by Nikki Wild
I arrived home last night, relieved to find Landon hadn’t run away. Instead, he passed out on the sofa bed, his leather jacket pulled over him with Babeen asleep on the arm rest. I don’t know if he went through more of my stuff and don’t care to find out.
I stay wrapped up warm beneath my comforter, watching Landon from my bed for a good half hour, trying to mentally process my new reality. He still sleeps the same, with a light purring from his throat. I reminisce about how much I wish he could be here in bed with me, comforting me but, strangely, he’s the thing I need comfort from right now.
I’m overindulging in his presence. I can’t keep watching him like some creep so I head to the kitchen to cook us up some breakfast. I remember Landon’s curious way of enjoying his eggs— Scrambled with caramelized onions and douses of Tobasco sauce. Hopefully he can still remember enjoying it that way or I’ve just wasted five eggs on him.
Though I’m attempting to be quiet, the pans still make the odd clattering noise. Landon stirs and outstretches his free arm.
I see his eyes open, fold my arms and stand beside the bed.
“Morning,” he says wearily. Babeen leaps off his torso.
“I’m sorry about yesterday… I shouldn’t have stormed off like that.” I walk back to the kitchen to get his serving of eggs then present them to him.
“We’ve both had a bad run these last couple of days. Don’t overthink it. I’m sorry too.”
“I made you apology eggs.”
“Apology eggs? You didn’t have to do that.”
“Again, I wanted to.”
He sits up and I take a space of mattress beside him so I can backtrack on why the name was in the journal. More almost-truths pour out of me. “I—I knew a Landon once.”
“You wanna do this right now?”
“Please.”
“Okay. Go ahead.”
“I knew a Landon… I left him behind a long time ago.”
He straightens up further, letting his leather jacket slip off to reveal his muscular torso that I hadn’t had the privilege of drooling over yet. I swallow hard then continue my confession, keeping my eyes on Babeen as a distraction.
Landon looks down at his eggs, a faint smile crossing his lips. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to explain yourself.”
“But I do… Landon… I need to tell you…”
“Tabasco?” He tries to lighten the mood. “Good call. Love spicy eggs.” He takes a forkful.“So, you off to work again today?”
Words catch in my throat. Maybe if I wait just a bit longer… If I give him a chance to remember…
“I’ve got the day off. I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk. I can show you around the place a little bit. Maybe nature can help bring some memories back… If you feel up to it.”
His presence is making me nervous again. Maybe it’s the sight of his bare body, or the way he’s looking at me. He takes another bite of eggs then smiles.
“It’s lame, huh?” I continue when he doesn’t reply. “Never mind. I might go off by myself. There’s a waterfall a few miles down the cliff and you can swim there. It’s nice.”
I can’t shut up. I turn around and mouth ‘oh my god’. I have to consciously stop myself from slapping my head in embarrassment.
“Lucy,” Landon says.
“Yep?”
“Y’alright?”
“I’m just tired… Or more erratic than usual.”
There’s another long pause and I head to my closet to change into my hiking gear, assuming Landon wouldn’t want to hang with this much crazy for the day. I bend down to pick up my boots, but when I stand back up I can feel him just over my shoulder, his breath along the edge of my neck.
“A walk would be nice,” he says, his voice low and seductive. “I’m already getting cabin fever out here.”
My nerves calm a little.
“Off-the-grid not appeal to you?”
I ask the question because I remember a time in the past when it did. Back when Landon was afraid of being arrested for yet another petty crime. He wanted to disappear, but he stayed because I couldn’t leave with him.
“Its just a little too quiet out here. Puts me on edge.”
He’s still behind me as I bend over to grab my other boot. I can feel his eyes raking over me and a little thrill goes up my spine as I pull it over my foot and tie the strings into a double knot.
“That’s what I like about it.”
“You like being on edge?”
He’s still watching me. I turn on my heel, bringing myself face to face with the man I’d never been able to resist.
“I like the quiet.”
