by Cin Medley
I was frozen, I couldn’t move. My eyes searched the background. Then landed on him.
“Hi beautiful,” he said softly.
“How did you find us?” I didn’t mean to sound so threatening. But Al had promised.
He looked past me, slowly I turned around and Al was walking up. I shook my head. I couldn’t do this, not here. Not in front of her school. “No,” I said. Moving to the driver side of the car. I got in and locked the door. My hands were shaking, as I pushed the fob in and started it. I drove away. I couldn’t breathe. I made it home and into the garage shutting the door. I burst into tears. I knew we would never be safe. I let my guard down, now we have to leave again.
I was so distraught I didn’t notice the garage door open, it wasn’t until my door opened and he pulled me into his arms. “I got you, beautiful.”
It felt so good to feel his arms around me. It felt like I belonged in them. But I knew that wasn’t possible. “Why? Why would you do this to me? Why would you put us in danger again?”
“Victoria, there is no more danger. I’m free of this, it’s over for us. No one is looking for us. I did everything Joe and Al wanted me to do. I am here, forever, if you want me. Do you still want a life with me?” He sounded so sad.
I pushed on his chest and scrambled away from him, I don’t know how I managed to get to my feet. “You fucking son of a bitch. Why?” I screamed. “Why would you do this to me? Get out. Get the fuck out.”
“Victoria,” Al said, I snapped my head towards him. “Remember when I told you the car was wired?” I nodded. “He didn’t lie, he told us everything.”
I looked back at Paul, he had tears in his eyes, “They know?”
He shook his head, “No I didn’t tell them that. I only told them what was said. I would never do that. I want this. I want this life. I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it. I love you.”
“No!” I shouted. “No! Get out. Our life is good, and happy and peaceful. No!” I couldn’t control the shaking; my whole body was traumatized. What the hell is wrong with me? I took a few deep breathes. I looked at Al, “Why? Why would you lie to me? Why?” The sobbing started again. Shaking my head, “I need to go. I need to get Joanna.” I moved toward the car.
“No!” Paul shouted. I stopped. “Victoria, it’s over. No one is coming for us. It’s done. Do you really think they would bring me here if it wasn’t? I did everything they wanted, everything everyone wanted. I am done, free, just like you, just like Joanna. We can have our life now.” His voice got really soft. “Do you still want a life with me?”
My heart froze, for so many nights I have missed him. I have craved his touch. I have wanted nothing more than to be with him, to love him, to have him love me. I looked at Al and then Joe. Al nodded. “It’s the truth. It’s over,” he said softly.
I looked at Paul, “No more running?” He shook his head. “No more fighting?” He shook his head. “Our lives are our lives?” He nodded.
“I love you beautiful, let me come home. I miss you, so much. I miss Joanna.”
“Joanna,” I looked at my phone. “I have to go. It’s her Christmas Concert.” I moved toward the car. Paul just stood there. “Get in if you’re coming, I promised her I wouldn’t miss it.” He smiled and got in.
I couldn’t talk, I didn’t want to talk. When we got out of the car at the school. He touched my hand wanting to hold it. But I pulled it away. I wasn’t ready to let him in yet. I needed more answers, but I needed to be with Jo more. I found some seats a few rows from the stage. Pulling out my phone I got comfortable. I could feel Paul looking at me.
“What?” I asked him softly.
Leaning in he whispered, “Your hair is longer.”
I shook my head, “Just because you are here means nothing. There is much to be said.”
“Yes there is, and I don’t care if I have to sleep on the couch I’m not going anywhere.”
I smiled looking at him, “Don’t be ridiculous, we have a spare room.”
He laughed, “Good to know.”
Just then the teacher walked out on stage. “Good Afternoon everyone. Today as you all know is the last day of school for the Christmas break. We would like to present to you our 3-k Christmas program.” Joanna’s class walked out on stage and everyone clapped. I got my phone ready to video tape it, when Joanna walked up to the front of the stage, her teacher smiled at her, handing her the microphone. She started talking, reciting T’was the night before Christmas. Tears flowed from my eyes. God, she is so beautiful, so smart.
