She looked at him, as he embraced his beloved ugly daughter. And Shay smiled. He won this round, she thought, but she’d win the match. With the help of that ridiculous daughter of his, the daughter he said he had to protect from what he called “the likes of” Shay, she’d win it in a walk.
She cranked up her Corvette and burned rubber leaving.
****
They took the elevator up to Simone’s hotel room as if they were not unlike the other strangers that occupied that ride. Everybody stared up or straight ahead or at some spot on the walls, but never at their ride mates. And so it was for Simone and Nick. All the way from Nick’s home, all the way in the elevator, all the way up to Simone’s hotel room. Simone’s heart couldn’t be trusted right now, and she knew it, and that was why she remained silent.
For Nick it was more practical: he didn’t know what to say. He’d hurt her so completely, the pain that was in her voice at his house confirmed it, and he didn’t know what word existed to right that horrendous wrong.
At her hotel’s room door, Simone decided to be dignified about it all, and extended her hand. “Thank-you for the ride home,” she said.
Nick looked at that hand, at how small and soft it looked, and took it into his. And held it there. Her heart lurched when he held it, amazed that his touch could still sear her so, and when his deep blue eyes looked into her green ones, she had to fight back the tears with all she had.
“Simone,” he said so heartfelt that a tear did drop. And he moved closer to her, why did he have to move so close, and wiped her tear away. Then he kissed her softly on her lips. She could not believe she was allowing it, but she couldn’t do anything else. She felt frozen in a time when she loved him so completely; when nobody no-where could touch the kind of deep feelings he brought out of her. And when he pulled her closer and kissed her harder, with the same passion she remembered in him, she melted in his embrace.
“Oh, Simone,” she heard him moan as he kissed her, as he let loose the kind of wild passion that she always loved about him. Like the night she allowed him to cross the line and make love to her. It was a night she’d never forget; a night where she just knew her life of pleasure would begin. Then she remembered the horror of the next day, when her pleasure so quickly, so easily, turned into pain. And the pain was still there. It was that pain, that seared her almost as surely as his kiss did, that caused her to pull away from him.
“Simone—,” he said with a plea in his voice, but she couldn’t live through that kind of pain again. Not now. Not with this married man! How could she even let it go this far? “Good night, Nick,” she said breathlessly, painfully, and went inside the room.
“We need to talk, Simone,” he said with a plea in his voice. “Please. I need to talk to you.”
She felt as if she was at a crossroads again. As if she had no choice in the matter when she had every choice. But like a broken record, she decided to play that song again. And let him in.
He walked in slowly, almost methodically she thought, as if he were a panther sizing up his prey. And that was how Simone felt. Like prey. Like a hunted animal surrounded by the jungle king. Since she was surrounded anyway, she decided to just give up.
She headed for the suite’s sofa, kicking off her heels as she walked, and Nick walked in behind her. She sat down, with her legs underneath her, and stared at him.
Now he felt surrounded. Cornered even. He wanted to sit away from her, because he wasn’t sure if he could handle his emotions, but that would have been too cowardice. He created this mess, and he was the one who had to clean it up. He sat down beside Simone.
He leaned forward. He used to smoke every time he was anxious, Simone remembered, but he didn’t pull out a cigarette this time. Maybe he quit. Maybe he finally decided that smoking wasn’t good for him and gave it up. If only, she thought, she had that kind of will power right now.
“When did it happen?” he asked her.
She hesitated. She knew what he was talking about, but she didn’t know if she wanted to go there. “When did what happen?”
He looked back at her. “When did you attempt suicide? That morning after I left you?”
She looked away from him. Why was he making her relive that hellish time? Why was she making herself relive it? She exhaled. “No. Some days later. Maybe even a week, I don’t know. But it wasn’t that morning. I was still too stunned that morning.”
Nick stared at her, his heart pounding. He would have died himself if he had known, back then, what she had attempted to do. “How?”
