Isn’t that what you do? When you fall in love, isn’t that supposed to be the most natural part? I want to be with her so badly, I did whatever it took to keep us that way. If she can’t do the same, what the hell am I doing here? And where in the hell does this leave us?
I thought everything was great. It hadn’t felt more perfect with any other women before in my whole damn life. Not even Becky. But damn it if I wasn’t now slightly regretting it all, thinking I should have stuck to my original plans. I should have never fallen for a pair of blue eyes, long blond hair and a sexy as hell body.
Fuck me.
So here we go again.
Then, like an even worse nightmare, reality sets in, tormenting me and not allowing any kind of escape. The one thing I know I could never run from.
I love her.
Damn straight I do. That is what got me into this mess. And I thought for sure she felt the same damn way. I didn’t think I was running off headfirst into this thing like an idiot again. I thought that I could trust her.
What if I can’t give you everything?
Fuck that. Fuck this. What the hell did I get myself into?
As evening approaches, I try my hardest to forget all that is still raging inside of me. I want to turn off my mind and enjoy the night. Maybe what I need is to see her again, hold her. That connection between the two of us is always so strong. Somehow, just maybe, that might make everything all right and calm the anger and nerves I’ve been dealing with all day.
I’ll be able to tell if things are okay between us by looking at her, spending time with her, and feeling her in my arms. I want more than anything to act like things haven’t changed, that I haven’t been fighting the hugest war in my mind all damn day.
I’m late getting off work, which means I’m late getting home, and now late arriving at her party. I hadn’t intended for it to be that way, but fuck it, it’s unfortunately how it happened; and to hell if I could have helped it.
I should have picked her up, I know that. The last thing I want is to make her feel unwanted after last night, and damnit if I didn’t think about that earlier. Maybe some light arguing followed by a round or two of make-up sex is exactly what I need. What we need. A means to an end to put whatever the hell last night was behind us. But there is no time for that, and now I’m here, finally about to face whatever it is that got us to where we are, questioning the one thing that I thought came so easy.
Our love.
Stepping into Gatsby’s, the place is roaring just like you’d imagine it would be back in the twenties. It’s packed and music blares from a DJ booth set up behind the very elaborate bar. Our group has reserved a special room in the back of the building, and I slowly make my way through the crowd in that direction.
Entering the room, I first notice a few of Evelyn’s work colleagues. Then there’s Rex and Michael. Trevor has showed up as well and is busy talking to Gwen. I can’t help but cringe a little when I see Gwen. The fact that she left Evelyn in the condition she did last night still bothers me.
And Trevor, well he can go to hell. The sight of him makes the thoughts I’ve had all day surface again. I know he’ll do anything to try and make Evelyn his and I do my best to push that away when I glance around the room.
There’s my girl!
She’s looking absolutely ravishing in a light blue dress that hugs her body perfect. Her hair is long and cascades in beautiful curls down her back. She hasn’t noticed me yet, and I take my time walking up behind her. Slowly, I grab her waist and notice she jumps slightly as I pull her closer to me.
I need contact. I need to feel her, be with her. I breathe her in. Her signature vanilla scent mixes with the smell of her shampoo and all things that make her the woman I love. It calms me a little as a sliver of peace works its way into me for the first time since last night.
She doesn’t turn to look at me right away. Instead, she continues the conversation she’s having. Her reaction burns me a little, and I try my best to ignore the sting. I tighten my grip and nestle into the side of her neck, right where I know it drives her wild. I don’t care that this room is full of people. I need that connection. That spark. I need her, and I hate the thought that any part of us might be ruined.
Instead of arching her head to the side, allowing me more access and room to do as I please like usual, she shrugs me off, looking at me annoyed and rolling her eyes slightly. That’s definitely different, and I can’t for the life of me understand why.
“Nice of you to finally show up,” she says as the person she’s talking to takes their leave.
“I got stuck at work,” I try explaining. “I wish I hadn’t. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to pick you up. Happy birthday, darlin’. How was your day?”
She backs up a little, putting more space between us. Extremely hurt and confused, I release my grip on her waist.
“It was great,” she over emphasizes. She watches me for a moment, but I have no clue what to say next or how to proceed. This is new and is not exactly the welcome I expected. After a moment, her eyes meet someone else’s across the room.
“Excuse me, Noah,” she says angrily and pushes past me to talk to whomever caught her eye.
Ok, what the hell happened now? Who is this new woman and what did she do with the one I love? Why is she so upset? And what the fuck is with the cold shoulder? Shouldn’t I be the pissed one here?
I make my way over to the private bar, which includes its own personal bartender. Normally, I try to stick with beer at parties, but tonight I feel like bourbon.
Ordering two double shots, I pause briefly before shooting back the first. Taking a deep breath, I take the second quickly. Shooting it back with extreme force, I feel oddly better the more the liquid burns going down my throat.
