I nod, although I basically don’t care what the room looks like as long as I can lie down there and hide from the world.
It’s not far to our room. We leave the clothes-room, pass through another small corridor back to the big communal room, and turn into a wider hallway where several doorways are partitioned off with fabric.
Finally on the left side comes the pink curtain. Behind it, a small room with two mattresses on the floor. On the wall above the mattress on the left is a picture of a dog. That must be where Iris sleeps.
Relieved, I let myself down on the other mattress and stretch out. The bed isn’t so soft as the ones in the safety zone, it isn’t tailored for me, but it’s better than sleeping on the floor.
“We can paint the walls in colour later, then it’ll be even prettier,” suggests Iris, but I’m so tired I hardly hear her.
“I’m going to bring you some of Marie’s stew, please try to stay awake that long,” commands Florence, before leaving hand in hand with Iris.
Alone. Finally. My eyes fall shut all by themselves when I roll over on my side. The gentle whisper of the wind is the last thing I hear before I sink into deep, relaxing blackness.
- -
07. SISTERS
A strange sound brings me back to reality. It’s like a sort of signal tone, but there isn’t any measurable sequence. The tones fall in a mixed-up mess, some quiet, some louder, some faster, some slower. The sound is almost pleasant and reminds me of bells ringing, or Florence’s laughter.
Thinking of Florence brings me right back to the present, and I know where I am. In the first sleepy moment it wasn’t so clear.
With a frustrated sigh I open my eyes and blink in the light. There’s no lamp here to turn on and off depending on what you need. Here, people have to adapt themselves to the sun, not the other way around.
I stare fixedly at the uneven red ceiling. It was impressive to me a few days ago—now it triggers displeasure. Especially when I hear a snort from the room’s entrance.
Shocked, I sit up and stare into Finn’s dark face. How long has he been standing there? And why? I thought I was alone. He won’t even allow me that much freedom.
“Have you slept enough at last? What do you think we are here, a hotel?” he snaps at me, as unfriendly as ever, his arms crossed over his chest.
It’s useless to tell him I have no idea what a “hotel” is. He’d probably just get angrier.
“Did you set the alarm clock?” I ask instead, standing up and smoothing my new clothes.
“What alarm clock?” he answers suspiciously, as if I’m not right in the head.
“That...that ringing...” I listen, and the bell sound starts up. “There it is again.
Finn rolls his eyes, irritated. “Those are birds, you nutcase!”
Curiously, I turn and stare out the window. Living animals! Unbelievable! But there’s nothing to see except the treetops and the shining blue sky.
My excitement doesn’t last long. Why does he have to insult me again? I don’t know what a hotel is, or a nutcase, but I’m sure his words aren’t friendly. I’m getting tired of this treatment from him. I haven’t done anything to him! “What are you doing here, anyway?”
As per usual, his eyes narrow to slits and he fixes his gaze on me. “Don’t you dare think anything will be different for you, just because the others decided to let you out of that cell. I know you’d betray us to the Legion at the first opportunity, so I’m not going to let you out of my sight for a second.”
Gulp. I’m frightened to think of Finn being close to me around the clock. He hates me so much that it sometimes takes my breath away. Still, he’s right. If I had the chance, I would try to run away again. Even though the others are so nice, this place is nothing but a prison for me. I belong here about as much as Finn would belong in the safety zone. Nevertheless, it cheers me up to think of him there. Then he’d see how it is when everything is strange and you don’t know anything. He’d be just as helpless as I am here. He’d probably land in sickbay—and it wouldn’t even take one day.
My small grin awakens his suspicion, because he doesn’t allow me the slightest happiness. “Why are you smiling?”
“None of your business!” I push past him through the pink curtain. he grabs my upper arm and drags me through the hallway to the big communal room. It’s full of the quiet buzz of conversation. The sweet smell of food rises to my nose and I see Iris, Florence and Paul, and a red-haired woman with a small child, gathered around one of the tables.
