His thoughts flashed back to Jake’s girlfriend’s case. The legal system, of which Sean was a part, hadn’t protected Angela Reardon. Only when Sean and Jake joined forces, broke a few rules and bent a few laws, was true justice served and Angela saved. But it hadn’t been a case of the end-justifies-the-means or vigilante action. Working with the PI had simply avoided the constraints and complications of operating within the law enforcement bureaucracy. Something Sean had found extremely effective and refreshing.
Was this another case where justice was best achieved by following a different path?
“What do you want from me?” Sean asked.
Chad looked him right in the eye. “I want you to decide which is more important: your badge…or Jessie.”
Chapter 28
Wednesday morning, Jessie and Callie were transferred to Children’s Hospital in San Diego. Now it was late afternoon, and Jessie sat in a cheerily decorated waiting room. She’d hardly slept in the bed with Callie, so her batteries were drained. She felt like the walking dead and probably looked like it, too. When a man’s shoes stopped a few feet in front of hers, she looked up from the magazine page she’d been staring at in her lap for the past thirty minutes.
“What’re you doing here?” she said, and cringed. Maybe her greeting came out barbed because she didn’t want to feel the warm comfort created by his unexpected appearance.
Sean pulled back. “Good to see you, too.”
“Sorry. My nerves are…still raw.” She glanced at the other adults in the room. From their expressions, the child-friendly décor wasn’t doing much to raise their spirits either. If your child was seeing a pediatric psychiatrist, a parent suffered.
“Understandable. How’s Callie?” he asked, taking the chair next to her.
“Doing amazingly well, considering her father held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her. The doctor said he wasn’t going to admit her, but he wants to schedule more visits until he’s sure she’s not suppressing a ton of emotions. I’m just thankful I get to take her home when she’s done with this session.”
“Need a ride?”
“I guess I do. A hospital van brought us here.” She frowned. “I’m not sure where my car is.”
“It was at the Ramona station, but Nate and I got it back to…your place.”
She caught his hesitation. Was it her place? Her mother was dead, and her stepfather was on the run, so who was going to live there and take care of it? Would any of them want to? If they sold the property, someone would have to remove all Hal’s stuff from the bomb shelter. She shuddered. That someone would definitely not be her. Could she even stand to live in the house, knowing what her stepdad had done while he lived there? She swallowed hard. Had he tainted her childhood home so badly that she and Callie would never be comfortable again?
“Jess?”
She started. “Sorry. I keep doing that—drifting off in my thoughts. It’s a good thing Chad and Nate offered to plan Mom’s funeral because I couldn’t handle it.”
“When will it be?”
“Saturday. At our church in Ramona. Luke said the medical examiner would release the body tomorrow.” Her voice cracked on the word body, and tears burned her eyes. “Sean, I still can’t believe she’s gone. I need to talk to her about so much, but she’s not here. And never will be.”
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close so she could lay her head against him. “You can talk to me.”
No, I can’t. You’re part of what I need to talk about. She gave him a smile and a noncommittal response. “Thanks. You were always a good listener.”
“I still am. Let it out, Jess. Better to me than a shrink.”
She raised her gaze to the ceiling. “There’s just so much. I don’t know where to start.”
“Start anywhere.”
She sighed and brought her gaze back to him. “How many scars will all this leave? Where are Callie and I going to live? How am I going to support her?”
Sean’s mouth opened, but then he popped it shut without a word.
“What if they never catch Hal? He could be out there right now taking more of those damn pictures. I’ll always feel like I’m to blame simply because I wanted to protect my daughter from the shame. Is that fair of me, to protect my own child and leave him to hurt others?”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not your fault.”
“It is if I’m withholding information that would help catch him.”
“That particular information might not be significant in the search for a murderer anyway.”
“But it might be. How can I ignore the possibility?”
“He’s not going to hurt other kids, Jess.”
“You don’t know that.” Why was he discouraging her from coming forward with the truth?
He turned away and pressed his lips together for several seconds. “He’d be an idiot to do it while hiding from the cops.”
“I don’t have much hope the cops will find him. I think he’s already in Mexico. He’ll be able to do whatever he wants.”
Sean shook his head. “Mexicans don’t like those perverts either. Our guys will do the best they can to coordinate a cross-border search.”
“But I feel so guilty. I should do something.” Jessie narrowed her eyes. Sean had that odd look again—as though he was dying to say something. It wasn’t like him to hold back. What’s going on?
“Give yourself a few days for things to settle down. Maybe after the funeral. If…if they haven’t caught Hal by then, we’ll discuss it again.”
“I guess you’re right. They always say don’t make big decisions when you’re emotionally stressed out.” She paused, thoughtful. “And that probably includes looking for a new job.”
“Did your boss fire you?” Sean asked incredulously. “You can fight it.”
“He didn’t fire me. The job just doesn’t pay enough to support Callie and me, especially now that I’ll have to pay for child care.”
“Nate’s not working. Could he watch her?”
