“What?” The question jolts me in surprise. “Did you just suggest we have anal sex?”
He laughs and bends down, brushing his warm lips across my forehead. “I’ll take that as a no.” He rubs his hand over his chin thoughtfully. “An anal virgin. Interesting.”
I can feel my cheeks warm at the implication. I’ve heard Lauren talk about it before but not once have I ever done it. To be honest, the idea frightens me and I clench my behind at the mere suggestion.
“It’s okay,” he says. “We can just fuck the regular way or I could come in your mouth. Which would you prefer?”
“Which would I prefer?” As I think about his question he runs his hand through my long hair and tangles his fingers in it, bending down to breathe me in. “I’d prefer that you got dressed so my friend won’t catch us naked.”
He leans me down on my back and begins to kiss down my neck. The tingle of his lips on my flesh is weakening my resolve and he knows it. “You don’t want to fuck me right now?”
There are no right answers to this question. Of course I want to have sex with him. The way he makes my body respond with his touch is everything I’ve ever wanted. He’s skilled and knows how to turn me on with his words and his fingers. Already my body is aching with need. “I do, but Lauren will be here any minute.”
“You want her to join us?”
“What?” I jolt upright. “Are you serious?”
He’s grinning and I can see the twinkle in his eyes at my reaction. “Of course I’m not,” he says. “You should have seen your face.”
“Ethan, that’s not fair.” I can’t help but find it funny even though a few seconds ago I was horrified that he was suggesting something I’d never do. Even Lauren has said that she won’t try group sex as she doesn’t want to share the person she’s with, and she’s the most outrageous person I know. Although her refusal probably has more to do with wanting to be the one to get all the attention rather than mine which is that I can’t separate sex with my feelings for someone even though I wish I could.
His hand finds its way under my top and I moan softly as his fingertips graze my nipple making them harden. His mouth capture mine again as his tongue parts my lips. My legs have a mind of their own and they wrap around Ethan’s waist before I can protest again. It’s clear my body wants one thing even though my mind is making excuses.
“Are you wet?” Ethan pushes down my underwear and his fingers brush against my folds. I whimper under his touch and can only nod as his finger enters me. “It makes me crazy that you can get so fucking hot for me, so quickly.”
It’s true. I never got aroused this fast with Danny, not even the first few times when everything was still new. It always took a lot of foreplay before I could find myself aroused enough to take him.
With Ethan it’s different - it’s what it should be in a good relationship. I want him almost as soon as he suggests it, sometimes before he suggests it. Sometimes it’s all I think about.
I moan and let myself relax as I succumb to his touch telling myself Lauren is always late anyway as Ethan’s lips make their way down my stomach and my clothes are peeled away from my body.
~
It was as amazing as it always is. Ethan skillfully bought me to orgasm first before following with his own. As I lay spent and deliriously happy, I wonder if this is how it’s always going to be between us. Taking turns to make love in either my room or his. Or perhaps everywhere in the apartment like we’ve done before. I wonder how long it can last without something else interfering.
Maybe nothing will. I know I’m probably kidding myself but perhaps Lili will never return and Ethan will forget about his past. It’s evening and she hasn’t showed. Maybe our relationship will get stronger and stronger until one day he feels close enough to me to let me into his heart.
I already know I’ve fallen for him. I’ve fallen hard and fast and while I know it’s risky to feel this way with him, I can’t help what my heart wants.
Besides if it doesn’t work out, I’ve been through a hard break up before. I’m strong enough to cope with whatever happens and that includes getting my heart broken again. It’s funny that I should be thankful for Danny for giving me that strength now.
Not that I can think about breaking up with Ethan so soon. Who knows, it might all work out and we might live happily ever after. It’s not impossible.
Before I can contemplate it further the doorbell rings. I sit upright and scramble to find my clothes and get dressed so I can let Lauren inside to meet Ethan.
Chapter 14
My heart sinks as I open the door expecting to see Lauren there. I don’t. It’s almost no surprise that Lili is standing there instead. What is a surprise however is the black eye that she is sporting, the dark bloody gash on her arm where it looks like she’s been cut with a knife, and the limp she has as she leans to the side as she holds onto the door frame.
“Oh my god.” I rush over to help her inside. I may not like her, but I’m not cruel enough to leave her standing there when she’s obviously hurt. “What happened?”
Ethan stands back as I help her inside, the raw rage on his face evident. “He did this, didn’t he?” His voice is strained and he almost spits out the words.
“Who?” I ask. “Who did this?”
Lili nods to Ethan, as I help her to the couch. “Thought I’d try and get the money myself. Didn’t work. The bastard recognized me.”
“You shouldn’t have gone Lili.”
She glares up at him. “That’s right. I shouldn’t have gone. You should have.”
“This is about the money? The ten thousand dollars?” I’m trying to keep up with the conversation even though I only know part of it.
Lili raises an eyebrow. “You told her?” She whistles through the gap in her lips and looks in my direction. “You must really like her. Or maybe you don’t like her enough and you don’t care what happens to her.” She pulls her tongue over the corner of her lip, licking away the tiny droplet of blood that has appeared.
