by Ava Walsh
He broke the kiss, but we remained connected, our foreheads touching. I could see right into his violet eyes. I could see the want and the need there.
“You don’t have to do anything-,” he started.
“I want to,” I interrupted. I was breathless. My heart was pounding. My face was flushed and hot but I wanted more. I had never been held like this. I had never felt so safe and protected. I wanted him. It was just that simple.
I had never wanted anyone else before. There had never been a man that had caught my eye. I thought I stayed away from men because I was worried I would lose them. But now I understood the real reason. I had been waiting for Detro. He was the man I belonged with. My heart and soul always knew.
I knew that I might lose him, but that only made our last moments together that much more precious. We didn’t have long. Every second was another second gone. I didn’t want to waste any of it.
I buried my hands in his hair. He sucked on my lower lip and I quivered in his arms. His kisses were passionate. He was consuming me and I let him. His hands were exploring up and down my body. He grabbed my hips, clutched at my thighs.
“Come with me,” he said. The fire was nearly dead, and in the darkness I took his hand and trusted him to lead me. We walked silently through the jungle towards his tent. He pushed the flap aside and I entered.
Nervousness overtook me once I was inside. I felt lightheaded and in the darkness I reached for him. His hands found mine in an instant. He pulled me closer and my fingers found the catches and buttons to his armor. Piece by piece I removed it, his breastplate, the guards on his arms and legs. When I was done, he stood shirtless in front of me in nothing more than a tight pair of shorts.
My shaky hand reached forward and I raked my fingers down his chest. He growled, but I didn’t let that stop me. My hand traveled farther down and he began to kiss my neck. His soft lips and tongue kissed and licked across my sensitive neck. I shuddered and grabbed his head as he held me even tighter.
“Yes,” I sighed, as he bit my neck.
He broke away from me and found the zipper on the front of my jumpsuit. He went slowly, kissing every inch of my newly exposed chest. He finished and the jumpsuit fell to the floor. A cool wind swept across my bare skin and I shuddered. He brought me close to him, pulling me to him and kissing me deeply.
We fell back onto the bed and he removed my bra. My breasts were exposed to the cold night air and I felt my nipples form tight peaks. Detro looked down at me and smiled and then, almost lazily, with the tip of his finger, he encircled the tip of my breast. His touch was light and teasing and it wasn’t long before I was moaning for more.
He leaned down and kissed the sensitive space between my breasts. He moved to one, taking my nipple between his teeth and flicking it with his tongue. I arched my back and clung to his strong shoulders, straining for his touch.
He moved between my legs and I brought my legs up on either side of him. He ran his hands up and down my body, squeezing my breasts gently before moving on. His touch lit a fire inside of me, a fire I had never experienced before. I wanted this. I wanted more.
I sat up and pulled him towards me and then down onto the bed. He lay on his back and I straddled him. We weren’t naked yet, but I could feel how hard he was. I moved my body against him and he closed his eyes and let out a low grown. I kissed his smooth chest and his hands curled into my hair.
“I want you, Mereen,” he whispered. “I would do anything for you.”
I found his lips and kissed him deeply as I continued to rock my body against his. He scraped his teeth along my neck and growled, and then he reached down and his hands found the waistband of my panties. Suddenly, he was flipping me over. He slipped the thin cloth down my hips, over my knees and past my ankles, before tossing them on the floor.
He leaned forward and kissed me as his hand moved between my legs. I took a gasping breath as I felt his fingers slide inside of me. He began to move his fingers in a slow rhythm and a bolt of pleasure shot through my body. He chuckled at that and then his hand focused on that place.
“Oh...yes,” I arched my back as he touched that place inside of me that was made of fire. Pleasure flooded my body. I could feel it from my head to my fingertips and all the way to my toes. It was like warmth and electricity all at the same time.
He kissed my breasts as his fingers continued to spin. I whispered for him to keep going, crying out in pleasure with every other breath. My eyes were closed; I couldn't tell up from down. I forgot where I was and who he was. All that mattered was that he never, ever stop.
He pulled his hand away and I cried out. He kissed me and then got up, pulled his own shorts down and stepped out of them, and climbed back into the bed.
“Come here,” he whispered, grabbing my hand. I sat up and kissed his bare shoulder and then looked into his violet eyes. He kissed me once, gently, and then turned me around. I was on my hands and knees as he positioned himself behind me.
His hands ran up and down my back as he slowly entered me. I was already wet. I let out a long, shuddering sigh as my body adjusted to his size. He began to move, slowly, back and forth. Then he was leaning forward and his fingers were touching me again. His fingers and body worked in a perfect rhythm that seemed designed to drive me mad.
“Yes. Please. Yes. Don’t stop.” I didn’t know what I was saying. My body was out of my control. I was pushing back against him, moving with him as the pleasure in my body grew. It was too much. It felt too good. I couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing in my life had ever been like this.
I cried out his name as he sped up. The pleasure inside of me was like a wave. It was growing and growing, and soon it would crash over me. I didn’t know if I could handle it. It felt like too much. But there was no way I could stop. I didn't want to stop.
