by JM Stewart
Her hands paused beneath the water. Her awareness of him sparked in the air. “Maybe doing the dishes is a distraction. Ever think of that?”
Now this he couldn’t resist. If only because he needed to hear her say the words. “A distraction for what?”
“You. I meant what I said. I want you. Badly. But I’m determined to take this slow, so I don’t scare myself again. Being here with you just makes me want. You look good, you know. I don’t know what you’ve done with yourself these last three years, but you have more muscle than I remember, and I can’t stop thinking about you in my apartment with your shirt off. Or the way you kissed my neck.”
Grayson stifled a groan. God, she had to say that. Her words were a tease and a blessing all rolled in one. His cock ached. Trapped in his damn jeans, it pressed painfully against his zipper.
He rested his chin on her shoulder to keep from doing everything he shouldn’t. He needed to take this slow. He had one shot at this. One night. If he moved too quickly, he’d startle her again. “That was the wrong thing to say if you’re trying to keep me at arm’s length. Do you have any idea how sexy you look standing there? Your jeans are killing me. They caress your fantastic curves, and all I can think about is how desperately I want you out of them. So please, do me a favor and leave the damn pan, or I’m going to do everything I shouldn’t.”
She drew a shaky breath, a shiver moving through her that damn near undid him. “Such as?”
This time he groaned outright, and his hands moved of their own volition. Damn her honesty.
He pulled her hair off her shoulder and bent his head, skimming his nose along her neck, luxuriating in the scent that seemed to emanate from her skin. “Such as this.”
She shivered again, a shaky exhalation moving through her, and pushed that tight little ass back against him, grinding against his aching cock. “And?”
He nipped at her earlobe this time as his hands worked their way beneath her sweater, sliding upwards to curve around each breast. Maddie was a luscious, perfect handful. Her breasts were high and perky, and her nipples puckered against his palms. “And this.”
A soft moan vibrated out of her. The blue sponge thudded wetly into the bottom of the pot as her fingers released it. “Who said you had to hold back, Gray?”
Now this made him stop. He released her breasts and instead wrapped his arms around her. “I meant what I said. You look at me the way you did in the hotel last week, and it’ll crush me. I’m trying to take this slow, because I don’t want you to wake up with regrets. Your one-night rule I can handle. If it’s all you’ll give me, I’ll take it. But I couldn’t handle you waking up with regrets again.”
That was the most honest thing he’d told her yet, because it came straight from the heart. It left him shaking, his heart bare in her hands. Truth was, if being with her meant he had to wait for her, he’d wait until the sun no longer rose every morning. But he needed her to want him, too, and if she didn’t…well, he’d rather know now.
She froze then turned her head, twisting at the waist to peer at him. “And I meant what I said. I want you. Inside me. Now.”
As if to somehow prove her point, she reached back, slid her fingers into his hair, and pulled his head down. Her mouth settled on his, her lips plying and tugging, her kiss full of urgency and need. He melted into her, drinking her in. Christ, he couldn’t get enough of her.
The desperate need for air finally forced them apart. His chest heaved with his ragged breathing, and her body trembled against his. Her eyes fluttered open again, but this time, instead of the vixen from moments ago, soft vulnerability rose over her. Her voice lowered to a whisper between them.
“All right. You want the truth? I missed you, too. I’ve spent three years wondering if things would have been different if I’d shown up that weekend.”
Her hand once again came back, this time caressing his cheek. The gentleness of her touch had his breath halting in his lungs. It had been so long since she’d touched him with such tenderness, and he closed his eyes, luxuriating in the simple sensation.
“I’ll admit it. I’m scared. It’s why I’m in here doing the damn dishes. I have bad memories of sex, and I freaked last time we were together, because you make me feel vulnerable, like I can’t hide. I can’t deny I want you, but I’m terrified the panic will come again.” She held out her right hand, showing him the way her fingers trembled, then dropped them to the sink’s edge. “I want to stop being afraid, Gray, and it starts with this moment. Right here.”
