by Ellie Hall
His heart hammered in his chest. He regretted what he’d said to her. Longed to be on the receiving end of her smile. Wishing to give her what she wanted. A family. And maybe what she needed. Love. His love. Or perhaps that was what he needed and wanted from her.
A gust lifted a bit of snow into the air before it settled down like glittering stars in the morning light. He loved her. He’d been the one to leave. Pain pricked in his chest. It was time to make things right.
He’d thought the winds of change had come, they were still on their way.
Chapter 13
Brynn
Brynn had always prided herself on being a problem solver. There was always a solution but for once she couldn’t think of one. Not for her and Owen or for his family.
If only she could have the kind of success in the relationship with him as the bake sale tent was having raising funds for the school. She’d spent the previous day, all day, baking pumpkin cinnamon rolls. There were over twelve dozen. And she’d just sold the last three to a sweet father-son-daughter trio. It made her heart ache for Harper and Owen. But maybe it wasn’t worth it. She didn’t believe in coincidences. She knew God had a plan. Perhaps it wasn’t for her to have a family.
The feeling of freedom, of falling for Owen was fleeting, a fantasy. She was destined to be alone.
As a group of high school-aged kids passed, two men stood in the thoroughfare of the Winter Festival. She blinked as another few people ambled by, temporarily blocking her view. She thought she’d seen a tall man with a ruggedly handsome appearance, square shoulders, chiseled jaw, and a bottom lip that was slightly bigger than the top. He’d stood beside another man, bearing a similar resemblance, only slightly taller and bigger all around.
She craned her head, trying to get a glimpse through the throngs of people. Sure enough, Owen stood there and parted ways with the other man.
“I’ll be right back,” she said to Phoebe who was helping with the booth. She dodged a few people and a girl being led by a team of sled dogs.
“Hi,” she said to Owen, nearly out of breath even though she’d only taken a few long strides.
“Hi.” His breath clouded in the air.
The other man had disappeared.
She lengthened her spine and swallowed back her trepidation. That was it. She and Phoebe had talked late into the night about everything. She’d always wanted a family but didn’t realize it would also be nice to have a sister. Phoebe, for all of her bold, silliness was an amazing listener and also gave some great advice.
“Owen, if you have a few minutes, there’s something, well, a few things I’d like to tell you.” She planted her feet in the snow, not caring that people were passing. It was now or never.
He nodded, letting her know it was okay to go on.
“I had things I wanted to say to John but wasn’t able to before I lost him. I understand if whatever we had won’t work. I won’t try to force it. But I don’t want there to be any masks or secrets. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was reaching out to your mother. I apologize for not asking you first.”
“Thank you. I understand that you were trying to be helpful. My mother and I had a talk. My brother and me too. I think things will work out.” His words were measured as though he accepted her apology, but was still hung up on something.
Did he know about Nadine? She had to tell him, as awkward as that was going to be.
She swallowed thickly. “I had a roommate in college. Her name was Nadine Bradford.”
Owen paled and staggered back slightly.
“I think she was your ex-wife.”
He nodded slowly as though the facts came to him slowly.
“We had a falling out. She wanted to move to Chicago after graduating for some guy she’d met one weekend at a concert. I thought it was a case of senior-itis since we only had about a month to go. I tried to stop her. It was crazy, but she was an adult. What could I do? After graduation, we fell out of touch. I ended up getting a job in the city and tried to find her. She wouldn’t answer my calls or return my messages. I thought maybe I’d done something wrong. We were best friends and I thought she’d turned her back on me.”
As though finally catching on, he said, “That sounds like Nadine.” He went on to say that she suffered from mental health problems, which explained some of her behavior. Again, his words were clipped, dry. Maybe he was shocked.
“I would’ve told you sooner, but I only made the connection when I saw the photo. I was afraid to tell you at first because it’s like I have family-friend-boyfriend-husband repellent... Everyone eventually leaves. My parents, Nadine, John.” The word you was on her lips but she didn’t want to believe that he was out of her life entirely.