My fingers curled into fists and then, suddenly, it was too much. My entire body tensed and then I was screaming out the word ‘yes’ as my body convulsed around him. My every nerve tingled, my every muscle seized. My entire body rocked with pleasure and I could feel it was the same for Detro. Finally, with deep heavy breaths, I came back down to X29.
We fell down onto the bed. His arms wrapped around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“What happens now?” I asked him.
“We will have some time,” he explained. “The commanders will have to call a tribunal and the tribunal will decide.”
“Maybe they’ll agree with you,” I said.
He shook his head and kissed my shoulder. “No, they won’t. But don’t worry. I won’t be taken by them. I will have my own plans, for me and for you. No harm will come to you and I will not go to re-education.”
“Then where will you go?” I asked.
“It’s best if you don’t know,” he said. “But I will not leave you all alone. I promise you that.”
Chapter Nine
I slept in his arms. The sounds of the jungle lulled me to sleep, but when the morning came we were forced to face reality. He helped me clean up and pack the camp. He carried the heavier items and I only had to lift blankets and pillows. It was a strange thing to see a Goseb lifting and carrying more than a human, but it was Detro, so it made sense.
By the time we got back to the ship we learned that a tribunal had already been called to discipline Detro. He would be expected to present himself in front of them and make his case. The ship was abuzz with the news. Thankfully, no one knew I was the reason, but no one was happy that he was leaving.
We spent as much time together as we could without getting caught. Every time I brought him a meal he would grab me and pull me into his bed. There seemed no end to the pleasures we could share. We made love on every spare inch of his quarters in every position. I found heights of ecstasy that I could never have even imagined. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, to be held in his arms.
We couldn’t spend the night together, because people would notice and talk. Detro’s main concern wasn’t himself
or his upcoming tribunal. It was me. He didn’t want there to be any gossip about our relationship. Neither of us had said anything to anyone and, as far as we knew, no one else knew.
The time passed so quickly. I resented every moment I wasn’t with him. I hated the Gosebs in a way I had never hated them before. It wasn’t just Detro’s tribunal. It was everything the Gosebs had ever done to me and my people. I hated that they enslaved us, that they forced us to work, that we had no rights, no possessions, nothing that was our own.
At night, when I lay alone in my small cot in the crowded human quarters, I imagined myself a warrior crusader. I would be strong and fast and a great fighter. No one would be able to touch me. I would march into the Goseb command center and rip every last one of them apart, piece by piece. I imagined myself leading an army of humans across the Goseb territories and defeating every last one of them.
In my dreams, I was powerful and strong. Nothing could stop me. I was impervious to weapons. I was stronger than all the Goseb warriors. In my dreams, I could be everything I wasn’t in real life. I was in control. I was powerful. It was nothing compared to my real life, where I had no control over anything.
I wept the day he left. I tried to keep myself together. I tried to be strong for him. But I just couldn’t. His room had been packed up. Only the empty bed and desk remained. I set his basda out for him as the tears poured down my face.
“Hush, Mereen, hush,” he said, as he pulled me against his chest and ran his bare hand through my hair.
“Let’s run away,” I said, pulling back and looking up into his eyes. “Let’s run away. We can find The Sanctuary together.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head.
He still wouldn’t tell me what his plans were. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust me. It was the Gosebs he didn’t trust. I would never last under their questioning.
“Do you trust me?” he asked, tilting my chin up so I was looking at him.
“With my life,” I answered.
“Are you prepared to go to the planet side?” he asked me.
I nodded. He and I had decided that would be for the best. I could blend in down on the planet and Detro still had soldiers down there loyal to him. I would get a new name, a new chip. I would be a new person, just another prisoner working on the colony.
He took my by the shoulders and looked into my eyes. “I’m coming back,” he said. “I am not abandoning you on this planet. I will come back.”
I nodded and blinked back tears.
“Promise me you won’t do anything foolish or impatient. Promise me you’ll wait.”
“I promise,” I said. We kissed then. My tears transferred from my face to his. His hands were on my neck and then my back. I held onto him, refusing to let him go. Finally, he pulled my arms from around his waist and kissed my forehead.
“It will be alright, Mereen. I love you and I will come back for you.”
“I love you and I’ll wait,” I said, looking up into his eyes.
From there I was taken straight down to the planet. Tears were so thick in my eyes that I couldn’t see anything in front of me. My first glimpse of the camp was nothing but the color orange swimming in my tears. When I finally managed to wipe them clean I saw the flat, orange landscape, the long lines of white tents.
I only did two shifts in the laundry before I realized they had everything needed to make alcohol. I brokered a deal with Marge and, after that, I started making alcohol full time. At first, I expected Detro every moment of every day. My eyes were constantly scanning the horizon, looking for his ship. Every time there was a noise in the night, I would rise, thinking that Detro had come for me.
Days turned into weeks. Detro’s kindness and accommodations were swept away and replaced with brutality, sickness and hunger. The people around me mourned the loss of Detro. They openly asked about him and wondered where he was.
