The way Travis looked up and held my eyes made me hesitate. I wondered if he’d lost someone important to the tunnels. By the way he was looking at me, I could tell something was haunting him.
‘It’s too late to walk away, Travis. Nothing and no one will stop me now.’
He took a deep breath and whatever was showing on his face disappeared when he let it out. ‘Your decision.’ He pointed towards a small café on the corner of the street. ‘We can meet there tomorrow night. Bring all of your intel and, if it checks out, I’ll have what you need.’
The next day, Travis was so giddy with the intel we brought him, he held true to his word, handing over a collection of money zips that were more than reasonable and a file including all of the entry codes we needed.
His eyes were alight with excitement. I could already see him planning a hit on the couriers and labs that carried the highly desirable lust-enhancers. I knew it was particularly appealing to him because M-Corp would never report it to the police given that, one, lust-enhancers were black market, and two, M-Corp were the last people in the world thought to be producing them.
Both in possession of what we wanted, we parted ways with a handshake. I wished him good luck, he did the same, and I went in search of my brother.
I found Samuel in the back VIP area of Burn and hovered near the entryway until he spotted me. At first he looked happy to see me, then, probably remembering where I was and that in general he chose to hate the world, he scowled.
He stormed up to me and grabbed my arm, studying my M-Band and quickly deciding that it was a fake.
‘What the hell, Maggie?’ he spat. ‘Do you know how much trouble you can get in for wearing one of these?’
Before I could answer, he was dragging me by my arm towards the back alley exit. He opened the door, literally tossing me out, before following me and slamming the door behind him.
‘Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t tell Mom!’
I laughed. Not meanly, but truly laughed out loud. ‘Gee, Sam, when did you start to care!’ I yelled between my laughter.
He startled and began pacing back and forth. ‘What are you doing here anyway?’ His tone had lost its bite.
‘I came to see you. I have a bit of a … situation.’
‘Is this about that guy you were here to see the other week?’
‘Kind of,’ I said, and he must have sensed this wasn’t an ordinary high-school drama.
‘Have you gotten yourself into something, Maggie?’ he asked, still pacing and looking unhappy about having to deal with me.
Normally, I’d never turn to Samuel. He was a mess, even more so than Mom and me. He’d worshipped Dad when he was a little boy, but something had changed between them and they’d grown apart before Dad was taken. I don’t think Sam had ever forgiven himself for the deterioration of their relationship. Not that he’d actually ever admit that out loud. I wanted to tell him he’d have another chance, but I knew he wasn’t ready to believe that.
Every time I’d been into the tunnels, I’d been careful and had solid plans, and even when I’d been reckless I’d felt confident. But this time … with all that had happened recently, plus the fact I was going into the core, this time I wasn’t so sure.
I pulled the money zips out of my back pocket. ‘Give these to Mom if I’m not back in a couple of days.’
When he took the zips from my outstretched hand, his eyes widened as he realised what they were. Silver zips symbolised a minimum five-figure value. And I’d just handed him three. I didn’t mention exactly how much was on them, but it was everything, even the extra secret stash I’d pulled together by bribing the polished-brogues businessman I’d taken shots of last month. He’d turned out to be the most predictable kind of wanker: the type who believed you could buy your way out of anything. In my case, he was right. But I’d made him pay big.
‘Jesus, Maggie, what have you done?’ Sam said, looking confused and frightened.
I shrugged. ‘It’ll all be okay, Sam. I just … I’m going somewhere tomorrow. If for some reason things go wrong, I wanted you to have these.’
‘You gotta give me more than that, or I swear to God I am going to put you over my shoulder, take you home and lock you in your room!’ He started pacing again. ‘Where did you get this kind of money? Did you steal it?’
I sighed. ‘I know you hate Dad, Sam,’ I said, noticing how he stiffened at the name. ‘I get it, really. I know you feel abandoned and it’s hard to remember all of the good times. But you don’t know everything that happened before he turned neg.’
