His words pierced through her. Clair couldn’t help but remember the road she’d been down before. She wanted to believe this was different, that he was different, but she couldn’t. Would he be similar to the last guy who claimed he loved her? Alex had yet to say he loved her, and she didn’t know if he would. She wanted to believe Alex felt as much for her as she was starting to feel for him, but didn’t know if it was her own delusions making her imagine everything. The negativity seeped through her, overwhelming her mind and she didn’t know what to believe. Tears welled up and slipped from her closed eyes, dropping into her hair. Quickly, she wiped the tears, hoping Alex wouldn’t see, but she was too late. He leaned over her, his face full of concern, and wiped her cheek.
“What’s wrong Clair? Did I hurt you?”
“No,” she said, sitting up. She pulled the sheet over her chest. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t…”
“A mistake? Really? Is that what you think? What the hell, Clair!” he said, his voice rising. “Are you serious right now?
“No, that’s not how I meant it. Getting this involved with someone again… I promised I wouldn’t let it happen. I’m sorry. I just can’t go through it again. It’s best if I just leave.” Clair looked down, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “It’s okay though. You got a good time out of it and you’re commitment free… and I don’t have to worry about getting my heart broken. It works out well for the both of us.”
“What? You think I just wanted a good time?” he asked, shocked.
“I’m sorry, but…”
“This isn’t a game to me, Clair. You’re just not some random girl and a quick fuck.”
She gasped, stunned at his words. Fat tears streamed down her face, knowing he was mad at her. Alex closed his eyes.
He looked at her, grabbing her hand from her lap. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… what we just shared, that was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I’ve never felt like that with anyone. Like I told you before, I have feelings for you and I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”
Alex pulled the sheet over his lap and scooted closer to Clair. He cupped her cheek in his hand and she leaned into it, feeling the warmth and comfort of his touch. “Tell me what happened. What did he do to make you so guarded and afraid to let people in?
“Are you sure you want to hear my sob story? I was pretty naive.”
“I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad.”
Clair nodded, taking a deep breath before she spoke. “It was over a year ago. One night, my roommate, Jessica, and I had gone out to a club to hear her boyfriend’s band play. That was the night I met Seth. He was different from anyone else I’d ever met. For one, he was only interested in me and not Jessica, which was nice for a change. That one night of hanging out turned into six months of dating. I saw him nearly every day during the week and sometimes on the weekends. Usually he left on Fridays and I wouldn’t see him again until the following Monday night.” Clair let out a dull laugh and shook her head, “Thinking back on it, I should have known. It seems so obvious now.”
“What happened?”
“We were out having dinner one night. He left to use the bathroom and while he was gone, his cell phone rang next to me on the table, so I answered it. The woman on the phone said she was his wife. When Seth came back to the table and saw me on his phone, it was pretty much the end of things.” Clair stared off in the distance. She felt Alex’s fingers drawing circles inside the palm of her hand.
“The bad part is, it wasn’t so much that he was married that hurt me,” she said softly, dropping her head. “I thought I was in love with him. I expected him to tell me that he was sorry and that he was leaving his wife, or that they were separated or divorced… something believable. But he didn’t. Instead, Seth said he never had any intentions of leaving his wife for me, especially since she was pregnant.” Clair closed her eyes, picturing Seth sitting in front of her, confessing to his lies. She knew she didn’t love him anymore, but the memory of his betrayal still hurt when she thought about what he did to her. Clair rubbed her eyes, feeling more tears welling up.
Alex gripped her hand, “Clair, you don’t have to do this. I’ve heard enough, I can see how badly he hurt you.”
“No it’s okay. It’s time I told someone.”
“What? You haven’t told anyone about this? What about your friend, Jessica?”
“No, I never got the chance. The night I found out about Seth, I took a taxi home. I couldn’t stand to be near him and refused to let him take me. I was devastated over it and Jessica wasn’t home. I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning to Jessica jumping on my bed, showing me her engagement ring.” Clair smiled, remembering the look on her face.
