by V. Kelly
I march over there and hear her say, “Hey, no touching my assets,” she’s slurring her words, and I’m pretty sure Tweedle Dick and Tweedle Prick think that she’s an easy target.
“Sorry, I can’t help myself, Doll. Your ass is slamming.”
What a tool. I want to punch him in his god-damn mouth.
He reaches out to grab her ass again; and I grab his wrist, throwing it away from her.
“Touch my fucking date again, and I’m going to wipe this floor with your face,” I growl. The grab ass twin laughs in my face. I’m about to swing on him when I feel an arm crush my wind pipe.
Fuck. How did I forget there are two of them?
“Hey, let him go,” Breezy yells, pounding on the back of the twin who has me in a choke hold.
She’s like a pesky fly; she doesn’t even knock him off balance. I can’t release the hold he has on my neck, no matter how hard I try. Breezy keeps kicking and punching him until she’s lifted from her feet and pushed behind the tall, stout body of Dashawn.
“If you were smart, you’d let him go,” Dashawn threatens. The two twins look at each other and smile evilly. Neither one has anything on Dashawn’s size, yet they seem pretty confident in their ability to annihilate the two of us.
“We’re tag team wrestling champs,” Grab-Ass twin says. “You two fucks don’t stand a chance.”
People are starting to crowd around us. Dashawn has his hands balled into fists by his sides. Maggie is holding Breezy’s hand, making sure she doesn’t try to get in the middle again. The twin that grabbed Breezy’s ass is squaring up to Dashawn, while his brother is still choking me. I try to move his arm, but his grip tightens, crushing my wind pipe.
Grab-ass twin swings on Dashawn. Dashawn ducks and decks him in the eye. Grab Asses’ whole body flails into the crowd behind him. He scrambles to his feet and lunges at Dashawn, connects with Dashawn’s torso, and both men crash to the floor. I’m starting to see stars and lose my vision. I can’t breathe, and I’m pretty sure I’m starting to black out. Just as I start to feel funny and everything gets fuzzy, I hear Tony’s voice behind me.
“Hey, boys, can I join the party?” Tony calls out as his fist connects with the back of Choke-hold twin’s head. The grip on my neck lessens; I fall to my knees, fighting to catch my breath.
Next thing I know, the entire dance floor ignites into a drunken brawl. Once I catch my breath, I lunge at the dick that put me in a choke hold and send him crashing to the ground.
“It’s easy to attack someone from behind, but how about taking me on face to face, you ugly son of a bitch.” I punch him in his face, and blood spurts from his bottom lip. He somehow wrestles his way over the top of me. He grabs my leg and pins me in some slick wrestling move I can’t counter.
Dashawn and Tony are both taking turns kicking and punching Grab-ass twin in the face and stomach. Neither one take notice of the position I’m in. I’m about to call for their help, when I see a duo of men appear wearing shirts that say “SECURITY”. Massive hands take hold of Choke-hold twin’s shirt, and he’s hoisted to his feet. Dashawn and Tony back off from their ass-kicking so that the other twin can be manhandled as well.
“Alright boys, what did we tell you about causing fights in here? It’s time for you two to leave,” one of the security guards tells them.
“They started it. All I did was grab her ass,” Grab-ass twin yells. His face is bruised; he has a giant gash right above his left eye. He looks over at Breezy and glares. “She’s not even that pretty.”
Anger rages through me. I cock back, punching him square in the nose.
“Fuck, I think he broke my nose,” Grab-ass cries.
“Then you shouldn’t call a man’s girlfriend ugly,” the security guard yells. The security guards escort the two twins out, but not before warning Dashawn, Tony and me that we will not be welcomed back if we ever get in a fight again.
“Well, I’m an asshole who can’t dance. Don’t worry; I won’t be back,” I mumble. Breezy tries to grab my arm, but I push past her, making my way towards the exit. I need some air. I’m too pissed off to deal with her or anyone else right now. It’s her fault all this shit happened, and the fact she’s not even grateful for me coming out of my comfort zone to make her happy, really pisses me off.
