by Nina Crespo
Minutes stretched, and concern mounted. Tab got up and tugged down her blue slip. She knocked on the bathroom door. “Drew, are you okay?”
Answering silence brought up a myriad of scenarios, none of them good. She went inside. Steam billowed, then cleared. Drew stood under the wide shower, head down, one hand braced on the chocolate colored tiles. Hot water sprayed over his muscular back, his skin an angry red, but he remained unmoved.
“Drew, what’s wrong?” She hurried past the glass block wall and turned the water to a cooler setting.
His shoulders flexed and muscles tightened under her palm. Violent shudders vibrated into her hand with his ragged breaths. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and his chest heaved as if he were in pain.
“It’s okay. I’m right here. I won’t let go.” Dampness and heat soaked into her slip but she held him tighter. Awful, tormented sounds he wouldn’t let completely out echoed. Tears flowed from her eyes and joined the water streaming down her face. Her heart broke for him. If only she could take away what tore him apart.
Minutes passed, and she started to shiver. Drew pushed away from the wall. He turned off the shower and took her in his arms. Water ran down the drain, and the solid beat of his heart filled her ears.
“Fuck. You don’t deserve this.” He laid his cheek on top of her head. “Dealing with my shit wasn’t part of the deal.”
“I don’t care about the deal.” She pressed her lips to the middle of his chest and leaned back to look at him. Emotions clogged her throat. “You’re what matters. I don’t want you to be in pain.”
He laughed bitterly. His wet, spiky lashes blinked rapidly against his cheeks. “I deserve to hurt. I’m the one who ruined someone’s life.”
Tab wanted to yell and shake sense into him. “No, you don’t deserve pain. No one deserves pain.”
She took his hand and turned to walk out of the shower, but he tugged her back and spun her around to face him. “Like that? I tell you I ruined someone’s life, and because you choose to ignore the truth, I’m supposed to agree and blow it off like it doesn’t matter?” A stubborn, angry expression locked his features in place. At least he no longer looked as if he carried the sins of the entire world on his shoulders.
She swiped damp hair from her eyes and poked her finger against his chest. “Yeah, like that, and not because I’m ignoring the truth. I’m sure you’re doing a great job of that all by yourself because you’re too damn stubborn to consider anything but it being your fault.”
“A woman almost died because of what I did. How else am I supposed to see it?”
“But Shana’s not dead and neither are you! It was an accident.” Her words sat in silence.
His nose narrowed with a sucked in breath as he raked his fingers back through his hair. “Who told you about it?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes. You don’t know the full story.”
Tab walked out the shower and came back with two blue towels. She pushed one against his chest, and he barely caught it before she let go. “Then tell me about it, and don’t you dare say no or push me away. I said I was here for you, and I meant it. Nothing you say can change that.”
She went back to the bedroom, dried off, and put on one of his shirts. Hopeless desperation stirred in her belly as she sat cross-legged on the bed, drying her hair. He had to talk about it. He couldn’t do this to himself anymore. He had to see past the guilt.
Drew came out the bathroom, found a pair of sweatpants in the dresser, and put them on. He sat on the bed, rested his elbows on his knees, and stared at the floor. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“Yes.”
Seconds ticked by before he finally released a long breath. “I was still in the Navy when I met Shana and her parents at a charity event in D.C. Every single man wanted a shot at her, but with Shana’s father being a congressman, it was intimidating. Somehow, I ended up in a conversation with him about football, and before the night was over, I’d gotten an introduction and a phone number.”
He raked his fingers through his hair and held the back of his head. “Everyone expected us to get engaged. I was ready, but Shana wasn’t. She hadn’t gained the ground she wanted in her modeling career so she’d turned to acting. I supported her, but after I got out of the Navy my focus was on Bode-Wynn. She started spending more time in New York, and I was working in Virginia. She wanted more of the glamour and parties. I wanted to get my dream off the ground.”
Tab scooted to the edge of the bed and sat beside him. “You grew apart.”
