I watch him look around the old restaurant. Family pictures decorate the pale yellow walls. Wooden tables and chairs fill the room except for the row of booths that line the front windows.
An older lady with short, curly red hair walks toward our table. “Well hello, Miss Emma. We've been wondering when you'd be back from break,” she says with a smile and a bit of her Philly accent. Kay is a funny lady. She’s got a few kids at the university I go to. Running this place means long days and short nights for her, but it’s paid her children’s ways through college. She likes to joke that they better put her in a nice nursing home when she gets older.
“Hi, Kay. It's good to be back. This is...” I trail off as I'm not sure how to introduce Derek. We haven't really had that talk yet. We're together, but do I say he's my boyfriend? That sounds so lame. Do I say he's my friend?
“I'm her boyfriend, Derek. It's very nice to meet you, Kay,” he says as he shakes Kay’s hand and smiles.
“Well, it's nice to meet you too, Derek,” Kay says as she smiles at me. “He's a handsome one, Emma. Good for you.” The way Kay lowers her voice and looks away with a blush makes my eyes widen. This is a side of Kay I haven’t seen before.
I'm smiling from ear to ear, and it takes me a moment to realize what Derek just said. He's my boyfriend. It seems too childish for me to get all wound up over it. I pick up my water and hold the straw as I take a sip. Derek Wade is my boyfriend. The thought makes me want to laugh. He's so much more than a boyfriend, but I still like hearing the word. I like having a label on us, even if it does seem immature.
“Yes he is, very handsome,” I say to Kay. “Derek, Kay is the owner of this restaurant.”
“Oh, really?” he says. “Well, you've got a very nice place here. And you seem to do a great business.”
“We do. Thank God,” Kay says, looking around her restaurant. “What can I get you two tonight?” she asks as she pulls out her notepad.
“Can we have two of my favorite, Kay?” I ask with a smile.
“Of course, baby girl. I’ll get that right in for you,” Kay says as she scribbles our order down on the pad and then puts it back into her apron.
“What's your favorite?” Derek asks with a cocked brow.
“You’ll just have to wait and see,” I say with a small smile.
Derek’s phone goes off, and my eyes glance down to the table where the sound is coming from, but he doesn't look at it. He’s been ignoring his phone, ignoring everything really since we’ve gotten here. It makes me sad to think that he’s just turning his back on his entire life, but at the same time, some of it’s needed. There’s nothing there for him back home. He has his businesses which he can run without really being there for right now anyway. That’s the good part about being a silent partner. He's available online, and if we need to go back he can be there within a few hours. Right now he’s on vacation. Supposedly.
“This is a pretty nice area,” he says absentmindedly. “Are the places you're interested in working at close by?”
“Pretty close, within fifteen miles,” I answer him. I start picking at the napkin in my lap. It’s paper, and shreds easily.
“I love this area.” I shrug as I talk, making it seem like it’s not a big deal. But this conversation is something that needs to happen. There are a lot of low-income areas around here, and the city has a really hard time finding teachers and counselors who last in these school districts. I want to make a commitment to be here and help these kids. That’s why I’m doing this, and why I got into this line of work.
“So that was a big factor in deciding where I wanted to apply,” I tell him, as I take another sip of water. I look over to my right, waiting to see if Kay has our orders coming up soon or not. I know we need to talk about these things, but so much has happened so quickly. I’m nervous that he’s just not gonna want to stay here with me.
“It looks like a place I could get used to,” he says as he taps his fingers on the table.
“Really?” I ask, hopefully.
“It could be. I'd have to look into it a little more,” he says easily, taking me by surprise. I just assumed he'd want to live back at home, since that's where his businesses are. I shift in my seat a little, excited to talk about what his plans are and what he wants to do while he’s here, but as I do, he gets up and says he needs to go to the bathroom.
I watch his back as he walks away and then my eyes drift to the other side of the booth. He left his wallet and phone on the table. My fingers itch to grab it. I need to know who’s been calling him. It’s not that I don’t trust him, I know that he's not up to anything, but I just need to know what he’s avoiding. I have a good guess it’s Tony. Sandra’s been messaging me a lot about it, about the two of them not getting along. Derek told me not to tell her the truth though. He doesn’t want anyone to know what happened between them.
But it fucking kills me. He already lost his mom. I don’t want him losing his best friend too.
His phone goes off again.
I can’t resist anymore.
The very thought that it could be Tony makes me need to look. This isn’t a habit that I’m going to be making. I’m not gonna be going through his things. Right now I’m just gonna blame it on curiosity. I’m quick to yank it off the table and hit the little button on the side. I scroll down: fifteen unread texts, five missed calls, and two voicemails.
All from Tony.
I hit the button on the side of the phone again and the screen goes black as I slide it back in its place. Right where he had it. It hurts to see how their friendship has deteriorated. I don’t know what to think about Tony. I know my sister loves him. And from what Derek says, Tony really did love Derek’s mom. I don’t know if I could’ve done what he did, but I know she was ready to go. She had some good moments in her life. She had some bad moments, too. She was ready for all of it to be over though. I know that’s true. So does Derek. Deep down in there somewhere. He knows. Even if it hurts.
