by AJ Rose
Elliot listened with half an ear as they played their hybrid road game, glad it had occupied the group the last couple days, and there’d been no more skirmishes. True to his word, Jason had left off the property destruction, and he’d only made a couple rude comments in Elliot’s direction, which were easily ignored.
“So how bad was it?” Jennifer murmured to Charlotte as the two walked side by side, Jennifer beating the high grass in front of them with a stick to scare the snakes away.
“Back labor is the worst,” Charlotte answered. “But once you get the good drugs, everything feels like pressure. They got my first epidural wrong, though, and only my left side went numb. The second one was right, but then I couldn’t move my left leg at all. My mom had to move me when it was time to push.”
“But you didn’t feel pain?”
“Some. There’s no drug in the world strong enough to dull splitting yourself open to push out a human.”
“Ladies,” Ash muttered. “There are children present,” he said, gesturing to Jason, Tim, and Riley. Elliot looked back, smirking. “Is this conversation fit for such immature ears?”
The women giggled. “Freaking you out, little brother?” Charlotte asked knowingly.
“I’ve heard the war stories already. Remember? I was there when you brought the little guy home.”
Elliot listened to them all interact. Aaron and Brian were up front in deep conversation, sticks of their own swishing as they continued west. The players of the weird road game walked ahead of Jennifer and Charlotte, him and Ash bringing up the rear. They’d planned to make it to a state park another thirty-five miles away, and the next day, they’d be crossing into Iowa.
Progress was progress, but Elliot was nervous about crossing the Mississippi River. They’d have to do it in a more populated area, and they’d chosen Keokuk, mainly because there was a nature preserve on the east bank and a wildlife area on the western side of town. If they played their cards right, and crossed late at night or first thing in the morning, chances of encountering people or military were slimmer.
But that was tomorrow. They had to get through today first.
“So, Charlotte,” Ash said, and his tone of voice caught Elliot’s attention.
“Yes, Asher?” she said sweetly. Elliot was gratified she seemed to be in a better mood the last few days, though he still caught her occasionally going off by herself.
“A word, if I may.”
“I’m going to ask Aaron when he plans to stop for lunch,” Jennifer offered, separating from Charlotte to give them privacy.
“What’s up? Charlotte asked, clearly curious.
“You know how you asked if I expected you to believe Elliot is just my lab partner and a friend from school?”
“Yeah,” she said, and Elliot could already hear the grin in her tone.
“I don’t expect you to believe that anymore.”
“No?”
Elliot wished he could turn around and see her expression, but it was bad enough he could hear them. Why couldn’t Ash have waited until evening and done that in private? Elliot’s face burned.
“No,” Ash confirmed.
“Well, good. You need someone to call you out on your bullshit.”
Elliot couldn’t help his laugh, though he tried to stifle it.
“Laugh it up,” Ash growled, coming up behind him and slinging an arm across his shoulders. He pretended to knuckle-rub Elliot’s scalp, but he really planted a kiss on his temple.
“I will,” Elliot agreed, pushing him away before anyone caught the gesture.
Riley’s voice cut through the chatter. “Truth, okay. What’s your opinion of Justin Beiber?”
“He’s a fag,” Jason said, laughing.
“Hey!” Charlotte called, her joking tone gone. “Don’t use that word, especially not to my kid. I don’t care if it is some craptastic pop star you’re talking about.”
Jason turned and sneered. “Don’t tell me you’re raising your boy to be tolerant.” The last word dripped with so much derision, it was obvious what his opinion was, and it made Elliot’s blood boil.
“Tolerant of everyone except rednecks. But I figure survival of the fittest will fix that problem in a few hundred years,” Charlotte shot back.
“You can only say ‘fag’ if you’re British and talking about a cigarette,” Riley supplied. “Otherwise, it’s mean.”
Jason pointed to Riley. “It ain’t right, two dudes together. Says so in the Bible.”
“The bible that was written by men?” Charlotte sniped. “The book that’s man’s interpretation of what another man said God said to him, translated a few hundred times and reinterpreted however many times the translators saw fit? That bible?”