He laid his hand on her thigh, and she intertwined her fingers with his. “Yeah, we did. We were going to break up but then we spent Christmas and New Year’s at her parents’ ski condo.” He stared ahead with a faraway look on his face. “We got close again, talked about a home, kids…a future. When we got back she started spending more time in Virginia, and I made an effort to visit her more often in New York. After a few months, it seemed right. I proposed, and she accepted, but once I put a ring on her finger, things went bad again. We couldn’t agree on anything, and we both accused each other of loving our jobs more.” He stroked his thumb over her hand. “I was the one who insisted we leave that night for her parent’s house. I thought being around them would snap Shana back into perspective.”
“Perspective?” Tab failed in stopping judgment from creeping into her voice.
Drew released a harsh laugh. “Yeah, I know how it sounds, but it seemed like whenever we were around her parents, they’d talk to her and the arguments stopped. We got back on track with planning our future.” He stared as if seeing the images laid out in his mind. “I’d sprained my ankle so she had to drive that night. It was late, but I wasn’t worried. No one was on the road. We were ahead of the snow storm. It should have been an easy drive.” He paused. “I don’t remember what happened, but the police report and the letter she sent afterwards pieced it together. We were arguing and I said things I shouldn’t have. I upset her. She was crying and missed seeing the deer. She lost control of the car on the ice and crashed in a ravine. She was trapped, and I was barely conscious. The police found us three hours later.”
He took in a ragged breath as if the brittle edges of fresh guilt were ripping into him. She squeezed his hand and swallowed the huge lump in her throat. He didn’t need her tears. He needed her to stay strong and hold this moment for him so he could get the full story out. “What happened afterward?”
“I had head and spinal injuries, a torn-up knee and broken ribs. They put me in a drug-induced coma because I kept trying to get of bed to find her. The doctors said I was lucky, but Shana….” Drew’s gaze met hers. “Her parents took her from the hospital and put her in private care. I kept asking for her, but no one would tell me anything. Finally, Shana sent me a letter. Her pelvis and bones in one of her legs were broken, in some places almost shattered. She’d never walk without a limp, and she’d always have the scars. I’d taken her dreams away. She never wanted to see me again.”
Protectiveness rose. No wonder he carried so much guilt. Shana hadn’t given him a chance. Didn’t she realize she wasn’t the only one hurting after the accident? How could she—Tab cut off the tirade in her mind and focused on Drew.
She touched his cheek. “You couldn’t control the weather, and you didn’t put that deer in the middle of the road. The accident still may have happened even without the argument.”
Drew gently kissed her palm and lowered her hand from his face. “There’s no getting around the facts. I was arguing with her, and because of me she got distracted.”
She grasped his hand. “Taking responsibility includes forgiving yourself, Drew. What was the point of surviving and standing on your own two feet again if you’re only going to knock yourself down with guilt? I watched my brother tear himself apart because he wouldn’t stop blaming himself over what happened to someone he cared about.” Tears welled, and she blinked them back. “I won’t stand by and let that happen to you.
”
He stared at her a long moment. “You never cease to amaze me. Do you know that?” He swallowed hard, held back emotion in his eyes as he pulled her toward him. “Come here,” he said gruffly. “I need to hold you.”
Tab straddled his waist and hugged him tight. He hadn’t agreed, but he also hadn’t said she was wrong. That was a first step, and she wouldn’t let him lose ground. She’d finish cleaning the old things out of his closet. Make him see himself in a new light. She’d scream and annoy the shit out of him until he realized the new man in the mirror could finally let go of the past.
He brushed a kiss over her temple. “Sometimes you can’t fight all the ghosts that show up to remind you how badly you fucked up.”
She leaned back and met his gaze. “That’s why you’re not supposed to fight them alone.”