I walk past him, removing a tank top from my drawer. I don’t know why I do it but I lift my nightshirt over my head without asking Landon to turn around this time. I wish I could know if he’s staring at my bare back right now.
My silk shorts are still on. Should I risk teasing him by removing those too? My shyness get the better of me. I take some panties and my hot pink workout leggings and head back to the bathroom.
“Should I expect you back soon or is this gonna be another hour long bathe?”
I smile over to him. “I’ll be right out.”
Nine
“Wanna slow it down?” I’m panting as I fail to put one step in front of the other on the stoney trail. My body still aches from the accident and I’m not ready for this kind of movement. I’m ten-feet behind Lucy and her pretty little swaying ass is the only thing keeping me going at this point. We took a left off the main hiking trail about twenty minutes back. Now Lucy’s leading us over dead trunks and dense foliage. “Sorry, I’m used to doing this alone. We’re not far.”
“How about I take the lead for a bit, huh?”
She flashes a big toothy grin at me and presents her hand to let me pass. “What’s the matter, can’t keep up with a girl?”
She gives me a condescending back pat.
“I’m keepin’ up just fine, sweetheart. Plus, I’m doing this one handed.”
“You want to take it out the sling for a bit? Here.”
After she’s helped me free my arm after days being wrapped up, I’m given a small glimpse of relief. I stretch it out and it feels good. I won’t be deadlifting my bodyweight anytime soon, but I could probably throw a decent punch if I had to.
“Hope my ass won’t be too much of a distraction for you,” I say, stepping out in front of her.
“I’ll try have some decorum. Those torn up jeans really emphasize those shapely glutes and thighs, though. Can you blame a gal for staring?”
I flip her the bird with a half-smile. Lucy had dug this pair of jeans out of the depths of her closet— The only item she could find that almost fit me. They probably belonged to some old boyfriend.
Maybe they belonged to her Landon.
I shook the thought out of my head. Further down the trail, I can see the redwoods lead off a cliff.
“We’re almost there,” Lucy says and points to a pile of boulders in the distance.
“We climb over those, climb down a small hill and we’ve arrived.”
From the looks of things, the hill she’s leading us to is anything but small.
I troop onward, picking up my pace. I don’t dare tell the girl about the incessant throbbing in my temples. I’m ignoring the pain, figuring it’ll cure itself eventually. Have I got a death wish? Head traumas are serious but every time I even consider checking into a hospital, I freeze. It’s like I know that going to the hospital will be the last thing little bit of freedom I’ll ever experience… I squeeze my fingers into my head to try force back the pain once more.
The boulders are now directly in front of us. I scale them slowly, turning round to extend my good hand to Lucy to help her out. She rests her touch in mine so I can lift her up. We catch each other’s eyes and make a smile that’s full of things unsaid.
Like how we both want to fuck each other.
I got that fucking ring on with Mia’s name on it
, but I feel nothing when I try to remember her. Maybe worse than nothing… Disgust? Anger?
I can’t shake the feeling that Mia is one of the reasons I came to this town in the first place… Like I was running away from more than just the club.
“Wait,” Lucy says just as I’m about to start scaling down the hill in front of us. “Never one to stop and admire the view, are you?” She cocks her hip. I study her body, running my eyes over her curves. With a snap of her fingers, she draws me back to her face. “I don’t mean this view. I mean that one.”
I follow her pointed finger. The sun is high and the clouds have fully evaporated to become only a small mist strewn across the sky. I take it all in. It’s fucking breathtaking— From the dark blue of the still ocean to the rolling hills to the desert-like tundra and scattered trees. For a minute, the stress over my situation dissipates. I’m awash with a calm I don’t wanna let go of. I want to kiss Lucy. I want to stay here a while.
“Alright, I can maybe get why you live here.”
“Beautiful, right? Nothing matters up here. I can stop time, pretend worries and the real world don’t exist. I’ve never seen another soul take this route the six years I’ve lived here.” Lucy grabs the collar of my tank top and pulls me in a little closer to her. “So I better not catch you telling anyone about this place.”
