Erin set the last large stack of stoneware next to the sink and turned around, coming face-to-face with a determined-looking Faith and a highly intrigued Lexy. She lifted her brows. “What’s up, Pip? Lex?” As if she didn’t know.
“Yeah, I think that’s our line,” Faith said, crossing her arms over her distended belly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t, doll face.” Lexy grinned. “Seems like you and Mr. Hottie are getting along better.”
“Well, that’s not exactly true. We’ve always gotten along fine. I mean, except for when he popped into town unexpectedly and found this.” She framed her belly with her hands. “But you can’t blame him for that.”
“You know what we mean,” Faith said.
Erin toyed with the idea of blowing off their probing questions, but after a wonderful evening ensconced in the circle of her pals, she suddenly craved the sounding board of her best girlfriends. God knew, she wasn’t figuring this thing out so well on her own.
She leaned back against the counter. “Yeah, well.” She sighed, crossing her arms as best she could with this gigantic belly to contend with. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together lately. For the baby’s sake,” she added.
“What about for Mommy’s sake?” Faith pushed.
“It’s not that easy.” Erin bit the corner of her lip, glancing around to make sure Cagney and the guys were nowhere near. “He doesn’t know anything about the burns. Kevin. My other baby.” She sighed. “Kind of limits true intimacy when I can’t even talk about my biggest life events, you know?”
“So, talk about them. What’s the issue?”
Lexy glanced at Faith, a chastising look on her face. “Faith, come on. We all have to do scary things in our own time. Your own husband should’ve taught you that.”
Faith blew out a breath. “I know. He did, and I do understand your hesitation, no matter how impatient I seem.” She beseeched Erin. “But, if you could see how that man looks at you, Erin, how the two of you together look to the rest of us.” She hugged herself. “Nate is exactly what you need to help you heal. You may not see it, but he’s been so good for you already.”
“I do see it,” Erin admitted. “But there’s Kevin…” Her words choked off, and she reached a hand up to cover her mouth.
Lexy reached out and held Erin’s other hand. Faith stepped forward and cupped the sides of Erin’s face. “Sweetie, we all know Kevin was The One, and you two had an amazing ride, while it lasted.” A pause. “But…he’s gone. He’s been gone for a long, long time. He’s in Heaven with Mick and Randy and…whatever that guy’s name was, Cagney’s date.” She cringed. “God, that’s awful. He’s irrevocably part of us, and yet I have this mental block about him that’s so unfair. We should know the poor kid’s name.”
“Tad. Tad Rivers,” Lexy said.
“Tad, right.” Faith refocused on Erin. “Kevin’s with them now. Not with us.”
Tears rose to Erin’s eyes. “I still love him, though. Just because he’s…” She couldn’t say it. “That love hasn’t gone away.”
“You always will love him, and you should. No one thinks you should stop loving Kevin.”
“That would be like asking me to stop loving Mick,” Faith said.
“But it is possible to love again,” Lexy said softly. “A real here-and-now love, with the relationship, the family, the dogs, the whole nine. Shoot, you and Nate are ninety percent there. You even have a bunny.”
Erin sniffed, glancing down at Lexy. “Yeah? And when are you going to take your own advice, chickie?”
Lexy lifted her chin. “Someday,” she said, breezily. “But, we’re talking about you, so stop trying to change the subject. You’re the one giving birth in a few weeks.”
Erin thought for a moment, then shuddered. “I can’t imagine how to even begin that conversation with Nate. It’s all just too painful and unmanageable.” Erin pointed toward the sitting area anchored in the center of the wide-open space with a deep red area rug. “Can we please sit? My legs are aching.”
The two women ushered her to the love seat, where Erin moved the coffee table back so Lexy could maneuver her chair closer. She pulled up directly in front of Erin, then patted her lap. “Put your feet up here. I may no longer be the dancing queen, but I give a killer foot rub.”
“Me next?” Faith asked, wistfully.
“Of course.”