“I couldn’t tell her. She was just too happy and I didn’t want to bring her down and ruin her moment. A couple days later, she told me her fiancé wanted her to move in with him, which was great, but I had to either move out or start paying the full rent all by myself. I could hardly afford paying my half of the rent as it was, so I knew that wouldn’t work. And there was no way in hell I was moving back home. Jessica thought I was moving in with a relative, which was the easiest thing to tell her. I didn’t want her worrying over me. She was starting a new life.”
“You just walked away, didn’t you?” Alex asked.
“Yep, I packed my bag and just started walking. I was tired of caring about anyone or myself. It was the stupidest and hardest thing I’ve ever done, but at least I was by myself, with no one else to worry about. It took me six months to get here to Virginia with all the stops I made. I never stayed long anywhere. I didn’t plan on staying here either. But I guess everything happens for a reason, right? If I hadn’t gone through all of that, how would I have gotten the chance to meet you?”
“I don’t care how you got here,” he said, reaching for her face and kissing her on the forehead. “I’m just glad you’re here with me now.” Alex pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her neck. “Thank you for telling me your story,” he mumbled in her hair.
“You wanted me to take a chance, right? I’m trying.”
“That’s all I can ask for.”
Clair sighed when she saw the clock. God, it’s already ten, she thought. “I can’t believe it’s already so late. What time are you supposed to meet Stu in the morning?”
“He wants me at his place at five-thirty.”
Clair’s face fell. She didn’t want the night to be over already. “Oh, that’s early. You better take me home so you can get packed and plenty of rest before your long drive.” She slipped from the bed and crossed the room, collecting her clothing from the floor. Clair felt shy being naked in front of him, despite the fact that he just explored every inch of her bare body. She hurried to the bathroom.
After getting dressed, she found Alex sitting on the edge of the couch, his forearms resting on his knees. He wore sweatpants, although his chest was bare. He stared at the coffee table in front of him, not looking up when Clair sat beside him.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Are you still mad at me?”
Alex turned to her, “Mad? No, not at all. I mean, I’m not going to pretend what you said didn’t hurt. But from what you just told me, it really explains a lot. I understand now why you belittle yourself and why you’re scared to trust other people… to trust me.”
Clair scooted closer, her hip touching his, and leaned her forehead on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his back. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be. It’s like a reflex. I’ve had this wall up for so long… it’s going to take a while to knock it down. But I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I should have told someone… you, sooner what I went through with Seth. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
Alex turned and angled his body towards her, brushing the hair over her shoulder. He skimmed his finger down the side of her jaw, kissing her lips lightly. “Will you do me a favor?”
/> Clair nodded.
“Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s up to me to earn your trust and I’ll do whatever it takes… if you still want me around.”
“Yes, of course I do.”
He kissed her on the forehead. “Good. I was hoping you’d stay that.” Alex looked at his watched and sighed. “It’s getting late and I know you have to work tomorrow, so I better take you home.”
“I have an idea.” Clair said.
“What’s that?”
“Stay with me. Let me help you pack. I have to be in at six and you can drop me off early before you go to Stu’s. But that’s only if you want to. I just want to spend whatever time I can with you until you leave. If you say no, it’s okay.”
Alex grinned, “I’m already packed. You get the food and I’ll get my bags.”
It took them less than fifteen minutes to gather their things and go to Clair’s house. It was no surprise that Roz wasn’t home; she was probably with Stu. Clair changed into a tank top and shorts and reheated the Chinese food they were supposed to eat hours ago. After working a full shift that morning, making love to Alex, and talking about what happened to her with Seth, Clair felt exhausted. She wanted to lie down and rest but didn’t want to feel like she was wasting what little time she had left to spend with Alex.
He sat beside her on the couch with his eyes closed. Her own eyes were getting heavy and Clair knew she’d fall asleep any second. She grabbed his hand, “Come on, I need to lie down, I’m so tired.”
Clair pulled the covers back and lay down in the middle of the bed. Alex took his shirt off and climbed in beside her, bringing the covers up over them. Alex wrapped his arms around her waist. His skin was warm, and Clair snuggled up close to him, pulling him into her arms. He slid his hand under the back of her shirt, lightly fingering a random pattern across her back. His touch soothed her and she closed her eyes, relishing the comfort of being with him.