For a long moment she said nothing, and he opened his eyes to find her watching him, her gaze searching his face.
“I can’t promise you tomorrow, though. I’m sorry, but I can’t. But I want this.” She lifted onto her toes and brushed her lips over his, a barely there kiss. “I want you. Can you accept that? That this is all I can give you for now?”
He pressed a kiss to her neck. He honestly didn’t know if he could settle for one night. His heart had become too invested in her, but he had to give her this one, because he couldn’t let her leave tonight. Besides, she’d been honest with him, and he had to respect that. “Yeah. If time is what you need, I’ve got all the time the world.”
Maddie unbuttoned her jeans, shoved them down along with her panties and kicked them aside. She widened her stance, then she reached back, palming his cock through his pants with trembling fingers.
She peered over her shoulder again, hair spilling down her back, eyes blazing. “I need you, Gray. Now. Because if I wait, I might just come out of my skin.”
“Shit.” Of all the things for her to say. Her quiet, vulnerable words went straight to his heart, leaving him shaking with need.
He claimed her mouth, kissing her hard, and fumbled in his back pocket for a condom. He hadn’t carried the damn things in over two years. He hadn’t anticipated needing one tonight, but he’d bought some just in case, because he couldn’t help hoping. Oh, he’d laid everything on the table earlier. He had plans for her, but he’d made them unsure if she’d even go along with them. Thank God he’d thought to buy them.
Condom in hand, his fingers shook as he undid his pants and pushed them down enough to free his aching cock. This wasn’t in the plan. The rules were no sex, and he’d made that rule on purpose, because he wanted to earn her trust. He wanted to make love to her, to spend hours learning every inch of her flesh, so she wouldn’t have any doubt in her mind that she was safe with him.
But Christ. What man in his right mind could resist her plea? Certainly not him.
He rolled the condom into place. No sooner had he grabbed her hips then she pushed back onto him. Her soft moan as he slid all the way into her made his whole body hum. God, he wanted her to keep making that addicting sound.
She braced her hands on the sink and he wrapped an arm around her waist, laying over her back, and let himself go, thrusting into her hard and deep. He didn’t have it in him at the moment to be slow or gentle. He needed her too badly, had passed the point of no return an hour ago when she’d lifted onto her toes and thrust her tongue into his mouth.
Luckily for him, she didn’t seem to want slow and gentle, either. With every hard thrust he gave, she pushed back with equal force. The sounds of their lovemaking filled the room, reminiscent of the last time they’d come together. He’d sworn when he’d left her in the bathroom that night if ever he had her in his arms again, he’d take it slow. Make sure it was good for her, that she’d come away from it with no regrets.
Now, she was hot and tight, and her ecstatic moans filled his ears. Her body shook against him, and her thrusts gained a desperate jerky rhythm. As if she were as lost in the moment as he was. Determined to take her with him when he went, he slid his hand beneath her sweater, and found her right breast, circling and pinching the distended nipple. All the while he feasted on any part of her he could reach. Up her neck. Over the curve of her jaw. Her delicate earlobe.
When he had her once again trembling in his arms, he rea
ched around with his other hand and found her slick folds. Her clit was swollen with arousal, and one caress had her crying out. As he massaged her, her head lolled forward, her back bowing, shoulders hunching, as if whatever strings had held her up had been cut. Her pussy began a rhythmic squeezing that told him she was close. So he slowed his rhythm, taking long, deep strokes, and focused his attention on her.
It only took a few circles around that hard little nub before she groaned low and deep, and began to shake in earnest. A couple of soft strokes over her pulsing clit pushed her over the edge. On a soft cry, she clamped around his cock and convulsed in his arms. Despite every intention to make this last as long as possible, her walls squeezing him proved too much. His orgasm ripped through him, a rush of searing pleasure that had him groaning along with her and emptying his soul into her.
