Something moved behind her and he saw Roz standing on the front steps. He wasn’t sure how long she had been there or what she had heard, but he didn’t care. Slamming his door shut, Alex put the car in reverse and sped backward down the driveway. Spinning his wheels across the slick asphalt, he raced down the street. The farther he drove away from Clair, the harder it was for him to breathe.
When he got to his apartment, he gathered his bags and put them by the door. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he called Stu. “I’m not waiting until tomorrow, I’m leaving now,” he said quickly when Stu answered. “Will the condo be ready when I get there or will I need to get a room at a hotel?”
“Alex, calm down, Roz just told me—”
“No, I will not calm down. You’re daughter just broke up with me, apparently for my own damn good, without letting me have a say in her decision. I’m leaving. I can’t stand to be here one more minute. So… is it going to be ready or not?”
Stu sighed, “I know the owner of the rental place. I’ll call and have them put the key in the lock box and I’ll text you the password.”
“Thanks,” Alex said.
“Hey, I don’t know her reasoning,” Stu said, “but I’ll talk to her. She seemed to really lo—well, I’ll just talk to her and see if I can get through to her.”
Alex huffed, “Don’t bother. I’m done… Look, I’ll call you when I get settled and we’ll work out any details then. I’ll talk to you later.” He snapped his phone shut before Stu could get another word in.
Alex threw this luggage in the back of his Jeep along with a few boxes of miscellaneous items he wanted to take. When he walked around his car to get in, another car pulled up behind him. Shit, what the hell does she want? Alex thought as he watched Roz get out.
“I don’t need a lecture right now, Roz. You can go back home,” he said, irritated.
“Alex don’t do this, you’ll only regret it later.”
“You’re kidding me right? I’ll regret what? Falling in love with the perfect girl only to find out it meant absolutely nothing. That she could just walk away, when all of this could’ve been easily resolved? Yeah… Tell me what it is I’m going to regret, because I don’t see it happening.”
She walked up beside him, “I know you’re hurt, and Clair has her own reasons for doing what she did… even if I don’t agree with them. But you can’t give up. Go back and make her tell you what the real reason is… I’m mean, there’s got to be more to it than what she’s saying, right? You can’t possibly believe all of this?”
Alex cocked his eyebrow at her. There was something about what she said that sounded suspicious. “What other reason could there be? Is there something else you know that she’s not telling me?”
“She doesn’t know what she’s saying. Go back and convince her she’s wrong. You can’t let things end this way, Alex,” Roz pleaded.
He spread his arms out, “I didn’t let it end this way, she did. Clair basically said she doesn’t want me around anymore.” He stared at her, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice quivering when he spoke again. “I can’t make her love me. I don’t know what else to do.”
Alex walked away and sat in his car, looking away from Roz before he broke down. It was too much. He had to get away, away from everyone. “I’ll stay in touch and let you know when I’m back in town. See you later, Roz.” He started his car and drove away, not giving Roz or anyone else time to stop him from leaving. He didn’t know when or if he’d ever get over Clair, but he was certain, living six hours away wasn’t far enough to forget the taste of her lips.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Clair
For the first few days after he’d gone, it nearly killed her. The things he said before speeding down the driveway broke her heart. Clair wanted to take back everything, tell him she didn’t mean it and that she was going to have their baby. But she couldn’t. Not even when Roz tried to get her to go to his apartment. She refused. Once Roz left, Clair went back to her room and sobbed like she had never cried in her life. Her father came over that night and tried to comfort her, wanting to know what went wrong. She couldn’t tell him the real reason; instead, she told him that Alex needed to get a hold of his career and see where it took him. Stu told her he’d bring him back; send somebody else, if that’s what she wanted. Before her father left that night, she made him promise not to bring him back.
Clair wasn’t sure she’d make it to the end of her pregnancy, and she still had about seven months left to go. The morning sickness took over her body, making her sick throughout the day. The more time she spent throwing up and feeling tired, the more useless she felt at work. Thankfully, Roz didn’t force her to go. About a week after Alex left, Roz was back to lecturing her. She told Clair that she needed to call him, to bring him back to tell him about the baby. The longer she waited, the harder it was going to be.
She knew Roz was right. She needed to do it, but at the same time, she dreaded telling him. To see his face when he found out, she felt sure he was going to hate her. As if he didn’t already hate her enough. Clair knew, once her belly became noticeable, everyone would know, including her father. She wasn’t sure how he would react, but she suspected he’d be more disappointed if she tried to keep it a secret than anything else.
Not long after Clair got out of the shower and dressed, she heard a knock on the door. She hoped it wasn’t her father. Lately, all he wanted was to get her out of her room, urging her to move around, if only for the exercise. But she found comfort in her room… sleeping. Every place she went reminded her of Alex.
Her father’s last visit was extremely difficult on her. He had been up to Pittsburgh to attend some meetings. Instead of telling her how well Alex adapted to living there, all he could talk about was how miserable Alex was. It would have hurt her if he had moved on with his life after being away for a month, but knowing he was just as depressed as she was, was worse. Especially because it was her fault he felt that way.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Roz asked when Clair opened the door.