Florence and Paul are standing unusually close together. His hands rest on her hips and they appear very comfortable with each other. She is feeding him a brown mass. When Paul sees me, he nods in my direction and Florence’s expression goes dark when she sees Finn’s hand on my arm.
“Be a little sensitive, will you?” she hisses at us, and at first I think she’s talking to me. But then Finn releases my arm, my scratched and bruised arm.
“She’s dangerous!” Finn insists stubbornly, but Florence isn’t interested. She comes running to me and pulls me to her side, away from Finn.
“She’s all black and blue and you’ve got nothing better to do than to drag her out of bed?”
“I didn’t wake her...” he says, a little more quietly. “But she’s slept long enough.”
“She was locked in a cell for a week and won’t have slept a wink from fear, so half a day and a night is nowhere near enough!” Florence is outraged, and I’m astonished how loud such a little woman can yell.
Finn cringes at her words and stares at his shoes. “I thought she could make herself useful.”
“None of that. She has to eat first.”
Without waiting for an answer from him, she leads me to the round table and sets me on a chair beside Iris—who is smiling all over her face while she shoves the brown mass into her mouth with a fork.
“Better not disagree with Florence,” she says with her mouth full.
In that same moment, the red-haired woman sets a plate of the same mass in front of me, and passes me a fork. The food smells delicious. “Here, this is a pancake. Try it and see if you like it. I’m Grace, and this is my daughter Emily.” She points at the girl, about the same age as Iris, with red hair like her mother’s. A mother and child...This would be unimaginable in the safety zone. No one knows their parents. Children are taken from their mothers immediately after birth, and raised in the education department.
Impressed, I stretch my hand towards Grace, which makes her happy. She lays her soft hand in mine.
“I taught her that,” says Paul proudly.
“Well done, darling,” says Florence happily, but she frowns when Finn sits down beside me. “You’ve eaten already.”
“I’m not letting her out of my sight, she can’t be trusted.”
“She has a name, you know. It’s Cleo. What do you think she’ll do here? Suffocate us with pancakes? Go on, get out of the kitchen, or I’ll make you!”
Finn’s eyes shoot daggers at Florence, but she doesn’t care. In fact, she sends back an arsenal of her own.
“Come on, let’s go for a walk,” says Paul to Finn. Before he goes, he kisses Florence full on the lips. She has to stand on her tiptoes, and he has to bend down a bit. Embarrassed, I drop my gaze and use the fork to separate off a piece of the pancake. Quickly I stick it in my mouth. It’s warm, and sweet, and I finally realise how hungry I am.
The first pancake is gone quickly and a second follows it. After four, I give up and lay my hands on my full stomach.
Grace wants to give me another. “Eat, if you’re hungry,” she says with a laugh, but I thank her and say no.
For the rest of the day, Florence shows me around the caves and the surrounding area. People work in the gardens, cultivating their own vegetables to provide for themselves to a large extent. They also go hunting, which I can hardly imagine, because I thought all animals had died out. It’s not true—for me it’s like a miracle, so it’s horrible to think of
killing them. I wish I could see a living pig before I have to eat one from my plate.
The caves are well-situated, protected by a mountain, which Florence calls a hill, but it’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen. The caves border the woods, and there’s a lake so they can water their plants. Except for the woods, from the caves we can see miles of dry, red sandy desert. I wonder where the safety zone is. It can’t be that far away, but there’s nothing to see. But I won’t ask, because it would only strengthen Finn’s opinion about me—even though he’s right.
There is vegetable soup at midday, a strange, warm drink with floating pieces of plants. It is peculiar, but fills the stomach admirably, along with the fresh bread I have grown to love.
Gustav’s wife Marie moves about confidently, preparing food, only rarely in sight through a doorway. Her face has at least as many wrinkles as Gustav’s, maybe even more. But her eyes and mouth have such a kind expression that I know the wrinkles must be from laughing. Her hair is white like snow, falling in soft waves over her tanned skin. I’m deeply touched to see Gustav with her. Whenever he looks at her, there’s a smile on his lips. Anytime she stands up, he gives her his hand and leads her wherever she wants to go. He strokes her cheeks and kisses her forehead.