His lips were parted and his face blank, but there was a ripple there as though a thought, feeling, or memory was fighting its way to the surface.
“I just thought you should know. I don’t expect to get a second chance, but I won’t keep anything from you again.”
“Right. Yeah.” A small line appeared between his eyebrows. “This is a surprise. I have to think things through. I have to take care of Harper. Can’t let anything get in the way of that.” He sounded robotic, dazed.
“What makes you think you have to do that yourself? What about my help, your mother, or anyone else?”
“It’s up to me, Brynn. I can’t trust—”
Her mouth dropped open. She understood his wariness, but a dart of anger shot through her. What she’d do to give anyone in her life a second chance? Anything. “I’m not so sure about that, Owen...” She trailed off. “You say that you can’t trust? I think that’s a kind of stubbornness. Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. But in the vulnerability, you allow other people to step in and love you. Just because you can do it alone or on your own doesn’t mean you have to. There are people here for you. I’m here for you. Don’t you want your daughter to grow up seeing how much you love her and also how much she is loved by a community of people? Not only that but when one person shows who they really are, it gives other people the courage to do the same. You helped me open up. I think I did the same for you...”
Owen remained silent whether in thought or dismissal she wasn’t sure.
A line of people gathered at the bake sale booth. “I should get back. I’m sorry, Owen. I hope you forgive me.” She felt her expression crumbling, melting, like snow. Falling away as she backed away, slowly, giving him the chance to change his mind.
But he didn’t move a muscle.
Brynn slipped the turkey headband on her head—Phoebe insisted she wear it for the turkey trot. She jogged in place for a minute to warm up. The morning was overcast, but it seemed like the clouds might part eventually.
“You ready? Let’s show everyone what two women in their thirties, who ate way too much ice cream the other day, are made of.” Phoebe pumped the air.
Since the one-sided talk with Owen at the winter festival, Brynn hadn’t been able to muster up much enthusiasm. The minute her feet hit the paved path, she intended to outrun her sadness. She was going to let it go and cross the finish line ready to return to Room Four on Monday with a smile. She may not ever have the family she’d always wanted, but she had her students and she’d only give them the best version of herself.
The organizers of the charity run said a few words, thanking everyone for coming out. “We also want to encourage you to stick around at the end of the race for a turkey-rific surprise.”
From the crowd, someone said, “If they give us turkey sandwiches, you’d better believe I’m going to take a nap.”
Phoebe punched the air a few times again. “Don’t hate me if I leave you in the dust, Powell.”
“Getting competitive?”
Phoebe smiled. “I just want to see that special surprise at the end.” She winked at the same time the starting whistle was blown by none other than her student Daisy.
Brynn waved as she passed.
She’d wanted to give it her all
but felt sluggish and the turkey headband kept dipping toward her eyes, pushing her hair into her face.
Soon, someone raced up beside her but didn’t pass. She pushed the headband back and a man in a turkey suit, complete with feathers and a felt waddle, turned in her direction.
“I might be wearing this silly costume—you can blame Harper—but I don’t want to hide anything from you. No more mask.”
Had there been anything to trip on, Brynn would have. But she couldn’t be mad at Owen because he looked so ridiculously adorable. Well, she could be a little bit upset. “I’ll only listen to you if you make your turkey sounds.”
He did as requested and had everyone around them not been so focused on running, they may have asked if he needed help.
“Brynn, I’ve been looking to find a new home for Harper. Instead, I found my way home, to you. You’re like a compass and a map. I’m sorry if you felt like you did something wrong. You’ve only done everything right. I was going through some old stuff—boxes that I hadn’t unpacked because when you were telling me about Nadine yesterday it was like I had a vague memory but couldn’t bring it into focus.”
She slowed her pace a little to let everything he was saying catch up to her and sink in.
