by Ann Corbett
She smiled at him quickly – hiding the fact that she was not really in the mood for making love… she was feeling more than a little tender from his almost constant attentions.
“I just want to sort these bits out – and then I’ll be right with you.”
A frown marred his brow for a second, just a second, but it unsettled her immensely.
He sat up on the bed and grabbed her wrist – rubbing at the flesh slightly.
“Leave it wife!” he said as he pulled her down. “Your husband has need of you!”
She was so startled, that she could not stop the surprised exclamation.
“Ouch! Rick, you’re hurting me!”
He leaned over her, and again she was disturbed to see a shadow of anger in his eyes, and not even a little bit of remorse.
“Your husband has needs,” he said again as he began to tug at her clothing.
“He hurt me,” she whispered now, as a tear trickled down her cheek. “He had been my first lover, and was so gentle at first… but that day he was… he hurt me so much!”
Nick was round the table without even thinking about it – as he sat down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Ssshh,” he murmured huskily. “Sshhh… it’s all right, it’s over now…”
Sadie had never really cried over that time, she had put it firmly in her past and buried it.
She had thought that she was over all that hurt and heartache, that she was stronger than that time.
Nick’s sympathy and understanding was so unexpected. She would have died for that three years ago, but now she simply cried instead.
Wrapped in his strong embrace; the tears, once they started to fall, did not seem to want to stop.
And with the tears came such heart wrenching sobs that Nick felt tears on his own cheeks as he shared in her pain.
Chapter Four
Once she started crying, Sadie didn’t think that she would be able to stop.
She had never told anyone the details of her marriage.
Oh people guessed some of it; her family had seen the change in Sadie when she came home from her honeymoon.
Her vibrancy was dimmed. She looked tired and pale and her lips seemed to have to fight to smile, whereas before there had always been an upward tilt to her lips, as though her smile was more than ready – and usually did, break out at the slightest of enticements.
“Maybe she’s just tired?” her mum had murmured to her dad. “It was quite a long journey for them?”
But as the weeks went on and they saw less and less of their daughter – concerns began to rise.
When they did see her, she was quiet and barely responsive, and never on her own.
Her doting husband was always by her side, stroking her hand or patting her knee, kissing her cheek or flicking her hair to one side.
To her friends and family this constant attention would have been suffocating.
But then one day they were visiting Nancy, sitting together on her sofa, when her sister noticed how Sadie flinched on one occasion, and as though she had tried to cover that slight reaction, Sadie sat forward to pick up her mug of tea.
The long sleeve of her dress pulled up and Nancy was horrified to see the bruising, travelling up her arm, and out of sight.
“Dear god, Sadie, what have you done?” Nancy’s reaction had been instinctive as she reached out to her little sister to brush back the material and take a better look.
Sadie had given a little sob and she had tried to pull away again, but not before Nancy clearly saw the finger marks.
Her horrified look turned to accusing, as Nancy’s gaze turned to Rick.
He was surprised and not prepared for this, and Nancy as she looked at him saw such a look of hatred towards herself, that the colour drained from her cheeks.
“You did that?” she whispered. “You hurt my little sister!”
Rick lurched to his feet his expression one of cold rage.
“What happens between a man and his wife – is of no business to anyone else!” he snapped.
Nancy stood up as well, and thrust her chin, and her body forward so that she was right in his face.
“YOU hurt my sister!” she shouted again as the blind fury rushed through her.
“Rick please!” Sadie cried out anxiously as she tried to step between the two of them.
Rick’s anger turned on his wife. “Why are you taking her side?” he demanded as he shoved her out of the way, causing Sadie to fall to the floor but not before knocking her head on the side of the coffee table. “You should always side with your husband – no matter what!”
He did not even stop to check her, to see if she was okay; he simply spun on his heel and stormed out of the room, and Nancy’s home.
Nancy heard the roar of his car's engine, but dismissed him from her mind as she knelt beside her sister.
“I’m going to ring for an ambulance,” she declared as she saw the graze just above Sadie’s cheek bone, which would leave one hell of a bruise.
Sadie sat up and put a shaking hand to her face. “No!” she looked at her sister imploringly. “Please Nance… I don’t need that… it’s not deep, it’s not necessary.”
“The police then!”
“NO!”
“But Sadie…”
Sadie pulled herself up onto the sofa.
“I’m really sorry that you had to see this Nance,” she whispered tearfully. “But I have to say… that I’m a little bit relieved too!”
“You’re not going back to him,” Nancy declared forcefully, “If you even think about going back to him… I swear, Sadie, I’ll call the police!”
“No, no I’m not going back… I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, and just looking for the right time – or opportunity…”
“For a while?” Nancy frowned. “You’ve only been married for a few months… when did all this start Sadie?”