“Pills.”
“Why would you do that, Simone?”
She looked at him. That angered her. “Why do you think? I gave you my body, Nick. You and only you. To this day you and only you. That wasn’t some game I was playing. I was dead serious. I expected to become your wife. I actually thought that I was the only woman in your life, and had been the only one since our feelings for each other, since my feelings for you, had escalated. It devastated me when I realized how wrong I was.”
Nick looked forward again. “You weren’t wrong,” he said. “There was another woman, Delia had always been there, but you weren’t wrong about my feelings for you.” He looked back at her again. “They had escalated too. And I was planning to break it off with Delia and be with you. Marry you. But Delia had gotten that phone call.”
“From who? Mark Grier? He knew that you were seeing me that night?”
Nick hesitated. Delia had told him some time after her accident, but he didn’t know if Simone could take it.
“Do you know?” Simone asked him.
Nick exhaled. “It was Serita, Simone.”
Simone frowned. “Serita? Shay? Why would you think Shay would do such a thing?”
“Delia told me that she had seen her in a restaurant with me one night. When I had to leave on business, Serita came over and introduced herself as the sister of the woman I’d been seeing. The night of the accident, Serita had phoned her and told her that I was at your apartment. Delia was on her way over there when she lost control of her car.”
Simone swallowed hard. It was all too painful. “But why would Shay do that to me? Why would she . . .”
“Money was apparently mentioned, Simone,” Nick said diplomatically.
Simone looked at him. “Money?”
Nick nodded. When Simone still looked doubtful, Nick lost his patience. “She’s not that baby sister you left behind all those years ago, Simone. She stopped being that person long ago. Serita Rivers will do anything to hurt anybody and everybody. She thinks about nobody but herself.”
“But that didn’t happen in a vacuum, Nick. It was because I left her behind all those years ago, don’t you understand that? I made her like that. She was the sweetest little girl, she was so sweet. But I left her and—”
“Stop it,” Nick said lowly. Simone looked at him. “Just stop it,” he said more forcefully. “Serita’s evilness is not your fault. And, in case you still don’t realize it, neither was mine. We both hurt you, Simone, not because of anything you did, but because of who we are. Don’t you understand that? We’re the bad guys here. Not you.”
The tears began to flow from Simone’s expressive eyes and just the sight of it, just the reality of the pain she had been bearing practically all her life, undid him. “Oh, Simone,” he said and moved to her, pulling her into his arms.
She allowed it, sobbing openly in his arms, and he closed his eyes tightly. Everybody had hurt this woman so profoundly that it left him feeling angry, not at the world that had done her such injustices, but at himself. Because he failed her most of all. He hurt her most of all. And when he pulled back, and their eyes met, tears began to stain his. “I’m so sorry, Simone,” he said heartfelt. “I am so sorry.”
Simone nodded. That was all that she could do.
She looked so sympathetic, so caring, that he became a coward again. “Can you forgive me?” he couldn’t help asking her. “Can you ever forgive me, Simone?”
>
He didn’t expect her to respond. He didn’t deserve a response. He simply wanted her to know that he did hurt her, that he did do something that warrants forgiveness. But she responded.
“I forgave you the moment you did it,” she said. And that did it for Nick. He pulled her back into his arms, so tightly, with so much love that it smothered Simone. Then he pulled her face up to his and stared at that face, at that gorgeous, kind, wonderful face that he loved so much. And he kissed her. He kissed her in a way that he had hoped would be sweet and tender, but that felt so fantastic to him that it turned into a desperate passionate kiss.
When Simone began to respond to that kiss, and to let go the way Nick had let go, it caused him to want her in a way that dismissed all of the history of their pain, of their separation, of the fact that he was still a married man. He just had to have her.