When she finished, the place erupted in applause. Paul was whistling, I was yelling. She just stood there with a huge smile on her face. When everyone calmed down, she looked right at Paul and said in the microphone. “I wanted to tell my daddy, welcome home. Welcome home daddy.” My heart stopped in my chest.
He got up and walked to the stage, my phone still recording. She walked to edge of the stage and wrapped her arms around his neck. He hugged her while the audience cheered.
“Thank you beautiful,” he whispered in her neck.
He let her go and she ran back to her spot, and the concert began. Paul didn’t say anything when he sat back down. In fact, he didn’t say anything while we waited for Jo to gather her things. Her face lit up when she came out of school to see us waiting for her. She ran right into Paul’s arms. “I knew you would come home.” She said. Turning to me, “Momma, I told you today was a special day. I have a daddy now.”
I fought the tears, “Yes you did. Come on it’s cold, let’s get us home.”
I happen to glace at Paul, he wiped his tears away before Joanna could see them. He put her in her car seat and we went home. Paul and I didn’t talk, the conversation was between him and Joanna. She told him all about everything we’ve done since we left him. She made sure she let him know that she wrote Santa a letter and that he would find her.
Once in the house, I took her upstairs to change and to snuggle in for a nap. When I came back downstairs Paul was sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee.
“Victoria,” he stood up.
I put my hand up. “Why were you in the car with him?”
“He was there to talk to me.”
“Obviously.”
“He told me that he set the whole thing up to get you and Joanna out. That I needed to stay behind so my footprint in all of this could be erased like yours. He was the one who made this all possible for you.”
“Are you telling me Joe and Al are on his payroll?” I was getting pissed.
“No, he said he wished they could be bought. But Denny was.”
“I know the gun he gave me had blanks in it.”
“He told me that if Joe couldn’t erase me that I would never see you two again. That it was all he had left to give you. Victoria, I stayed away, I have been nothing these past months. I love you, it’s over.” I watched him stand and move toward me.
Shaking my head, I moved away, “No. I can’t do this again. We’ve just gotten used to being here without you. I can’t do this.”
His voice got very soft, “Victoria, I love you.” He dropped to his knee, “Will you marry me?”
I looked at him, he had a ring in his hand. “What?” I gasped.
“The minute I touched you, you changed me. I want a life with you. I want to love you and Jo for the rest of my days. Please, will you marry me?”
I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I just stood there. I shook my head, “To much water under the bridge Paul. I can’t risk her. What I want, what I feel, doesn’t matter. Only she matters. She is all I have left in this world.”
He stood up, moving rather quickly, pulling me into his arms, “No, Victoria, you have me. You will always have me. Both of you will always have me.” It felt so good to be in his arms, to feel the warmth of him. God, he smells so good. “Don’t you understand what I feel for you? I haven’t been able to function properly. I haven’t slept in months. I wake up and you aren’t there. My closet is j
ust a closet now. I’m here beautiful, and we are safe. We can have our life now, the life we both wanted, full of love and happiness.” The tears wouldn’t stop, my arms moved on their own to wrap around him. “Oh god beautiful. I love you so much.”
“Can we do this? Can we really have this?”
“Yes baby, we can. Marry me, and let’s be happy.”
I felt my head nod into his chest. Pulling back, he picked up my left hand, slipping a ring on my finger. “I love you,” he whispered in my mouth as he kissed me.
I knew that Al wouldn’t have brought him here if he was still connected to all of this. I had to believe he was a good man. Joanna knew he was coming, she called him daddy. Can this be my life? Can we be happy? Are we really safe?
When his lips touched mine, as always, my mind goes blank and there is nothing in it but him and me, there is nothing but the feeling of him. “I love you,” I moaned in his mouth.