No arguments from Erin. She slipped out of the beaded sandals and lifted her feet to rest on Lexy’s lap, groaning in pleasure when the magic fingers took over.
“So,” Lexy said, once they were settled. “How about I ask some simple yes or no questions?”
Erin acquiesced with a nod.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
She sucked in a breath, held it, then blew it out. “Yes.”
“Does he have feelings for you?”
“That, I don’t know.” She pulled her mouth to the side. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together, sure, but we don’t discuss relationship stuff. At all. And we don’t—” She rolled her hand.
“Oh, he has feelings for you,” Faith said, sounding one hundred percent sure.
Erin cut her a sharp glance, her chest squeezing. “How do you know? Did Brody say something?” They had been hanging out quite a bit.
“He hasn’t said a word. You know how guys are.”
Disappointment drained through Erin.
“I can just tell,” Faith continued.
“You’re such a matchmaker,” Lexy teased.
“Lex, they’re having a baby together. I want her to be madly in love, like I am. It’s the way it should be.”
Lexy held up a hand. “Oh, I’m not disagreeing. Anyone can see he’s into you, Erin.”
“So? What should I do? And don’t say throw my body at him.” She splayed her hands on her distended middle. “At this point, that is not an option.”
“How about taking an even bigger risk?” Lexy asked.
“Bigger than getting naked when I look like a beached whale? A burned beached whale at that?” She arched her brows. “This ought to be rich.”
“Open up to him about your past.” Lexy paused, searching her face. “Take the chance and tell him about Kev, the baby, your scars.”
“God.” Erin covered her face with both hands, feeling sick to her stomach. “I’m so scared. What if—?”
“What if what?” Faith spread her arms wide, leaning closer for emphasis. “Isn’t it better to know before you fall even further in love with him?”
“I never said I was in love with him,” Erin muttered, as her whole body heated.
Her friends gave her indulgent smiles.
“No matter what happens, you’ll always have your friends,” Faith said. “So you’ll be no worse off if he freaks out and leaves town.”
Surprisingly, Erin found this to be cold comfort. How wrong Faith was. She couldn’t imagine losing Nate now, no matter how little of him she had at this point, no matter how superficial. No. It was easier to keep her secrets, live in comfortable denial, and keep him close by for as long as it lasted. The risk? Too scary. She couldn’t talk to Nate about her past. Not yet. She’d come up with another way to bring them closer…somehow.
She smiled tightly, easing her feet to the floor while hoping to put this conversation to rest, at least for now. “I’ll try. You guys are the best. Thank you.”
“We love you. We want to know what’s up,” Lexy said.
Guilt stabbed Erin. “I know I’ve been…distant. I’m just trying to figure things out. But I’ll keep you in the loop from here on out. Promise.” She pointed toward Lexy’s lap. “Your turn, Faith. Be prepared for the foot massage of a lifetime.”
Erin had been uncharacteristically pensive the whole ride home. He didn’t know why. He decided to try for some easy conversation, lighten things up.
“You were right. Cagney’s loft is amazing.”
She stirre
d, as though out of deep thoughts. “Isn’t it? As much as I adore my cute, 1900s farmhouse, I envy her that place. It’s so hip. Such a showplace.”
Her words and the enthusiasm behind them didn’t match up. He reached over and laid his palm lightly on her thigh. “I had a great evening. Thanks for taking me.”
“You’re always welcome.”
“Did you? Have a good time?”
“Yes. Great,” she said, way too monotone for the Erin he’d come to know.
A pause. “Everything okay, honey?”
She leaned her head back. “I’m just tired. Long night.”
He nodded. Another lag in the conversation. “I really love your friends.”
She rolled her head to the side and flashed him a sad smile. “The feeling is mutual. Believe me.”
That warmed his heart. But he wished Erin loved him even half as much as her friends did. He patted her thigh and put his hand back on the steering wheel. “Let me get you home so you can relax, put your feet up. Get some rest.”
“Nate?”
“Mmm?”
“Have you ever been in love?” Her voice wavered on the question.