He kept kissing her until he could not contain himself anymore. He picked her up, still kissing her face, her neck, her chest, as he carried her into the bedroom. His loins were throbbing and all he could think about was having Simone beneath him. He had to have her beneath him. He remembered when she was beneath him and he had made love to him. It was one of the happiest nights of his life. He loved Simone so completely that night that it frightened him. He felt that same way about her right now.
And that was why he laid her on the bed and immediately moved on top of her. He began kissing her again, this time even more passionately, even more desperately, that it caused Simone to nearly collapse in his affection. And the tears returned. She was going down that dark road again. And with this same man. And she felt powerless to stop it. Because she loved him so much. She still loved him. When she should have hated him.
He knew it too, as he couldn’t stop kissing her, and undressing her, and groaning for her. She should hate him, he thought, but not Simone. Simone was too good, too kind, to hate anyone. And he felt as if he was taking advantage. . .
It hit him like a ton of bricks. And for the first time since he had laid her on that bed, he stopped molesting her and looked at her. And saw her tears, her pain, her shame. And he felt ashamed too. He was taking advantage of her goodness again. His heart dropped.
“Oh, Simone,” he found himself saying, as he wiped her tears away. “Oh, Simone!”
He rolled off of her and rolled her on top of him. And he continued to wipe her tears away. And to apologize. And to hold her. Until minutes turned into hours. Until she had cried herself to sleep. Until the night had come and gone and the morning had arrived no longer feeling like, or looking like, or even being just another day.
TWENTY-THREE
Jules drove quietly along the streets of Miami while Shay, in the front seat, filed her nails and Simone, in the backseat, stared out into the tropical stores and palm trees around them. She had been distracted since Jules had picked her up, and it concerned Jules mightily. She was certain that her sister had gone to Nick Perry’s dinner party with Ethan Graham, although Simone hadn’t admitted it, and she was equally certain that Simone’s suddenly subdued mood had everything to do with that dinner.
She looked in her rearview mirror at her sister and her heart ached for her. Simone deserved so much more than a man like Nick Perry, who broke her heart one day and married another woman the next. She was too good for that, too gentle and kind. She deserved somebody akin to royalty. Somebody unique, and special. A real man. Then Jules found herself smiling, only it was a sardonic, sad smile. Because she knew the deal. Because she knew that it wasn’t as if she and Shay were hitting the good man jackpot either.
Speaking of bad men, she thought, as she glanced at Shay. “Now you see why you absolutely had to rehearse your testimony with Ethan?” she said.
Shay rolled her eyes and continued filing her nails. “No. I did it, but I didn’t have to do it.”
“He shredded you on that mock witness stand, Shay, just like Mookie Davenport’s attorneys are going to do if you don’t get it together.”
“Whatever, Jules.”
“Whatever nothing. When Ethan finished with you, girl, I was convinced myself that you were just as Mookie was making you out to be: the mastermind behind his entire drug-dealing craziness.”
Shay actually laughed. “For real?” she said as if she’d just been paid a compliment. Jules shook her head.
“There is something wrong with you,” she said. Then she looked at Simone in her rearview mirror. “There is something wrong with our baby sister, Simone.” When Simone did not so much as acknowledge the comment, Jules frowned. “Simone?” she said and Simone finally looked her way.
“There’s something wrong with both of y’all,” Jules said and Shay looked back at Simone.
“You have been acting strange,” she said. “What’s happened?”
Alarm registered on Simone’s soft face. The last thing in the world she wanted was for her sisters to know her distress, the night she’d spent, the renewed pain. “Nothing’s happened,” she tried to say lightheartedly but sounded defensive instead.
“Something’s happened,” Shay said, turning back around to continue her manicure. “You just ain’t tellin’ us.”
Jules looked at Simone through the rearview. “Did you go?” she asked her.
“Go where?” Shay asked.
“Simone,” Jules repeated, “did you go?”
“What difference does that make?” Simone asked, sounding defensive still.
Jules shook her head. “You went,” she said.
“Went where?” Shay asked. “Where she went?”
Jules was so upset that she told Shay. “To Nick Perry’s house,” she said.
