by Nikki Wild
I took a few more steps, trying desperately not to slip and break my leg. I put the books on a newspaper stand and reached into my purse to search for my phone. I jumped and screamed like a little girl as a rat the size of an alley cat scurried around my foot and through the river of people to the other side.
My heart racing, I took a deep breath, doing my best to calm myself.
You got this, I told myself. Just relax. All you have to do is call Max and you’ll be in the limo, rat-free.
I fished around in my purse for my phone, reaching past my sunglasses and my keys and lipstick. But no phone.
It wasn’t there.
What the fuck? I cried, frantically searching through my purse again.
Nothing.
Wait, nothing?
My wallet! My wallet was gone, too! I’d just had it when I’d applied for my library card and I’d put it back into my purse, right before I walked outside and bumped into the man.
“No!” I screamed, piercing panic gripping my heart.
The man! He must have pick pocketed me! Maria had warned me about that, but I never thought it was really a thing that happened.
I looked around for Max but there were so many cars and people swirling around I couldn’t really focus on any one thing.
What now? I thought. I don’t have a phone. No money, no bank cards. At least my house keys were still in my pocket, but I didn’t even know how to walk back home from here.
I’d never felt so lost in my life.
What the hell was I doing here? I thought. This wasn’t me, this wasn’t my life. This was someone else’s life. I didn’t belong here. I had no idea how to get around, how to even live here without the help of someone else.
I missed my independence. I missed my home town. I missed my friends, my apartment, my sense of fucking direction.
Grabbing the books, I took off walking. I figured if I just kept walking with the flow of traffic, maybe I’d see something I recognized, or I’d figure out a solution eventually. But Max and Bear had driven me everywhere since I’d arrived and I’d not paid much attention at all to my surroundings.
So dumb! I thought, as I stumbled through the slush. What was I thinking?
The sound of a horn blaring made me almost jump out of my skin.
“Miss McDonnell?” I heard a voice yell. I looked towards it and almost started crying when I saw Max creeping up next to me. “Miss McDonnell, get in, I can’t pull over here!”
I ran over to him and jumped in the back seat, my books falling to my feet.
“Max!” I cried, “Thank you!”
“Miss, I’m so sorry, I thought you were going to call me. The NYPD doesn’t let us wait outside the library anymore.”
“I lost my phone!” I said. “Well, I think it was stolen, actually. My wallet is gone, too.”
“Oh, no! The grifters have been bad this year, I heard.”
“I’m just so glad to see you!” I said. “I didn’t know what I was going to do.”
“Well, you’re safe now. Do you want to go home now?”
“Yes, please,” I said, sinking back into the seat breathlessly, thanking my lucky stars he’d seen me. “Thank you again, Max.”
“My pleasure, miss.”
My afternoon consisted of a three hour trip to the DMV to get a new ID and another hour spent on the phone canceling my credit cards. By the time I was done, my day was shot.
Later that night, I was pouring over the books I’d checked out, feeling like a total fraud. I didn’t really even know the difference between art deco or art nouveau. And there was so much to learn!
Bohemian, Industrial, Mid-Century Modern, Nautical, Scandinavian, Farmhouse, Urban Modern, Shabby Chic, it went on and on and on. After hours of research, I still had no clue which direction to go in.
With all the other confusion I was experiencing when it came to Bear, I was ready to hang up my hat.
You just have to tell him, I told myself. Tell him it’s too much, the job, his fetish, his fucking dungeon. I guess that’s what it was, right? A fetish. It’s not like he was licking my toes and asking me to have sex in a park so everyone could see. I mean, not yet. Who knew what was coming at this point? But this was definitely not normal, as far as I could tell.
I laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all.
It wasn’t that everything I’d experienced wasn’t amazing and eye-opening. But this was Bear’s life and I was merely playing a part in it. I hadn’t gone out seeking these bruises on my ass. I hadn’t asked him to tie me up or to blindfold me or to use those whips on me or to do any of those things.