“For a few days, maybe a week, but not permanently.” She sighed. “Life would be so much easier if my dream job ever came true.”
“What’s your dream job?”
She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ve given up on dreams. Period.”
“Ah, c’mon, share. You always knew mine was the LAPD.”
“Okay, fine. My major at San Diego State was child and family development, remember? After I graduated, I knew I wanted to run my own child care or preschool business. When we lived in Chicago, Drake offered to build a small facility in a corner of our property.” She closed her eyes. “He had me meet with an architecture firm. I really hit it off with the creative woman who drew up the blueprints. She understood exactly what I envisioned.”
“How’d it go?”
Jessie opened her eyes and glared at the floor. “It went nowhere. When it came time to actually put it out for bid, Drake pulled the plug.”
“Too expensive?”
She snorted. “We never got an actual bid, but he could’ve afforded whatever it cost. Reality was that he never intended to let my dream actually come true. From the beginning, it was all just a way to keep me occupied and away from the society events where I was failing miserably.”
“Asshole.”
“More than you’ll ever know.” She managed a faint smile. “I keep the blueprints in my nightstand drawer to remind me what an asshole he was.”
“Mommy, Mommy,” Callie called, skipping into the waiting room with the psychiatrist, Dr. Nelson, close behind. Her face lit up when she noticed who was with Jessie. “Mr. Sean. Mr. Sean.”
She ran into his arms instead of her mother’s. Jessie laughed at his wide-eyed surprise.
“Hey, munchkin,” he said, swinging Callie into his lap.
Jessie introduced him to the doctor.
“Ah, yes, the famous Mr. Sean. Callie’s told me all about you. If Mr. Sean doesn’t mind watching her for
a minute, I’d like to speak with you a moment, Ms. Hargrove.”
Before she even asked, Sean motioned for her to go. Once they were out of earshot, the doctor sighed heavily.
“Callie is doing incredibly well, considering…the trauma she’s been through.”
His hesitant tone raised her concern. “Do I hear a ‘but’ coming?”
Dr. Nelson grimaced. “Yes.” He stroked his chin. “First, I’d like to know…the status of your relationship with Mr. Sean.” He looked away as if embarrassed.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
The doctor cleared his throat. “Are you friends, casually dating, significant others, or…uh…engaged?”
Jessie’s mouth dropped open. She glanced at her daughter chattering happily in Sean’s lap and then back at Dr. Nelson. “Sean and I dated seriously several years ago, before my marriage. He just came back into my life”—she paused to count—“six days ago.” Oh God, has it really been only six days? She drew a deep breath to continue. “Unfortunately, it was on the same day my mother disappeared, so things have been too crazy to even think about any kind of relationship. And Sean lives and works in LA. I believe he’s going home this coming Sunday.”
“I was afraid of that since the personal information you provided about Callie made no mention of him as an adult regularly present in her life.”
“That’s right. He isn’t. And he won’t be in the future.” She shook her head. “I’m confused, Dr. Nelson. What’s the problem?”
“Callie told me that she didn’t want to talk about her old daddy.”
“Is that unusual considering what Drake did to her?”
“Not at all. But yesterday’s events weren’t the reason.”
“Oh.”
Arching his eyebrows, he laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Callie only wanted to talk about Mr. Sean. Her new daddy.”
* * *
“She said what?” Sean choked on a french fry when Jess informed him of Callie’s conversation with Dr. Nelson. They sat at a table in a fast-food restaurant where they’d stopped for dinner on the way back to Ramona. The little girl had eaten like a bird and then run off to play in the enclosed playground.
“I know. I know. Kids, right? They say the craziest things.” Jess laughed, but it sounded forced.
After washing down the wayward fry with a long swig of Coke, he leaned back in the booth across from her. God, she looked exhausted. On top of everything that had happened, now she had to deal with the fantasy her daughter had created to escape reality. He couldn’t blame the little girl—he doubted anyone would—for finding a “happy place” to help her cope with her real father’s heinous behavior. His heart squeezed for mother and daughter.
“How are we going to handle it?” he asked.
Her dark chocolate eyes searched his. For what, he didn’t know.
Then she looked away. “We aren’t. She’s my daughter. I’ll deal with it.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not trying to interfere, Jess. Maybe I can help.”
She picked up a napkin and started ripping off tiny pieces. When she answered, her gaze remained on the growing pile of paper scraps. “Actually, you can help. But I’m not sure you’ll want to do this.”
“Anything. Just name it.”
“I want you to…stay away from us.”
Somehow, she sucker punched him in the gut from across the table. And yet, her fingers still played with the napkin. All he could do was stare for several painful seconds. Finally, he forced out one syllable, “What?”
“Her fantasy about you being her daddy will fade if you’re not around.”
“You’re serious?”
She finally met his gaze. “Yes.”
He wouldn’t—couldn’t—give up that easy. “But what about us?”
“Sean, there is no us.”
“Why not? Now you know I never broke up with you.”