‘Maggie –’ he started, but I cut him off.
‘There’s a way to put our family right and I’m going after it.’
He was shaking his head, looking down. ‘Don’t be a fool, Maggie. You were just a kid when he left. You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
Now I shook my head, taking a step towards him. ‘That’s where you’re wrong. I was the only one who knew, Sam. I get that you don’t want to believe me because it will make everything that much worse. Just … please, look after Mom.’
There was nothing else to say. I could see Sam shutting down, shaking his head. I started walking away from him. When I reached the end of the alley, he must’ve finally looked up and realised I’d left.
‘Maggie, wait!’ he called. But I didn’t.
‘Maggie!’ he screamed.
Going to him had been a mistake, but it was either that or go to Mom, and I knew I couldn’t have faced her. If Sam caught up to me, he was going to try to stop me, so without another thought I took off into the street, weaving around people and getting lost in side streets until I couldn’t hear his voice calling out my name. Until I was alone, again.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I would find Dad, along with evidence of his innocence. Then everything would be worth it. My family would be back together and Mom and Sam would heal. It would take time, but we’d be okay. I’d be okay. I’d be a better person. Maybe we’d move back to the countryside, or maybe somewhere new.
So why the hell was I hiding in the corner of the deserted Clarendon Metro, bent over, gripping at my chest, while I struggled to breathe?
Twenty-three
Dinner was in the oven and there was a note from Mom on the countertop amid the dirty pots and pans. She was working the late shift and wouldn’t be home till early morning. Her note instructed me to eat properly and that we should go to see a movie on the weekend.
I wanted to clean up the kitchen for Mom. But I was too worried that Samuel would come home looking for me and knew I had to leave immediately. I threw the dinner in the bin and rinsed the plate, scribbling below her message: Thanks, Mom. Love you loads. Mags.
I headed up to my room, knowing the hardest task was still ahead of me. But there was no way around it. I needed to find Quentin before tomorrow night and get him to give me a blood sample.
As if the universe had read my mind, when I walked through my door, Quentin was sitting at my desk. I made a mental note to start locking that door.
He was facing towards me, his elbows on his knees and his head hung low. He looked as exhausted as I felt. Although he’d still managed to wrap his exhaustion in a nice pair of jeans and a black shirt, sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms.
By his feet I noticed a bottle of bourbon and pressed my lips together. ‘I don’t have time for this. You came to the wrong place to get drunk,’ I said, dropping my bag and heading towards the bathroom to wash my hands and give myself a moment. It was too difficult to be around him. I couldn’t control the way I felt so drawn to him; it made me weak.
‘I’ve been walking around for the last three hours with it in my hand,’ he said when I turned off the taps.
‘Lucky you. Guess there’s some big glamorous party you’re supposed to be at,’ I snapped, re-entering the room. ‘Don’t let me stop you.’ I kicked my front door open, ignoring the tightening in my chest.
He looked down at the bottle an
d this time I noticed it was full. The lid hadn’t even been cracked.
‘There is. And, yes, I’m supposed to be there,’ he said.
I strode to my bedside table as it all fell into place. ‘And let me guess.’ I pulled out the last of the vials and tossed it at him. He caught it easily, further proof he wasn’t drunk. ‘You can’t go without this? Well, there you go, and by tomorrow night I’ll have the permanent disruption.’
‘What do you mean by tomorrow night?’ he said, his eyes narrowing.
I’d considered giving him the disruption – not that it actually existed – before I went back into the tunnels, but I couldn’t take the chance. I’d been manipulating people for so long that now I just expected people to do it to me. The way I saw it, once he was home free he could turn on me. I couldn’t take that chance with Dad’s life.
I turned away from him and started to grab things that I needed from my wardrobe, throwing them into my backpack. ‘Gus will get it to you and then you can get on with the rest of your life, just like you want.’
He stood. ‘How would you know what I want?’