A dull coloured flared across Sadie pale cheeks, and she gave a shaky little sigh.
“Just after we came back off our honeymoon,” she finally whispered.
Nancy swore – something that Sadie had never heard her sister do before.
“You will start at the beginning, and you will tell me everything,” she said angrily.
Sadie realised that her sister would not let this go, and slowly and hesitantly she told her of the first time that he’d hit her.
She told Nancy about the hitting – but she could never tell her about the other stuff, could never look her sister in the eye again if Nancy knew that too.
“He just gets so angry,” she said almost in an effort to excuse him.
Nancy swore again – several times, it seemed that now she had reason to swear, she could not seem to stop.
Finally she gave an angry sigh.
“You’ll stay here of course,” she said instead of more pointless cursing at the man who had hurt her baby sister.
Sadie smiled a little grimace. “Thank you Nancy… I was praying that you would let me.”
**
Her tears dried, and her sobs quietened, as she sat wrapped in Nick’s arms.
The man who hated and despised her, and already he knew more about her abusive marriage – than the rest of her family put together.
“Thank you,” she finally whispered. “I didn’t realise how much I needed to do that.”
He didn’t respond at first, and so Sadie pulled away, and was disappointed when he let her go immediately.
“It’s late and you must be tired,” he said quietly, and Sadie braced herself, waiting for him to make his excuses and then leave.
He stood up, but instead of heading for the door – he picked up the tea pot and walked over to the sink.
“You must be shattered,” he said over his shoulder. “But if you could talk to me some more, Sadie – I am here to listen, and I think that it will be good for you in the end… and me.”
She sat watching as he moved around Nancy’s kitchen. Boiling the kettle and rinsing
out the cups.
“There’s not really much to tell,” she began hesitantly. “I mean it was all pretty much…” she laughed a brittle laugh. “It was all very repetitive…”
“Oh… so give me an example then, something that most sticks in your memory?”
She sat thinking for a moment, searching her memory, but shying away from some of the worst.
Nick sat down next to her and placed the mugs side by side on the table.
He took her hand in his and looked into the shadowed grey of her eyes, so obvious now. How could he not have seen such pain before?
“Tell me about the first time he hit you.” He used his best boss’s voice – the tone of authority that always had his employees jumping to oblige.
She was his employee too, and had heard this tone – perhaps more than the others.
She was no more immune to it than them though.
“It was two days after we got home from our honeymoon…”
Rick had gone back to work for the first time this morning, but not before making long enthusiastic love to his wife.
It was almost a relief when she saw his car disappear around the corner.
She gave a little sigh as she stripped off the little black negligee that he liked her to wear in bed, and stepped under the hot spray of the shower.
She gently soaked her skin, soothing away the aches and pains, and the tenderness and the bruising.
She had just finishing towelling herself dry when she heard the doorbell.
Sadie slipped on a light robe and ran to answer the door.
“Good morning luv!” the delivery man gave her a wide appreciative grin as he held out the bunch of flowers.
Sadie blushed in embarrassment as she hid behind the door.
“For you – from an admirer, I guess!” he grinned.
“Thank you,” Sadie took the flowers carefully, and the delivery man relinquished them with a little chuckle.
“You have a good day now, ducks!” he called as he strode back down the garden path.
Sadie was just about to close the door, when a movement caught her eye, and she looked up again.
Rick was standing across the road, and he looked absolutely furious.
“He didn’t even let me explain,” she whispered softly. “He just came bursting in… and calling me all sorts of horrible names!”
She looked at Nick in remembered bewilderment.
“Answering the door looking like that!” Rick fumed as he glared at her little robe. “What were you trying to do… give him a cheap thrill… or maybe you wanted to invite him inside? Maybe I’m not man enough to satisfy your needs!”
“Rick… please!” Sadie gasped anxiously. “I never thought… I… I just…”
His slap across her face silenced her as she staggered back from the force of the blow.
The flowers fell to the floor, as she shook her head, trying to clear her vision.
“You’re nothing but a lying, filthy, little slut!” Rick snarled.
He grabbed her wrist as his hand went back to land another open handed blow.
“It seemed that once he started hitting me, he couldn’t or wouldn’t stop!”
“But it did eventually?” Nick kept his voice cool and calm, even though his body burned with fury.
“Yes, he seemed to have run out of steam, with the hitting and the name calling… but then all he wanted to do was…” she looked away and the colour stained her pale cheeks.
Nick clenched his fist under the table, causing his knuckled to go white.
“Say it, Sadie… just once, say it out loud, tell me what he did next!”
She gave a little sob.
“Then…” she whispered hoarsely, “Then he dragged me up the stairs, and then he… he… raped me!”
The sobs began again and Sadie let them, she welcomed them, she embraced them, as Nick embraced her – she embraced the pain and anguish.