Unlike with Florence and Paul, it’s not embarrassing. I can hardly tear my eyes away. These two are so old and must have known each other for half of forever, still Gustav’s eyes light up in wonder for his Marie.
Love was always an abstract concept for me until now. Something that shouldn’t exist in our world any more. Something I couldn’t understand, maybe even something I feared. But when I see Gustav and Marie, I long to be happy like that. That evening, I finally meet her properly.
Marie serves yet more warm vegetables, in a thicker brown liquid. Florence calls it stew, and I accept a bowl because I am hungry although by now I am properly longing for cereal cubes from the safety zone. Then I take a bite and my insides almost melt with how good it feels. Warm food. What a marvellous idea.
After dinner, Gustav calls me by the name he chose for me: Cleo. It’s strange to hear this name. It feels just as peculiar as everything else here, but I like the sound of it. It reminds me a little bit of the word “clover”. We learned about clover in educational training, and also about four-leaf clovers, and that people used to think they were lucky. So it’s not a bad thing to have a name that reminds me of something that brings luck.
I sit down in front of him and Marie. Only now do I see that there’s something wrong with her eyes. They’re light blue, almost white, staring straight through the room instead of focusing on someone or something specific. Still, I reach out my hand. “Hello.”
Gustav shakes his head sadly. “Marie is blind, child. She can’t see as we do, she can only feel.” Carefully he lays his wife’s hand in mine. It’s wrinkly and warm and soft. There’s a sweet smell about her, almost like the scent of the forest.
Carefully, Marie feels my fingertips, the back of my hand, my palm and my wrist. Her touch is ticklish, but I enjoy being close to her.
She reaches my arm and pauses. “May I?” She gestures to my face.
Instead of answering, I take her hands in mine and lay them on my cheeks. It’s unusual to let a stranger feel me so thoroughly, but with Marie it is not a bad thing. She’s very gentle. I hardly feel her touch.
She feels her way from my cheeks to my eyes, my forehead, my shaved head, my ears, my nose, and finally stops on my lips. She smiles. It’s such a warm, heartfelt smile that I have to smile too.
“I have a real beauty before me here,” she says, and giggles like a little girl.
I feel the heat rising into my cheeks, and drop my gaze, humbled. If anyone else had said that, I would think they were insulting me. Because if there’s anything I’m not, it’s beautiful. One look in the mirror was enough.
“No, I’m sorry, but I’m not beautiful. Florence is. You are, too. But not me.” I hate the sadness in my voice, and curse this place where appearance is not as meaningless as it is in the safety zone.
But Marie holds to her opinion. “Maybe your beauty isn’t visible to everyone. A good heart can’t be seen with the eyes—it can only be felt, and I’m better at feeling that than anyone else.”
So she thinks I have a good heart too, even though I’d run away if I only could. I’m ashamed of my thoughts and hope that Marie can’t read those as well.
But this time it’s Gustav who picks up my feelings. “You miss the safety zone, don’t you?”
I hesitate for a moment and look around the communal room, uncertain. But no one else is here now, so I dare to be honest, and nod sadly. I don’t want to hurt Gustav or Marie, but I also don’t want to insult them by lying.
Strangely, it’s Marie who answers, although she couldn’t see me nod.
“The Atrium was always so impressive. Standing in that one place, it can show you the whole world.” The thought makes her smile, while I stare at her, horrified. She knows the Atrium? That means she must have been in the safety zone herself. How is that possible? I assumed none of them had ever been there, the same as Finn.
“You’ve been there?”
“Of course! We are from the first generation. May I introduce: A175...”
“...and A176,” adds Marie, reaching for Gustav’s hand.
“Legion commanders!” I cry out. That’s really something. They know what I’m talking about. They understand me.
“That was then, child. Now we’re just Marie and Gustav. Isn’t that enough?”
“That’s more than enough, my dear,” says Gustav, and strokes her cheek.