…
Tab kissed him softly. Cradling her against him, Drew lay back on the bed and let her warmth melt the coldness of the memories and the dream. He wouldn’t find the forgiveness she wanted for him, but for a few brief moments, he’d find reprieve and forget. Drew threaded his fingers through the hair at her nape, drowning fast in relief and his need for her. She kissed him back with the same promise and intensity, grinding her hips against him. Motions fueled by need, they stripped off their clothes. He rolled on a condom, lay over her, and positioned himself between her legs.
As he rested the head of his cock against her opening, Tab’s heavily lidded gaze met his. She reached up and touched his chest. The smooth whispered glide of her legs wrapping around his hips infused Drew with heat, and he wrestled with the frantic need urging him to push forward. Making a conscious effort, he reached between them to slowly feed his hard length into her. They both groaned in relief.
He slid home again and again and watched pure ecstasy play over the features of her face, but delayed what imminently waited for both of them. He covered her mouth with his, claiming her soft pants and mewling cries. The tiny little pulses moving up and down his shaft inflamed his body with gut-clenching need, and he pumped his hips faster, driving deep.
He lifted her hips higher, her beautiful breasts bobbing underneath him, heat pouring off of her skin, the friction taking him closer to the edge. Tab held on to his shoulders, meeting each thrust, her sex gripping and squeezing around him, battering and testing his restraint.
Her desperate cries intertwined with his groans, and the steady slap of damp, slickened skin against skin grew louder. As her inner walls shook with spasms, she writhed underneath him, pulling him harder and faster until the dam inside of him broke open. A guttural groan tore from his lips when he surged forward one last time. The pleasure of his climax overtook him.
Time shrank to a single focus of release, pleasure, and something indescribable that he’d never encountered…something he inherently knew he’d only find again in her arms.
He kissed her. “When we’re at the beach this weekend, let’s talk more about us. Long-distance relationships aren’t easy, but we can define it, keep it casual at first. See where it goes. What do you think? Are you interested?”
She released a shaky breath and gave him a wobbly smile. Whatever objections she came up with, he had an answer and all night to convince her otherwise.
Tab wound her arms tighter and kissed him hard. “Absolutely.”
Chapter Nineteen
Tab pointed to the suit in the store clerk’s hand. “That one in a size eight but in blue instead of gray, and I also want the formal gown with the lace overlay you showed me earlier.”
“What about the emerald one?” The slim, blonde woman pointed to a mannequin wearing a sheath dress on the other side of the boutique.
“No, my client needs a softer look. Can you deliver them this afternoon?”
“Absolutely.”
“Great, thanks.” Tab checked more items from the list on her smart phone. By the time Bob’s daughter arrived next week, she’d have everything from business suits to formals. If success depended on looks alone, Natalie would have the board and donors eating out of her hand and begging for the crumbs.
Tab flipped to her calendar app. Two more client meetings this afternoon and then back to Drew’s by morning.
Back to Drew.
Soft warmth spread through her chest as she scanned the blouses on the rack. She hadn’t wanted to leave, but Drew didn’t want her fussing over him. Still, something had changed. Sex with him left her trembling inside, in a good way. The way he caressed her, looked at her, stroked into her, it felt as if he’d claimed her as his own. He wanted to talk about taking their relationship to the next level. She wanted to try, but he still kept parts of himself at a distance.
If he let the right person into his life, he’d thrive. Someone who’d put up with his rigid mindset about what went where. Who’d nod through his lectures of how to do things, and unearth a smile from him when he found out she’d done the opposite. She’d call him on being unreasonable, but if someone else took a swing, she’d defend him to the end…like she would.
Tab absently held up a blue shirt, seeing Drew asking her take a chance on a relationship. She wanted it, but they couldn’t move forward unless he confronted his issues with Shana. She’d given in to curiosity and asked her assistant to use their fashion contacts to get the scoop on her. If she had to fight the ghost lingering in Drew’s bed, she had to know more. If her assistant did find Shana, she’d talk to him about reaching out. After all these years, Shana could feel differently or provide another side to the story.