He pulled back putting his forehead on mine, “I have missed you. Missed this. God Victoria, I’ve never known love like this. Both of you fill me with such joy.”
I smiled, “Is this real? Are we really going to have this life?”
“Yes beautiful. Yes, we are. Al and Joe made sure we have the same name; we are legally married. Well the paperwork says we are. I want to get married now, just the three of us here today. We can marry each other. When I make love to you, I want to make love to my wife.”
I giggled, “They were sure I would say yes?”
“I think they know that what we feel is rare and real. Victoria, I have never wanted, needed or desired anything in my life until I met you and Joanna. To me, nothing else matters, please believe me.”
Putting my forehead on his, my fingers touching his face, “I believe you.”
Slowly we lowered ourselves to the floor, his mouth covering mine as he laid me back. We lay on the floor in the kitchen kissing and holding one another. Just like that first night, he didn’t touch me, holding my leg in his hand he just kissed me. We shared deep lingering looks. I think he was making sure I was with him. Kissing me, making every bit of doubt leave me. He is the only one who could kiss me like this. For what seemed like hours we made love with our mouths.
Pulling back, my hands on his face, “I need you to tell me some things,” I whispered.
He smiled, “Whatever you need to know.”
“I want to know about your life in the world of sex.”
I giggled when I saw his reaction, “Victoria, it’s not something I’m comfortable telling you. It was what it was, nothing more. There was no emotion, nothing.”
“It’s something to me. I’ve been with two men my whole life. I want to know.”
He sat up, pulling me with him, “Victoria, what is this about?”
I felt myself blush, “It’s nothing,” I said dismissing it. I went to stand up, feeling a bit of a fool.
“Hey,” he grabbed my arm, “talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
I pulled my arm away and stood up, going to the fridge to look for something to make for dinner. “It’s nothing really.” I said softly as I pulled the chicken out, sitting it on the counter.
When I turned around he was standing behind me, “Hey,” he said softly. “You need to be able to talk to me. We are in this together now. I’m not going anywhere. Why is it important to you?”
“I…I…” I just couldn’t bring myself to say it.
He smiled, “When Sylvia was killed, and I figured out that it was intentional, I kind of lost my mind. I wandered into the club because I wanted to feel something. I was so angry and I wanted, no needed to control something. Everything was so out of control. I met a woman there, her name was Charlotte. She introduced me to the whole bondage lifestyle. I can’t tell you how empowering it was to have that kind of control over something, someone.” He took a deep breath. “I hadn’t had sex for a long time, and five minutes after I fucked her, I was done. Embarrassed actually,” he chuckled. “she laughed at me. She egged me on to hurt her. The more I slapped her ass, the harder I got. The more I inflicted the pain the longer I stayed hard. Eventually I could withstand holding my orgasm for a good hour. It was like tantric sex. I figured out that if I brought myself to the edge, time and time again, when I finally let myself go it was beyond belief. I learned to control myself, basically by controlling the person I was with.”
“So you enjoy being a dominate?” I whispered.
His hand came up and wrapped around my neck, “I enjoyed feeling in control. I lived for it. Until I met you. Until you showed me, that the only way to feel is to let go of the control. So I suppose for me, the control was about not feeling anything for anyone but me. It was all about me, I didn’t give a shit about anyone but me. One thing led to another and I bought the club. I lived in that club. I fucked at least four times a day sometimes more. It was to me a competition with myself, each time I wanted to last longer than the time before. When I met you, when we shook hands, I wanted to control you. I wanted to tie you up, and spank your ass until it was bright red and I so wanted to fuck you hard.” I swallowed hard. “But you changed me, because deep down inside I knew I would never be able to hurt you, and I knew that I didn’t want to. Victoria,” his voice softer and gentler, “I want to make love to you. I needed to make love to you. Even when I fucked you the day you left, I didn’t fuck you. It was love, it was love beautiful. When you left, it was a wakeup call for me. I knew I would never be with another woman. Making love to you is all I want to do.”