Jason shrugged. “No skin off my nose if you’re going to Hell.”
“Not for you to decide,” Aaron said from the front of the group, where he and Brian had fallen silent. “What happened to love thy neighbor? Treat them as you want to be treated? Judge not, lest ye be judged?”
“None of my neighbors are supposed to be gay. It’s an abomination.”
Elliot was beside himself, but Ash’s hand on his shoulder kept him from jumping in. “Let her handle this,” he murmured. “She knows all the arguments, and it’s her kid he’s saying this to. You jump in, he’ll turn on you. Then I’ll have to kick his ass.”
“I’d pay to see that,” Elliot muttered but did as he was told.
“What possible effect does it have on you what other people do in the privacy of their homes? You watching them or something?” Charlotte stomped on, swishing her stick harder.
“It devalues real relationships. Sets back the moral fiber of the country.”
“Of course it does. Your relationships must be rock solid if they’re so easily corrupted. I bet if you saw two guys shopping for food at the store, you’d automatically think they were banging each other instead of roommates, or teammates, or any other number of innocent reasons two men might share a home. I bet you’re one of those people who gags about gay men but put two lesbians in a room, and you’re drooling, humping the furniture, and asking if you can watch or join in. Pig.”
“Hey, if two girls want to get busy in front of me, I’m not going to complain,” Jason answered.
“Hypocrite. Don’t talk to my kid anymore. Your dumb might smear on him.”
“Fucking bitch,” Jason hollered.
Ash started to step in, but Tim’s hand on Jason’s arm got there first. “Hey, dude. Chill. Not in front of her kid, okay? You know better than that.”
Jason’s eyes bugged out. “You agree with her?”
“I read the same bible as you, and I remember Jesus being friends with tax collectors and whores and other sinners. He was trying to change them from the inside out, but he didn’t call them names and shun them.”
Understanding hit Elliot the same time it showed on Jason’s face. “Gay people aren’t a mistake that needs to be changed,” he said before he could help himself. “Otherwise, God made a mistake when he created u… them.” Shit, he’d almost slipped. Thankfully, Jason was too busy frothing at the mouth to notice.
“God don’t make mistakes.”
“Then explain your existence,” Charlotte bitched.
“I’m about sick of your mouth. You know what else the bible says? Women should be seen and not heard.”
“That’s bull, and you know it,” Jennifer said from up ahead beside Aaron.
“Welcome to the twenty-first century, dickhead,” Charlotte snapped.
“Oh, but your language is fine in front of the kid. Who’s the hypocrite now?”
“Jason,” Tim said, turning him around and putting both hands on his shoulders. “You’re just going to have to agree to disagree. Show some respect for how she’s raising her son and stop cussing in front of him. Stop acting like women are lesser people. Your grandmother would smack your ass so hard if she heard the way you’re disrespecting them.”
The unexpected ally k
ept Elliot from losing his temper when he could least afford it. Seeing himself as the lone voice among the rest of the group, Jason stopped arguing, shooting his friend the darkest of looks. Tim murmured words none of them could make out, but whatever he said, Jason eventually turned to Riley.
“Sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to get lippy in front of you.”
Riley was wary, though. “Just don’t be mean. Your god may be listening to you.”
Elliot clapped both hands over his mouth to hide the laughter that threatened to erupt. Charlotte winked at him and gave Riley a surreptitious thumbs-up behind Jason’s back.
Ash chuckled, keeping his voice low. “Told you she had this, and so does Riley. Jason isn’t the first bigot my family has argued with.”
“They do it well,” Elliot murmured back.
“Because they know if they don’t, I argue harder, and with fists. Safer for Charlotte to get mouthy than for me to get involved.”
“Well, who’s going to press charges on you now?” Elliot asked.
“Huh,” Ash said as if he hadn’t considered that. “Good point. Tim shut it down. No need to prove faggots aren’t always sissies.”
Elliot turned up his lip in disgust. “Hate that word.”
