I gripped my forehead and let out a small laugh. “Okay, but only for today.”
She didn’t say anything else, and I took that moment to calm myself before speaking again. ”I need to go to the house to get my laptop. I’ll get some clothes while I’m there.” Jake would be at work until evening, and even though it now felt wrong entering without being invited, I couldn’t deal with seeing him again so soon.
She nodded, but her eyes were sad. “I think he was telling the truth, Katie. I’ve known Grace longer than you and—”
“I know what I saw!” My voice was harsher than I intended; I glanced down to the table and squeezed my eyes shut. “Sorry. I just don’t want to talk about it. I know he’s your friend, but I know what I saw, and I can’t let that happen to me again…”
She grabbed my hand across the table and squeezed. “You’re right, I’m sorry, I just hate seeing my friends hurt.”
I nodded, grabbed my coffee, and took a sip. My chest ached with a tension that wouldn’t go away, and I searched my mind for a way to change the subject. “Rick offered me a new position.” I looked up to assess her reaction, but her face showed nothing.
“I’m going to take it. It’s not exactly what I wanted to do, but I really need a steady income now....” My voice trailed off, and I began to trace the grain pattern of the wood table with my finger.
“What will you be doing?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Some kind of freelance work I think. I’ll find out more when I talk to him.”
My phone blared to life with new alerts, and my eyes flew to the kitchen counter. The device meant to connect me to the world now loomed like a snake ready to strike. I took another sip of coffee then walked to the counter and swiped through the messages from last night.
JAKE: I’m ordering dinner. Do you want pizza, or Chinese?
JAKE: Missing you like crazy. Come home ASAP
JAKE: Where are you???
JAKE: I’m getting worried. Call me.
There were three voicemail messages, but I scrolled past them to another text that came in an hour ago.
Jake: We need to talk.
My eyes shut. We need to talk. Those four little words I’d said to him only days ago. The same words that sent a feeling of dread down my spine every time I heard them.
Em cleared her throat behind me. “Everything okay?”
I opened up my voicemail and stared at the screen. “Yeah, fine.” But inside I was fighting a battle between heart and mind. Part of me wanted to lock myself in the bathroom and listen to the messages over and over, analyzing and obsessing over every word. The other side knew I wasn’t strong enough, that if I heard his voice now, I wouldn’t be able to walk away. Focused on the task at hand, I deleted each voicemail, my heart breaking a little more with each one.
An hour later, I sat in my car outside Jake’s house, my heart pounding in my chest. I’d driven by three times before I built up the nerve to stop. His truck wasn’t there, so I knew he wasn’t home, but a sense of dread consumed me.
I somehow managed to pry myself out of the car and slid the keys in the front pocket of the borrowed shorts. I’d lived there for almost a month, but now it felt like trespassing.
In and out, Katie. Just get what you need, and be on your way.
My hands shook as I punched in the code to the front door. The shutters were closed and beams of light shined through the wooden slats. A pizza box sat on the coffee table with a half-empty bottle of whiskey next to it. Something I’d never seen Jake drink before. His tortured eyes flashed through my memory, but I pushed myself forward, my chest aching with each breath. I didn’t have time to think about that now. I had the rest of my life to torture myself with that moment, but I was here for a reason, and I needed to focus.
The door to my room was open, and I quickly got the suitcase out of my closet. The whole house smelled of him, smothering me with the male, earthy scent that would haunt me forever. I tossed the case to the bed, unzipped the zipper, then froze. There on the nightstand was an empty glass. One that hadn’t been there before I left. I picked it up and held it to my nose. The scent of whiskey still lingered on the rim.
A photograph sat beside it, worn and tattered. I held it between my fingers and sank to the mattress. It was taken three years ago when Jake and I went to Disneyland together. Dave was supposed to have gone but backed out at the last minute because of the stomach flu. We’d just gotten off Splash Mountain and were both soaked to the bone.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. Jake had stopped an elderly couple to take our picture, then pulled me into his chest. I smiled at the camera, my hair and clothes plastered to my body and face—my heart beating a mile a minute. But Jake, he looked right at me. His smile wide and happy. His expression one of adoration and love. The old woman commented on what a cute couple we were, but I quickly denied it and pulled away...