He tipped his head side to side, eyes firmly on the road. “More like infatuation. Not that I’m knocking infatuation, mind you. But I’ve never asked anyone to marry me. Never been consumed with wanting to be with one woman above all others.” Until now.
She nodded. He couldn’t read the gesture. Part of him wanted to lob the question back at her, but he already knew the answer, and he didn’t see the point in pushing. She’d tell him when she told him. Period.
“I’ve been busy building my career,” he explained. “You know how that goes.”
“Sure. I understand.”
“Here we are,” he said, pulling into her driveway. The gravel crunched beneath his tires. “Home sweet home.”
He cut the engine, and for a long stretch, they just sat there. Finally, he cleared his throat. “Let me walk you in.”
“Okay.”
They got out of the car and headed toward the house in silence. Erin fumbled with the key, her hands shaky.
He laid his hand on hers. “Let me.”
She handed the key over without argument and stepped back. He opened the door, then stood aside so she could enter before him. Finn rose from his dog bed for the requisite ear scratches and love, before returning to his favorite spot. Three spins in a circle, and he was out cold again, with a big doggy sigh.
He set her key ring on the console and dipped his chin, studying her. “Sure you’re okay? I don’t mean to keep nagging you, but it seems like you aren’t feeling well. Or maybe like something’s weighing on your mind.”
“I feel fine, really. For a huge preggo, that is.”
“Well, okay.” He paused, hoping for more. “I guess I should go then.”
“Wait.” She flicked her tongue over her lips nervously. “Do you remember that night? At the hotel?”
“All too well.”
“Not that part. I mean, when I asked you to hold me?”
He nodded.
Looking as though she were garnering her courage, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her face against his chest. “I need that again,” she whispered.
He gladly embraced her. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure. I just don’t want you to leave.”
“Aw, Erin—”
“Please?” She tipped her face up and rained small kisses on his lips. “I don’t want to be here alone, no offense to Finn.”
He didn’t want to leave, either. Ever. Still, he had to be sure she was saying what he hoped she was saying. “I could call Cagney for you. Or Lexy.”
“No.” She paused, her rapid pulse visible in the side of her neck. “What I meant was, I don’t want to be here alone without you. If you need to go get Boomer and Thug and bring them—”
“They’re fine.”
“Then—?”
“What are we doing?” he whispered, smoothing the backs of his fingers down her silky soft cheek.
“I don’t know. I don’t know yet. I just want you to hold me. I want to fall asleep in your arms. If that’s okay with you.”
“Sweet girl, it’s more than okay.”
He swore he could feel the tension drain out of her. “Good. Thank you.”
“When are you going to stop thanking me?”
“When I stop feeling indebted. And guilty.”
He threaded his fingers into the sides of her hair, then leaned in and kissed her. Gently at first, deeper when he felt her response, the vibrations of her moan against his face. After several long minutes of sensual exploration, he pulled back. “You’re driving the bus on this crazy trip, Erin. If you need me, say the word.”
“Okay, I need you,” she said, in a bereft whisper. “But, God, if you only knew. I don’t deserve you.”
“That,” he said, guiding her toward her bedroom, “is where we’ll have to agree to disagree. Now, let’s get you ready for bed. You need your rest.”
She stiffened. “Wait. I can do it.”
“Erin,” he said lightly, “I wasn’t suggesting that I tear your clothes off. I’m well aware that’s not what this is about.”
She exhaled. “Okay. Sorry. I’m just a little on edge.” She paused at the bedroom door, clasping the jamb with one hand. “I’ll be a minute.”
“Take your time.” He held her chin with two gentle fingers, leaning in to nip at her luscious lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Swear?” she whispered.
“I am absolutely here for you. And that’s a promise.”
Chapter 11
She and Nate fell into the habit of spending their nights together at her house or his. They held each other as they drifted off, kissed some. Nothing more than that and, unfortunately, no in-depth conversations.
Her wall, it seemed, remained.
She was no closer to knocking it down.