Looking back at Evelyn, I notice her gaze meet mine. She looks slightly confused, a little sad, and still obviously very mad at something I can’t for the life of me figure out. For the first time since we’ve met, I can’t read her. Returning my attention back to the bar, I order another. I take it hungrily and feel the tension that had built during the last twenty-four hours slowly start to fade away.
Evelyn
For whatever reason, Noah has royally succeeded in totally pissing me off. First it was his awkward and delayed reaction to my text message earlier. Then the fact that he didn’t insist on picking me up for my party that he was throwing for me, making me furious the more I thought about it. And I thought about it a lot. That, plus the conversation with Gwen the night before, is all that rolls through my mind. Making me hate myself. Hate him, and hate this stupid night.
Not able to hold my anger back, Gwen and I had thoroughly discussed all the reasons why I felt the way I did while getting ready for the party. Our conversation didn’t help the situation or my growing rage one bit.
He never called when he got off work. Just another way in which things didn’t seem right either. He always calls or texts.
Then he showed up forty-five minutes late to a night that he had planned, especially for me. To top it off, he walked up to me like nothing was wrong, nothing was different, and wanted my attention directed one hundred percent at him right away.
The bastard!
Even if I am slightly overreacting, I really don’t give a shit. Maybe it is time shit hit the fan so I can figure out this whole damn picture. That’s just the kind of person I have always been. I need to break first in order to put it all back together again.
Ignoring something that I know had to be dealt with over the past few months is not something I normally do. Meeting things head-on has always been more like my style. It’s time to meet our reality head-on and see if it’s strong enough to handle the truth … whatever that is. Time to fight like hell to figure everything out, even if that means facing a reality in which life doesn’t always turn out the way you thought it would.
I glance in his general direction. To make matters worse, if that is even possible, he’s now sitting around
the bar with Rex and Michael, shooting back shots and continuing to ignore my existence. I mean, truth be told, I did shrug him off. But damnit he blew me off first! In fact, he blew me off all day. Not really the special birthday present I was expecting from Mr. Used To Be So Wonderful. Now I can’t help but hate everything about him.
He looks back at me once, but never even tries to look at me again. I thought maybe he might leave the bar and come find me, try and talk to me about why I was so upset now that maybe I had time to cool off. Instead, he continues drinking—and drinking a lot.
You’re just fueling a fire, asshole, I think silently to myself. He should be smart enough by now to know how women tick. What a certifiable idiot. Fire lit, I’m sure as hell ready for a fight. I hope he’s ready to go round for round because it is going to be a long night.
I look over to see Rex falling off his barstool and Michael barely able to stand himself. It’s a good thing they own the place or they’d all be thrown out. They have people they trust filling in for them out front, and unless all hell breaks loose, which never really happens in a small town like this, they’re actually free to do what they want at their own club for once.
Deciding to use the restroom to freshen myself and my mind up, I realize a break from the party is just what I might need to figure out the next step to take. I make my way down a small hallway to the ladies’ room and am thankful it’s empty. I take all the time I need, staring at my reflection in the mirror, trying to think of my best options and regain control over not only my thoughts but my life.
Still undecided after nearly twenty minutes later, I open the door and hope I can make up my mind before I return to the room. Walking back down the hallway, I look down, consumed in thought and not watching where I’m going. I bump into someone from behind and grab on to the person to stable myself in my heels.
“I’m so sorry,” I began.
“You can bump into me anytime, Evie,” Trevor says, turning around to look at me. He smiles big and bright as he continues, “Are you enjoying your party?”
I think for a moment about giving him a short and sweet answer, then pushing past him in order to return to everyone. Although I don’t. I know Trevor and I have history, he will be able to see past anything I’m trying so hard to hide. It’s probably wrong to lean on him with my frustrations, but I have no one else to talk to. Even Gwen got tired of my rambling earlier this evening, and although it could pose to be a bad choice, maybe talking to someone, preferably a man, is how I can work through this.
“Actually, no,” I say, relief flooding me as I let my guard down and finally allow some of my emotions out.
Trevor’s smile softens and a look of concern flashes in his eyes. “Why?” he asks, taking a moment to step closer. The look in his eyes is unlike anything I have ever seen before. I don’t know how to read him.
“Just not really my scene anymore,” I try to explain. “Plus, I had a really bad night last night and an even worse day today.”
I shake my head, remembering aspects of why I feel exactly the way I do. I want to forget it all and rewind the last twenty-four hours of my life, change what I can, and have the best night imaginable. But that’s impossible.
“If you were my girl, I’d make sure and plan you a party you wanted. Not leave you alone while you were so obviously upset,” Trevor says, taking another step closer.
I know I should run. I know I should push him away. But I continue to stand in one spot. Maybe it’s the comment that he made, something I was totally not expecting, or maybe it’s the lack of attention from Noah. Whatever it is, I know deep down inside staying any longer in this conversation is a bad choice. Still, I don’t move.
“I haven’t been your girl for a long time, Trevor,” I tease him, a little nervous laugh escaping my lips.