As he collapsed against her back, breathing hard and still shaking, one thought rose above the rest. An extended moment in time where everything became crystal clear. Despite his promise, he couldn’t let her go. Whatever the consequences, he was done waiting. He was going to lay his heart on the line and let the cards scatter where they may.
He crushed her to him and bent his head, burying his face in her hair. “I’m not letting you go again, Mad. Mark my words. You’re mine, and I’m keeping you.”
Chapter Ten
Maddie stood shaking. From leftover need. From fear. “We agreed on one night, Gray.”
What she didn’t have the courage to tell him was that the thought of losing him again, of trying to somehow figure out how to live the rest of her life without him, was crushing her. She’d wanted a single night with him. A chance to know what she would’ve learned three years ago.
She didn’t know if she was ready to jump fully into him yet, though. Deep down, she couldn’t deny she felt safe with him. His arms closed around her and her world righted itself. Like she could finally breathe again.
He’d been right. She’d helped him clean up after dinner as an excuse to stall. Her nerves had gotten to her, left her caught between her need for him and the fear that still lived and breathed deep in her belly: If he wanted to get intimate tonight, if he wanted sex, would she really be able to follow through? Or would the panic come again?
It wasn’t until he was groaning softly in her ear as he came that it fully hit her. She’d done it. Had initiated sex, had gotten lost in him, in the need between them, and not once had she thought about her rape. All because of him. Because she trusted him. Because she felt safe with him.
She didn’t have the words to tell him how grateful she was for his gentle patience, but she didn’t know yet if she was ready for much more than that, either. One step at a time was about all she could handle.
His arms tightened around her, drawing her back against the full press of his body. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but you want me to be honest with you. Hell, Cassie’s been telling me nothing but since this whole damn charade started.”
The name had alarm skittering up her spine. Cassie was a woman’s name, and whoever she was, she was clearly someone he shared intimate conversations with.
“Who’s Cassie?” God, asking him that probably made her sound like a jealous girlfriend, but he’d unseated her. She was naked before him tonight, her soul laid bare, and the sudden knowledge only served to remind her how precarious their relationship really was, how much she still didn’t know about him. That he had a friend he talked to—a woman no less—made her gut ache. A selfish part of her said that someone ought to be her.
“She’s a friend. I should’ve introduced you a long time ago, but it never came up. I get lost in you, Maddie, until you’re all I can see. Cassie’s been my best friend since high school. She’s family. The only family I have left at this point.” Grayson drew a breath, his thumbs stroking her belly. “I’m sorry. It was a vulnerable moment, but I meant what I said. I can’t pretend you mean nothing to me. At some point, you have to make a decision. You either want me too, or you don’t. Cassie told me she thinks you’re running because you care too much. I’m inclined to believe she’s right.”
She turned her head, peering back over her shoulder at him. “If she’s been your best friend for that long, shouldn’t I have met her by now?”
He shook his head. “She’s told me that, too—that it would likely look wrong to you. I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but the things I’ve shared with you have never been lies. I’m here, Maddie, and you’ve got all of me. Tomorrow, I’ll give Cass a call and we’ll figure out when she can do lunch. I’ll let her tell you. I’d call her tonight, but she’s not home. She has a date, and if I know her, she’s busy right about now.” Humor laced his tone, but he sobered a breath later. “I have something I want to show you.”
Grayson took a moment to get rid of the condom, and Maddie snatched her panties off the floor. By the time she’d pulled them on, he had his jeans done up. He didn’t give her time to grab her pants, but took her hand and led her upstairs. She followed, dumbstruck once again, because she had no resistance against him anymore.
When they entered his bedroom he reached for a switch on the left wall, flooding the space with light. He turned to her, eyes luminous and tender. God help her but her knees melted. “It’s an exercise in trust. I need you to understand I would never purposely hurt you, and there are a lot of ways I could do that, but you seem to respond when I touch you. So that’s where I’ll start. The part of you that still melts into me when I kiss you.”
