by Rachel Hanna
Maybe it was her pride. Her mother had always said she was just like her father, although she didn’t remember him really. She was only four when he died, so her recollections were muddled at best. She had often tried to dig deep within her soul to draw out any little memories of her father. Maybe the sound of his laughter or the smell of his cologne. But she never could remember anything. All she had to go on were old photographs her mother had shown her from time to time.
Addison always dreaded Father’s Day when she was in school. She was supposed to be “Daddy’s girl”. As the only daughter in their group of five kids, it had been her right and privilege to be “Daddy’s girl”, but that had been taken from her at such a young age. Even now, there was a pain in her heart where her father should have been, and she wondered how that factored in to her choice of Jim as her husband.
From all she’d been told, Jim was nothing like her father. Her Dad had been kind and caring and attentive to her mother and siblings. Jim had turned out to be none of those things. But maybe she had been looking for a strong male figure in her life? She didn’t know, and she had spent so much time lamenting her choice in husbands that her head hurt.
A lone sea gull flew overhead as the sun continued to make its ascent over the horizon. She stared up at it, but caught a person’s face instead.
“Jackson!” she said, holding a hand to her chest as she tried to calm her pounding heart. “Good Lord! You scared me to death!” She was half angry and half relieved that she wasn’t alone - and that he wasn’t an axe murderer.
“Sorry, sis,” he said laughing as she reached out and slapped his leg.
“What are you doing here?” Jackson eased down beside her.
“Well, I come down here every morning. This is where I do my yoga and tai chi.”
Addison stared at him for a moment before he broke into laughter again. Jackson’s jokes left a lot to be desired, especially so early in the morning.
“Seriously, were you following me?”
“Oh, get over yourself. I do come down here every morning because this is where I have my coffee,” he said holding up a thermal mug. “You know I’ve always been an early riser. But you… um, no. You’ve never been an early riser, so what gives?”
“Things change, Jackson. People change.” As soon as she said it, she regretted it. After all, Jackson had practically raised her, and he knew her better than she knew herself.
He studied her carefully for a moment. “I suppose that’s true. I mean, look at me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well, just a few weeks ago, I was sitting behind a desk, piled high with papers, focused on work. Now, I’m in love with a wonderful woman and living most of the time in January Cove. Things can sure change rapidly…”
“I’m so happy for you, Jackson. Really, I am. No one deserves happiness more than you do, big brother,” she said, chucking her shoulder against his. She really believed what she’d said. Jackson had been the strong rock that she’d needed throughout her growing up years. He checked out boyfriends, set bullies straight and even took her to father/daughter dances at school.
“You deserve to be happy too, Addy,” he said, calling her by her shortened nickname.
“What makes you think I’m not happy now?”
“Because I know you, and I’ve played poker with you. And you have a terrible poker face.” She laughed and pinched his leg causing him to jump and wince.
“Jackson, I just need some time…”
“Time to do what? Look, Addy, whatever this thing is, it isn’t going to get better by you keeping it bottled up. You look like hell.”
“Thanks a lot!”
“Well, it’s true. You know I’ve always been honest with you, and you don’t look like yourself. You look tired. Actually, you look exhausted. It’s worrying me, and I know it’s worrying Mom. Let us help you.”
She looked at him for a moment and took a deep breath before putting her forehead on her knees. Being vulnerable was never her strong suit. She preferred to keep a smile on her face at all times. “Smile. It makes people wonder what you’re up to” was her motto.
Jackson sat there quietly, and Addison knew it was because he was sure she was about to break.
“Okay, I’ll tell you… all of you… but I want to do it as a family. I don’t want to have to repeat myself over and over. Can you get everyone together?”
“How about lunch?”
“Sounds like a plan. Now, do you mind giving me a little time? You know, to gather my thoughts?”
Jackson nodded, stood and kissed her on the top of her head before he quietly walked away. A single tear fell down Addison’s cheek as she felt the love of her older brother and simultaneously felt the weight of shame she was about to place on her beloved family.
Chapter 2
The smell of Christmas was already in the air in the Parker household. With a fresh Christmas tree sitting undecorated in the front hall, Addison flashed back in her mind to the many Christmases that she and her brothers would drag decorations down from the attic to make the house look like a Norman Rockwell painting.
Her mother had always made everything seem perfect, although as an adult Addison now realized that her mother had probably been lonely herself. She never dated around the kids, and she poured her whole soul into her children and her work. She made holidays fun and memorable as all of her kids grew up and found lives of their own. She had been like a lighthouse out in the ocean, steering her children to good lives and happiness, while she remained stuck in the same place year after year. It made Addison a little sad to think about.
The last few years in Addison’s large home had made Christmas feel hollow. With a plastic tree - Jim was allergic to the real thing - and expensive decorations, Christmas had never felt the same. There was no depth of love in her house. No kids. No pets. Often no husband. But here, love oozed from the walls, it seemed.
Hosting Christmas parties for clients and other attorneys had been tedious at best. Making sure she had the right crystal glasses and the most expensive wines available. Using her best fake smile, she wined and dined everyone from congressmen to law partners all in an effort to make her husband look good.