The front door opened and I instantly stood. My breath caught in my throat, and I threw the photo to the nightstand, glancing around the room for a place to hide as boots hammered on the wood floor, moving closer, then stopped. I knew he was behind me, but I couldn’t bear to face him. Not like this, caught with my tail between my legs, sneaking into his house like a coward.
He cleared his throat, letting me know I couldn’t just stand there like a little girl playing hide-and-seek anymore. Ready or not, I had to face him.
I pulled in a breath and turned. His sandy blond hair was wild and unkept. His normally smooth face, now camouflaged by a thick beard. And angry, feral eyes skimmed over me. I gasped.
“Just give me the photos, Katie.” Kevin’s voice was low, calm, and chilled me to the bone.
My mind flashed to the conversation I’d had with Shelly, and all the blood drained out of me in an instant. “I—I don’t have them.”
“Stupid bitch!” He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “Where the fuck are they?”
“Kevin, I—”
His hand slammed across my face, and I stumbled back to the bed. I wanted to cry, to scream for help, but fear kept me silent.
His ungroomed face was wild and terrifying. “You know exactly what photos. The photos that cost me my career. The photos that ruined my life.”
My cheek throbbed, but I ignored it, pulled myself from the bed, and backed toward the window. “I had nothing to do with that.” My eyes darted around the room, looking for a way out, or something to protect myself with.
“Bullshit!” He walked toward me, each furtive step like a cat stalking its prey. Then his lips curled in a smile. “No one’s here to see, no door to hide behind this time.”
I took in a sharp breath. It was him. That night on the other side of the door. Not a stranger, but the man I’d lived with for two and a half years.
His teeth flashed with a smile. “You’ve become a lot feistier than I remembered. I wasn’t expecting you to fight back.”
He stopped two feet away and yanked the top drawer out of my dresser. Bras and panties littered the ground when he threw it against the wall. “Where are they, Katie? In here?” He pulled another drawer. “Or in your little boyfriend’s room?”
I’d never seen him like this. Crazy and feral, a desperation in his eyes that sent a stampede of alarm coursing through my body. “I threw them away. I left everything in San Diego. It wasn’t me, Kevin, I wouldn’t do that to you.” My voice was calm, but inside I was frantic.
“Liar!” He came toward me, backed me into a wall, and stopped only inches away. “Don’t fucking lie to me!”
My hands flew to my face to protect against further blows, but his gloved hand blocked me and gripped my throat. “I’m going to take your life, the way you took mine.”
The front door slammed open and Kevin turned at the sound. I lunged toward the bedroom door, screaming for help, but my head yanked backward, and Kevin’s fist was in my hair. “Stupid slut!”
The bedroom door flew open and crashed against the opposite wall. Jak
e stood in the doorway, his imposing form heaving. In a second, his eyes flashed from me to Kevin. His jaw pulsed, and he charged toward us.
Kevin hurled me with both hands, and my head crashed into the dresser. The room began to echo, my vision blurred, and right before the world went black, I saw Jake push Kevin against the wall.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBERED were the voices. Muffled voices like I was listening from the underside of a pool. I tried to concentrate, to focus on each syllable, but they were slurred and chaotic, and before long I was too exhausted to care. Then a low male voice boomed in the background—a familiar voice—and my body stiffened. My eyes fluttered open and darted around the room. My room. But something was different. Something wasn’t right.
An overwhelming sense of confusion settled in my chest. What was going on? Why was I on the floor? Who were all these people? And then Jake’s voice broke through the chaos, and I looked into his blue eyes. He squeezed my hand, his lips moved, but I was still under water. I couldn’t understand.
