by JM Stewart
He took a moment to close the app he’d been searching and lock his display before he looked up at her. She stood before him with a pastry in one hand and a travel mug in the other.
He furrowed his brow in disapproval at her choice of nourishment. “I could have made you a healthier breakfast than that, you know.”
Her face twisted in disgust as she bit down on the icing-covered sugar bomb in her hand. “What, that vegan crap you eat? No thanks.”
This made him smile. It was another long-standing argument between them. Most women he knew ate like birds. Cassie ate like she’d die tomorrow, with seemingly little care for things like cholesterol. “I’m not vegan, and they’re called vegetables. You ought to try them sometime. That sugar will have you crashing in less than two hours.”
She grinned and lifted her coffee mug in salute. “Which is why I have caffeine. Good coffee, by the way.” She winked and strode for the front door like a woman on a mission, heels click-clacking across her immaculately polished hardwood floors. “Come on. Before my sugar high wears off.”
* * *
“Sooo….” Hannah grinned at her over the counter. “How’d last night go?”
Maddie couldn’t stop the hot flush from rising into her cheeks. She waved a nonchalant hand and went back to lining the books on the window display. The latest erotic bestseller. People clamored for it, so despite the fact that their specialty was old and rare books, they opted to carry this one as well. They’d carried the first four in the series, and repeat customers had come back for the next. “It went good. We ate, we chatted, I spent the night…”
“Oh my God,” Hannah squealed, coming up behind Maddie at a fast pace. “Deets, babe. Give me the deets.”
“It was…hot. Grayson is Grayson, and he charmed me right of my panties.”
She darted a glance at Hannah, who grinned from ear to ear. “So, does he look good beneath you?”
Maddie laughed. Over a year ago, they’d had a similar conversation when Hannah had been in her position. Maddie had been the one to convince her best friend to take a chance on an affair, with Cade. Hannah had asked her then: if she could do that weekend with Grayson over again, would she? Maddie had given her a flippant reply meant to disguise her true feelings. “Maybe if I could tape his mouth shut. He could just…lie there and look pretty.”
Hannah had seen right through her, of course.
“I didn’t tape his mouth shut. I rather like his mouth. But he did tie my hands, and yes, he looks very pretty beneath me.” Maddie rolled her eyes. “God, Han, his body has changed. Muscles on top of muscles and washboard abs.”
Hannah waved a hand. “Wait, wait, wait, back up a step. He tied you up? Seriously?”
Maddie shook her head. Her face had to be as red as a tomato by now, because she was a thousand degrees and burning up fast. “Let’s just say it was his idea of a trust-building exercise. Apparently, he has a kinky side I did not see coming. I have to hand it to him, though. It was incredible.”
“Good for you. So, you’re seeing him again, I take it?”
Maddie nodded. “Tonight. He suggested dinner and a movie, but I’m not sure I care what we do. We could sit at his place and watch the news for all I care.” She sighed. “I’m kind of grateful you and Christina forced me into this.”
Hannah’s smile came out again, this one soft and pleased and heartfelt. “It’s working again. Between you two, I mean.”
Maddie couldn’t help the dreamy sigh that escaped her. “Yeah. It’s still there. Like it never left. Like we’re picking up where we left off.”
Hannah nudged her shoulder. “You’re in love with him.”
Maddie dropped her gaze to the display. “I’m not sure I ever stopped, but yeah. I’m falling hard all over again, and it honestly scares the crap out of me. Part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I’m not allowing myself to overthink it.”
Hannah gave a decisive nod. “Good.”
Maddie flashed a sheepish grin. “I’m thinking of going to Victoria’s Secret and buying something sexy. Do you care if I take an hour off to run over there?”
“Nope. We’re slow. Go now. I’ll finish setting that up.” Hannah winked at her. “Get something naughty.”
“Thanks.”
Maddie grabbed her purse from behind the counter and exited the shop, whistling an upbeat tune she’d heard on the radio that morning as she made the six block trek. Three blocks from her destination, a couple emerged, arm in arm, from the doorway of an expensive jewelry shop. They halted on the sidewalk in front of her and turned to each other, giving Maddie their profiles.