‘I don’t! I don’t know anything about you!’ I didn’t even know why my hands were shaking or why I was yelling.
‘Where are you going?’ he asked, watching me stuff things into my pack.
‘Gus’s place,’ I said, dismissively.
‘You’re going back underground, aren’t you?’ It was an accusation.
I glanced up and did my best to keep the emotion out of my face. ‘It’s none of your business. Our mutual partnership is over.’
He lunged off the chair, grabbing my wrist. ‘It damn well is my business. You’re not going back down there and that’s final!’
I ripped my arm away from him and pushed him back a step. ‘Don’t even think about trying to stop me, Quentin. Your permanent disruption is where I’m going. You’ll never see it if you try to stop me going down there.’ I looked him up and down threateningly. ‘So if you want to run to your father and tell him everything, it will have to wait until then at least!’
I went back to my bag. Damn it, where did I leave my taser?
‘You’re so blind, it’d be funny if it weren’t so damn tragic. Last time you went down there you almost died. You think I give a damn about getting the disruption when you might never come back to me?’ His brow did that furrowy thing while his lips remained parted.
Silence followed his words. They dropped like a bomb and then we both just stood there, dumbfounded, as we watched the smoke and debris clear. But that kind of smoke lingers.
I looked at him in his dark jeans and shirt, his hands balled into tight fists at his sides, his brow lowered in a way that gave off so much raw emotion. I wanted to reach out to him, soothe the furrowed lines.
I covered my face with my hands for a moment, breathing out. It was safer if I didn’t look at him. ‘I’m going down there, Quin. I have to.’
‘Why?’ he rasped.
‘You know why.’
‘Your dad.’
I nodded.
‘Fine. I’m going with you.’
My eyes shot up. ‘No! No way.’
A smirk was playing on his lips. ‘You don’t get to be in charge of this. I need something that’s down there just as much as you do. I have just as much right to go. And I am.’
I glared at him. ‘But I can get what you need without you coming down there. I’m better at this alone and I’m not going to be responsible for you too!’
‘Like that girl the night you got shot? Sarah?’
I flinched. I hadn’t ever fully explained what happened. ‘How do you …?’
‘You said her name in your sleep that night. And I’ve figured out enough to know you tried to help someone escape.’
‘Oh,’ I said, averting his gaze as a fresh wave of shame washed over me.
‘You told me you never did that, that the risk was too high.’
‘And it was!’ I snapped. The image of Sarah, shot and falling to the ground, replayed in my mind just like it did in my dreams every night. I wouldn’t let that happen to Quin.
‘Not too high for them, Maggie. Too high for you. But you risked it all for her anyway and you didn’t even know her.’ He dropped his head. ‘I was wrong the other night when I said you don’t care. I know you do.’
I swallowed uncomfortably. I didn’t want to talk about this. All I knew was that he wasn’t coming.
Sensing my hesitation, Quentin moved in for the kill. ‘Gus told me the other day that if you needed to get into the main quadrants down there, the only hope was my DNA.’
I made a mental note to hit Gus in the face and sighed. ‘Would you wipe the shit-eating grin off your face. You’re not coming with me.’
‘Yes. I am.’
‘Do you have a death wish or something?’
‘Do you?’ He stepped towards me.
‘No. Which is why I don’t want you down there, slowing me down.’
‘I’m faster than you give me credit for.’
Actually, he was.
‘We’re not even certain your DNA will fly.’
‘But my guess is, Gus isn’t often wrong and he thinks it will.’
Also true.
‘If you get caught …’
‘I won’t.’
But we knew there was a good chance we’d both be caught. I dropped my bag and crumpled onto the bed. He sat beside me.
‘Please don’t force this. Once I get Dad I need to be able to focus on him. I can’t be … looking after you too.’ Because Quentin had turned out to be the one distraction I may not have been able to ignore.
‘What if he’s injured? He’s been down there for two years, Maggie. Even if you find him alive, you’ll likely need help.’