I hope that he gets the hint. Our conversations have teetered on this kind of talk before. However, with a response like the one I just gave Trevor, he always backs up and doesn’t press further. Something inside me though tells me with the way he is looking at me right now that is not about to be the outcome tonight.
Trevor’s talk slows, almost becoming a low, sexual growl as he steps into me further. I back up and feel the coldness of the wall behind me. Growing more nervous, I look around him to see if anyone might be coming down the hallway.
“I still wish you were. I remember everything about you, Evie. And I know you better than any other man. I know what you like, what you don’t like, and better yet, I would never … ever … ignore you. Never hurt you,” he says, pushing up against me.
“Trevor, please …” I plead nervously.
I push his chest slightly, trying to add some distance. The conversation has gone exactly to the place I didn’t want it to. I had hoped I would never be in a position like I am now with Trevor and almost blame myself entirely for it, having not taken leave when I knew I should have. I always trusted him not to push our limit before, and he never has. Until tonight.
Trevor grabs my hand as I place it on his chest, pulling me into him closer and keeping a strong grip on my wrist. He takes his time looking at me, examining every curve, every part of my face. I don’t know what he’s thinking or what he might do. In fear, I freeze, scared to move, hoping I’m dreaming.
“I want to be with you, Evelyn. It kills me seeing you with someone else. Let me try to make you happy,” Trevor persists, pulling me closer. We’re face to face, both our bodies pressed up against one another. I don’t know what to do. I can’t think fast enough to try to defend myself. Before I can push Trevor away, he does the unthinkable.
Grabbing me hard, forcing me against the wall, he quickly captures my lips with his. It catches me off guard, and I grunt when he makes contact. He grabs me tighter, thinking the grunt means I obviously like what’s happening. He begins to force himself against me, almost as if forcing it will make all he wants and all he desires come true.
I eventually break free from Trevor, pushing and clawing my way out of his arms. He resists me, yanking me back to him as forcefully as he can. Pulling with all his might, he persists in trying to get me back where he so obviously wants me most.
I push back harder, wiping my mouth, trying to get his taste off my lips. This trip to the bathroom to get my head straight has turned out to be the worst idea I’ve had in a long time—even worse than getting hammered drunk last night.
“Oh my God, Trevor,” I yell. “Are you insane? What the hell are you doing? I don’t even know what to tell Noah!”
“You don’t have to tell me anything!”
We both turn and face the one person I hoped I wasn’t going to see. The one man I couldn’t face, not right now. But there he is, standing in the entrance to the hallway, fists clenched, ready for a fight.
Noah
I don’t know why, but something felt off. I saw Evelyn leave towards the restroom and noticed Trevor follow. Not only that, but a large amount of time had passed since either one of them had resurfaced. Almost twenty minutes actually, if I am reading the clock right through my cloudy brain.
A little drunk, I stand and make my way over to where they disappeared. I trust Evelyn, but Trevor is another story. Rounding the corner, the one scenario I didn’t want to see comes into a full and very clear view. Trevor has his hands all over my girl, kissing her and trying to touch her in places only my hands belong.
In one split second, all the rage that had been building all day shoots through me, and I’m not able to contain it any longer. Evelyn pushes away and I hear her speak. I hear my voice respond, but don’t have time to process what it is I said. I lunge forward, wanting—needing to hurt Trevor in any and every way possible.
Evelyn barely has time to move out of the way. In one clean shot, I hit Trevor with so much force he falls to the floor. Scrambling to his feet, he flies into me, pushing me up against the wall. I hit his sides, every which way I can, trying to break free. Finally making contact with one of his ribs on his right side, I swear I f
eel it crack under my fist. Shoving back from one another, we stare each other down ready for one of us to make the next move.
Evelyn’s shrill yell breaks my concentration for a moment and allows Trevor to get a good punch in. There is a loud ringing in my head and ears. I duck the next time, forcing Trevor to have his fist meet with the wall behind me. Coming back to standing, I’m able to get another good hit right between his eyes, causing Trevor’s nose to start bleeding.
Evelyn has run off by now, and Trevor and I continue to stand there in the hallway, throwing punch after punch at each other. All the aggression that has built between the two of us since Evelyn came into my life is now finally exposed. Hit after hit, punch after punch, we are finally having it out, fighting for the woman we both love.
About damn time! I’ve had enough of Trevor’s shit. A hit to his stomach and he topples over in pain. Straightening himself back up, he takes a swing at me, but I dodge it, stepping out of the way. Another hit to the side of his head and he staggers backwards a bit before regaining his stance.
Come on, Trevor! Fucking show up for this fight already before I knock you the hell out like I should have done months ago!
He swings at my left side, and when I step to the right to get out of the way, his other fist comes up, making contact with the right side of my head. I stagger backwards slightly and feel another punch in the middle of my stomach.
Fuck. That one hurt. Although it only seems to fuel me, making me want to end this little fucker faster. He stepped over the line. You do not touch what is mine. And she is mine. Screw whatever she said last night. Forget the “What if I can’t give you everything?”
Indecision Page 18