“Why did you leave the safety zone?” I’m stunned. They had attained everything anyone could dream of. There’s nothing better than being a Legion commander. It’s the highest honour.
“We missed being human. Do you know the difference between a human and a robot?” asks Gustav.
When I don’t answer, Marie answers for me. “Humans have souls. And souls die in the Legion.”
I think back to my conversation with Paul, and how I told him no one laughs in the safety zone, and that was what I liked about D523. No one holds hands there. No one strokes anyone’s cheek. No one kisses. No one loves anyone. Maybe they’re not so wrong after all. Maybe there’s something wrong with that system.
“We wanted to change things, back then. We wanted to do things better. But we were the minority. Unlike today, we had the choice. We could join, or we had to leave.” I can feel Gustav’s frustration.
“We left, and we’ve never regretted it,” says Marie cheerfully, and Gustav smiles again.
“The people here, are any others from the safety zone?”
“Oh yes, Paul and Grace come from the same one as you do, as we did. Florence and her brothers come from another one in the north. Heaven knows how they found their way here.”
“Her brothers?”
“The twins, Jep and Pep. You know them.”
“But they don’t look like Florence, how can they be related?”
“Aren’t we all related somehow?” Gustav grins, and I see he has hardly any teeth. No wonder, at his age—over eighty. In the safety zone, no one is allowed to be older than 60. He goes on. “Sometimes the heart connects people more than blood ever could.”
That night, lying on my mattress next to Iris, I think about Marie and Gustav’s words. I don’t know my mother or father. There’s absolutely no way to find out anything about them or my siblings. Either there is no information about them, or the Legion commanders would keep the data locked up so that I couldn’t access it. That’s if I ever get back to the safety zone.
“Iris, would you like to have a family?”
“Sure. It would be great to have a mother like Grace. Emily’s so lucky. Why do you ask?” She looks at me with interest. The light blue in her eyes is almost completely gone, and the sparkling grey has won. Her face also isn’t covered in bruises. We probably don’t look any more alike than Florence and her
brothers.
“What about a sister?”
She appears to be thinking, but doesn’t answer until she looks me over thoroughly. “If I had a sister, she should be just like you.”
I laugh, relieved. A contemptuous snort comes from the door—it’s Finn. I don’t care. “Theoretically, we could be sisters. I mean, no one knows who we’re really related to.”
Iris is all for it and sits up in her bed. “Yes, that’s true, maybe we really are sisters.”
“Maybe. I’d like you to be my little sister in any case.”
Iris crows with delight. Her whole face shines with joy. “If I’m your sister, can I sleep in your bed?”
“If you like.” I lift up my blanket so she can slip inside, which she hurries to do.
She cuddles against my arm so I can feel her breath on my throat. “Good night, sister,” she whispers happily.
“Good night.”
“Good night, Finn,” she calls, and he grumbles from the doorway in reply. If it makes him happy to sleep on the floor in front of our room, I certainly won’t stop him.
- -
08. ZOE
It’s a strange new feeling for me to dip my fingers and hands into the dry earth. The sand sticks under my fingernails and colours my skin red. I let the pieces of stone drop from one hand to the other. When I press them hard, they disintegrate. As well as earth, there are old plant roots and sometimes there’s even a worm. I nearly cut the head off my first, when I was using the spade. Then, when I carefully lifted it out of the ground and looked at it in the palm of my hand, Finn only rolled his eyes.
I annoy him terribly. It starts in the morning, when he wakes me with unfriendly words, and it goes on at breakfast when he watches with eagle eyes just what I eat and how much. It’s like he’s making a list in his head, so he can send me a bill later. But although he can’t stand me, he rarely leaves me alone, following me around like a black shadow. He’s tormenting not only himself, but me too. Whenever I dare to forget that this isn’t my home, his piercing gaze reminds me. He couldn’t be clearer in showing me how unwelcome I am. It would be in the best interests of both of us if he’d just take me back to the safety zone, but that’s the last thing he’d ever do. So I’ll have to tolerate his presence, as he must tolerate mine.
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