I bit down on my lower lip. I’d thought of this myself from time to time.
‘Plus,’ Quentin continued, ‘I’m going down there to get the synthetic chems. I won’t let you take that risk for me. I have to do it. We’ll go down there, get the disruption and your dad, then we’ll get the hell out of there.’ He said it so matter-of-fact. As if it would actually happen like that.
I shook my head. ‘The risk is too high.’
‘I’ll make you a deal. If one of us gets caught, we swear, no matter what, we won’t turn the other one in. I can keep my word, Maggie. Can you?’
Usually my word meant shit, but on this occasion I could make a promise I intended to keep. Finally I sighed and nodded, even while glaring at him. ‘Study the maps,’ I said, slapping the file that had been resting on my pillow at his chest. ‘So you’ll at least have a chance of getting yourself out of there if we’re separated. The purple circles are possible exit points. The green circles are the preferred exit routes. The big X’s are security stations. Red lines are dead-ends or unknown. We don’t go near red areas,’ I pressed.
‘Got it,’ he said, taking the file. ‘No red.’
I stood up. ‘Come on. We have to get out of here in case my brother comes searching for me. We can do this over at Gus’s.’
Quentin stood, but instead of heading for the door, he moved into my space, catching me off guard and causing me to back up until I hit the wall.
‘If things were different,’ he said, his voice low, ‘if I wasn’t me, from my family or a neg … would things have been different? Is it even possible?’ He reached up and played with a strand of my hair before letting it go and dropping his head.
‘What are you talking about?’ I said, my voice shaking. He was so close I could feel his breath, smell his slightly spicy scent. I could even feel the heat coming off him.
He nudged nearer, his mouth now at my ear. ‘How can I know what I am and yet feel every single fibre of my being falling for you?’
I gasped. Speechless. Wondering if I had heard what I thought I did.
‘You … you hate me. You’ve been avoiding me. You wish you’d never met me,’ I whispered back.
He hung his head, leaning it against the
side of mine. ‘Because if we’d never met, I’d just be a neg. But now I’m a neg who knows what I’ll never have, even though I want it more than anything. You’ve asked me to question everything, and I know stuff has been happening that isn’t right and that my family is at the centre of that. Things shouldn’t be this way, but … nothing has made me question the system more than this thing between you and me. I can’t get you out of my mind.’
He was still at my ear, his words flowing like a whispered confession, but when he finished he pulled back to look in my eyes. I wondered if he could see the endless number of thoughts that were running through my mind, keeping me frozen in place.
His gaze was so powerful. ‘I’ve tried to stay away, Maggie. Get you out of my head.’ He inched closer still. Our chests were touching. ‘If you tell me no, I won’t kiss you. But you should tell me quickly.’
When his words were met with silence, his lips brushed mine. ‘Please don’t hit me.’ I felt his lips curve upwards as they pressed to mine, and the world slowed so that all I could feel and hear and touch was Quentin. All I wanted was Quentin. And when he began to pull away, all I could think to do was grab his shirt and pull him back to me. I never, ever wanted to let him go.
But somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew I couldn’t really have him. I loosened my grip and slowly stepped away from him.
‘We need to go,’ I said.
He smiled boyishly, looking young. And happy. And I felt a similar feeling inside, even though I worked damn hard not to show it. ‘I’m going to be seriously pissed if you get caught or hurt down there,’ I said, grabbing my bag and heading for the door.
He grabbed me around the waist and kissed the side of my neck before letting me go again. ‘We’ll go in together and we will leave together.’
Stunned by his brashness, I closed the door and we headed down the stairs. At the halfway point I paused to look at him and blurted, ‘And after that?’
He would still be Quentin Mercer and I would still be me. Responsible for all the unforgivable lies.
Quentin simply reached down and took my hand, starting on the stairs again as he said, ‘Together, Mags. Full stop.’
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