I’d not asked for any of it. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t sure if this was right for me. I’d never even had a spanking fantasy before I met Bear. Maybe if I had more time to think about it, to develop an appreciation for it a little more slowly.
How in the world did he ever see something in myself that I didn’t know existed?
How was that possible?
My phone buzzed next to me and I saw it was Marie calling. I sighed, throwing the phone back on the bed. I didn’t have the energy to talk to her right now. She was always so sure of herself, so confident and happy. The last thing I needed was to hear her chipper cheerleading.
I don’t know what I needed, really.
Maybe I needed to just buck up and believe in myself, but that was hard to do when you were just plopped into a job you knew nothing about.
Or, maybe, just maybe, I needed to cut my losses.
Tuck tail and head home.
Home to the rain and my friends and all the tree lined streets that I knew like the back of my hand. Maybe I’d be happier if I went home to everything that was familiar and easy and real.
My phone beeped to tell me Marie left a voicemail. I hit the button to listen to it and her voice began chirping through my room.
“Hey girl, where are you?” she said. “I know your phone is right there next to you, unless of course, you’re preoccupied with that beasty Bear of yours! Listen, I just wanted to give you a heads up. Jessica’s friend Sally mentioned to Harlan that you moved to New York. Apparently, he’s pissed you left without telling him. He might be on his way to find you. Anyway, watch your back, okay? I don’t trust that guy. Call me when you can. Love you!”
Silence filled my room as the voicemail shut off. Harlan’s face flashed in my head and I groaned. The last thing I needed was to be forced to deal with him. Luckily, this city was massive and he wasn’t going to be able to just find me down at the corner pub like he would in Portland. I wasn’t too worried about him. I was pretty sure he’d have given up on me by now, but I guess some people take a little more time than others.
My phone buzzed again and I groaned, thinking it would be Marie again, but it wasn’t.
It was Bear.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Beauty!” he said. “I just inked a huge deal and I want to celebrate!”
“Celebrate?” I asked, looking at the clock. It was past nine.
“Yes!” he said. “Put your party dress on, baby! I’ll pick you up in half an hour!”
“Half an—,” the phone clicked and he was gone.
Jesus! What if I didn’t want to go dancing? I’d already had a few glasses of wine, I was in my pajamas and totally looking forward to a warm night of snuggling up and feeling sorry for myself.
“Shit,” I muttered, getting out of bed and heading to the closet. I pulled out a sparkly cocktail dress I’d bought, some shimmering tights and a pair of stilettos. I got dressed, remembering to keep the panties in the drawer and went to the bathroom to try to make sense of my hair and makeup.
I was puffy, I’d been crying and I looked like I’d just lost my best friend.
“Perk up, buttercup!” I said to the mirror. I took a deep breath, sprayed dry shampoo all over my hair and put it up in a bun. Luckily, the makeup covered up all traces of the sad girl from before and I grabbed a coat and waited fo
r Bear to arrive.
Twenty-Six
The club was insanely loud, the techno music pumping through the place and sending sickening bass sounds straight to my gut. Bear grabbed my hand and led me to a back room that by the looks of the way it was separated from the rest of the place, meant it was probably a VIP area.
We sat in a booth overlooking the rest of the club and he ordered drinks when the waitress appeared. I couldn’t hear a thing they said, though, and all I could do was hope he ordered water for me, instead of something alcoholic.
The crowd was huge, and the dance floor was small, making for a very entertaining situation to watch as people tried to dance without running into each other. It didn’t work.
Most people danced with their hands waving in the air, leaving their boobs and butts and everything else fair game to be rubbed up on.
I turned to Bear and screamed.
“Do you come here often?” I asked.
“What?” he screamed back.
“You come here a lot?” I yelled again.
“Did you ask if I like tator-tots?” he yelled.
I rolled my eyes. This was useless. I shook my head and gave up any attempt at conversation. He shrugged and smiled, putting his hand on my thigh and brushing a kiss across my cheek.