I wonder if things will ever go back to how they used to be between Tony and Derek. I hope so, since it doesn’t look like Tony’s going to be leaving Sandra’s side anytime soon. My throat dries, and I take another sip of water as Derek slides back into his seat.
“Sandra was asking when we were going to be back in town again,” I say softly as he gets comfortable. He stiffens slightly.
“Is he gonna be there?” He asked, his voice hard.
“You know he is, Derek,” I answer him. My finger brushes along the cold side of the glass as I wait for him to respond.
He clenches his jaw and looks outside of the window to his right. “She was ready,” I dare to speak and try to convince him. “You told me yourself, you didn’t realize it until after everything happened, but she was telling you goodbye.” It’s hard to get out the words, but it breaks my heart to see him and Tony ruined over this. I know in my heart that Tony was only trying to give Derek’s mom peace.
Derek’s silent. I know he wants to get over this. I know he misses his friend. But right now all he has is sadness and anger. It’s something that’s just going to take time.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask him. He looks down at his phone and back up to me. There’s a look on his face that lets me know he knows I was snooping. I’m fine with that though. I would’ve told him anyway. I can’t keep any secrets from him.
He's quiet for a minute before taking a deep breath. “I don't know,” he admits.
“I’m here for you. No matter what,” I tell him as I grab his hand.
“I don't deserve you,” he says quietly.
“Yes. You. Do.” I emphasize each word.
He doesn't answer me. I don't want him to continue going down this dark path.
Derek cups my face, and looks me in the eye. “I love you, Emma.” My heart swells in my chest. I already knew he did. But hearing him say it and knowing he’s admitted it to himself makes all the difference.
“I love you too, Derek.”
E
pilogue
Derek - Nine months later
I stare at the thin cardboard box on the kitchen counter. Inside is a beautiful cake. It's pink with a fondant bow. It’s for Sandra. Technically, it's for a little girl, Emma’s soon-to-be niece.
They’re coming over today, and I’m preparing myself. Every time they come over it gets easier and easier to fall back into the solid friendship I had with Tony before. But there’s still a part of me that hates him.
I fucking loved him. He was my brother in every way that mattered. I’m trying to come to terms with everything still.
I know Ma was ready. I know she wanted it. In some ways, I know it was best. But I’d be lying if I said I fully forgive him. Not yet at least. But when we’re together, it’s getting easier to forget.
“Derek.” I hear Emma’s soft voice as her small hand touches my arm.
I take in a long breath to calm myself and forget the past before pulling her into my arms. She lets me hold her. It’s all I need sometimes. Especially on the hard days.
She pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. “You gonna be alright?” she asks me.
“Yeah, I’ll get through it,” I tell her honestly. I’m ready to be a happy fucking family. I’m trying at least. Emma needs this. And for her, I would do anything.
Emma told me they’re naming her after Ma. It makes me…emotional. In a good way. In the best of ways, I guess. I hope Emma and I have a baby girl one day. I know I won’t be able to name her after Ma. So knowing that Tony is going to use her name makes me happy. It makes me really happy, honestly. I haven’t told him that yet though.
And they’re naming me godfather. Tony seems to think that one day, things will be back to the way they were. He said we’re family, and we’ll always be family. The last time I saw him, it was almost like normal. It’s fucked up in some ways. I feel like I should never forget. As if I should never forgive him. But deep down I know she was ready to go, and at least he had the balls to do what was right and help her go peacefully. I was the selfish one. I know that now.
I know it’s true, but some days I don’t want it to be true. I want him to take it back. I want my Ma to be here. But in reality she would have passed by now. The only difference is that she would have suffered more.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Emma says softly.
She pats my chest, and the sparkle from her engagement ring catches my eye. No matter what, he’s gonna be in my life, and a part of my family. Tony’s knocked up her sister, and I’m marrying Emma. So there’s no way of getting around it. I had the inside of her band engraved to read, Smile today without fear of tomorrow. Just like Ma always said. They're words I want us to try and live by from now on.
“I promise you.” Her hazel eyes plead with me to accept it. And I’m trying. I really am.
“Have I told you how much I love this kitchen?” she says not-so-subtly, to change the subject. I rest my forehead against hers, and give her another small kiss. One day, we will be alright, and things will be like they used to. But for now, I just need to grieve in my own way. And that means getting lost in my sweetheart’s touch.
We’ve been here for a few months now. Ever since she graduated. It’s close to downtown, which is where my restaurants are, and close to Emma’s new job. She doesn’t have to work. I’m only bringing in income from the legit businesses now that I quit dealing, but it’s more than enough.
She wants to work though. At least for now she does. Until I put a baby in her.
“You gonna take off next week like I asked?” I ask her.
“Yes,” she answers with a bit of skepticism in her voice. She’s always bringing home work.
We’re taking time off to visit the venue for the wedding. It’s a destination wedding, and I’m planning on taking advantage and making this a nice little vacation.