She came to a dead halt as recognition dawned. Grayson. With another woman. Her heart launched into her throat and blood whooshed in her ears. For several moments she could do little more than stand there and stare. Surely it wasn’t what it seemed, but they related to each other with familiarity. The woman stood intimately close, her eyes illuminated as she smiled up at him. She was gorgeous, too. Small, standing a good head and shoulders below him, with a tiny, curvy figure. She had dark hair, cut in a cute, short style, with side-swept bangs that fell over her forehead. Her dress showed off her tiny waistline, and the short, flowy hem accented her shapely calves.
What got her, though, was the gleam in the woman’s eyes as she peered up at Grayson. They were too far down for Maddie to hear much more than the general hum of their voices, but his lips moved as he said something. He must have made some sort of joke, for the woman tipped her head back and laughed, then playfully swatted his chest.
They clearly knew each other well. The woman lifted onto her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck. Grayson bent, wrapped her in his embrace and returned the hug. He turned his head, murmuring something in her ear, then kissed her cheek before releasing her. When the woman disappeared into the store again, Grayson pivoted in Maddie’s direction, only to come to an abrupt halt. Panic flashed in the depths of his widened eyes as his gaze landed on her.
Tears flooded her eyes, a vise clenched at her chest. After everything she’d shared with him, all her secrets and her fears, he’d lied to her. Again. He’d told her he had something to do. She’d assumed he meant grocery shopping or something, but clearly she’d been wrong. It wasn’t something but someone.
Her face grew hot, and a thick lump formed in her throat. Her chest clenched with the hurt reverberating through her. What a gullible fool she’d been to ever think he was different, that he really had changed. But he hadn’t. It was just lies on top of lies, and she’d been naïve enough to believe him.
Dejection sank over her. Like it had with Matt. She’d let him into her life, had happily gone with him to that party. Because she’d trusted him.
And here she was, ready to give Grayson her heart again. She should have known last night was too good to be true.
Grayson shook his head and stepped in her direction, fear rising in his eyes. “Maddie, it’s not what it looks like…”
Those words from his mouth hit like a slap in the face, confirming what her heart told her. She blinked back the tears threatening to spill over.
“Go to hell, Grayson.” She glared at him, then pivoted, stalking back the way she’d come as fast as she could without resorting to running. Running would look desperate. Then he’d know he’d gotten to her. And she couldn’t—wouldn’t!—let him know he’d hurt her, that he’d broken her. No man would ever know he’d broken her, not ever again.
She’d only gone a few steps before Grayson appeared in front of her, forcing her to halt or plow right into him. His brow was furrowed, those chocolate eyes full of regret and searching her face. “Would you stop and listen?”
A single tear escaped her tight control, leaking down her cheek, but Maddie swiped it away with a dash of her hand. “To what? More lies? I trusted you. God, what a naïve fool I’ve been. All you’ve ever done is lie to me, but I had myself convinced you were different now.”
She stepped around him, but Gr
ayson grabbed her arm, stopping her retreat, and pulled her back to him.
“Goddamn it, Maddie, for once in your life will you just listen?” He glared right back at her. “You always go off half-cocked, without bothering to talk to me first. It really sucks, you know that? You keep saying you trust me, but clearly you don’t.”
Her lower lip wobbled, and despite her best effort, the tears slipped out, one by one leaking down her cheeks. “I not blind, Grayson. I saw you! Any fool within three blocks can see the way she adores you.” She shook off his hand. “Let go of me. She can have you, because I’m done playing your fool.”
He flinched as if she’d slapped him and drew up straight. Tension radiated off him and his jaw tightened.
“Well, I should hope she’s fond of me.” He threw a hand in the direction of the store, behind them. “That was Cassie. God, as far as we’ve come, clearly we still have a long way to go. The hard part is, I can’t blame you. I’ve made mistakes I can’t take back. You’re right. I should’ve been a little more honest, clued you in on my plans, but I didn’t want to ruin it. But Cassie’s right. After all the lies I’ve told you in the past, even a small one could end us up right back here. She’s been trying to warn me this whole time, and I didn’t listen.”