“Me, too,” Ash said, moving a comfortable distance away. “Jason’s like a caricature of a villain.”
Elliot snorted. “I was just thinking that. Throw in all the qualities of the bad guy in a movie, and that’s him.” He considered what had just happened more carefully. “Do you believe Tim disagrees with what Jason was saying or was just keeping the peace?”
“Oh, no doubt in my mind it was mediation. They wouldn’t be friends if they had clashing fundamental beliefs. We’ll keep an eye out. I don’t want to get bashed in my sleep.”
The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully, even if Jason was sullen and quiet and refused to keep playing Hybrid Road Bingo. They made it to the shores of Argyle Lake near sunset and quickly set up camp. They’d gotten good at it, the whole process taking only ten minutes and each person carrying their weight. Tim even helped Elliot with his tent while Brian took Riley to the lake for dusk fishing. Elliot thanked Tim, then went off to fetch firewood. Charlotte took one of the rifles and promised to teach Jennifer to hunt. They returned in an hour with a large rabbit and a fox.
“Had to battle with a coyote for this one,” Jennifer said excitedly, pointing to the fox. “Charlotte is a hell of a shot.”
“No one goes anywhere alone,” Charlotte said, giving Riley a meaningful look. He was getting lessons from Brian on how to clean a fish. “Not even to the bathroom, kid.”
“Great. This is such a fun vacation, Mom!” he jeered with false sincerity. “I can’t even poop alone.”
Jason chuckled. “Listen to your mom, Riley.” Charlotte whirled, surprised. “When I was young, there was always that story about the boy who got dragged away by a coyote for not listening to his mama and going off alone to see the stars better. Urban legends, mostly, but it would kind of suck if you proved them true. Who’ll play I Spy the Truth You Dare to Bingo with me?” When he noticed Charlotte still staring, he shrugged. “I was out of line earlier,” he admitted grudgingly. “Especially in front of Riley. I can admit when I behave like a cock…y jerk,” he veered mid-word. “That don’t mean I agree with your views,” he added hastily. “But seeing as how we don’t have to worry about the subject with this group, what’s it really matter?”
Charlotte looked like she was about to argue, but Ash elbowed her. “Keep the peace, Char.”
“Okay.” She nodded in acquiescence. “I was pushy, too. I won’t apologize for calling it like I see it, but I appreciate you making Riley more comfortable, whether that’s playing games with him or censoring your language. Truce,” she said, holding out her hand, which Jason shook.
“Truce,” he agreed.
“Bad guys don’t do that in movies, do they?” Elliot asked Ash quietly.
“They do if they realize they’re outnumbered, and they’re biding their time. But it’s exhausting watching for backstabbing, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, okay? Soon as we get to a place with power, they can peel off and go rock climbing or whatever they feel like. We’re still going to Seattle.”
“Got it,” Elliot agreed.
They puttered around the campsite for the evening, and Jason amused them all with ridiculous ghost stories from the back country in Kentucky. Tim told them about the ghost of a rock climber he swore followed him to the summit of the San Juans on one of his college summer trips to Colorado, helping him with handholds by moaning in his ear about where not to grab.
“When I got home, I looked up that location and found just the week before, a climber had fallen to his death from the exact same face I climbed. They’d only just reopened the trail.”
“You think it was him?” Riley asked, eyes wide.
“Don’t know, but if it was, it was the best climb I’d ever done.”
“Riles, our house was haunted,” Charlotte said, amused.
“No, it wasn’t!” he protested, eyes huge in the firelight.
“Yeah. When you were a baby, I had one of those monitors in our room so I could hear you in other parts of the house if you woke up. I heard someone in there, but only during your naptime. It freaked me out at first. It never happened at night when we were both sleeping in the room.”
“You never told me that,” Ash accused.
“Yeah, I heard the floor creaking through the speaker, and I’d go in there, but there wouldn’t be anything. Mom said she heard it, too, on occasion. Your room was downstairs, and you blasted your music and probably couldn’t have heard if we were all screaming bloody murder,” she teased.
“What happened?” Riley wanted to know.