She visited it one last time, for a little while she simply wallowed in it. But then she buried it – she buried it for good this time!
*
It was very late… or rather very early in the morning before Nick was prepared to leave her.
He held her and comforted her through her emotional storms, and when it was over, he still waited; he made more tea, while Sadie popped upstairs to wash her tearstained face.
She entered the kitchen looking tired, rung out, but calm.
There was a serenity to her, which caught at his breath.
She sat down across from him, and cupped her hands around the steaming mug.
“Thank you,” she whispered meeting his eyes squarely.
Nick nodded and smiled in acknowledgement, realising that she was thanking him for more than the tea.
“You are very welcome, Sadie,” he said gruffly.
*
Sadie walked with Nick to the front door, feeling more than a little sad that this time with him was over. It reminded her of the first time that they’d met – before Rick had come storming in and ruined everything between them.
When she had first looked at Nick, and he had first looked at her.
She smiled sadly as she remembered.
No one had ever looked at her like that before – with such wonder, and yearning.
Their eyes had met, and locked with an; ‘I know you – you are my soul mate!’ sort of instant recognition.
She held her breath and watched as he walked across the room, to her.
This had been two years after her marriage to Rick. Sadie had left him and returned to her husband on several occasions – always under duress, emotional blackmail, and promises of change.
It never happened though. For a little while, he would be on his best behaviour, but it wouldn’t take much to set him off; and it always ended with hurt and misery, and her fleeing him at the first opportunity.
In desperation, Sadie had left her home town. Her friends and family, and moved to London, to the anonymity of a larger strange city, and she tried to make a new life for herself. And as time moved on, she began to feel like it had worked.
That evening out with the girls from her office, had become a typical Friday night. With fun and laughter, and a few drinks and some dancing.
Just another Friday night out.
Then Nick had walked into that wonderful club...
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked, and Sadie gave a little shiver, as the warmth of his voice tickled down her spine.
She smiled up at him shyly. “I... I’d like that.”
He escorted her to a table, in a corner of the club and with some small degree of privacy.
He purchased their drinks and sat down in the chair across from her.
“My name is Nick, by the way,” he smiled.
A small furrow marred her brow, as another name instantly came to mind.
“I’m Sadie,” she introduced herself hesitantly.
He smiled a warm smile, and his eyes locked on to hers again. “It is so very nice to meet you, Sadie.”
He could see that she was rather shy, and his heart which had almost gone into shock when he’d first spotted her, warmed even more towards her.
He talked lightly and amusingly, telling her how he was just visiting London on a ‘work’ trip, and had been struggling to find his way around.
He made her laugh as he told her about the grotty bedsit that he’d been staying in, and as he watched her face light up with humour, he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to make her smile, make her laugh – every single day for the rest of his life.
As they sat chatting, she slowly came out of her shell, and began to tell him about her first time in London, although he never did find out what had brought her to this cold impersonal city in the first place.
She was in the middle of a sentence, her expression lively and amused, when her gaze swept passed him suddenly, and her voice stumbled to a halt and her eyes darkened and died, and her face drained of colour.
/> Nick looked over his shoulder, desperate to know what had caused such a drastic – horrible change in her. He would later read that look as one of anger and hatred.
But not at first.
A man came striding over, looking pale and desperate.
“I’ve searched for so long,” he muttered as he stood over her. “I thought that I would never find you again...”
“What do you want, Rick?” she whispered in a cold dispassionate tone.
“You... I want you... my wife!”
She didn’t have to look at Nick to see how his shoulders went back.
He pulled back his chair and lurched to his feet.
Sadie stood up as well, and her eyes tried to lock on to his.
“Please, Nick!” she whispered in a desperate tone, “don’t leave me...”
“Your... husband needs some time with you,” he almost spat out the words, assuming that her husband had only been looking for her this evening, and not realising that he’d actually been hunting her for the past six months.
“I have nothing to say to him,” she said thickly, thick he assumed with anger.
“I can’t live without you babe, please come home with me...” Rick mouthed the usual garbage.
Nick turned to walk away, and Sadie realised that she would never see him again.
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back as she realised that Rick had once again ruined her life, before it had even begun this time.
“Go away Rick, I don’t ever want to see you again!”
He reached out to her imploringly, “I mean it Sadie, I can’t, I won’t live without you... if you don’t walk out of here, with me – right now... I swear I will kill myself!”
Again this was Rick’s usual tactics for forcing her back, and Sadie realised that she just could not do it anymore.
“Go and do that then, Rick!” she spat out. “If you can’t live without me, then just go away and end it!”
It seemed that Rick understood, as the colour drained from his face. That this time it really was over, and no amount of begging or pleading would win her round. He slumped down on the seat and began to sob.