that the real game changer had been when she’d asked if he was leaving. That was the moment the tides had turned.
She hadn’t meant to sound needy. Although it probably seemed like that. First, she went into all the gory details of her less than happy upbringing then he goes in for the kiss and she asks if he’s leaving.
Yeah. Way to kill the mood.
Honestly, she wasn’t even sure why she’d asked. She’d just blurted it out. This was the problem with having no filter and no dating social skills.
As much as she’d tried to put the entire thing out of her mind and move on from her humiliation with a shred of dignity, she couldn’t because she kept thinking of one thing. Ace. More specifically, Ace’s arms. How strong they were. How amazing they felt wrapped a
round her. In all of her (nearly!) twenty-six years, she’d never experienced feeling so safe, so protected, and so turned-on.
On the dance floor Ace’s embrace had made her body melt and his fingers grazing her back spread through her like a wildfire of tingles. And she wanted more. More melting. More tingles. Her skin was crawling with the desire to be wrapped up in his strength. Like an addict, she wanted her next hit.
She wanted to have a night with him. That was it. No strings. Just an audition and then she’d move on with her life. He’d gotten the wrong idea and thought that she wanted a relationship. She didn’t. There was no room in her life for commitment. Her “dance card” was full with Scott, Simone, work and bills. She just wanted a night to lose herself in passion. A night that she could close her eyes and think about when times got tough. If she explained that to him maybe they could…
“This is ridiculous,” she mumbled to herself as she shook her head. “You’re being ridiculous. He left. He’s not interested. Go to bed.”
Her reprimand didn’t magically break the spell that was holding her hostage at her front door. Her feet did move, but their direction was pointed straight towards trouble.
Thoughts whizzed through her mind and she opened her door and shut it. Honestly, she had no idea what she was actually going to do as she stood on Ace’s doorstep. As a planner she felt very out of her depth. She was flying by the seat of her pants, literally. It was like her body had pushed the overdrive button on her motor skills and her hormones were now controlling her actions.
She’d dated. Not a lot and not often but she had dated. And she’d been in one serious relationship. But no man had ever made her feel the kind of pull that she felt when it came to Ace. Never had she been unable to sleep. To think. To process rational thought.
She felt helpless to stop herself from…she wasn’t sure what. This wasn’t attraction. This was borderline obsession. Oh no. Was she obsessed? Had she become Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? That unflattering comparison served as a life vest in the sea of infatuation she was drowning in.
Who just shows up at someone’s door when that someone, just an hour before, has offered a polite dinner invitation for when they get back in town and rushed off? An unstable person. That’s who.
She shook her head in a moment of clarity. “What am I doing?”
Both relief and panic at the fool she’d almost made of herself washed over her as she pivoted on her heel to head back to her condo. Her safe place. The place where she would work to regain her sanity before doing something else that was totally out of character.
Before she made it back to the refuge of her condo she heard the distinctive creak of the door opening. It was immediately followed by the voice that would cause a nun to think impure thoughts. “Stephanie.”
She froze.
There was something about your name being said by the man that starred in your fantasies that was indescribable. Especially when said man’s voice was deeper than the South that he was from.
This was it. Moment of truth. Did she make a lame excuse about why she was on the porch or did she face this thing, whatever this thing was, head on and be honest about what she wanted? Which was him, if that was unclear.
Her mind bounced back and forth between the two options. But mental eenie, meenie, miney, moe wasn’t cutting it. She needed to make a decision that wasn’t based on chance. Was she going to put herself out there and possibly be rejected, or was she going to say she thought she heard raccoons, wish him a goodnight and rush back inside to hide? Taking a deep breath she turned her head and the moment her eyes met his any question of what she was going to do dissolved faster than sugar in hot coffee.
That was it. One look was all it took to seal the deal. In his stare she found what she’d been trying to retreat to and more. In his eyes she found the courage to be her true self. This act no longer seemed out of character. Wanting to be with Ace was the definition of sanity.
“Do you want to come in?” He opened the door further and the lopsided grin his lips turned up into was the cherry on top of her delicious decision sundae.
Since she didn’t trust herself to speak, she nodded. He shifted to the side so she could walk past him, but he still stood close enough that her arm grazed his T-shirt covered chest as she moved past him. Heat radiated off of his body through the cotton barrier. Normally Stephanie was attracted to suit and tie guys, when she’d seen Ace tonight in his slacks and button up she’d drooled. Literally, she had to wipe her mouth. She was sure her attraction to the white-collar professional look had something to do with it representing security and stability, two things she’d always craved. But Ace wearing a white cotton T-shirt and baggy sweat pants was hands down the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.