There was still a little voice in her head that kept telling her this wouldn’t work. That Alex will come to realize it was a mistake, she was a mistake. But she couldn’t let the doubt plague her mind anymore. Not now. She only needed to concentrate on what was in front of her - Alex.
Alex brushed the hair away from her face, tracing his finger down the side of her cheek and neck. “What are you thinking about?”
“Oh I don’t know, the future, what will happen while you’re gone.” Clair opened her eyes. The darkness of the room barely made his eyes visible but she knew he was watching her. “A lot can change in two weeks, you know?”
His hand stilled on the side of her face, his thumb caressing her cheek. “You’re right; a lot can change… but only if you let it.”
“I don’t want it to change.”
“I won’t let it,” he whispered.
Clair smiled. She was tired, but knew once she allowed herself to sleep, the time they had left would be over. “I’m not ready for this night to end. Don’t let me fall asleep.”
He pulled himself closer, so that his body was lying against hers and Clair weaved one leg between his. Pressing his lips to hers, he softly kissed her, as if each kiss were a treasure for his keeping. She slid her hand up his neck and ran her fingers through his wavy hair. Clair knew, as long as his lips were on hers, sleep would not find them tonight.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Alex
Pinned to the mattress, Alex couldn’t move. Clair’s legs tangled between his, and an arm was thrown across his shoulder. Her head rested on top of him and he slowly turned to read the alarm clock on her nightstand - four thirty-seven. Damn it, he thought, one hour and he’d be at Stu’s house with barely a couple of hours sleep. He lay there, combing his fingers through the ends of her hair, taking comfort in her soft breathing against his neck. It had only been a little over an hour since they fell asleep and Alex didn’t want to wake her. He could still feel the tingle in his lips from the hours they spent kissing and talking, content to be in each other’s arms until they both surrendered to sleep.
It was ironic that finally after being so dedicated to his work and proving to Stu how reliable he was, now would be the time he wanted him to “learn the business.” Alex hoped Stu wouldn’t be making it a habit of sending him out of town on a regular basis. If what he had with Clair continued, he wouldn’t be able to stay away from her for so long.
Alex gently rubbed the back of Clair’s head, “Clair, baby, we’ve got to get going.”
Clair stirred and buried her face into the crook of his neck. “No,” she mumbled.
“I know. Maybe Roz will let you leave early so you can come back and get some sleep.”
Clair turned her head to the side and traced her fingers over his chest. Even though her touch wasn’t meant to be sensual, it didn’t stop the desire that swept over him.
“Oh I don’t care about that, I’ve managed on less sleep,” she said. “It’s the getting up and getting dressed part. It feels like it’s over. Do you realize how long two weeks is?”
Alex clutched her roaming hand and she looked up. “Yes. It will be the longest two weeks of my life. But we’ll get through it. And it’s probably not a good idea to be touching me like that or we’re both going to be late.”
“Yeah, I know,” Clair huffed as she rolled out of Alex’s arms and stood. She walked to her dresser, and opened several drawers before finding what she needed. Clair changed in front of him and quickly put on a pair of jeans and simple green shirt. Sitting on the foot of the bed, she sighed heavily, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, cradling her face with her hands.
Alex stood up, pulling his pants on from the night before. He walked to the end of the bed and knelt down in front of Clair. When he pulled her hands away from her face, she was flushed, eyes red and glassy. She looked upset but was doing a good job of holding back her tears. Holding her hand between his, he rubbed the back of it with his thumb.
“Clair, it won’t be as bad as it feels. We’ll talk every night… whenever you have time and I’ll be back before you know it.”
She looked at their hands, “I know, it just sucks. Whenever things start going good, something happens… things change and something bad always happens.”
A tear quickly slid down her cheek and she tried to turn away before he saw it. Alex pulled her face toward him with the tip of his finger but she still wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“Look at me,” he said softly but firmly, while he wiped her cheek. “You’re right about one thing… it does suck. But when I get back, we’re going to take some time off work.”