“Lili.” Ethan’s voice rises in a threat. “Keep Sarah out of this.”
“No,” I say defiantly. “Don’t keep me out of this. This is my apartment and that is my boyfriend.” I point to Ethan. “I have a right to know what is going on.”
Lili smiles. “Boyfriend, hey?” She looks over at Ethan who crosses his arms over his chest. I want him to defend me, to say that he is my boyfriend, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything.
I’m annoyed with him for not backing me up but I try and ignore it. He knows how I feel about him even if I don’t know how he feels about me. This isn’t the time to be needy and weak though, I walk into the kitchen and grab the first aid kit and an old towel from the hall closet, and walk back over to Lili.
She lets me dab the antiseptic solution onto her arm and barely winces even though I know it must sting. It’s not as deep as I first thought, she won’t need stitches. She will, however, need time to rest and heal. I just don’t want that to be in my apartment.
An awkward silence has settled over the room. The whole time I’m bandaging up her arm and attending to her injuries, neither Ethan nor Lili speak. That means it’s up to me to break the tension that is stewing between them. I don’t want to. I want someone else to do it. Where is Lauren when I need her?
“Can you go to the police?” I already know the answer to that question, but I’m at a loss as to what else to say.
“No,” says Ethan finally. “No she won’t go to the police.”
Lili smiles again. “I don’t need to, because your boyfriend is going to make everything alright again, aren’t you Ethan?”
He scowls at her. “I’ve already told you that I’m not doing it. We’ve been over this.”
Lili shifts on the couch and I try to move the towel with her so she won’t get blood on the fabric. “That was before. Are you really going to let him get away with what he did to me?” I can hear the surprise in her voice and it makes me wonder i
f she didn’t go over to this person’s place and want to get messed up, simply so she could have leverage over Ethan. I wouldn’t put it past her. She overestimated her worth to him. “If you don’t care about me, are you going to let him get away with what he did to Winona?”
“Don’t,” says Ethan sharply. “Don’t manipulate me, Lili.” His shoulders slump forward like a heavy weight is pulling him down toward the floor. All I want to do is run over to him and hold him, but I stay put.
I can tell she’s angry that her physical injuries weren’t enough to change his mind into helping her, but instead she looks over at me and tips her head to the side. “I’m disappointed in you, Ethan. What about your little girlfriend here?”
“What about me?” I wish they wouldn’t keep talking about me like I’m not here. “This has nothing to do with me.”
“It does now.”
Ethan stalks over to the couch and grabs Lili by the arm. She cries out as his fingers dig into her flesh. “What did you do?”
I step backwards. I’ve never seen him so angry and it frightens me.
“I had to get away,” she says. “I had to tell them about your current situation so they’d let me go.”
Ethan’s face turns red. “You told them about Sarah?”
I’m confused why telling them about me is bad. I don’t have anything to do with whatever is going on. Why would they care?
He lets go of Lili’s arm and throws it down onto the couch. She brings it close to her body and rubs away the red marks that he left. “Fuck, Lili, do you know what you’ve done?”
It’s clear she knows exactly what she’s done, even if I don’t. Ethan storms over to the table, grabs his motorcycle keys, and walks out of the door nearly knocking over Lauren who has finally showed up.
“Was that Ethan?” asks Lauren as she steps inside the apartment. She’s holding a bottle of rosé wine. “Where is he going?” She looks as confused as I feel.
“I don’t know,” I say. I don’t. How can I explain his actions when I have no idea what just happened.
Chapter 15
Everything is turning upside down and I want Ethan here to explain it all to me, but he’s gone. Instead I have Lauren watching me with her I-told-you-so eyes, and Lili looking pleased with herself on the couch.
I close the door slowly and take a breath to calm my racing pulse. I need a minute to digest it all. Ethan storming off. Lili injured. Lauren annoyed.
It’s clear that the night I had planned where I wanted my two favorite people to meet and have a good time isn’t going to happen¸ and that I’ll need to make the best of whatever evening is left. I look across at Lili and try not to frown. Instead I plaster a fake smile on my face and stand up tall ready to face the rest of the evening like my stomach isn’t churning in knots.
“He’s just fucking you for something to do,” Lili announces as she shifts her position to face me. Great, Ethan hasn’t even been gone five minutes and already Lili has taken it upon herself to be the biggest mean girl she can. “He doesn’t love you, if that’s what you think. You’re just a piece of ass for him.” I pause as I process her outburst. It seems out of place, especially since I have the advantage here having my friend for support and she has nothing except the venom of her words.
Besides, she’s wrong. Ethan does care about me. Whether he loves me, it’s too soon to know for sure, but this isn’t a casual fling for him, I know it isn’t. Knowing this means, I don’t have to get defensive and lower myself to her level. I need to keep a level head even though remaining cool is not my strong suit.
“If you were so sure that Ethan doesn’t care for me, then why did you mention me to the thug who beat you up? If I’m so insignificant in his life, then you wouldn’t have used me to get what you want. You know he likes me and it’s making you crazy.”