She keeps pushing back the date, and I know it’s because of Tony and me. I always pictured him by my side as my best man if I ever got married. And once things are better between us, I know he’ll be there for me.
She hugs me tight, taking my mind off of the things that keep me in the past, and reminding me of our future. I kiss her hair. I just need this. Just her. And I’ll be alright.
“I love you, Derek,” she whispers. I know she does. And I sure as fuck love her.
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
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Dirty Debt
By Lauren Landish
Chapter 1
Ryker
“He told me he wasn’t going to pay. What now?”
I sigh inwardly as I hear my brother, Marcus, over my shoulder. I don’t look away from the city skyline. I’m more interested in the streets below than what he just told me. The cars are so small and seemingly so slow beneath me, as if they’re merely crawling by in the evening traffic. It’s a long way from the streets to up here, but still, I remember those days.
It gives me an advantage. I’ll never forget that. I slip my hands into the pockets of my slacks, reminding myself that no matter what else, I won’t forget that while the high-up executives of the city might live in penthouses like mine, the heart and blood flow through the asphalt arteries forty-eight floors below me.
“It doesn’t matter. I want the most valuable thing he has,” I finally answer him. My cold heart barely beats in my chest as I think about the enormity of what I’m asking for. Taking his life is one thing. But men already know that when you don’t pay your debt to me, you’re dead. Now, it’s time to collect on the biggest debt anyone in this city owes me, a debt of blood.
I want to show them all something else, too, something that will truly put fear in their hearts. If my plan is to work, if my dream of vengeance is going to be more than just a short-term coup that ends in disaster, then I need to not only kill Jacob Waters but also strike fear into the heart of every person who stands with him.
Jacob Waters thinks he’s untouchable. Or maybe that’s what he wants people to assume. He’s been in power here in the city for over twenty years. It’s hard to think of a time when his name didn’t inspire dread in the tight, powerful circles that run this town. I spent most of my childhood knowing and fearing the name of Jacob Waters until that day five years ago when he had our father killed and that fear turned to hate.
Now, it’s my turn. I’ll kill the bastard, but first, I’m going to destroy him. For twenty years, he’s been both the most respected and the most feared man in this state, depending on which side of the law you operate on. No, killing him isn’t enough. Before he dies, I’ll take everything away from him piece by piece. I’ll make sure everyone he ever relied on turns their back on him as he falls from the highest height that any man in this city can reach. When he’s put in the ground, the only attendees are going to be the fucking crows. I want everyone to know the truth.
He’s a crime lord.
He has the governor, the police commissioner, the judges, and the fucking law all in his back pocket.
But after two decades, Jacob Waters has gotten arrogant, and he’s made a mistake. He might have the judges. He might have the banks. He might have the money and the politicians, and he might even have the corrupt law on his side.
But I own the streets.
Starting with the tiny little street gang that my father was the shot-caller for, I’ve grown up in the streets. I ended the turf wars, sometimes through brains and charisma, sometimes with politics, sometimes with muscle, and sometimes the barrel of a gun. It’s taken me five years, but now I rule the streets.
Better yet, I have leverage on everyone who matters. The cops walk their beats with my blessing now. The banks know that their drug money only comes into their accounts because I let it. While Jacob’s been wining and dining and schmoozing in his mansion up in the Hills, I’ve been a cancer that eats at him, staying silent until it’s time to land the final blow.
I’ve been waiting for
it, biding my time until the time was right. He fucked with the wrong person.
I’m nearly ready for that final blow.
I had Marcus make a demand for protection money to Salvatore Francisco. We’ll allow him to keep his money laundering racket going on the West Side for a price. Of course, it was rejected, but I already knew that would happen. It was part of my plan. Still, I was worried this morning when I sent Marcus out, knowing that while I’ve got a strong position, my ass isn’t totally covered. And that doesn’t make me happy.
“We could take his wife.”
My head slowly turns to face Marcus. “What was that, Marcus?”
Marcus shifts from side to side, slightly unsure. I get it. He’s not used to being the idea man, even though he’s got a good head on his shoulders. But I’m the big brother. I’m the man with the plan. For him to have ideas is unfamiliar territory for him. “I said we could take his wife. You know, that long drink of tall, dark, and sexy that he has on his arm all the time, the ex-actress.”
The image of Sarah flashes before my eyes. I can hear her soft laugh, the beautiful cadence of her voice and the way her hips sway as she moves. At first, it makes me pine for her. She’s a gorgeous woman and I’m a red-blooded man. But that smile is the same one she makes while she’s wrapped in Waters’s arms. I clench my jaw and clear my throat, removing the image from my mind.
It’s a decent idea, but I need time to think about the consequences. I didn’t get to where I am by acting on impulse. “And then what?”
Marcus shrugs. “I dunno, Ryker. I was thinking we could keep her like a human shield. I mean, I know your style—you don’t like to get innocents involved—but she’s gotta be just as dirty as him. Who the fuck marries a fucker like him unless they’re really stupid or they’re dirty too? So why not keep her, pretend we’re going to rough her up a little, and then let her go?”
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