He stepped into her personal space, his body brushing hers. His breath whispered across her cheek, and his body heat infused hers.
“You have my promise. Tomorrow, I’ll introduce you to Cass, and she’ll put you out of your misery, but for tonight, I’m asking you to trust that part of you that trusts me. This isn’t easy for me, either. I’m just as terrified as you are. Of all the same things.” He dropped his arms to his sides, his voice lowering to a vulnerable whisper between them. “It hurt, Maddie. When you stood me up that weekend, it crushed me, and it took me a long time to get over being angry with you.”
The pain etched in his voice made her look up. Dejection hung on him, rounding his shoulders. The hurt in his eyes, though, was a punch to the stomach. Tears burned behind her eyelids and regret tightened in her chest, her previous irritation and doubts flitting away as quickly as they’d come. She was getting lost in fear again.
She wrapped her arms over her stomach. “I’m sorry. I hate knowing I hurt you like that. I never meant to, as lousy an excuse as that is. I should have trusted you, but at the time I was too afraid. I was so in love with you, and reading all those things in the paper…I didn’t know what to believe. Since my rape, trust has been hard. I keep expecting you to let me down again, because falling into you is so easy it terrifies me. Maybe that’s not fair to you, but it’s the truth.” She looked up again, meeting his gaze. “What do you want me to do?”
He crossed the space between them, took her face in the warmth of his palms, and pressed a tender kiss to her lips. “Thank you. That goes a long way. It really does. And for what it’s worth? The way you feel is normal. All I ask is that you talk to me. Tell me when I’m pushing you too hard. Deal?”
She nodded, tears flooding her eyes. “Deal.”
He thumbed her chin, then turned and moved to a closet on the right wall, pulling open the wooden door. He reached inside, coming out with two of his ties—one red, one gray—then turned back to her. “Take everything off then lie on the bed.”
She let out a nervous laugh. “Please don’t make me get naked by myself.”
He rolled his eyes, but one corner of his mouth quirked upward. Then he moved to the bed, laid the ties neatly on top, and turned to face her again. Intense gaze holding hers, he pulled his shirttails from the waistband of his jeans and began to undo the buttons. Garment by garment, he shed his clothing. First his shirt, then his jeans, last his underwear. Grayson, she noted, wore skintight boxer briefs. God, he looked
so damn sexy in them, too. They hugged his hips and strong thighs.
He dropped everything onto the floor at his feet then stood staring at her for a moment. His cock jutted against his stomach but he didn’t move, didn’t approach her.
“There. Now you’re not alone in your vulnerability. Your turn. Everything off, please. Unless you’d rather I undress you.” He grinned at this, gaze luminous and burning through her. “I’m happy to oblige.”
The sight of him naked had every inch of her attention. Her whole body hummed. He was solid and toned, and the sight of his erection made her mouth water. He wasn’t huge, but his cock was perfectly shaped. Long straight shaft with a wide head. She longed to drop to her knees and suck him into her mouth.
“I’d rather undress myself.” Because if he touched her, she wasn’t sure she’d let him go through with whatever his plan was. He intrigued the hell out of her. He seemed calm and in control, and he most definitely paid attention to how she felt. He might very well be naked, but he didn’t touch her, didn’t invade her space. Having been at the mercy of a man who wouldn’t take no for an answer, that single thing gained him a measure of her respect.
Her fingers trembled as she pulled her sweater over her head. She took her sweet time, too, neatly folding it and setting it on the floor before unhooking her bra and slipping off her panties. Now as naked as he was, she looked to the ties on the bed. “What are those for?”
“One to blindfold you, one to tie you up with.” Amusement laced his voice, and she jerked her head in his direction. Alarm must have shown on her face, because he held up his hands in surrender. “Relax, baby. Take a look at the bed. There’s nothing in this room to tie you to. It’s what it represents. I told you. It takes trust to do this. When I’m finished, you’re more than welcome to bind me in return.”