He dragged both hands through his hair, holding long bangs back off his forehead, and stood staring at her. After a long moment, he dropped his arms to his sides, dejection rising over him. His shoulders rounded as he blew out a defeated breath.
“Trust is a decision, Maddie. You have to be willing to meet me halfway, to decide once and for all whether or not you truly forgive me for the past and are willing to give me the benefit of the doubt sometimes. We can’t move forward until you do. But that’s a decision only you can make.” He started moving again, walking backward down the sidewalk the way he’d come. “I love you, Maddie. You’re it for me. So if you decide this is something you truly want, I’ll be waiting. You know where to find me.”
Chapter Twelve
Maddie opened her door later that evening to find the woman she’d seen with Grayson earlier waiting out in the hallway—the absolute last person she wanted to see. To find on her doorstep the woman who only hours ago had been competition, made her heart sink into her toes. She looked as perfect as the first time Maddie had seen her, too, with her cute, short hair and flawless makeup. Her floral print skirt showed off toned thighs and calves, and was topped by a baby pink tank that hugged a lot more than Maddie’s sorry little handful.
She made Maddie want to hide in a closet. In a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt, with no bra and no makeup to speak of, she felt ugly and plain in comparison. Her only saving grace at this point was that the woman was clearly nervous. Her brow puckered with anxiety and her hands were knotted together so tightly her knuckles had turned white.
Before Maddie could think of what to say, the woman extended her arm, holding out a card that trembled in the air. “I’m not who you think I am.”
Maddie glanced at the card. A business card. Creations by Cassie adorned the top in fancy lettering, and below that there was an address Maddie realized belonged to the exact shop where she’d seen her and Grayson.
The woman pulled her hand back, took a moment to stuff the card into the oversized Gucci handbag hanging off her right shoulder, and came out with another card. This one was her driver’s license. She held it out long enough for Maddie to read her name. “I thought maybe we could talk.”
Maddie’s heart sank into her toes. This, apparently, really was Grayson’s Cassie. A sick sensation twisted in her stomach. Grayson’s words earlier had left her speechless. The hurt written on his face had haunted her all day. The woman clearly was who she said she was. Had Maddie judged him unfairly? Allowed her fear to convince her—again—of something that wasn’t true?
Maddie wrapped her arms across her stomach, her chest clenching with regret. She had. She’d done it again. And here was Cassie, extending an olive branch Maddie didn’t think she deserved. She wasn’t sure she’d have come over appearing quite so friendly if she’d been Cassie. “About?”
Cassie released a heavy breath and folded her hands again. “I told Gray he needed to introduce us earlier, that it likely wouldn’t look right to you, given…everything, but Gray…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s stubborn, and he has his own agenda. He’s also afraid.”
Yeah, she’d heard that before. She should’ve listened. “Of what?”
Cassie’s features seemed almost somber. “Losing you. It scares the hell out of him. To the point that he does stupid stuff in a desperate attempt to hold on to you.”
Maddie let the stiffness drop out of her shoulders. “You know, it bothers me more than a little that I don’t even know you.”
“I know and I have no idea why, but it’s partly why I’m here. To be honest, I’d wring his neck if I thought it would do any good. I told him this latest charade was a bad idea. We girls don’t like discovering we’ve been lied to. It creates an air of distrust. The first time was good intentions gone bad. Somebody sabotaged him, and he was afraid if he told you the truth you’d end your relationship. I told him lying to you after that was a bad idea but, well, Gray’s stubborn. He was also desperate.” Cassie shook her head. “To say he missed you these last three years would be an understatement.”
“Oh, sure, butter me up.” Maddie rolled her eyes but Cassie’s words got to her. Grayson had told her something similar, and the knowledge did what it always did: seeped inside and wormed its way into all those places desperately in love with him. Her heart ached with the knowledge that she’d hurt him again.