That seemed to get her attention and she looked up. “Why is that?”
Alex grinned, “Because we’re spending those days in bed. I’m going to need to get reacquainted with every part of you and I plan on taking my time.”
“Oh,” Clair said, a little surprised. Her spirits lightened and she laughed. “Well, now you just made it worse! Now I’ve got to wait two weeks anticipating what you’re going to do to me. You’re trying to torture me on purpose, aren’t you?”
He looked over at the clock. Thirty more minutes to get Clair to work and meet Stu. Oh what the hell, he thought as he stood up and looked down at her. “That’s not torture, this is.”
She let out a shriek as Alex scooped her up and laid her back across the bed. He covered her body with his, cupping her face between both his hands. Before Clair could protest, he crushed his mouth to hers and kissed her hard. Clair’s muffled moan vibrated against his mouth, which only teased his own desires. Alex knew he didn’t have time to please her like he wanted. What he just started only caused him the same amount of torture when he forced himself to slow their growing kiss. He slid his right hand down her neck, while gently playing with her tongue, kissing her softly and long. When he moved back, he lightly pulled at Clair’s bottom lip with his own, and a high-pitched moan left her mouth. He traced small kisses across the bottom of her jaw and down her neck before whispering in her ear, “Now I
really have to stop because if I don’t, I might not have to worry about going to Pittsburgh after all. Stu will fire me. And that is the worst torture, because right now, I don’t even care if I get fired.”
Alex convinced himself that this had to wait. They would get too carried away and time would fly by. But Clair gripped his shoulders and placed the palms of her hands on his chest. She ran her fingers down his stomach and slipped the tips of them under the waistband of his pants. Lightly, she tickled the sensitive skin beyond his waist, making him groan. He shut his eyes at the intense sensation that settled deep inside. Her hand moved back to his neck and she grabbed his jaw between her fingers, forcing him to look at her.
“Right now,” she said, in a voice seductively arousing, “I don’t care how much time we have, or how mad Stu or Roz get. I’m not waiting two weeks for you to make love to me again, I want you now.”
Her gaze was intense, full of desire and Alex knew there was no way in hell he could tell her no. Not when his body told him how much he wanted her too. Without much thought to what he was doing, he unzipped her pants and pulled her jeans and panties down in one fast movement. She sat up and reached for him, his hands slipped up under her shirt and swiftly pulled it over her head. Alex kissed her neck while his hand worked behind her back to unlatch the hook to her bra. Clair reached for the button on his pants in an effort to pull them down, while Alex leaned to the side, quickly kicking them onto the floor.
Urgently, Alex grabbed the back of her head with a handful of hair and tilted it back, angling her mouth toward his. He pressed his chest against hers, kissing her hard, forcing his tongue deep into her mouth. His breathing increased as she roamed his body with her touch, sliding her hand up his arms, gripping them as they kissed.
Clair slid her hands up over his shoulders and down his back. She dug her fingers in his skin when he leaned over and cupped her breasts in each hand. Lowering his mouth to her nipple, he teased it with his tongue, nibbling at it with his teeth. She gasped and arched her back in response, pushing her body against him. Alex traced his hand down her stomach, finding the moist, sensitive area between her legs and slipped his fingers inside, plunging them deeply into her. Clair bent forward, breathing hard against his neck. She rocked her hips hard against his hand and Alex could feel she was ready for him. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her onto his lap. Holding each side of her waist, he moved into her easily. Clair gripped his shoulders, looking at him with wide, bright eyes. She exhaled hard against his lips and she kissed him softly as he slid his hands down to cup the bottom of her butt. In the position they were in, they were the closest two people could physically get. He had never been more intimate with another woman than he was in that moment. His chest pressed against Clair’s, and he moved her hips, pushing her back and forth against him. But she wanted more and moved her hips harder against him. Clair threw her head back and cried out, “Yes, don’t stop.” Hearing the moan escape her mouth, Alex couldn’t take anymore. He pulled down on her hips, pounding her into him over and over. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. As his body shook beneath her, he released himself, filling her with more of him.
Taking Chances Page 15