She rolled her eyes. “That was eight years ago. You have a different life now. In LA. I…I’ll be making a whole new life here in Ramona. With my daughter.”
“You do know LA isn’t on the moon, right? We can visit each other on weekends.”
“Yes. But I have no desire to visit either place.”
He shrugged. “I’ll drive to Ramona. No big deal.”
“You’re missing the point.”
“Okay. Hit me with it again.”
“Callie needs stability to recover from all this. She was still learning to understand the consequences of the divorce, and that was more of a relief than a trauma.”
“I think she has it more together than you realize.”
“You’re an expert in less than a week?”
He shook his head. “Sorry, you’re right. That’s just my impression. She’s a great kid. Can I say that?”
Her eyes glistened. “Of course, and thank you.”
He reached across the table and laid his hand on top of hers. “Jess, I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I wish things were different—I really do—but they’re not. My life is in shambles. I don’t want any more complications.”
“All I am is a complication?”
“Well, a friend, too, I hope.”
“A friend who isn’t allowed to see you. Can I call?”
She swallowed hard. “It would probably be…easier if you didn’t. I’m so sorry, Sean. I feel awful. I mean, you just saved Callie’s life—for which I’m forever grateful—and then I do this.”
“Yeah, this sucks. I don’t understand why we can’t just date. You know, start over, take it slow. It’s not like I’m asking you to move in with me in LA.”
“That would be a deal breaker for sure. If it was just me, I could handle the dating relationship, the separation, and the weekend visits. But right now, Callie wouldn’t be able to handle temporary or infrequent. She needs permanence, stability, someone she can count on always being here for her. And that’s me. Me, by myself. So I have to say no. I imagine I’ll be saying no to dating for quite a while. Not just with you, Sean. Oh God, please don’t think that I don’t…Because…” She glanced down at his hand resting on hers. “Because I—”
“Mommy! Mr. Sean! Did you sees me? I’ll do it again.” Callie ran up to the table, grabbed both their hands, and pulled them to the playground, ending the conversation.
When they left the restaurant a short while later, Sean automatically drove toward his brother’s apartment.
“I’ll just need a few minutes to gather our stuff,” Jess said.
“What?”
“Callie needs to sleep in her own bed. I’m sure Nate won’t mind coming over to stay with us,” she added before Sean could object.
Damn, she didn’t even want to spend the night together. She was pushing him away right now, this minute, not waiting until he went back to LA. His jaw clenched. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. But in front of Callie was not the right time or place.
Chapter 29
Wednesday night, Jessie and Nate sat in the living room of the home where they’d grown up. Both held a tumbler of whiskey on the rocks, although she wasn’t sure either was enjoying it. Her brother was grim and brooding, moodier than usual. She wasn’t judging, just observing. Nate had to deal with what had happened in the past six days in his own way.
At the moment, she wasn’t coping so well herself. She was second-guessing her decision to push Sean away now instead of waiting until he went back to LA. Granted, Dr. Nelson had advised that Callie needed stability and permanence to help her recover. He’d implied politely that a long line of men passing casually through her life could create problems. Well, there had been no long line of men since the divorce, and there would be no long line now. But the nice doctor had not said there couldn’t be one special man. Yet Jessie had used his warning as the excuse to get rid of Sean. Why?
She took a sip of whiskey, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back against the couch cushion. Is it really just Callie I’m protec
ting or myself, too? Her heart ached because she knew the answer.
If she and Sean dated, eventually they would want to live closer together. His dream job was in LA, and she would never, ever ask him to give it up. Which meant one day she’d be faced with moving to LA. She just couldn’t do it. Moving to Chicago with Drake had been a disaster. Of course, his wealthy, high-society family hadn’t helped matters, but basically, big-city living didn’t agree with Jessie. She hated the noise, the congestion, the crime—the list was long.
And because she’d been so unhappy, her marriage had suffered. Would things with Drake have turned out differently if they’d lived in a suburban or rural area? Probably not, since he would still have been a verbally abusive, ill-tempered bully. She sighed. Her marriage hadn’t been a casualty of the big city; it had been doomed since she and Drake said “I do.”
Sean was a totally different person: respectful, caring, and loving. When they’d dated years ago, she had believed he was her soul mate. Do I still believe that? Of course not. Back in the day, she’d been starry-eyed and naïve but not now. He was still a really great guy, but why set herself up for another heartbreak?
Eventually, LA and his job would come between them, and she’d have to recover from another failed relationship. No way did she need that looming on the horizon.
For a while, it would be wonderful to have his strong arms around her, his inner strength supporting her, but in the end, she’d be left with nothing. Better to nip it in the bud now. As she’d told Sean earlier, she didn’t need the complication.
“Hey, sis,” Nate said softly. “You asleep?”
She started, almost spilling her drink. She’d been so deep in thought that she had forgotten he was in the room. She blinked her eyes open and yawned. “Nope. Awake, but not for long.” She massaged her tired eyes with her fingertips.
“I need to tell you something.”
“If it’s about the funeral arrangements, can it wait—”
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