“Max, wait,” she calls after me.
“Breezy, let him go. I think you’ve done enough damage for one night,” I hear Maggie interject. “Just let him get some air.”
Once outside, I take a deep breath. It’s not often that I let my anger get the best of me. For some reason, tonight I just can’t contain it. I walk over to the side of the building where I find the blonde Mitsy bitch waiting for me.
“Jesus, I really thought you were standing me up handsome,” she purrs, rubbing my bicep. I know I said I wouldn’t take any barflies home tonight, but sleeping with women has this uncanny ability of relieving tension and anger for me. Maybe a couple minutes out here with Mitsy can help release some of this caged emotion I have inside me.
I don’t even answer her, I just start kissing. Everything is going fine until the bitch starts bathing me like a god damn cat with her tongue. I feel it slime its way over the side of my cheek and then down my chin. I’m covered in spit. It’s disgusting. I’m about to pull away when someone grabs Mitsy’s shirt and drags her off me.
“Stay away from my date, you harlot!” Breezy shouts.
“Harlot? What, are you fifty?” Mitsy asks, laughing in Breezy’s face. Mitsy goes to grab my hand, but Breezy smacks it away.
“Don’t touch him. He came with me, and he’s leaving with me, too. Go find someone else’s face to suck off.”
I’m a little taken aback by Breezy’s forwardness. This is a side to her I’ve never seen before.
“I didn’t see him complaining when he was fingering my vagina,” she replies smugly.
I so didn’t finger her pussy.
Breezy looks over at me with hurt in her eyes. Is she actually believing this slut?
“Max, you were right. We should go home now,” Breezy tells me.
“Why? So you can insult me some more? I’m pretty sure you’ve wounded my ego enough tonight, Breezy.”
Great, getting my face licked off did nothing for my mood. I’m still pissed off at Breezy.
“Max, I’m sorry. I was drunk and not thinking straight. I didn’t mean anything I said. Please. Let’s go home.”
She hasn’t been thinking straight for the last ten years. When will she open her eyes and see that we are meant to be together?
“He doesn’t want to go home with you, bitch. Now leave before I stick my stiletto straight up your ass,” The Lickster hisses.
“Say one more word, and I’m going to take that same stiletto and shove it down your fat throat. I swear to god, if you don’t leave now, I’m going to go to jail tonight,” Breezy screams at her. “I’m trying to talk to my best friend and apologize. So take your botched boob job and botox lips somewhere else. You’re not wanted here.”
I don’t want Breezy to go to jail. The last thing I need is to break up a cat fight. I’ve done enough fighting for one night anyway.
Mitsy reaches down to take off her shoe, so I step into the line of fire. I don’t want to be with this chick, anyway. She wasn’t even a good distraction for me. No use for me to be the nice guy anymore. “Fuck off chick.”
“You weren’t complaining five minutes ago,” she snaps.
“Five minutes ago I had beer goggles on,” I say laughing.
“Are you serious? Five minutes ago your hand was in my underwear, now you’re telling me to leave?”
Seriously? This chick is delusional.
“Looks that way, now skedaddle bitch,” I shoo her away with my hands. She turns, pushes past Breezy, and knocks her into the wall. Once she’s gone, Breezy turns towards me. God she’s beautiful. I know if she starts apologizing again, I’m going to forgive her. I need to stay strong and not let this get to me.
&
nbsp; “Max . . .”
I cut her off. “Let’s go home, Breezy. I’m done with tonight.” I’m still wrecked with emotion. I’m both angry and hurt from everything that has happened. Hopefully walking home will cool me off. If I don’t go into this conversation with a straight head, I may just say some things I will regret forever.
Chapter Thirteen
Breezy
We walked the entire way home in silence. When we finally get into our house, I can’t take it anymore.
