“Selah is convinced you two are in love. I suspect she is right if Mairead is running to you for comfort in your chambers and you are giving it to her.”
Hamish rolled his eyes and dropped his foot to the floor. He leaned forward on his elbows. “Mairead runs to me for many things—answers, details of my plans, training—comfort is not one of them. And of all the things that would not bring her solace in the long run, marriage would rank high among them.”
Robert started to speak, but a hacking cough overcame him and it took a second for him to catch his breath. The entire time, Hamish’s expression had remained unchanged. “You don’t realize what is at stake.”
“I’m speaking fairly simply, Robert. I will not marry Mairead and I will not be forced to remain here. Can you look me in the eye and swear that you hold no desire, that you have no expectations, plans, or otherwise that I would stay?”
Robert’s brow furrowed. “I think you are afraid,” he said calmly, refusing to answer Hamish’s question. “Maybe it’s love that has you so scared that you cannot allow yourself to grab hold of a chance at happiness.”
“I’m afraid?” Hamish barked. His temper flared back to life and something dark came over him. “Don’t you dare accuse me of being afraid when it is you who walks the path of fear every day, Robert. I’m not the one who is afraid of people resisting being in one clan, afraid of confrontation, afraid to lead. You won’t even sleep in the solar, Robert! It is your right! It is a symbol of who you are to these people. Without it, they have no loyalty to you or this clan. People look to strength to guide them. Someone they can believe in. They don’t need someone to manage the clan, they need a laird. Maybe you need to ask yourself just what has you so afraid.”
Robert’s green eyes bore into Hamish’s. He was a hard man to anger, but inside he was seething.
Hamish knew his brother was mad, but he did not care. Robert brought him in his room to talk about Mairead and Hamish still had more to say. “As far as what I feel for Mairead, you might want to remember that I was once in love with your wife. And there is no denying all these years later that we would have been miserable together. I will not condemn Mairead to the wretched fate Selah escaped. I am giving her the same chance to find someone who can make her happy.”
Robert rose to his feet and shoved his anger to the side. He was not nearly as wide as Hamish, but he had the same height and wanted to look him in the eye. “Here’s the harsh truth, Hamish. You left, Father died, and I was the one who kept this clan together. I helped it to grow by giving the people what they wanted. I was here when they needed me. And I am still here. I was not and am not running away, afraid.”
Hamish glowered and Robert suspected he was in danger of being punched. But he did not back down. “And aye, I am pushing you to marry Mairead, but not because I want to use it as a noose to keep you here. I am doing it for the same reason you are refusing. I am trying to save her, you ainmhide. Mairead needs your protection, not your sense of honor. Why do you think I created the situation that compelled Ulrick to leave with every good soldier we have? To get you here. For you to see for yourself that Mairead was in trouble and take her away. Because God knows, she is as stubborn as you and would refuse any other way.”
Hamish stood completely still for at least a moment, digesting what Robert just said. He believed his brother . . . and yet he did not. “You expect me to believe you arranged everything so that I would come back, get ensnared in a situation, and be forced into agreeing to marry? If you did, you far outshine the McTiernays when it comes to strategy.”
“Of course not. I wanted you to come and do what you originally agreed and send Ulrick away. But like Mairead, I had thought you would be bringing men and that perhaps one of them might have appreciated her enough to want to stay. But I also knew that even if neither happened, it would not take you long to realize that Mairead was scared and needed to be taken from Foinaven. You both falling in love was not planned, but it was welcomed. And given the way you both feel, you must be the one to marry her.”
Hamish’s jaw twitched. “No, what I need are answers. Mairead doesn’t need me to marry her. She needs me to know the name of the man she is so afraid of.”
Robert sighed and sank back down into his chair. “Can you not guess?”
“I asked her if it was Ulrick and she denied him ever harming her.”
Robert shook his head. “Ulrick’s ultimate desire is not Foinaven or this clan. It’s Mairead.” Hamish stared at his brother unblinking. But he could feel his heart begin to beat harder and faster. “Ulrick has wanted her since he first saw her and her rebuffs only stoked his obsession. Mairead doesn’t know I am aware of this, but he threatened her at Epiphany. They are to marry when he returns and if she refuses, then he will find an unpleasant way to make her change her mind. Those were his words.”
“Mo chreach-sa a thàinig.” Everything now made sense. “Mairead had wanted to know if I was going to kill him,” Hamish muttered.
“Now do you understand why you must marry her? It is the only way she will know—that Selah and I will know—that she is safe as long as Ulrick is alive.”
Hamish looked his brother in the eye. “If Ulrick touches her, I will take his life and I will do it slowly.”
Robert gulped. He did not think that was necessary. Ulrick just needed to accept that Mairead would never be his. “But what if he agrees to leave Foinaven? We need to talk with him. Explain to him the situation. For to kill without provocation . . . that’s murder. Once he is gone we can figure something out long-term to protect Mairead.” Hamish’s right eyelid flickered. “What are you going to do?”
Hamish scowled. “I don’t know,” he said simply, and then left.