“I found an old T-shirt that Nadine had given me to use as a rag. It said Need help? Ask her with an arrow pointing in one direction. I figured it was from a college orientation day or something. She told me that she’d made it because her roommate always had an answer and knew how to fix everything. She was always saying that I had to meet her college roommate. She would go on and on about how she was the best. That I’d love her.” Owen went quiet a moment as the other runners around them jostled and waved as they passed a crowd of people cheering them on.
Brynn’s face fell slack with surprise.
“I’m sorry that I walked away from you. The first time, at Thanksgiving, I was upset. The second time, at the Winter Festival, was because when you told me about Nadine, I was in shock. There won’t be a third time if forgive me. Please forgive me.”
Her heart swelled and her eyes filled but a smile grew on her lips.
“Listen, I know a thing or two about regrets. Like what you were saying about not being able to tell John everything.” He softened the words like he understood that it was about her not being able to conceive.
“I also know about secrets. I’ve been afraid to let you in. To get closer. I’ve wanted to focus on being a father but also didn’t want to risk hurting someone again. Being a cop is a hard life. I didn’t want to ask anyone to ever have to live with that again. Then when I found out about your husband, I told myself that was another reason it couldn’t work between us.”
They started up a hill.
“I realize this might have made you think or be afraid that I wouldn’t want you. That’s not true. You have and you are everything I want. Everything I need. We can be a family together, whatever that looks like. We could always adopt. Foster kids...”
She felt like stopping to truly process what he was saying but didn’t want to lose momentum.
They reached the top of the hill. The sweeping vista of the snow-capped mountains and valleys dotted with houses was beautiful, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Owen, afraid that if she did, he’d disappear, run away, leave her.
“I regret not letting you in. Not telling you more about myself. I love to sing in the shower. I snore. Someday I’d like to have a dog. I like spicy foods: hot sauce, salsa, chili. But I’m also a sucker for cinnamon pumpkin anything.” His turkey-costumed wing reached for Brynn’s hand. “But mostly, my biggest secret is that I love you.”
They paused as runners rushed past them. He took her hands, tucking their arms between them and drawing her close. His chest rose and fell from running. Her pulse pounded.
Their eyes met, held. “Brynn, you make me gobble and wobble, but I’m no turkey or chicken. I’m just going to say it. I want you in my life.” He leaned in and planted a kiss on her lips.
He lingered as though he was making a promise not to leave her again.
Tingles moved from her mouth to her chest to her belly. Then, as though the turkey feathers tickled her, that loving feeling lifted up inside of her, flying up, up, up as she returned the kiss. A promise to him to be brave.
Their knees bumped but they held each other up as the runners went by, some whistling and others hooting.
The reminder of where they were and what they were doing, sent his hand around hers and he pulled her forward as they returned to the race.
Side by side, Owen said, “I want you to be Harper’s mommy. She wants you to be her mommy. Every night, she prays for a mommy and by some grace of God, you dropped into our lives. You fell and were literally on your backside.”
Brynn laughed. “You helped me get back up.” She hoped he understood her meaning.
“You wanted a family. I want you to be part of ours. I want Harper, you, and me to be a family. And my mom too. Hopefully my brothers. I have some work to do.”
She drew a deep breath, pumping her legs as they continued to run. “I’m in, Owen. I am all in.” She squeezed his hand as they crossed the finish line.
A flurry of colorful chalk erupted in the air as people pelted them with pouches of bright and bold dust.
“The last two to cross the finish line get the color run special!” Through the pink, blue, orange, and yellow haze, Brynn spotted Harper and Judith, clapping and cheering.
A circle of people closed around them as the clouds dispersed.
Owen stood in the turkey suit and took her hands again. “I want to be with you, Brynn. We just finished this race. But I’d like to keep running by your side.” His grip tightened. “Will you be my running buddy, my teammate, my partner, my family, our family.” He nodded at Harper who stood nearby, smiling. “Will you be my wife?”