A man appeared above me and wore a navy blue shirt that I recognized as a paramedic. He shined a bright light in my eyes and the water cleared. “Ma’am, can you hear me? Can you tell me your name? Ma’am, I need you to tell me your name.”
His big brown eyes were covered by black-rimmed glasses, and I blinked up at him. “Katie. My name is Katie.”
Jake let out a relieved breath, and some of the tension eased from my body. The medic continued to ask more questions, easy ones, like counting backward from ten to one, but weakness crept up my spine like a splintering pipe.
“Katie, I need you to keep your eyes open for me, can you do that?” Jake hovered above me, his voice gruff and strained. I smiled up at his handsome face and nodded.
The medic lifted my head, and cold, hard plastic wrapped around my neck. My eyes locked with Jake’s and I began to panic. What’s going on? What happened?
He squeezed my hand and told me to relax, that everything would be fine.
I was moved to a gurney, and the medic wheeled me out of the house and through the front gate. Red and blue lights flashed all around and emergency vehicles lined the street. Thrown over the back of one of the cars was a man, hands cuffed behind his back, head down and legs braced apart against the curb. He turned to me, his face beaten and bruised, a large gash under his left eye, nose swollen and bloody... Kevin.
I looked up to the sky and the clouds above began to spin. My heart slammed in my chest as the memory of what led to this point played in my head like a movie. Kevin’s wild eyes, his hands around my throat, the fear that pulsed through me, and the inability to set myself free. What if Jake hadn’t arrived when he did? What if he hadn’t come at all? I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that when I opened them again the last two days would just be some horrible nightmare. That I’d wake up in the hotel room in Carmel. That the attack, Grace, all the heartache could be washed down my throat with a cup of coffee.
A commotion of voices reverberated against the pavement and I opened my eyes. People I’d never seen before crowded the sidewalk. Watching, staring, like what I’d just been through was some sort of sick form of entertainment. We stopped at the back of the ambulance, doors open, and two medics made adjustments to the gurney.
“Sir!” a police officer called from behind us, and everyone turned. “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to get your statement before I can let you leave.”
He was talking to Jake, whose eyes immediately shot to me. “I’ll give my statement at the hospital.” His tone was curt, dismissive, but the officer braced his legs apart and spoke again.
“I’m sorry, sir. I can’t let you do that.”
“She’ll be alone, damnit!” Jake’s lips pressed in a hard line, and his hand raked through his tousled hair.
With a feather-light touch he stroked my bruised cheek. “I’ll be right behind you. I’ll call Em. You’re going to be fine.” He kissed my head. “I’ll be right behind you.”
My throat tightened and I nodded. The threat was over, so why was I so scared? For the first time I noticed Jake’s bloody knuckles, and a suffocating pressure began to choke me. I grabbed the steel rail at my sides, and the paramedic pushed me inside the ambulance. But my eyes never left Jake’s, and inch by inch he disappeared behind the metal doors.
The same man with the glasses sat beside me and placed an oxygen mask over my face. His voice was soothing and deep in radical contrast to the sirens, which blared overhead. He kept me talking, asking me trivial questions, and I got lost in the hypnotic sounds of the road, his voice, and the turmoil rolling around inside me.
“I think I’m okay,” I said, wanting nothing more than for the driver to pull over and drop me off on the side of the road. I didn’t care that I had no car. I’d walk, take a cab, hitchhike, but I wanted away from this mess.
“It’s just a precaution, ma’am. You hit your head pretty hard.”
But I didn’t hit my head. Not in the conventional way. I was thrown into a dresser… Something I could’ve never imagined happening twenty-four hours ago, but was my reality today.
Minutes later, the doors were yanked open, and the medics pulled me from the ambulance. I was wheeled down a long, narrow hall cluttered with medical equipment to a room divided by curtains. A team of people in pale blue scrubs waited for us. One of whom appeared kind and motherly. She squeezed my hand. “I’m Dr. Lear, and this will be your nurse, Mary.” She nodded in the direction of a woman to my left who was wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm.