Cassie stepped forward and laid a hand on her arm.
“No, I’m serious. He’s in love with you.” She hesitated, looked down and shook her head before looking up again. “God, he’ll kill me for telling you this, but he was shopping for jewelry this morning. For you. It’s what I do. I design jewelry. He’s a good guy, Maddie. A little misguided, maybe, but deep down where it counts? He’s gold.”
Maddie didn’t know what to say that. There was so much she didn’t know about him, things he hadn’t shared, and standing in front of her was a woman who probably knew everything. The knowledge ate at her in a way that didn’t make her very proud; there was a hard knot of ugliness caught in her chest. She wasn’t a jealous person. She just wanted to stop being lied to.
Maddie furrowed her brow and shook her head, helpless. “Why did you come? I wouldn’t have if I were you.”
Cassie tugged on one of Maddie’s hands and squeezed her fingers. “Because he’s miserable, and I can’t stand him when he’s miserable. He’s an ornery buzzard. I don’t know whether to hug him or strangle him.” She let out a quiet laugh then sobered. “I also came because I’ve been you.”
Her eyes filled with an aching sadness that hit Maddie where it hurt. She stepped back, moving out of the doorway. “Come in.”
Fifteen minutes later they sat at the kitchen table, two cups of hot coffee in hand. Across from her, Cassie took a sip, peering over her cup.
“I won’t tell you I don’t love him, because I do, but not like that. Never like that. I think he had a crush on me in high school when we first met. He even kissed me once, in college. He came to see me for spring break, and we were both bombed at the time. We laughed afterwards, in hysterics, actually, because there was no spark. It was like kissing my brother. I’ve never looked at him that way.” Cassie sipped her coffee again before setting her cup on the table. “But I do love him, and I want him to be happy, and you make him happy.”
Maddie rose from her seat, using the excuse of topping off her half-full cup in order to avoid Cassie’s direct stare. “So, what you’re essentially telling me is I screwed up. Again. I’ve done it to him again, and this time I made him leave me.”
The thought went round and round in her head, taunting her, and tears flooded her eyes. Their entire relationship was in shambles, and the fault lay solely on her shoulders. The thought alone
made her want to sit down and weep.
Cassie’s chair scraped the floor behind her. A second later Cassie’s subtle, floral scent floated around her, and a gentle hand touched her shoulder. “I won’t give him this one. He made sure nothing he told you was a lie, so he’s right on that front, but I can’t blame you for not trusting him. I’m just saying that sometimes, when you love someone enough, you do things you regret out of fear.”
Cassie’s touch left her shoulder, and Maddie turned, watching as the other woman moved around the island and into the living room. Cassie stared out the window, sadness hanging on her.
“I had a Gray once. Tyler was everything to me, and I lost him.” She sniffled and ducked her head, swiping her fingers beneath her eyes. “Trust me. You’ll regret not having Gray more than you’ll ever regret loving him.”
Maddie sighed, the heavy decision pressing her down, and wrapped her arms around herself as if, somehow, she could hold all the pieces together that wanted to come apart. “This whole conversation has me sick to my stomach.”
Cassie looked back over her shoulder, giving Maddie a soft smile. “I understand that, believe it or not. What it’s like to have trouble trusting people. Which is why I’m here. Not to stick up for him. Grayson can hold his own. He’s pissed right now, but I think it’s mostly at himself. No, I’m here because I thought it might be better if we met without Gray in the picture. The look on your face when you opened the door also confirmed something for me. You love him, too.”
“Yes.” She couldn’t deny it at this point. She had to hand it to Cassie. She was handling this way better than Maddie had.
Cassie patted her arm and strode for the front door. “I’ll leave you alone now. Just think about it.”
“You said he was with you today because he was purchasing something. For what?”
Cassie stopped in the foyer and turned. She frowned, her bow-shaped mouth turning down at the corners. “I’ve said too much as it is. I’ll just tell you this. I told you Tyler was my everything? I’m fairly certain you’re Gray’s.”