I kept my head down. I went to work, ate my rations. Every day was like the one before it. My skin was dry, it was always hot, there was always sand and dirt everywhere. At night, I dreamt about Detro. I dreamt that he had been captured, tortured, killed. In those dreams, he never came back for me. I died a miserable, old, dried-out husk of a woman.
Then I started to feel sick and tired, all of the time. I was constantly nauseous and my breasts became tender and sore and began to grow. I wasn’t a fool. I had seen pregnant women and I knew what the signs were. I had been informed that the doctor was understanding and could be trusted. I began to buy the prenatal vitamins from him and he checked on my pregnancy.
The days and weeks passed and there was still no sign of Detro. I wondered what gender the baby would be. A beautiful little girl with dark Goseb hair. A bouncing boy with pale green skin and human eyes. Even here, in this camp, I smiled at the thought. A baby, half me, half Detro.
If only our entire lives had been different. If only we had been completely different people born in a completely different time and place. Then the baby would have been good news, but for us it would only be a danger. It would be a death sentence for me and the baby inside of me. Detro would lose everything.
I kept it a secret, telling no one but the doctor, and even he didn’t know it was half-Goseb. I wished my mother was here. I was desperate for anyone to talk to. I wanted someone else who had been in my situation, but there was no one in my situation. I was alone, all alone, just trusting and hoping that Detro would come back for me.
Think of future bliss, Detro said. So that was what I did. At night, I closed my eyes and imagined The Sanctuary. Humans and Gosebs living side by side. I imagined sitting on a wide green lawn with Detro. Our baby ran around in front of us, jumping and laughing under the sun. We could be free there. We could be together without fear of reprisal. I would be free there. I would be my own person. I would answer to no one.
Chapter Ten
I stayed on the planet, whiling away the days, wondering where Detro was. I spent the day in my small closet in the laundry. It seemed that overnight my pregnancy had blossomed. I could feel a definite swell now. In the small closet I unzipped my jumpsuit and looked down my body.
My breasts were larger than they ever had been. My already large hips looked even bigger. But even more noticeable was my belly. Always soft and round, now there was a clear protrusion. I ran my hands over my own warm skin. I wondered if the baby could feel me. Did he or she know who I was yet? Would this little baby ever get to know Detro?
At least the nausea had passed for the most part, and the tiredness. But that had all been manageable. What would come next would be even worse. I would only get bigger from here on out. My feet and ankles would swell, my back would ache. It would be hard to hide, but easier down here on the ground than it would have been on the ship.
I wrapped myself up and stood in front of a glass cabinet where I could vaguely see my reflection. I zipped my jumpsuit back up and turned to the side, but still it was impossible to see that I was pregnant. Hopefully, I could hide it a little longer. Detro would come back for me. He had promised, and I had promised to wait for him. I needed to keep my end of the promise. I and this little thing inside me would wait for Detro. He would come.
I moved slowly back to my tent. It was one of the few pleasant nights at the camp. The larger sun had gone down and a chill wind was pushing through the camp. I could almost detect the scent of something in the air. A spice or a sweetness I had never smelled before. I wondered what else was on this inhospitable little rock. We only lived here in this little section. In another life, this planet could have been teaming with civilization. But the Gosebs were only interested in what they could get from it, not what they could build on it.
I found my way back to my tent, closing the flaps once I was inside. I didn’t bother lighting any lamps. There was nothing to light. Instead, I lay back on my bed and stared up at the shadows of my tent. They seemed to shift and change in front of my eyes. One was a tall tree with many branches, then the wind blew and the shapes rearr
anged and appeared again as a wolf with its teeth bared.
I drifted off to sleep. If I had any dreams, I didn’t remember them. I was woken by a hand pressed against my face. I opened my eyes with a start, but in the darkness I could only see the shadow of a man standing above me. I struggled as the man’s face came down, but then I heard his voice.
“It’s alright, it’s me.” My eyes adjusted to the darkness. He had a simple cloth wrapped around his face and I watched as he pulled it down, revealing his face.
I grabbed at him and pulled at his clothes. His arms were around me, holding me up. Tears streamed down my face. At last. At last, he was here. He had come back. I tried to stop the tears. I had a thousand things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to kiss him.
He put his hands on my chin and smiled down at me.
“You’re back,” I said, my voice hitching with a sob.
“I told you I would be,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face.
“What happened?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “I’ll tell you when we’re on the ship. Right now we have to go.”
I nodded and stood up with him. Out of habit, I reached for my rucksack, but then I realized I didn’t need it anymore. I would never come back here. Tomorrow I would be missing, although whether I was dead or alive was still to be decided.
“Are you alright?” he asked me. “Are you hurt? Did anyone hurt you?”
I shook my head and he breathed a sigh of relief.
“We’re going to have to run. Can you run?”
I nodded and then he took my hand and pulled me out of the tent. We walked out into the darkened camp without a backward glance. Our shoes crunched on the rough stone ground of X29. We stayed out of the main pathways of the camp. Instead, we hugged the shadows of the tents themselves. Moving as silently as possible we made our zig-zag way through the camp towards the western wall.