She shrugged her shoulders, “Same as always. You’d think I would get used to the nausea by now, but it’s obviously not going away.”
“Hopefully, you’ll only have to deal with it for a few more weeks.” She put her hand on Clair’s shoulder, “It’ll get better.”
“I hope you’re right,” she sighed. “Are you going somewhere?”
“Yeah, I’m going to stay with Stu for a few days. We have some wedding plans to make and it’ll just be easier staying with him. Call either one of us if you need anything.”
“Oh okay… I’ll be fine. Have fun.”
“Thanks, and I’ve made you some lunch. You need to get something nourishing in you, okay?”
“I’m not really hungry… but I’ll try to eat a little.”
Roz smiled, “That’s all I ask. You’ll have the house to yourself, so feel free to mill around if you get tired of being up here.” Roz leaned forward and gave her a hug. “Let me apologize now for the mess downstairs. With everything that’s happened, I’m sure you can understand. I’ll see you later.”
Clair laughed, “I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll clean it up. It’ll give me something to do.”
Roz stared at her for a moment, looking as if she wanted to say something more.
“Alright, hon. Remember to call if you need anything. Talk to you later.”
Clair promised and watched Roz walk down the staircase until she was out of sight. Hearing the front door shut behind her, Clair decided to go see what Roz cooked, hoping her stomach could handle it. Walking into the kitchen, Clair saw nothing on the counter but a loaf of bread and a piece of paper. Seriously, a sandwich is what she had in mind? Picking up the note, she saw Roz’s handwriting and read it to herself.
I know you were expecting something cooked… Sorry. I’m sorry I had to do it this way. Maybe someday you’ll forgive me. I just want you to be happy and hope you can understand. Go
od luck.
What the hell is she talking about? Clair thought as she looked around. When she glanced in the living room, she sucked in a sharp breath. Her legs went weak and she had to grab the counter to keep from falling to her knees. It had been a month since she last saw him, but to her, it felt like so much longer, and now he was sitting on the couch in front of her. Instantly, tears sprang to her eyes, and Clair had to fight the urge to run to him and wrap her arms around his neck. He casually sat on the couch, his hands in his lap, watching her silently.
Clair staggered around the counter and stood at the edge of the kitchen. She tried to speak but her words tumbled out. “Why…why are you here?”
Alex leaned forward; resting is elbows on his knees. “Do you even need to ask me that question?”
Clair thought back to the letter from Roz, and she closed her eyes briefly before looking back at him. “No, I guess not. I just thought maybe you’ve moved on already. It’s been a month.”
“It’s kind of hard to move on when the only woman I ever loved just walked away from me. Why? Why did you do it, Clair?”
“I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want you to miss out on your job opportunity.” She walked over to the couch and sat next to him, leaving a space between them. “I wanted you to get everything you could out of your life without feeling tied down to us.”
He looked at her confused. “Tied down? Why would you think that? That’s not how I see it. When you walked into my life, that was my greatest opportunity… not my job. I love Stu, he practically treats me like a son, but I can find another job. My job was my life before you came; it was the only stability in my life, besides Stu and Roz. But you changed what was important. I haven’t been the same person since.”
Clair’s eyes burned with unshed tears. She didn’t want him to see her cry. “When did Roz call you?”
“Yesterday.”
“And you just picked up and came back? I would think you’d hate me now, that we would have ruined your life.”
“Hate you?” he scooted closer, closing the gap between them. “Baby, I could never hate you. I tried to, but I can’t.”
He pressed his hand against her cheek and his touch overwhelmed her, causing the tears to slide from her closed eyes and down her cheeks. She held her hand over his and leaned into it, basking in the warmth.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was stupid and I should have told you. I know I can’t do this without help.” When he pulled his hand away, Clair opened her eyes to look at him. He stared at her, his head tilted to the side, confused.
“Why do you keep saying we? What is it you should have told me?”
She looked at him with the same confused expression. “I thought you said you talked to Roz?”
“I did. Yesterday. She called me up and wanted to know if I still loved you. She said that you were deeply depressed and if I cared, I should get down here, because she thought you needed me. So, here I am.”
Clair’s lip trembled and she felt like she was about to be sick. “That’s all she told you?”
“Yes. Why? What is it? What are you not telling me?”
“Oh… umm… Well I thought Roz told you…”
He searched her face. Clair couldn’t keep it from him anymore. She had given away too many hints that something was off, and now it was time for her to take the lashing she deserved. Her voice caught in her throat when she tried to speak and Alex sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I didn’t drive six hours to get my hopes up; this was obviously a waste of my time.” He stood up and walked toward the front door.
“No, Alex. Stop.” Clair stood up and followed behind him. “She’s only trying to help—”
He turned on her, walking up to her until there was barely an inch of space between them. “I’m tired, Clair… I just want the truth. Just tell me, and after that, you never have to see my face again. I’m doing the best I can to get over you, and making me think I still have chance—”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. She couldn’t stop the steady stream of tears that rolled down her cheeks.