It bothered her when Drew had said Shana’s parents communicated with him about ending the relationship and not Shana. The extent of Shana’s injuries would have required pain medication. Was it possible she went along with signing the letter because her mind and judgment were clouded? Did her father take advantage of the situation because he was in emotional upheaval over her injuries, and Shana didn’t fully have a say?
A text chimed on her phone. Tab opened the message. She read the question twice. Information about Shana was one thing, but this? Was it going too far? Her finger hovered over the screen. It would allow her to find out answers. More importantly, it could open the door to Drew finding the closure he needed. What should she do? Yes or no. Whichever answer she chose could change Drew’s life…and hers.
…
Tab adjusted the braided strap of her satchel over her shoulder and walked up the driveway to Shana’s Italian-villa inspired home. Despite her favorite outfit of slim beige pants, cream blouse, scarf, and boots, uncertainty curled in her stomach. When her assistant sent her the text offering this chance, she’d debated with herself for almost an hour before deciding to say yes. During their call last night, Shana had expressed excitement over their meeting to discuss her closet makeover. She’d done her best to show enthusiasm, but her small lie to Shana and Drew had sapped it away.
This is the right thing to do. He needed to put the past to rest, and after her and Shana’s conversation, she suspected Shana did, too. Making Drew angry wasn’t part of the plan, but he needed a gentle prod in this direction. Stirring up a little disagreement between them was better than watching him suffer. Especially if having a simple conversation with Shana would change things for the better.
Tab rang the door bell. A tall woman with long, blonde hair and startling blue eyes opened the door. Tab’s words tangled in her thoughts. She’s gorgeous.
“You must be Tabitha Drake. I’m Shana.” She limped back and beckoned her inside. “Please, come in. I’m so excited you’re here.”
They sat on the couch in the living room. Shana scooted to the edge of the cushion and gave her a shy smile. “So—where do we start?”
With you setting Drew free.
As Tab took a pen and pad from her bag, she buried her selfish thoughts. Yes, she wanted to get to the bottom of Shana and Drew’s situation, but she also had a service to provide. “Tell me about you and how I can help.”
Shana launched into animated conversation abou
t her recent hiring as a judge on a new reality show featuring accessory designers. Filming started next month, and after years out of the model spotlight, she needed a more up-to-date, fashionable image.
“You would think as a former model, I’d have this handled, but I’ve been in Momville for so long with my two-and-three-year olds, this is mainly what’s in my closet.” She gestured to her simple blue button-down shirt, faded jeans, and flat-heeled sandals. “One look at me and the producers will think they’ve made a mistake.” Her smile faltered. “My husband and I are separated, and it doesn’t look like we’ll get back together. I need this job. I have to plan for my daughters’ future.”
What about Drew’s future? He and I don’t have one because of you.
Tiny needles of guilt stabbed into her conscience. She’d promised to offer Shana her help. “The stylists on the show will make sure you look great on camera. I’ll focus on setting you up with some basic pieces that fit what you want to project off-camera. You may end up incorporating some of them into your show wardrobe.”
“That sounds perfect.” Shana picked up one of the large books on the coffee table. “In the questionnaire you sent, you asked what I see as my style personality. I couldn’t come up with an answer. It’s been so long since I thought about it. I dug out my old scrapbooks.” She smiled ruefully. “I know I can’t go back to the past, especially with fashion, but I thought this might give you a better understanding of me.”
Tab moved closer. “Let’s take a look.”
She wanted to keep her distance, but each turn of the page brought Tab further into the former model’s life, dreams, and aspirations. After the accident, she’d lost her coveted status of perfection. It made sense she’d pushed Drew away or even blamed him as a coping mechanism.
Shana picked up the third book and a photo slipped to the floor. Tab picked it up and her breath caught. Drew in Navy dress whites stood in the picture with Shana and an older couple at a formal social event. His short, military-style haircut defined the angles of his handsome face, and the uniform gave him an all-male factor that almost had her swooning off the couch.