Nerves raced through her as she continued inside a place she’d been at least a dozen times over the past two years. The space felt different. It wasn’t just that the furniture was more masculine and the walls were bare, although that did make a difference. It was Ace himself. His all-encompassing energy filled the condo like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
The hairs on her arms stood up as she heard the click of the door behind her. Her mind was swirling with the consequences of her life-altering decision. She was going to have sex with her neighbor. Or at least she was going to ask to have sex with her neighbor.
She didn’t want things to get awkward. She didn’t want either of them to regret anything that might happen. She just wanted her fairytale night to end with her back in Ace’s arms and maybe even his bed. It was time that this Cinderella got held, touched, kissed and…more. Much more. If he agreed, maybe there should be ground rules. That way they both knew what to expect, and not expect.
“Are you okay?”
Ace’s deep voice sounded behind her and even though she knew he was there, obviously, for some reason it startled her. She jumped as a gasp escaped her.
Feeling ridiculous she let out a breathy apology as she spun around, “Sorry. I was just thinking about ground rules.”
“Ground rules?” His brows rose slightly.
She nodded.
“For what?”
“For this.” She waved her hand between them.
Tilting his head slightly to the side, his grin grew wider. “This?”
She knew this was the time to ask for exactly what she wanted, something that she’d never done before. All of her life she’d taken care of other people, done what other people wanted. When she was intimate in the past she’d enjoyed herself but she’d never had a voice.
Somehow she knew this might be her only chance to do this. She’d never been as attracted to someone as she was to Ace. This kind of chemistry didn’t occur every day. Combine that with the fact that she trusted him completely and felt more comfortable talking to him than she did with anyone else she’d ever met and he was basically the holy trinity of hookups.
The only question that remained was finding out if he was interested or if she’d been reading too much into his behavior. Had she been projecting what she was feeling onto him? Well, there was one way to find out.
Her heart was racing like it was holding a kilo of cocaine and the police were chasing it and her entire body felt like it was covered in a sheen of moisture. Flop sweats had never been something that Stephanie had given much thought to, mainly because she wasn’t a person that perspired much. At least, she hadn’t been up until this point.
“Do you want to sit down?” Ace motioned to the left.
Do I want to sit down? Good question.
Her eyes darted nervously towards the oversized couch sitting in the middle of the family room facing a huge flat screen TV mounted on the wall above the fireplace.
Inhaling slowly, she tried to gather the nerve to speak. The same feeling that she’d gotten before she dove off of the high dive at ten years old engulfed her now. It was a combination of nerves, excitement, fear and exhilaration. So she did the same thing she did then. She took a deep breath and
jumped.
“I want to have sex.” She hadn’t meant for it to come out so bluntly, but at least he didn’t have to wonder about what she meant or have to read between the lines.
The only change in his expression was his eyes widening slightly. “Okay.”
She didn’t really think the clarification was necessary, but just in case she added, “With you.”
“Okay,” he repeated.
Now she was the one that needed clarification. Did he mean ‘okay, let’s do it’ or ‘okay, that’s good to know’? She was so confused she thought briefly about throwing in the towel. Aborting the mission. Running back to her condo and pretending this never happened. But she was tired of doing the right thing, the safe thing. Taking care of everyone else’s needs. She wanted tonight for her.
“Do you want to um…you know…um…” As she began stumbling over her words she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and look at the situation logically. Ace would be leaving tomorrow for who knows how long and she knew herself, by the time he got back she would’ve talked herself out of doing this. It was now or never. Standing taller she rolled her shoulders back. “Have sex?”
She noticed his jaw tick as it tightened before he rasped, “Yes.”
“With me?” Even she could hear the hopefulness in her question.
Did she sound desperate? Perhaps. But for some reason she didn’t care. When she was around Ace it was like nothing else mattered. Not the family stress, the demands of her career and certainly not her pride.
Her heart was beating so loudly she was sure that he was able to hear it as she waited for his response. What was the worst that could happen? She could get rejected. People got rejected every day. She wouldn’t be the first and certainly wouldn’t be the last.
All He Needs – Ace & Stephanie (Crossroads Book 10) Page 8