She giggles as I lift my hands in joking defeat. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Careful down here, okay? The ground is slippery.”
She eases herself over the side of the cliff, carefully watching her footing along the ledge below. I follow after her, moving with a bit more confidence despite the slick rock. I think I’ve got the hang of it until about twenty feet down, I crane my neck to see the waterfall and my foot rolls on a large stone. I tumble forward, the powdered rocks beneath me not giving me any hold. I moan out as I tumble down the last few feet.
I land on top of her when we reach the bottom. “Ow, shit!” she whines from below. I look down at her, cradling her head in my hand to lift her up and stroke her hair from her cheek.
“Shit! Lucy! Are you hurt?”
She stares up at me with a worried brow until she squints her eyes and starts laughing up to me.
My apologies turn to laughs of my own. I realize my hand hasn’t left her face.
What am I fucking doing?
And why isn’t she shooing me off her?
After a moment of selfish indulgence, Lucy clears her throat.
“No offense but you make a better human than a blanket.”
She gives me a little shove and I roll away, watching as she gets to her feet and pats off some of the dust.
“Well, that was a shortcut. How’s your arm?”
“Still in one piece.”
She spins around and walks with more pep in her step and sway in her hips. I lift myself up and follow her over grey and tanned rocks until we reach a small pool with a waterfall booming into it.
“Welcome to Lucy Falls,” she yells back to me as she removes her clothing revealing that stunning, soft, and curvy body barely hidden under her tight black swimsuit.
“You just gonna stare, or are you gonna join me?”
There’s no way I’m not taking up the opportunity to get wet with this gorgeous human being. I wait until Lucy has dived in and lifted her head back out of the water. Only then do I peel off my shirt.
Lucy panders to my little strip-show with a closed smile. When I catch her staring she dips back under the water.
Lord, give me strength.
There’s shade from the redwoods that dapples sunlight over the dark green of the water. I stand at the edge of the pool on a larger stone and look up to the waterfall. Am I sixteen again? Because all I want to do is climb up there and jump.
Why not?
With Lucy submerged under the crystal water, I make a move around the side of the rock-face, doing my best to scale it.
While being careful not to hold any moss-covered rocks, I make my way up to a cave half-hidden behind the waterfall’s stream. Something about it seems inviting and new, and with my arm aching I can’t resist sitting in it for a while. It seems a safe place — A place where I can be with whatever thoughts and memories I have left. I’m able to fit inside, the waterfall giving me some security for contemplation. The ambient gush of the water roars before me.
What the fuck am I doing out here?
I think of Mia again.
Is she looking for me?
Where does she think I’ve gone?
The same feelings of anger and disgust start to well up inside. Memories flash by like ghosts. There’s some kind of deal… Some kind of necessity…
I reach out to get a handful of water that I splash onto my face. It’s freezing. So freezing in fact it offers relief to this relentless migraine.
“Hey, you!” I turn my head to see a very wet Lucy holding onto the side of the rock and crouching into the cave. “Can I join?”
“Get in here.”
I offer out an open arm for her to tuck into. “I’ve been to this waterfall that many times,” she yells over the roaring, “and I’ve never been up here…”
The space is so small she has to squeeze right up against me. I have to hold back another urge to kiss her.
“Why haven’t you?”
She brings her knees up to her chin and hugs them tightly. “Safety… You’re the first person I’ve ever brought here. I just didn’t wanna slip when I was alone. Wouldn’t be the best way to go, being leech food.”
“No, you’re right. I’m glad I’m your first.”
“Oh my God!” she yells, her voice echoing. Her arms extend triumphantly, her face beaming with happiness.
“Ha! What are you so excited about?”
“Just this. I can’t get over it. This is amazing. I could live in here. Something about the loud sound, the chill. Chaotic serenity, right?”
“It’s a bit tight for my liking. I guess you’re used to small living spaces, though, right?”