Chapter Twelve
Mairead pulled her fur blanket tighter around her shoulders and adjusted her position on the sloped granite outcropping. The morning air was warmer than what it had been the past couple of days, but the clouds overhead and the even darker ones on the horizon hinted that by mid to late afternoon, the icy rain would once again be upon them.
The gooey sounds of footsteps on the soggy ground made her head snap around to see who was coming. A second later Hamish came into view.
Mairead waited until he saw her sitting there. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
Hamish studied Mairead for a moment. She was cold and had probably been sitting there for a while in an effort to catch him. He glanced at the river bank behind her and said, “I’m dirty and I want to bathe. We can talk when I get back to Foinaven.”
Mairead shook her head. “We need to talk now. Here. Where no one can hear or interrupt us.”
Hamish smiled, but there was no humor in it. “Then you will be speaking to my naked backside.”
Hamish sauntered over to a rock closer to the water and dropped a bag. He then unbuckled his belt, freeing it and his tartan. He laid them both on the small rock and then, without another word, he headed straight into the water, keeping his leine and raw leather shoes on. He strode quickly in without pausing, as if he were strolling into a pond heated by the summer sun. She knew he had to be freezing. “Is this bravado I’m witnessing or do you actually enjoy icy water?”
Hamish did not answer. He was waist deep and dropped himself down into the cold depths until his head was submerged. He hated the cold and wading slowly in only prolonged the agony of washing in a river this time of year. The only reason he even bathed was because he hated the feel of grime on skin and mud between his toes. How Craig McTiernay had loved to tease him about it, but Hamish had not cared. Especially since he knew they enjoyed being clean almost as much as he did.
Under the water, he brusquely rubbed his scalp and then stood up. Quickly he removed his dirty leine, wrung out as much of the grime as he could, and tossed the shirt onto the shore. When he did so, he caught her staring at him. “Like what you see?”
Mairead did not turn away. If Hamish thought he would intimidate her into shielding her eyes, he was hig
hly mistaken. They had shared a very intimate moment and if that did not make her unfit for marriage, then seeing Hamish unclothed would not either. “I do,” she finally answered, catching the shift in his jaw.
She had been staring at him not to prove a point, but mostly because she had wanted to see the rippled muscles she had only felt and envisioned in her mind. She was not disappointed.
The strength in Hamish’s upper arms and broad chest had been clearly noticeable under his leine, but this was the first she had seen of his stomach. It rippled as he moved, firing her blood and making her heart pound. There was not an ounce of fat on him anywhere.
Free of clothes and mud, Hamish sauntered back to shore. Mairead was still looking at him, but he noticed that her eyes were locked to his. She was cheeky, but only to a point. It was another aspect to her character that he liked. Marriage to her would never be dull and he was starting to find himself looking forward to it.
Mairead kept her focus on his face even as he leaned down and pulled out a clean leine from his bag. As he tugged it on, she decided to delay their conversation no longer. “I wanted to tell you some things that I should’ve said, meant to say, the other night. I came to your room to tell you them, but we got interrupted. So I’m here now because when you leave I don’t want to regret never having told you. I don’t want you to put me in that same category with all the other women you’ve ever cared for.”
Hamish grabbed his plaid off the rock. “Since meeting you, I’ve not been able to put you in any category of any woman I have ever known. I doubt that will ever change.”
Mairead could not help but smile. God, how she loved him. And though nothing would ever come of it, he deserved to know. “I love you, Hamish. I think I have for a while. Spending time with you has changed me and only for the better. I want to thank you for that.”
Hamish paused his efforts to pleat his tartan with frozen fingers and looked at her. She was earnest. She had not said it to gain a response from him in return, to secure information or even protect her from a scary future. She simply loved him. Him. Hamish MacBrieve. The man whom all women liked, but none wanted for their own. Mairead MacMhathain loved him. And the idea terrified him to his core for never had he felt more vulnerable.
Getting control over the onslaught of emotions, Hamish finished belting his plaid.
Hamish’s green eyes had held hers for a long time. It was as if he was searching her soul, seeking the truth. Only when he had looked away was she able to continue. “I am not telling you to tie you to me or create any guilt. I know that you soon will leave Foinaven, but I never wanted you to think that I was like the other women you have known. You need to believe that there is love out there for you. I fell in love with the real you and if I did, so can someone else.”
Hamish heard the trip in her voice at the end. Mairead did not like the idea of his being with another woman and he liked the idea far less. He knew there was no one out there for him. He had searched for too long to think that there was. Mairead was a miracle. She really was his aingeal. “From what you are saying, Selah has not told you of my decision.”
Mairead looked at the clasped hands in her lap and with a sneer said, “Oh, I heard. My sister was extremely eager to tell me about it last night. She was also quite upset when I made it clear that it did not matter what you had decided for I also had a choice in the matter. And I’ve made it.” She looked up and, catching his eye once more, said, “I will not marry a man in order to save myself from Ulrick. I doubt I will have a need, but just in case, I now have other ways to convince him to look elsewhere for a wife.” She patted her outer thigh where he knew the sgian dubh was hidden.