“I thought you didn’t want to get married again,” she said.
“I want to be your husband. I’ll do it for you.”
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” she said, bouncing on her toes as tears sprang to her eyes. Happy tears.
The sound of a guitar twanged and then drum and bass. A band played the country song from the Hawk and Whistle from the nearby stage.
Owen dropped one of her hands and looped his thumb through his imaginary belt loop. “Are you sure because if you say yes, you’re going to have to put up with us dancing every single Thanksgiving. Christmas too.”
“I think I can manage that,” she said as they shuffled to one side and then the other.
“It might be a big crowd. Harper and my mother of course, but also Tripp, Sadie, Dallen and Kayla, Blake and Cece. Maybe she’ll sing. Then there are birthdays, Independence Day, Memorial Day...most major holidays. Some minor ones too.”
“Doesn’t sound too bad. But I thought you had another brother.”
“Yeah, Rocky.”
“We’ll have to get him in on the fun.”
Owen shook his head. “Don’t count on it.”
“Not even for Christmas?” she asked.
Owen shook his head as they two-stepped. “No, but you can count on me... Now and always,” he said as he sent her gliding in a sweetheart spin only to return into his arms where he dipped her back and kissed her again. “I love you, Brynn.”
“I love you, Owen.”
Her heart lifted, shimmied, did the two-step...the Hawkins Hop.
Wondering about Rocky, the brother living on the mountain and the woman who tames his wild ways? Read an excerpt from Book 5 in the Rich & Rugged series Christmas with a Mountain Man.
Chapter 1
Frankie
Frankie locked the door to Mangia Bella for the last time. The restaurant had been her baby, her pride and joy, a culinary hub. She’d lost it to a bad building owner who’d written a loophole into her lease. She wasn’t able to find a new suitable space—and she’d looked. Her patrons, employees, her family—everyone had tried to help her land a new spot, but proper
ty in New York City was at a premium and location meant everything.
The jingle of bells and the sound of Christmas carols came from a nearby shop as the door opened and closed. She wasn’t feeling festive. In fact, she felt as green as the Grinch. She’d told herself not to let the situation get her down. But she was not feeling the comfort and joy the song playing professed.
She still gripped the doorknob as though unwilling to let go of her dream. Not just her dream, but her livelihood, along with everyone else who’d relied on her for employment. She’d pulled favors with every other restauranteur and chef in the five boroughs—Isabella and Bruno from Il Bacio were especially generous, knowing a thing or two about loss. Frankie managed to get her former waitstaff, cooks, and bussers interviews, but she still felt like she’d let everyone down. She’d let herself down. If anything, Frankie was tenacious, but as her fingers stiffened around the cold knob on the chilly December morning, her shoulders dropped. Her drive and her passion was inside those four walls and she had to return the key.
A guy with a breakfast sandwich in one hand elbowed her aside and rattled the doorknob. “I’m here with Ace Construction. You the manager of the new restaurant movin’ in?” he asked around a mouthful.
Frankie shook her head. She was the old owner and shuffled away, feeling the weight of disappointment pressing against her.
Crossing the busy street, she climbed the stairs to the property management company. The landlord hadn’t managed the eviction himself but had hired a third party to do his dirty work.
Her parents were back in Italy and she’d begged her brothers not to tell them—not yet. They’d worked hard their entire lives and finally had some peace. She didn’t want to disappoint or, as was more likely the case, worry them. She was their bambina—their little girl and the youngest of seven. If they caught wind, they’d be on a flight back to Manhattan, fretting and threatening to break someone’s knees. Not really. They were both originally from Italy but had moved to the United States before they had children. After settling in New York, they quickly became aware of the stereotypes surrounding the Italian mafia. Her father was as gentle as they came—at least after getting to know him. Her mother was fiery—probably where Frankie got her passionate personality.