“What if I want you to fuck me hard?” I closed my eyes, I cannot believe I am saying this.
His lips gently brushed across mine, “I’m not sure I can do that.”
“Why?” I whispered. God, I can’t believe I asking him this. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Awe beautiful, I love you. You aren’t some whore who chose that for her life, or was forced into that life. You are to be my wife. I could never do that to you, treat you so disrespectfully.”
“Can you live like that? Without that control? Without that dominance?”
“Baby, I have been living without it all for a long time now. I don’t desire to go backwards in this life. We are moving forward, and forward for me is loving my wife. Making love to my wife, watching and feeling as my wife makes love to me.”
My hands moved up his arms to his neck, pulling him down to meet my mouth. I pressed on his shoulders and he picked me up, sitting me on the counter. We stayed like this kissing and touching until a little voice interrupted us.
“Momma,” Jo said.
Smiling I turned my head, as Paul lifted her into my arms. “Yes beautiful, did you have a nice rest?”
She nodded, turning in my arms to look at Paul, “Are you staying here with us now?”
He looked at me, “Yes beautiful I am.”
“Will you be my daddy then?” She said a bit softer.
His eyes moved to her, his hand coming up to run his knuckles along her cheek, “I will be whatever you need me to be. If being your daddy is what you want, then I’m your guy.”
She turned her head looking at me, “Momma, I want Paul as my daddy.”
I smiled, “Well that’s a good thing then.” I giggled when she crinkled her little face up. “Paul wants to marry us today. Would that be all right?”
She nodded, “I have a momma and a daddy. Santa did get my letter.”
Paul hugged us both, “He will get every letter you write.”
I stood by the Christmas tree waiting for Victoria and Joanna to walk down the stairs. We were going to have a private ceremony bonding ourselves together as a family. Legally on paper we were married. But we wanted to have a ceremony for us.
Joanna came down the stairs first in a beautiful dress. Her smile brighter than anytime I ever saw it. She came running up to me when she hit the floor. I scooped her up in my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck. When I looked up, Victoria came walking down the stairs in a simple white dre
ss that hugged every delicious curve she had.
“My god, you look stunning,” I whispered. I bent and put Joanna down as Victoria walked up. I wasn’t sure what I should do, so I took her hands in mine. “I don’t know where to begin.”
“Then let me start.” She whispered. “I never knew what it meant to love someone until I met you. Every day that we were apart, was the worst day. I never knew that I could love someone the way I love you. I can’t thank you enough for loving me, for loving us. For being so gentle with us, and for fighting for us. I will love you through good times, through bad times and for the rest of my life. Today I take you as my husband, to live this life both of us were denied. I love you.”
Joanna spoke next, “Paul,” I knelt down in front of her, her tiny hand coming to rest on my face. “You love my momma?”
I nodded, “Yes baby, I do, and I love you too.”
She smiled, “Will you be my daddy forever?”
“I will baby. I most certainly will.”
She nodded, I kissed her on the cheek and stood up. “Victoria, I floated through this life for years before that day in John’s office. It was that day, that I knew God had smiled on me. I knew the minute I turned around and looked into these blue eyes of yours that I was given a second chance at life, at love. I promise to never falter in my love for you. I promise to never let you down and to take care with you, always. Today I take you as my wife, to live this life both of us were denied. I love you.” My hands shaking, I reached up and kissed her.
Then I got down on my knees and took Jo’s hands in mine. “Today, I promise to be your daddy and everything else you need me to be. Your friend, your protector, your everything. I bought this for you.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the box, opening it up.
She looked inside. “Look momma, it’s three rings.”
“Yes, it’s one for you, one for momma and one for me. It means we are a family now and for always. Can I put it on your neck?” She nodded. I fumbled with it, I can’t believe how nervous I am.
Joanna put her hand on mine. “It’s all right daddy.”