The waitress came back and I cringed when I saw her set an entire bottle of champagne in front of us. I guess Bear really did want to celebrate. He’d told me a little about the deal he’d closed today in the car on the way over. It was some huge office building in Brooklyn that had been fraught with complications of every kind that he’d been trying to work through for years. Today, he’d finally gotten through all the red tape and it was his to do with as he pleased.
I watched him pour the foamy, bubbly liquid in two glasses and he handed one to me. I smiled, watching as he held up his own glass in a toast.
He said something about a building and the future but that’s all I could make out before he clinked my glass and downed his champagne in one shot. I sipped mine slowly, knowing it would hit me quickly.
Champagne only affected me in one of two ways—it either made me very happy and giggly or it made me puke. The fact that I’d already consumed wine made me pretty sure where things were headed if I drank too much now.
Instead, I watched as Bear got drunk. I couldn’t say anything, because he was so happy, but why would I anyway? It wasn’t my place to say anything. He wasn’t driving. And, he was celebrating. He seemed so happy.
So, I sat there, doing what I thought I should be doing. We couldn’t talk to each other because of the music and he wasn’t making any move to dance, so I sat there, pretending to drink my champagne and smiling at him occasionally. Despite the fact that he hadn’t answered my question, it was obvious this was definitely not his first time here. At least six different women and three men came up to greet him. Each one leaned down, whispering in his ear and patting him on the back. I tried to ignore the gushing cheek kisses pressed to his face and the side glances that were thrown my way once they saw me sitting next to him and nobody tried to talk to me.
Finally, I got up to go to the ladies room, leaving him in the booth alone with his champagne and his endless stream of friends.
The line for the ladies room was out the door. I groaned and got in line behind a statuesque blonde with a skimpy red dress on. When she turned around, I realized it was the same girl from the steakhouse—Zoe Rothchild.
She recognized me immediately.
“Oh, it’s you!” she said. “I’m surprised to see you again.”
“Hello,” I said, my voice cold as ice. I’d already decided I hated her the first time.
“So, did it happen?” she asked.
“Did what happen?”
“Bear, of course. I warned you about him. Did he break your heart yet?”
“No,” I said. “We’re just friends.”
“Oh, please!” she laughed. “Bear isn’t just friends with any woman. Don’t forget what I said, little one,” she winked, “Bear Dalton will eat you alive!”
“I’m looking forward to it,” I replied, lifting my chin.
Fuck her, I thought. Who does she think she is? I don’t even know her and she thinks she can say these things to me?
She laughed again and then raked her eyes up and down my body.
“You aren’t his usual type,” she said, wrinkling her perfect little button nose. I suppressed a sudden urge to punch it. “Maybe you’ll stick around a little longer than the others.”
“But others, do you mean you, Zoe?” I asked.
“Oh, you’re a little firecracker, aren’t you?” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“Maybe I’m just not intimidated by women like you.”
“No?” she asked, putting a perfectly manicured finger up to her lips mockingly. “Well, good for you. Bear needs a woman who can take a lot of punishment.”
She turned away and walked into the stall, leaving me stand there, my heart racing, my face flushed. Another stall opened up and I walked in, locking the door behind me and falling into it. I didn’t care how long it took, I planned on staying in there until I was sure Zoe was gone. She was so creepy and her words sliced right through me.
How many people knew about Bear’s tendencies for rough sex? Did everyone know? Was I just one more notch on the wall of his dungeon?
I waited a good ten minutes, looking under the stalls for Zoe’s sky high red pumps. I didn’t see them, so I left the bathroom, slowly making my way back to Bear and keeping an eye out for Zoe at the same time. I was done talking to that bitch.
My heart sank when I saw her sitting in my seat next to Bear, the two of them laughing together. I started to turn away and leave them alone when I heard Bear call my name. I froze and turned back to see the two of them smiling at me and Bear gesturing for me to come back.