“You’re what?” he said, barely audible.
“Pregnant… I’m so sorry, Alex.”
“Pregnant? How? When did this happen?”
“What do you mean how? How the hell do you think! I’ve been puking my guts up for weeks now and I was stupid for not realizing it sooner.”
“Is this why you pushed me away? You found out when you went to the doctor that day, didn’t you?” He wasn’t yelling but his tone held an accusing tone.
“Yes,” she said, looking at the floor. “I didn’t mean to go this long without telling you.” Clair started to cry, overcome by the guilt she felt. “I’m… so… sorry.
He grabbed her hand and squeezed, “You mean, I’m going to be a father?” he asked, tears sliding down his face. “But why… why didn’t you tell me?”
Clair looked at him for a moment before responding. This wasn’t the type of response she thought she’d get from him. After that day he yelled at her on the sidewalk about Gavin and his reaction when she broke up with him, Clair expected him to do as he did before. Maybe even throw something. “After what my parents went through, everything they did, getting pregnant when they were young, getting married because they felt like they had to, and putting their lives on hold to raise me, it’s just… I didn’t want that to be us. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to be with me. I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to make that choice. So I made the decision for you, I thought it was the right thing to do.”
“But Clair, we’re not your parents; it’s up to us to make the right choices and work at our relationship together. I deserve the right to make that choice. Is it because you think I’m not good enough to be a father?”
“No, never! I was scared you would hate me, especially with everything you went through with Mia. I just didn’t want to ruin everything good you had going…”
“The whole situation with Mia was different. If anything, you are only doing what she did, taking away my right to be a father by not telling me.”
“No, no,” Clair protested. “I never wanted to take that right away from you. I just wanted you to be able to see how much of a good opportunity you could have if I supported your decision to go to Pittsburgh. I always planned on telling you, giving you the chance to be a father to our child. I just didn’t want you to throw away your career for me.”
“My career is nothing more than a paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do, but it’s not what truly makes me happy. I took a chance to be with you. Even when I told myself not to get involved, I pursued you anyway.” He released her hand and wiped her tears away with this thumb. “I wish you would have told me.”
She looked down at the floor, feeling guilty and sorry for what she’d done. “I’m sorry. It was my fault to begin with. I should have never pressured you to make love to me again that night. I hope someday you’ll be able forgive me for lying… I didn’t do it to hurt you. I just wanted you to be happy, and I didn’t think you would after knowing the growing responsibility we have now.”
His hand gently tilted her chin up. “Don’t you ever feel like this was your fault. We both should have been more careful, and there’s nothing we can do about it now but move forward.”
She nodded.
“I love you. I planned on coming before now because I am miserable without you. Some days, when I’m not with you, the pain of missing you physically hurts. But I couldn’t keep wondering, Clair. I needed to know how you felt about me.”
Clair stared at him. Sweeping the stray hairs away from his glassy blue eyes, she ran her palm down the side of his face. “I can’t explain my feelings. When you’re with me, you breathe life into my body. You make me feel alive and I feel more love from you than my heart could ever hold. No one has loved me the way you do. You asked me once to take a chance and give this connection we shared a try… and
I did.” She brushed her finger across his lips. “Alex,” she whispered, “you are the best part of me. Everything good that has come into my life only came after I met you. I love you with all I am. I don’t care where I have to go, I’ll go. Forcing you away from me was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I don’t know how it will be having this child or if I’ll be a good mother or not, but I know with you beside me, I can try anything. I just want to be with you. Always.”
Tears streamed down both their faces and he pulled her tightly against him. “I have my own family now, with you, and it’s more than I ever dreamed possible,” he whispered, as he pressed his lips to hers.
Epilogue
Alex
Taking Roz’s advice and talking everything out with Clair was the best decision he ever made. After Stu found out she was pregnant, he asked Alex to run the company in Virginia instead. It took some time to get the Pittsburgh business squared away, and Tom, the head foreman in Pittsburgh, was the perfect replacement for the job. It was a win-win for everyone.
“Are you sure everything is there? I don’t want to go over there and have you tell me you forgot something,” Clair said, eyeing him from the passenger seat of the car.
“Yes, baby, I’m sure. Stu and I worked on moving everything in all day yesterday while you and Roz shopped…Which reminds me,” Alex narrowed his eyes, “I think we have enough baby clothes.”
“Never,” she huffed. “You’ll just have to build me a few more shelves in the closet.” Clair patted him on the arm excitedly, “When can you get started? You know we only have two months to go, right?”
“I know,” Alex laughed, “I’ll work on the shelves this weekend. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday when we were having the ultrasound done.”
Clair burst out laughing, “I will never forget the look on your face that day. It was the funniest thing ever.”
“Yeah, well your reaction wasn’t far from mine,” he said rubbing her belly. “It’ll be a great story to tell someday.”
Taking Chances Page 25