The smug expression that she had earlier melts away as the surprise that I’m not as easy to manipulate as she first thought hits home.
“Why are you really here, Lili?” I continue. “Why did you want Ethan to help you when you have a whole group of men that belong to your father’s club at your disposal? Ethan hasn’t been a part of that club for over five years, yet here you are causing trouble asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do. Something that could get him put right back in jail if it goes wrong. Why now? Are you jealous that he’s found someone? You don’t want him to be happy. Is that it?”
As much as I try and keep the questions in for the sake of peace, all my frustrations begin to bubble out as I throw accusations at her, not knowing if anything I’m saying is making sense. I know Ethan has no interest in her romantically, I can tell by the way he looks at her, but I don’t know her feelings for him. I can’t read her through the veil of control she’s built around herself. A veil that is understandable given the life she grew up in.
I glance across at Lauren who has moved into the kitchen and is leaning against the cupboards. She’s staying well away from the conversation although I can tell she’s amused by it, by the way she’s grinning at me. If Lili wasn’t able to see her, I’d almost expect Lauren to give me two thumbs up. I’m glad she’s here.
“You don’t know anything about me,” counters Lili. I swing my head back in her direction and notice that there is a slight tone change to her voice. I can tell that she didn’t expect me to question her motives and it’s unnerved her. Knowing this gives me an edge that I didn’t have before.
“You’re right, I don’t know you.” I soften my voice and walk over to the single armchair that butts up against the couch. “And you don’t know me.” I sit down and fold my hands into my lap. I’m not sure if this gesture of softness will help her open up, but I’m tired of being angry. I just want all the drama to end.
She glares at me and I can almost see her mind working overtime trying to think of something else to say that she knows will hurt me. Thankfully she doesn’t. I take that as a sign I’m making progress.
If I’m to salvage any semblance of calm I need to diffuse her anger.
“Lauren, this is Lili, Ethan’s friend.” I lift my hand to invite Lauren to come over which she does. I can see that she’s bursting to rush to my side and attack Lili for every mean thing she’s said and done but she’s supporting my decision to keep things civil.
“Lauren Miller.” Lauren extends her hand for Lili to shake and she moves to sit on the armrest of the chair I’m sitting on.
Lili glances down at her hand and then extends her uninjured arm carefully. “Liliana.” She doesn’t offer her surname which I can tell makes Lauren even more curious about her and more likely to find out as much about her as she can.
“Well, Liliana,” says Lauren. “I have a bottle of wine that needs to be drunk and it looks like it’s just the three of us. How about we all pretend to be friends for the next hour and make Sarah’s life a little easier by acting like adults instead of spoiled teenagers?”
I use all of my willpower not to grin.
Lily narrows her eyes and I can tell she’d rather be anywhere than here right now, but nods curtly. “Fine, I could do with numbing this pain. Bring the liquor over.”
Chapter 16
Since I’m not a big drinker I make sure to only have one glass of wine. Lauren has just one as well, which is restrained for her since she’s not as cautious as I am when it comes to drinking.
We both look at each other as Lili pours her fourth glass and then proceeds to lick the lip of the bottle to get the last drops left.
“Sweet, isn’t it?” asks Lauren, bemused. She raises an eyebrow as Lili brings the glass to her lips and gulps it down. I can’t tell whether she’s incredulous that Lili can drink this much so fast and still be coherent, or if she’s secretly making fun of her. Probably both.
I take the time to study Lili as she downs her drink. She’s not acting as if the alcohol is affecting her, or maybe that’s just because she’s so good at keeping her mask of control up. Who knows how long she’s had to do th
at in the past given growing up around thugs and criminals.
The swelling in her eye has settled, although the color has now turned dark purple with flecks of brown. It’ll take a couple of weeks for it to disappear altogether. I wonder if Lili is the type to display her bruises proudly or cover them with makeup. I suspect the former.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Lauren asks her. I had wondered when the questions would start up again. When Lauren poured the first drinks, Lili had been less than forthcoming about answering anything.
“Do you?” asks Lili in return. The way she deflects the question by asking another back means she’s going to remain tight lipped, even after what she’s consumed. I’ll need to change the subject before the conversation becomes heated again.
“I have a sister,” I offer. “Her name is Tessa. She’s studying to be a doctor.”
Lili offers me a sideways glance. “How nice for her.”
I ignore the sarcasm in her tone. “She’s two years older than me. We used to be close but I haven’t seen her in a while.”
“I don’t really give a fuck about your sister.” Lili looks back to Lauren. “You only bought one bottle?”
I press my lips together tight. I’ve already decided I’m not going to ask her to leave tonight, not while she’s in this state. Tomorrow, however, is another day.
“I could always get more,” offers Lauren. “What’s your favorite drink?” There’s a spark of mischief in her eyes.
“No. No more wine,” I say. Mean Lili is one thing. A drunken mean Lili is quite another and not one I want to experience. I stand up. “Lili, why don’t you go and rest in Ethan’s bed.” I offer her my hand to help her to his bedroom.
Hold On 2 Page 5