Deep breath, I reminded myself as I put one foot in front of the other. I plastered a fake smile on my face and nodded to them as I approached.
“Chloe, I want you to meet a dear friend of mine, Zoe Rothchild. Zoe, this is Chloe, she’s going to be designing my new hotel.”
She smiled and held out her hand. I reached out, shaking it, my stomach flipping in disgust.
“Chloe, that’s a big job,” she said.Don’t remind me, I thought.
“Yes, I’m looking forward to it,” I lied. In fact, I was lying so hard that I was surprised my pants hadn’t caught on fire. Oh, right, I wasn’t wearing any. In fact, I wasn’t wearing panties either. But still, if I was, there would have been flames. That’s how much I wasn’t looking forward to this job.
“I’m sure you’ll do a tremendous job,” she said. She reached over and put her hand over Bear’s and squeezed, flashing the fakest, whitest, widest smile I’d ever seen. I could have sown I saw a little sparkle flash from her teeth. “Working with Bear is a delight!”
“Yes, it is,” I replied, meeting her gaze daringly, shooting daggers into her with my eyes. “Have you had the pleasure?”
“Me?” she asked, throwing a teasing glance at Bear. “Well, yes, we’ve done a little business together.”
“Zoe is a designer herself, Chloe. She led the design team that worked on my first hotel ten years ago. We go way back. We met back in Yale.”
“Oh,” I said, my heart sinking as I watched the two of them stare admiringly at one another. “I see.”
“So, what are you?” she asked, looking back at me. “ Pratt? Parsons? Cornell?”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“Where did you get your degree, Chloe?”
“Oh. Portland State,” I replied.
“Oh,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “That’s so cute! How quaint!”
My eyes landed on her perfect little beak once more. It was now raised so high up in the air I could see up it. I clenched my fists at my sides and realized that I’d never felt the need to actually punch someone before. Instead, I smiled at her silently, not bothering with a response to her th
inly veiled insult.
“I should be going, Bear,” she said, kissing him again on the cheek. “I’m redesigning The Mark Hotel, did you hear?”
“I did not! Congratulations, dear,” he said, standing up as she did.
“Talk to you soon,” she said, turning to me and winking. “Nice to meet you, Chloe.”
I nodded, speechless.
The balls on that woman, I thought as I sat back down. I grabbed my glass of champagne and downed it. Bear looked at me curiously and smiled as he poured more in my glass.
“Want to dance?” he asked. I looked down at the crowded dance floor and shook my head.
“Not really,” I said. “Actually, can we get out of here? It’s a little too crowded. I could use some air.”
He reached over and squeezed my thigh, his warm hand sliding up under my skirt. He brushed his fingers against my bare pussy and nodded approvingly.
“That’s sounds like a good idea,” he said, “as soon as we finish this bottle!”
He turned and poured more champagne, drinking it quickly. I looked at the bottle and was equally delighted and dismayed that it was almost all gone. He’d drank a lot. And by the pulsing in my temples, I’d had a little too much myself.
But all I could think about was getting out of there, so I grabbed the bottle and poured the rest in my glass, downing it quickly.
“Now?” I asked.
“Wow, you weren’t kidding,” he laughed, grabbing his coat.
We trailed out of the club, which took twice as long as it normally would, because he stopped every few minutes to say goodbye to someone. To my relief, Zoe wasn’t anywhere in sight.
By the time we got back in the car, my head was throbbing.
“Well, that was fun, wasn’t it?” he asked, reaching for another drink from the bar.
“Sure,” I said, clutching my temples.
“You don’t seem like your normal self,” he remarked.
My normal self? I thought. What did that even look like? All of this was so far out of my usual self that I’d forgotten what normal actually looked like.
“I guess I’m just a little tired,” I said, trying to muster a smile. The truth was that seeing Zoe again had shaken me. Now that I’d seen Bear at his darkest, seen his secret dungeon, for lack of a better word, seen the side of him that I thought he didn’t show most people, I thought we had something special.