As she walked into the family room, everyone was already gathered waiting for her. Laughter stopped as she entered the room, and an abnormal hush fell over everyone. It was all so serious, and she hated serious moments. She had accidentally laughed at her great aunt Gertrude’s funeral when she was sixteen simply because serious stuff made her nervous, and she laughed when she was nervous. This time, she had no desire to laugh and was holding back tears already.
“Hi, sweetie,” Adele said walking to her daughter and pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Everyone is here. Jackson said…”
“Yes, I wanted to talk to all of you,” Addison was happy to see that it was just her mother and her brothers. No fiancees, no girlfriends, no one to possibly judge her.
“It’s okay, sis. We’re here for you, whatever it is…” Aaron said. The youngest of their brood, Aaron had been her close companion when they were kids. They were only two years apart in age, and she loved playing with him when they were growing up. He was outdoorsy, and her love of adventure matched his personality very well.
Addison slid slowly into an overstuffed arm chair in the corner and took a deep breath before meeting her mother’s eyes. Adele sat down next to Brad on the sofa, and Jackson slipped his arm around her from the other side.
“Okay…” Addison started. “I’ve called you all here because I need to explain some things. I’m sure it’s obvious to all of you that something has been up with me for a few weeks now.”
“Yes, honey. We’ve all been worried about you,” Adele said nodding her head.
“I know, Mom, and I’m sorry. I just had to work some things out in my own time.”
“We understand, Addy. Just tell us…” Kyle said, obviously growing impatient in his concern for his sister.
“Last year, Jim had an affair,” she blurted out a little more quickly than she would have liked.
“That son of a…” Jackson said through gritted teeth.
“Jackson!” Adele chided. “Language.”
“Sorry, Mom,” he said rubbing his hand hard against his mouth in an effort to stifle some other choice words.
“It was with his assistant. Tiffani with an ‘i’,” Addison said rolling her eyes. “Hot young blonde, just out of college.”
“Dear God,” Kyle muttered under his breath as he got up to join Jackson in pacing the room like two caged tigers.
“Anyway, I found out when he left his secondary cell phone out by accident.”
“Secondary cell phone?” Adele said.
“Yes. He was very good at covering his tracks for the most part. Tiffani would travel with him, unbeknownst to me, of course.”
“I thought you were traveling with him?” Adele said.
“Most of the time, I was home alone. I just told you that I was traveling because, well, I was ashamed at the state of our marriage. I wanted so badly to make it work, so I did my best to make it look perfect.”
“Oh, sweetie, you could have come to any of us…”
“I know, Mom. This wasn’t about any of you. It was about my own foolish pride, I suppose.”
“So you left him last year?” Brad asked.
“No. I confronted him, and we went to marriage counseling. But he would stand me up at our counseling appointments, and the affair probably continued. I don’t really know. Eventually, Tiffani moved on to another attorney in the office and Jim came crawling back to me. That lasted all of two months before he started leaving me home alone again. I realized nothing was going to change, so I moved out last summer.”
“Last summer? Where have you been living?” Jackson asked.
“I got a small apartment and started divorce proceedings which isn’t the easiest thing when your soon to be ex husband is an attorney. It became really clear that I was going to get the shaft. My interior design business has been floundering since we married, and he was smearing my name all over town. I couldn’t get work… so…”
“So?” Adele said, now sitting on the edge of her seat.
“I started bartending.”
“Bartending? Oh my word!” Adele covered her mouth as if Addison had just admitted to prostitution.
“Mom…” Jackson said shaking his head.
“I’m sorry, honey. I just wasn’t expecting that…”
“It’s okay, Mom. I know it’s not a line of work you’d be proud of. Not for me anyway. And it’s not what I want to do either.”
“I still don’t get why you didn’t just come home, sis?” Kyle said.
“Because there’s more to the story. You see, I met someone while I was tending bar. Seemed like a nice guy. He was a home builder, owned his own company, treated me great. We went on a few dates and I just wanted someone who wanted me…” Tears started to fall from her eyes. “Jim never really wanted me. He just needed arm candy for social functions, but he was never my friend.”
“And this man was your friend?” Aaron asked.
“I thought so, but my mindset at the time wasn’t good. I was strapped for money, exhausted from work and Jim was raking me over the coals in our divorce. I just fell into the arms of the first nice guy I met, and that was Eric.”
“So where is this Eric?” Jackson demanded to know, his arms crossed against his broad chest.
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in weeks.”
“I don’t get why you’re telling us this, sweetie…”
“I’m pregnant, Mom. I’m carrying Eric’s baby and he wants no part of it.” Addison sobbed into her hands as Jackson immediately knelt at her side. Adele held her hand over her mouth again, and Brad pulled her in close to him for support. No one wanted her to have another mini stroke.
“It’s going to be okay, Addy. We’re here for you,” Jackson soothed.
“No! Don’t you understand? I have no job, no career, no home really. Yet I have a baby on the way. I’m four months along, and Jim has taken everything we built together. I have nothing to offer a baby, but here I am in this situation. I’m caught. And now I’m going to bring shame to my whole family!”