The smell of antiseptic and medicine overwhelmed me, and my heart raced. I hadn’t been to a hospital since Dave’s accident and all those familiar feelings came rushing back. Panic, fear, the loss of control, and the finality of never seeing my brother again. It was a place that represented death, and here I was, facing it alone.
Dr. Lear continued to catalogue my injuries, speaking medical jargon I didn’t understand. She shined a light in my eyes and asked if I was in any pain, but all I could think about was the fact that the man I’d spent two and a half years with had just attacked me. Had hit me, had his hands around my throat. How could I have been so wrong about someone for so long? How could I have been so clueless?
The hour that followed came in a blur. I changed into a hospital gown, my wounds cleaned and wrapped, while an officer I hadn’t seen before waited outside for me to give a statement. His questions were clear and direct. He wanted to know if I was in a relationship with Kevin, if he’d shown this type of behavior in the past, and if I was somehow involved in the loss of his career.
I told him everything. About the note in my in-box, hiring the private investigator, and how I threw all the photos away before I moved. Then I told him about Shelly, about Mr. Olson’s wife, and gave him her number at the office should he have any further questions. When the officer asked if I’d like to press charges, I nodded, grasping at the only thread that held my sanity together. That Kevin would be in jail.
A short time later, Mary wheeled me down the hall for a CT scan. She helped me onto the cold table, adjusted a pillow behind my head, then pressed a button on the machine, and I slowly slid inside. The scene with Kevin played in my mind again and again, with only one thought: how could I have been so wrong about a person.
It seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only about thirty minutes before Mary wheeled me back to my room. Em sat chewing her nails in the corner and rushed to my side when we entered.
“Katie, oh my God!” Her panicked voice rang through the room, stirring the emotions I was trying so hard to keep tucked away. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, but at the same time my throat constricted with unshed tears. I wasn’t okay. I was scared, confused, thankful for my life, yet completely lost in the pieces that were left scattered on the floor.
Her face contorted with emotion and she dropped her bag to the ground. “I was in spin class when Jake called. I came as soon as I got the message.”
I nodded
, and Mary helped me from the wheelchair to the bed.
“Have you heard from him?” I didn’t say Jake’s name. I couldn’t.
She shook her head with immediate understanding. “I think they took him to the station. He’s probably going crazy.”
“Did you tell him I went to the house?”
She looked to the floor, then let out a breath. “He called to check on you. I couldn’t lie to him.”
“It’s okay…” How could I possibly be upset with Em? Had she not told him, who knows what would have happened?
The nurse patted my shoulder, showed me where the call button was, then closed the door behind her as she walked out to the hall.
The room was thick with tension and unasked questions. Em sat on the side of the mattress and squeezed my hand. “What happened?”
“I pick the wrong people.” I laughed a little and began picking at an imaginary something on my gown. But I knew—there was nothing funny about what happened with Kevin.
A twang of longing gnarled in my belly, and I shook my head. I wasn’t sure if it was from being in the hospital, or because I knew how protective they were of me, but I wanted my dad and brother so desperately.
It was still light outside, and I looked to the window trying to swallow back tears. “When I was a little girl, my dad and Dave used to talk about all the hoops they’d make boys jump through before they could date me.” I met Em’s eyes and a sad smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “It always started with the boy coming to the front door to ask their permission. I always rolled my eyes and said the only one who needed to give permission was me, but deep down I loved that they were so protective.”
Em pulled her leg up into her lap and smiled.
“Next would come the weapon cleaning on the coffee table, a lecture about how to treat a woman, and how they were always watching.” I laughed under my breath.
“The final step would be the DNA swab and his fingerprints. Of course, I was mortified and embarrassed, certain that no boy would ever go through such trials for me, but my daddy always said that if the boy was worth it, he’d walk through hell just to hold my hand.”
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