“Hey, my studio is perfect. You shut your mouth. There’s something about the simplicity of having a small place that calms me. That and little belongings.”
“A minimalist, huh?”
“I guess, yeah… Makes it easier to move on. I can put my whole life in a car and be gone tomorrow…”
“Why would you need to do that?” I ask.
Even bathed in the roar of the waterfall, her silence is deafening.
“You know… You’re growing on me, Lucy,” I finally say, breaking the tension.
“Why?” she laughs nervously, tucking her head into her forearms.
“You’re not as innocent as I thought you were.”
“I’m really not,” she says with a smile and a blush.
“I’m embarrassing you.”
“No…”
“Darlin’, I gotta know your whole story.” She giggles nervously back at me again. “Where you’re from, who you are, who’s hurt you, who you loved, your boyfriend, where you’re headed…You…You fascinate me.”
She pushes her damp hair back and sighs. “It’s boring, Landon.”
“Well, bore me then. I’m in the mood for boring.”
“I’m from San Francisco,” she starts. “I don’t speak to my parents… No boyfriend…It—It’s a little confusing. I like painting, hiking, and swimming and Babeen, Todd and Billie are the only people in my life.”
What she says is surface level. It’s been well-rehearsed. My gut tells me this girl has been through hell. Maybe some abuse in the family or something like that. Whatever it is, any thought that someone could hurt her makes my fists clench. All I can think of is the girl in the painting back in her room.
“That’s it,” she shrugs.
“That’s not it, Lucy.”
“What do you mean?” she says a little more concerned now. “That’s…it.”
“There’s more to the story, but I’m not going to make you tell it if you don’t want to.”
“I’
m boring, Landon. I told you. Any pivotal life events of mine are painfully basic and predictable.”
“Such as?”
“Uhh, such as…Like…” Lucy searches for a believable answer. “I dropped out of high school in my junior year. I have a tattoo on my ankle of the Chinese symbols for fried rice. I’ve never really had any close friends.”
“Sweetheart, you gotta sell it to me better than that if you want me to believe you.”
“I’m not a liar.”
“I’m unconvinced, Lucy.”
“Landon.” Her tone turns serious. I put up my guard too.
“What, you think I’m slow? Maybe I hit my damn head but I can still read people.”
She doesn’t respond. Before I can say another word she’s leapt through the heavy blast of waterfall and dived into the pool below.
“It’s rude to ditch a conversation!” I shout down to her.
“Come on, pussy! Jump!”
I tilt down to see how far the fall is. Adrenaline grips me but I crouch and prepare to dive. Lucy’s distorted figure appears through the stream. “Move away!” I yell down to her.
And then, I jump.
The cold nearly makes me gasp as I hit the water. I can feel it penetrating my wounds, flaring up pain from my accident, turning my head into an ice cube. I use my legs to kick myself to the surface and I let out a shout.
“Holy fuck!” I shout over the deep hiss of the waterfall pounding the surface behind me.
“Toughen up, Princess.”
Lucy is treading water a few feet to my left. Her lips look to be turning purple but she’s hiding any indication it’s bothering her.
“Why is this fun for you?”
“It’s refreshing. It’s good for the muscles.”
“No, it’s the damn arctic in here!”
I swim toward her until we’re face-to-face. We’re both breathing heavy, our lips so close. She definitely looks down to my mouth then coyly looks away to the shore. She wants to kiss me as much as I do her.
“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”
“You’re right,” Lucy breathes, hesitating. “It is cold. I’m gonna head out.”
She swims to the shore then takes a towel out of her backpack. As she dries herself, she watches me playing around while I think. I don’t know what I’m thinking about specifically— The thoughts are flying by way too quickly to make any sense. I’m thinking of when I should leave this place. I’m thinking of the accident. I’m thinking of the cops, or the permanent brain damage I could be causing myself by not going to the hospital. I’m thinking about my ride that’s now in pieces still sitting in a fucking ditch outside town, and I’m thinking of the time it’s going to take to fix it.