“No, honey, we would never be ashamed of you,” Adele said as she stood and knelt in front of her daughter. “This isn’t the 1950s, Addison Rose. Women have babies without being married all the time. You’re a strong woman, and you’re going to be a strong mother. We will help you.”
Addison looked into her mother’s tear stained eyes and knew she was speaking from her heart. “But this isn’t what you wanted for me, Mom. And I know that.”
“Truthfully, no. But not because I’m ashamed. It’s because I want the easiest roads for all of my children, and this isn’t going to be an easy road. But we will walk it together, Addison. You’re not alone.”
All of the brothers surrounded their only sister and pulled her into a big family hug. Never had she felt more love. Never had she felt more ashamed of herself.
“Okay, enough with the crying,” Adele said as she stood up and wiped her eyes. “We have a house to decorate!”
“But, Mom, what about…” Addison said, pointing down to her ever enlarging belly. It seemed bigger now that everyone knew, although it was still barely noticeable. Thank goodness it was winter and big sweater weather.
“Sweetie, we’ll deal with that in time. For now, we must decorate for a Parker family Christmas. And we must make you an appointment with Dr. Sylvan. You will get the best in prenatal care. This is my first grand baby, after all!” She smiled widely, and it made Addison feel a little better.
Addison was always amazed at her mother’s ability not to wallow in bad news. It was a skill she had honed since losing the love of her life. She supposed it was a skill she too would need to learn as being a single mother wasn’t going to be easy.
Adele would often say things like “Don’t wallow, sweetie. It makes your face ugly.” Addison almost laughed thinking about it. The epitome of Southern grace, Adele Parker had not let anything life threw at her get her down. She had always picked herself up and carried on with it.
“Well, then I guess we’d better start decorating,” Addison said as she wiped her eyes. Jackson threw his arm around her as they walked into the foyer.
“You know, sis, if this is a boy, I really like the name Jack.” He smiled at her as she cast him a knowing glance.
“I was thinking I liked the name Aaron better,” she said playfully.
“Yes!” Aaron yelled from behind.
For the first time in weeks, Addison felt at home. At peace. Like things might be okay. So she allowed herself to decorate the house for Christmas without thinking too hard about what was coming next. Like her Southern belle idol, Scarlett O’Hara, she would think about that another day.
* * *
There seemed to be hundreds of white dresses in the shop, and they were all starting to look alike to Addison. She had promised her sister-in-law to be, Jenna, that she would help her pick out the perfect gown for her spring wedding to Kyle. But right now she was wishing that she’d stayed home because these brides were crazy.
It was the annual bridal gown “Christmas Crazy” sale at the Bridal Warehouse just outside of January Cove. Hundreds of women descended on the large warehouse one day per year to get “sales even Santa himself couldn’t get”. The advertising surrounding the event made Addison laugh, but Jenna was totally serious. She had a certain gown she wanted, and no one would get in her way.
“Okay, when they open the door, I’ll go left and you go right,” Jenna had instructed as they stood in line just before 8 AM. “The dress is white…”
“I would assume so,” Addison said, laughing and rolling her eyes. Jenna was not amused.
“Do you hate me?” Jenna said, poking her lip out in mock offense.
“Of course not. You’re like a true sister t
o me, Jenna. We’ve known each other a long time. But this is a side of you I haven’t seen before. Crazy Bride Commando,” Addison said giggling. “You’re kind of scary. I’ll have to pray for my brother.”
Addison had been raised around Jenna since she and Kyle were high school sweethearts. Although they took a long detour in their relationship, Addison was thrilled when Kyle reconnected with the love of his life. And now he was helping raise Jenna’s little girl, and they were so happy.
“Sorry, Addy. I’m just so excited to marry your brother. It’s been a long road, you know that.”
“You guys are so in love,” Addison said. “I’m a little jealous of that.”
Jenna put her hands on Addison’s shoulders and smiled. “You’re going to get through this, Addy. You are a strong woman, just like your momma. And you will find happiness. Somewhere out there is a man who is meant just for you, and he will raise your child with you just like Kyle is doing for me. You have to believe that.”
“I want to, but right now I can’t focus on a man. I have to figure out what to do about this,” she said pointing down at her ever growing midsection. “I was ready for kids, but not alone. I don’t know how I’ll ever do this.”
“You’d be surprised at the things you can do when you have to,” Jenna said. “You’re the spunkiest, funniest gal I know, and this baby is going to be lucky to have you as his or her mother.”
Addison smiled appreciatively, but inside she knew that she was keeping another secret that would likely destroy how her family thought of her yet again.
* * *
“I swear, there is no place on earth that has better cheese fries than Zach’s,” Addison said as she shoveled more of the delectable fries into her mouth. Eating for two was turning out to be a lot of fun in her mind.
“I know. And this milkshake is going to keep me from fitting into my new dress if I keep this up,” Jenna said with a laugh.
The morning turned out not to be so bad after all. Jenna walked straight into the warehouse and located her dress within minutes. It was a larger size, but she would have it altered closer to the wedding.