Charlotte shrugged. “Nothing. There were a couple pictures taken of you that had weird light flares on them, but after a while, it just stopped.”
Elliot was surprised to see Ash looking angry. “When did it stop?”
Charlotte snapped her gaze to his and frowned. “Shortly after Mom died. Why?”
Ash stood. “I’m going for a walk,” he muttered.
“Not by yourself, you’re not,” Charlotte ordered.
Ash lifted the hem of his shirt to show her he had one of the Colts. “Got it covered.”
Charlotte looked at Elliot. “Go with him.”
Elliot scrambled to his feet and followed. “Hey,” he called.
“I’m really not in the mood, Elliot,” Ash grumbled, but it didn’t sound like he’d push too hard if Elliot insisted.
“What’s going on? Why did that upset you?”
Ash sighed. “Please don’t.”
“Will you talk to me, please?” Elliot asked. “I want to help.”
When they reached the lake, Ash slowed to a more leisurely pace and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets.
“It’s stupid. I feel stupid, and I hate that.”
Genuinely confused, Elliot slipped his hand through Ash’s elbow as though he required an escort, trying to let his warmth seep into Ash, who shivered.
“After my dad died, I waited so desperately for a sign from him. Just something to let me know he was all right wherever he was. I told myself I didn’t believe in an afterlife, but I do. Humans are energy, and energy doesn’t dissipate. It goes somewhere. I don’t think we know enough to measure it, but I do believe there’s more than just this existence. All I wanted was a tiny little—” He stopped, shaking his head and pressing his lips together. “Just a hint that he was fine where he was, and we’d be okay without him.”
“Okay, so you think the creaking in Riley’s room was him?”
Ash leveled him with a haunted look. “I don’t know. But maybe he waited around, you know? For my mom. Charlotte said the noises stopped when she died. For five years, I paid attention and got nothing.”
“Maybe it wasn’t your dad, then?” Elliot offered. “You said yourself we can’t measure that stuff,
so how do you know it was him?”
“I don’t. Just irks me it was right under my nose, and I missed it. Almost like if it was him, he was avoiding me but not the rest of the family.”
“I doubt that,” Elliot said skeptically. “Maybe it was just a faulty intercom system.”
Ash lowered his head. “But what if it wasn’t?” he asked softly. “What if I had one more chance to tell him I loved him and missed it?”
Elliot stopped Ash’s progress and grabbed both hands, ducking his head to make eye contact. “You didn’t miss your chance.” He reached up and pulled out the chain Ash always wore. “He already knew,” he said, holding the dog tag between them. “You told him with your loyalty. If it was him, maybe he wasn’t worried about you like he was Charlotte and decided she needed more watching over.”
Ash leaned forward until their foreheads touched and closed his eyes. “You asked me what I wished I could have more than anything in this world.”
“Yeah,” Elliot said hoarsely. He already knew what it would be, and he wished it too, with every fractured beat of his heart.
“I want my family back.” Ash’s chin trembled, and Elliot wrapped his arms around his neck. “I want us all safe, and not dead, and….” His watery voice trailed off.
Elliot shushed him and petted the back of his head while Ash cried on his shoulder, letting out years of despair in raspy breaths, a boy grown up too fast and burdened with taking care of his remaining family when he should have been living it up in college. Instead, not only had he taken on the household responsibilities as best he could, but he was responsible for nine people’s lives in a crisis situation. It was a wonder it had taken him this long to crack.
Swaying back and forth, Elliot murmured to Ash about everything working out and being okay and how strong he was, how brave. They stayed that way a long time, until Ash finally sniffed and backed away.
“I’m okay. Would you mind leaving me to myself for a bit? I need to think.”
“Sure,” Elliot agreed, kissing his face just in front of his ear. “Holler if you need me.”
As he walked back to camp, Elliot crossed his arms against the chill. The campgrounds were separated from the beach by a drop off due to erosion during high water, which left several trees leaning precariously in various stages of falling. There were plenty of handholds, but Elliot had to climb the four feet to reach groomed grass.