A week prior to the dreaded Fourth of July fireworks show—something she and Nate never discussed—Chief Dresden called to inform Erin about an emergency meeting of the task force that had been called for that day. She had two hours to get ready. Granted, she and Nate avoided the whole fireworks issue by tacit agreement, but it still seemed odd he hadn’t mentioned it before he’d left that morning. She supposed it could’ve been a surprise to him, too. In any case, her curiosity was piqued.
She showered quickly, dressed in her borrowed Class-A maternity uniform, then headed to the city building. After entering the conference room, she slid into the seat next to Brody, jostling her shoulder against his as a hello.
He smiled at her. “Hey, you.”
“What’s with the emergency task force meeting?” she whispered.
“Your guess is as good as mine. I just got word a couple hours ago.”
“Same here.”
He lifted his chin toward the man who stood at the front of the room, readying his equipment as they awaited the arrival of everyone else. “Nate didn’t mention anything?”
“Nope.” She shook her head in feigned annoyance, then leaned in to rasp, “I’m having a kid with the guy, and I don’t even get insider info. How jacked up is that?”
“Having a baby with him doesn’t merit insider info.” He held up a finger. “Now, having hot, sweaty jungle sex with him? Whole different story.”
“Do not make me kill you.”
“Kidding! Only kidding.” Brody smirked. “I don’t know why we’re here. Maybe the city manager got a brain and realized risking a wildfire was the quickest, surest way to lose his seat during the next election.”
Erin huffed. “Yeah, sure. And maybe I’m pregnant with a litter of puppies.”
“Cool, can I have the runt? Hope would dig a playmate,” he said, referring to the puppy he’d bought for Faith when he proposed.
She pierced him with a withering stare. “How does your wife even tolerate you, Austin?”
He waggled his eyebrows. “Mad skills. What more can I say?”
“Nothing.” She held up a hand and pretended disgust. “News flash—you shouldn’t mention sex to a ready-to-pop pregnant woman, and you’ve done it twice now in a matter of two minutes. For that matter, you should never mention it to your wife’s best friend.”
“You started it. Besides, how do you know I was referring to sex, Assumption Queen?”
“Duh. You’re a guy, aren’t you?”
“Good point.” He grinned shamelessly.
Their banter ceased as the mayor and city manager walked in, greeted Nate, nodded to the rest of them and took their seats. They looked as expectant as everyone else on the committee.
Now her curiosity really kicked up a notch. If they hadn’t called the meeting…
“Thanks for taking time out of your busy days, everyone,” Nate began. “You’re probably wondering what this is all about, so let’s get to it.” He glanced at the secretary. “Polly?”
Nate had known about the meeting, Erin marveled. And he hadn’t said word one. She didn’t know how to feel about that.
Polly doused the lights. The projection screen eased its way down from the ceiling. As it descended, Nate continued.
“At my request, my researchers conducted an in-depth analysis of the fire danger this year, and we’ve concluded that a live fireworks show would pose too great a risk to the dry forest, not to mention the town proper.” He paused. “Folks, bottom line is, it’s simply not worth it.”
Hushed exclamations of surprise rose from the darkness. Stunned but thrilled, Erin glanced around at the shadows of the other people in the room.
A silvery light hit the screen, casting Nate in a magical glow. “Before all the questions I’m sure you have, I’d like to assure you that Walker Pyrotechnics has no intentions of abandoning Troublesome Gulch. As most of you know, I live here now.” He smiled. “I have a vested interest in the community.”
“Yeah, but what are we supposed to do?” Walt Hennessy asked, blustery as usual. “July Fourth is a week away. There’s no time to hire another pyrotechnics company this late in the game.”
“That’s what I’m here to show you. Another option. All I ask is that you keep open minds.” Nate pointed a remote at his laptop. “In addition to traditional pyrotechnic events, Walker provides numerous alternative technologies, two of which could far surpass the excitement of a standard fireworks display. Not to mention, they’ll be a lot safer.”
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