Shay was floored. She turned around quickly. “You jivin’!” she said to Jules while looking at Simone. “Simone, tell me that ain’t true.” When Simone told her no such thing, she laughed. “You’re sick, you know that?”
“Oh, and you can talk,” Simone said. “Miss Mookie Davenport’s girlfriend.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t try and kill myself over no Mookie, though.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Jules said as her Mercedes stopped at a red light. She exhaled. “None of us can talk,” she said.
“Amen,” Simone said.
“I can talk,” Shay said, turning back around. “Like, ain’t nobody nowhere gonna stop me from talking.”
“So it’s serious with the banker?” Simone asked.
Shay hesitated. “Bump him.”
Jules looked at her kid sister. “What happened, Shay? He called it off?”
“He didn’t have to call it off. I called it off, how about that? Like who is he to be calling something off? Yeah, he think he’s some big shot. Gonna throw me out of his daughter’s party, like I ain’t good enough to hang around with them upper-crust black folks.”
Jules looked at Simone and Simone looked at Jules through the rearview mirror. Would there ever be a happy ending for any Rivers female when it came to a man?
“Trying to handle me,” Shay went on. “They can kiss my upper-crust ass, that’s what they can do.” Then she paused. “And he did in the end,” she added. “Bet that.”
Jules, pulling away from the light, glanced at her sister. “What did you do, Shay?”
Shay laughed. “After his precious daughter’s birthday party I called her on her cell. She figured I was what hip was, and that ugly creature so wants to be hip, that she gave me her number. So I called her and told her to sneak out to meet up with me.”
“And she did?”
“Hell yeah she did. You should see her. Being with me did wonders for that ugly Betty. So I took her out on the town with me last night, that’s what I did,” she said. “And you should have seen her, you should have seen her. She had her first experience with everything, just like I knew she would. ‘I don’t drink,’ she said. Yeah, right. She was drunk by nightfall. ‘I’m a virgin,’ she said. Uh-huh. She was throwing herself at every man in sight before the clock struck eight.”
“Shay!” Jules said, a
ppalled. “You didn’t let those men take advantage of that poor girl?”
“What poor girl? That child was a freak! And yeah I let’em. Hell, I encouraged them. What she mean to me? Her and her high and mighty daddy. They don’t mean a damn thing to me.”
“You going straight to hell,” Jules said as she pulled into a gas station.
“Yeah, well,” Shay said sadly, as if she knew it too, “I’ll be taking a pile of folks with me.”
“That’s what you think,” Simone said. “When that fire hit your butt there won’t be any friendships then. No parties then. It’ll be each man for himself, and everybody will be helpless.”
Shay shook her head. The thought of anything spiritual unnerved her. “Don’t nobody wanna hear none of that,” Shay said as Jules stopped in front of a self-serve pump. “And can’t you do this after you drop me off, Jules, dang? I got to pick somebody up from school.”
“School? Please don’t tell me you’re fooling around with some high school boy now, Shay, please do not tell me that.”
“It ain’t a dude, all right? Just hurry up. I know your birthday is coming up and you’re old as dirt, but I’ve gots to be somewhere. Hurry up.”
“Stop rushing me,” Jules said, reaching into the back seat for her pocketbook. “Besides, if I didn’t have to drag your behind into Ethan Graham’s office to meet with him today I wouldn’t need gas anyway.”
“You didn’t have to do anything.”
“Either I was going to do it or Simone, and Simone deserves a break.”
“I have my own wheels, thank-you.”
“And you haven’t bothered to visit your lawyer yet.”
“So?”
“So, Shay, the trial is coming up. You’ve got to make sure you give the prosecution what they’re looking for or you can end up in prison right along with Mookie Davenport.” Then she smiled. “You ungrateful snot.”
Shay smiled, looked at her oldest sister above the rims of her stylish shades. “Takes one to know one, sweetheart.”
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