Hamish narrowed his gaze. “I’ll admit that you picked up the basics of using a knife quickly, but Ulrick is a seasoned warrior. That”—he gestured to her thigh—“is no protection. You have only one choice, Mairead. We will handfast tomorrow.”
Mairead stood up and squared her shoulders. “I will not. Marrying you is no doubt the best option I have to protect myself against Ulrick, but—and I hope you can understand this—I want more than just protection when I promise myself to someone. I don’t want to be locked to a man who married me out of pity or was forced into it by my family. Neither do I want to be with a man whose honor compelled him into agreement. Any one of these reasons would make me say no, and your rationale for marrying me involves all four. I am not someone you want as a wife and you made that very clear the other night.”
Alarm shot through Hamish. Mairead just admitted to loving him but was at the same time refusing to marry him. And he was the reason why. Hamish was not sure how to handle the situation, but he knew one thing. That he might have wanted to marry Mairead before, but now that he knew she loved him, there was nothing anyone—including Mairead and her stubborn pride—could do to stop it. “Then what do you plan to do?”
Mairead shrugged and gave a shake to her head. “I honestly do not know. I’ll probably look to find someone Ulrick would not want to tangle with. Maybe I’ll marry a Mackay. It would be better than . . .” She stopped speaking just in time.
“Than what, Mairead?” Hamish asked. His entire body racked with tension.
Than to tie myself to a man who did not love me, but Mairead could not say the words. Hearing Hamish admit out loud that what he felt for her was less than her own declared love would shatter the few pieces of her heart she had left.
Hamish’s eyes never left her and she knew he was waiting on an answer. “Than marry you and make us both miserable.”
Anguish ripped through him. He felt more pain than he had ever known in his life. He could feel it gnawing at his vitals, eating him alive. Losing Selah, finding out about Wyenda’s betrayal, being constantly overshadowed by McTiernays—they were nothing compared to the pain her words inflicted. “Then you leave me no choice. I’m leaving,” he bit out. “The whole reason Robert even brought me here was for us to meet and marry.”
“What! You can’t leave!”
Hamish’s jaw clenched. “Aye, I can. My reason for being here no longer exists.”
“But . . . but . . . but Foinaven, Robert, the clan, they need you!”
Hamish shook his head. “They need me no more than you do.”
“You’re wrong.”
Hamish walked over and grabbed her hand. “You are coming with me.”
Mairead stumbled after him. “But . . . but it is going to rain!” she yelped.
“Then you will get wet,” he snapped, and led her to where he had left his horse.
Without warning, he put his hands around her waist and plopped her down in front of his saddle. He then freed the reins and threw his leg over the horse and pulled himself up. Wrapping an arm around her middle, he pulled her back against him and he yanked his mount to head just where he had come from.
They were riding fast, but it was evident that Hamish knew the way by heart. Soon they were in the woods and she was ducking to avoid branches and limbs as they made their way to the valley. After almost an hour of riding in silence, they arrived at its edge.
Hamish gestured to the scene below. “Do not worry about your home, my brother, or even various clans that live under his protection. I have prepared so that they will be fine.”
Mairead slipped off the horse, her mouth gaping at the sight before her. She had not known what to expect. She had thought Hamish might be working some of the village boys that he had ridiculed in the great hall, and they were there—along with five to six dozen other men. Many she recognized. Like Amon, they had either left the guard or had been forced out by Ulrick. But she had not seen them since and had assumed they had left the area completely. But they were there. Training in preparation to face Ulrick when he returned.
* * *
Mairead stood there for some time, just watching everything. As soon as they arrived, Hamish left her without a word where she was and rode down to meet with some of the men.
He carried himself with a commanding air of self-confid
ence and all the men, even those older and highly skilled, listened as he spoke to them. Their faces radiated awe and respect. It was now clear what Hamish had been doing in the mornings. He had been out finding people of like minds, who were still willing to fight for Foinaven, for the safety of this community . . . but not for Robert. They were there because of Hamish. And when he left, she suspected so would they.
How she wished she could simply agree to Hamish’s marriage request. But she could not muster the will to change her mind. She loved him, even more so now after seeing all that he had been doing for her, his brother and her sister. But she would not tie him to her this way. She always wanted what her sister had with Robert—a deep, forever-binding type of love. And from the few conversations they had, Mairead knew that Hamish longed for the same, otherwise he would have wed some nice, willing girl long ago. He wanted to be loved. Well, so did she.
“So he finally told you his secret, did he?”
Mairead jumped and spun around. Two women were walking up to her.
“We saw you standing here when we brought food out to the men. We thought we would bring you some as well and join you for a bit,” Lynnea said with a smile.
Mairead returned it, glad to see Amon’s wife. She had not seen her since Amon and Ulrick had their row and split company. Her farm was fairly self-sufficient and had no need to exchange goods and food on market day. Mairead suddenly realized she had missed the older woman’s company.
Jeán pulled her into a quick embrace and then pointed to the group of men below as echoes of metal clashing reached them. “I know you had to suspect something like this.”
“I really didn’t,” Mairead denied. “I thought for a while that Hamish might be training some of the village boys, but never this,” she said, waving her hand out to the sight in front of them.
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