“I’m sorry, Max. I was a total bitch tonight. I had no right to treat you the way I did. I didn’t mean anything I said. I drank way too much, and everything with Travis has me all messed up. I’m tired of being alone. Nobody is ever going to love me again. I’m going to end up becoming a nun or something. I can’t do that, Max. It’s only been two days, and I already miss sex. Travis broke me, and I don’t know how to fix how I’m feeling. Somehow you got thrown into the middle of all this. I even dragged you swing dancing, and you hate to dance. I’m a horrible friend. I don’t know why you put up with me.” All my words come out fast and slightly slurred. I’m still drunk; I notice when I’m like this that I talk faster and think incoherently. Am I even making sense right now?
My eyes flood with tears; I wipe them away, leaving a sludgy mess of black mascara across the back of my arm.
“Stop that. You’re starting to look like a raccoon,” Max laughs. His eyes soften. He takes his hand, runs it through my hair, and then places a wisp of it behind my ear. “You’re beautiful. You don’t need to be fixed, Breezy. You need to realize that it’s okay not to have a boyfriend. Besides, you’ll always have me.”
Hearing him say that, makes me feel so much better. I was worried that he was going to hate me forever for tonight.
“I know that, Max. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve never been like this before. I never had a break up affect me this badly.”
“Maybe, you really are in love with him.”
I notice his words break a little when he says it.
“Maybe . . . or maybe I just got caught up in the whole thing. I don’t know if I really know what love is, Max. I haven’t loved since my parents died. All these emotions are killing me. I just want to go back to when I didn’t feel and didn’t care.”
“No, Breezy. Going back to that frame of mind will kill you. I watched you wither away when your parents died. It will devastate me if I ever have to see you go through that again. Please don’t let one douchebag turn you back into an emotionless zombie.”
“Max, when did everything get so fucked up? I mean, tonight was supposed to be fun. Now we’re fighting. We never fight, Max. I don’t like it at all.”
“I don’t like it either, Breezy. Hey, you know what always puts me in a better mood?” he asks her grinning like an idiot. “Sex.”
“I miss sex,” I mumble.
“Well, I know someone who is willing to help you out with that right now,” Max says laughing. When his hand gets too close to my boob, I smack him.
“Stop it Max,” I yell at him.
“What? Don’t you agree that we need something to break this tension between us? I vote for sex. It will ease some of this frustration we both feel towards each other.”
I stare up at him and blink. Did Max just proposition me for sex?
What is happening right now?
“Do you ever stop talking about sex?” I question him.
He places his hat on the table, takes off his jacket, and undoes his suspenders before plopping down next to me.
“It’s one of my favorite subjects, but you’re the one who brought it up. Not to mention that you’re the one who had sex last. It’s been at least two weeks for me.”
“Why is that?”
“Nobody worthy, I guess. Don’t worry; I will find someone soon. My dick can’t go that long without pussy.”
“I bet I can go longer without sex than you can, Max,” I blurt out.
Where did that come from? Why did I even say it?
“Is that so? What makes you think that?”
“Because you’re a horn dog that’s incapable of functioning like a normal human being.”
“What about you, Mrs. I Miss Sex? You were just talking about it a few seconds ago.”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters is I know for a fact that I can last longer without sex than you can. I’m sure of it. I’m so sure that I even bet I can go longer without talking about it or saying the word sex, too.”
I’m not sure where this idea for a sex bet is coming from, but I’m kinda liking the forwardness I’m feeling. Sometimes, Max needs to be put in his place. What better way to do that, than to take away his nightly barfly action.
Max’s face lights up. “You’re pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you? Fine, I’ll participate in this little bet of yours. What are the stakes?”
“What do you mean?” I ask in confusion.
“You threw down the gauntlet of all bets. I’m calling your bluff.” He raises an eyebrow.
“I did?” I must still be drunk.
What are we talking about again? Oh right, sex.
“Yup, I can go longer without sex. I’m sure of it.”
“I’m in. I bet I can go longer without sex than you can, Breezy.”
“Impossible, but okay, I’ll play. You also can’t talk about it or think about it.”
“No, that’s impossible. You’re not a mind reader.”
“Okay fine, we can’t participate in sex of any kind, including oral, and we also can’t talk about it, not even mention it or say the word.”
“Sounds good, what do you want if you win?”
I think really hard. I’ve wanted a lot of things over the years, but there’s only one thing I’ve wanted more than anything else. “A puppy,” I grin at Max and he groans.
“Really? Not the puppy thing again, Breezy. Out of anything you could pick, you want to get that stupid puppy?”
“A puppy is not stupid, and yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
“Fine, if you win, I’ll buy you a damn puppy,” he groans. “But you’re taking care of it. I’m not going to be your mutt’s pooper scooper.”
“Max, you know you’ll fall in love with the little guy or girl after I win.”
“I know I won’t, because you’re not going to win.”
“Pretty cocky there, aren’t you?”
“Well, what I want if I win is pretty important to me, and I will do anything to get it.”
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“A kiss.”
“Huh?”
“If I win, you have to kiss me—not one of those lame mouth pecks either. I want thirty minutes of tonsil hockey while my hands explore your body.”
Instantly my cheeks heat up. “Why do you want that?” I lean a little closer to him.
“Call me curious. If I win, I get to taste your mouth.” He gently takes my bottom lip with his thumb and brushes it. I’m like putty in his hands and practically melt into him when his fingers move from my lips, to my chin, across my cheek, and settle on my thigh. I close my eyes and hope he gets the message to kiss me. I feel him leaning towards me; his breath caresses the pout of my lips. He’s going to kiss me! Max is going to kiss me, and I actually want him to.
“Kiss me, Travis,” I whisper. I’m not sure why Travis’ name leaves my lips instead of Max’s. I want to take it back immediately, especially when Max pulls away and gets up off the couch.
“So are we doing this? The bet thing? When will it start?”
“Right now. No more talking about it, participating in it, and if I could read your thoughts, you wouldn’t be able to think about it either. I’ll let that one slide, though.”
I’m pouting over my stupid Freudian slip of Travis’ name and how it messed up my chance to kiss Max. He walks over to the kitchen and pours himself a glass of water.
“Okay, if we’re going to do this, then I need to get it out of my system first. You know, go to
the bar, pick up a hot chick, bring her back here, and . . .”
“Then I’ll be getting my puppy tomorrow. You have to quit cold turkey or you lose.”
“So, I’m officially celibate?”
“Yup, you’re going to have to give up your whorish habit cold turkey.”
“What about jerking my snake . . .”
“Nope, you can’t even manhandle your anaconda. Cold turkey or you lose.” He won’t be able to do it. Max can’t live without pussy. It’s just not feasible.
“This bet sucks,” he grumbles.
“We’ll see. I’m going to go to bed. Thanks for taking me dancing tonight, Max, even if you ditched me for the blonde bimbo.”
“Breezy, come on, nothing hap . . .”
“Happened. I know. Good night, Max.”
I turn and hightail it to my bedroom before I do something I will regret. Two times tonight, I’ve almost kissed Max, and both times I wanted it to happen. What’s wrong with me? Why am I suddenly obsessed with kissing Max? I need to win this stupid bet so I won’t have to kiss him. With the confusion I’m feeling right now, the best thing to do is stay as far away from Max’s lips as I can.
It’s time to focus on beating Max and winning myself a puppy—no more crazy Max thoughts. From now on, my only goal is winning this bet.
Chapter Fourteen
Max
I’m pretty sure a truck has backed over me twice. My head is pounding when I wake up. My night of dancing with Breezy has turned into the hangover from hell. At least I think I went dancing with her. I vaguely remember being attacked by some kind of lip monster sometime during the night. I don’t remember much after that.
Groggily, and with much protest, I manage to make it out of my room and into the kitchen. Even though my stomach feels like a meat grinder, I still want to make Breezy and me breakfast. I hear her door open, and she stumbles into the room with mountain-sized bed head, eye boogers, and drool-stained cheeks. God, she looks beautiful.