“Don’t say that!”
“I’m disgusting. Like a fly without wings! I’ll crawl about and people will pity me!”
She was filled with pain for him, but tried to hide it. “None of the others who came visiting found you disgusting.”
“Pretense.”
“So you think Rose is the only honest one?”
“She couldn’t pretend,” he said. “Not when she knew I expected her to marry me. Make love to me!”
“In any case you didn’t hear it from Rose. Only from that ignorant old woman!”
“The message came from Rose.”
“Are you saying that I’ve been lying to you?”
“A gentle lie,” he said wearily. “The sort I might indulge in myself. But still a lie.”
“Jock!” She touched a hand to his shoulder.
“The doctor can tolerate me because he’s used to seeing invalids. So can you and Heather. But when I go outside it will be different. They’ll mock me behind my back!”
“Not unless you let them!” she said angrily. “Are you going to allow this silly girl destroy you?”
Jock said, “Perhaps she is a weak creature. But I loved her. She was my dream!” His voice choked and his eyes filled with tears. Then he shut his eyes and was silent. She left the room.
Heather shed indignant tears when she heard about what happened. John fell into a silent fury. Joy was distressed, the harm had been done. A knife had been plunged into Jock’s heart and he had lost the will to live. The fine progress he’d made was at an end. He gave up reading, and lay staring dully ahead. He spoke only when he was spoken to, although his replies were always polite and brief. And he refused to have any more visitors. His stumps were healed, and could be fitted to the shoes the smith had so painstakingly made. But he would not look at the shoes.
Joy told her husband, “Things cannot go on like this!”
Heather agreed, “He’s not eating. And he isn’t doing his arm exercises.”
John shrugged. “This is purely mental distress caused by the behaviour of Rose.”
Heather turned to Joy, “He has always been fond of you, ma’am. Perhaps if you continue to argue with him.”
Joy said, “He does like me. But he’s lost his trust in me just as he has in you two.”
John frowned. “I’m afraid he may have a complete mental breakdown. This brooding is serious. He could end up mad.”
“Can nothing be done?” Joy worried.
“Perhaps some of the men in Edinburgh might be able to help him,” her husband said. “When the mail stage arrives we might try to get him on it, and return to the city.”
“I doubt if he’d agree to go,” Joy warned.
John picked up his medical bag as he prepared to leave. “I must be honest and say I can think of nothing else to help him.”
Just when everyone was expecting spring, the Highlands had three heavy snowstorms in a row. Invermere looked like an enchanted, snow-laden fairyland. The great evergreens bowed with snow, and the villagers busied themselves with shoveling out of the storms. As a result, the mail stage did not arrive.
Late on Tuesday afternoon, John was called to one of the islands to attend a desperately ill young woman. As he left he told Joy, “Do not worry if I don’t return tonight. I’d rather stay on the island until morning than cross the Loch in the dark.”
So she was not surprised when night came and he had not returned. She had a light dinner, and Heather brought back Jock’s tray with the food hardly touched. Concerned, she went to see the big man.
He was propped against the pillows, and stared ahead in a depressed fashion. He barely glanced at her as she came to his bed.
She said, “The doctor is away on the island tonight. He had to see a young woman there who may be dying.”
Jock nodded. “A bad night, it is.”
Joy said, “It is. I’m glad he’s decided to stay there and come back in the morning.”
Jock suddenly asked her, “Have you heard any talk about Rose and that schoolmaster?”
“No. I’m not interested in shallow people.”
He frowned and speaking to himself, said, “I expect she’ll be going to Edinburgh with him as soon as the school term is over.”
“It will be no loss to the village.”
Jock glanced at her sadly. “I told Rose I’d show her Edinburgh one day. I’d take her there on our honeymoon. She was that excited about the city. I told her we’d explore the grand castle and the wide streets!”
She said, “You’re a smart man in everything else, Jock. I can’t imagine why you don’t see Rose for the silly creature she is.”
He gave her a look of modest reproach. “You are not being charitable.”
“She doesn’t deserve charity after her cruel treatment of you!”
“I couldn’t expect her to act different. I’ll get myself a hut in the woods somewhere and hide from people. My brother can bring me supplies.”
She stared at him. “Is that the future you’re planning for yourself?”
“Better than showing myself like a circus freak. I saw one such man a long while ago. Old and drunken. He sat on a little platform with wheels, and let people poke fun at him!”
“At least he had the courage to appear in public!”
“You don’t like my plan of living in the woods?”
“No!”
“I have another.”
“What is it?”
His eyes met hers. “I know the doctor has some tiny pills that can kill a man. Can you get me some of them?”
CHAPTER 6
Startled, she cried, “Jock! Don’t be a fool!”
“I need to die,” he pleaded. “Make it easy for me! If you have any heart for me, make it easy!”
“Don’t ever say such things again! Don’t even think them!”
She turned and rushed from the room. It was not fear which had driven her but anguish. She halted outside, and her shoulders shuddered with sobs. When she recovered, she went to the kitchen and saw that Heather was in her room with the door closed. She stood before the blazing logs in the fireplace and thought of what Jock had said. The wind howled outside. Not wanting to be alone she knocked on Heather’s door.
When the door opened, the brown haired girl appeared in her nightgown, looking anxious. “Is anything wrong?”
She nodded grimly. “Yes. Jock is in a desperate state of mind. He’s talking of suicide.”
“Oh, no!” Heather looked young and almost beautiful, with her long hair trailing over the shoulders of her nightgown.
A suddenly thought came to Joy. She looked directly at the girl and said, “He has lost his pride! His belief in himself!”
“I know.”
“I can think of only one way that pride might be restored,” she said. “But I do not wish to betray John.”
Heather’s eyes widened. In a hushed voice, she said, “You mean?”
The two women faced each other in the soft shadows of the lamplit kitchen. Joy nodded again. “Yes. I could go to him and offer myself as a woman for his comfort.”
Heather blushed. “I’m only sorry I did not think of that myself. Not that he would be willing to accept me.
Joy said, “Heather, you think too little of yourself. I know you love Jock. Prove it to him. Let him know how you feel.”
“Dare I?”
“I think you dare do anything you wish to prove your love for him,” she said. “I assure you neither John nor I will condemn you. We will not pry into what goes on between you and Jock.”
Heather was silent a moment. “Shall I go to him now?”
“Yes,” she said. “He needs you now.”
“Very well,” the girl said quietly. And she went down the hall to the crippled man’s room.
Joy waited with a pounding heart to see if she would return. She did not return. A gentle smile crossed Joy’s face, and she lit a candle and went to her own bedroom.
John returned early the next
morning. He was in a good mood as they sat together at breakfast. “I saved the woman,” he said.
“Then your trip wasn’t for nothing.”
John said, “No. How is our patient?”
She said, “He was quiet last night. Perhaps he has reached the depths of his depression. Let us hope he comes around to his normal self.”
“I daren’t let myself be optimistic,” John said.
Knowing more than he did, she said, “Never be afraid to hope.”
After breakfast her husband went to see Jock. He returned to tell her, “You may be right. He is in a better mood this morning. By way of proof, he asked for the smith to come and fit him with those special boots.”
“Wonderful,” she said. “I have an idea something is developing between him and Heather. That could make all the difference.”
“It would be the best thing that ever happened,” her husband enthused. “Rose and her mother shattered him. A romance with Heather could restore his confidence in himself.”
“Heather loves him. She always has.”
John smiled. “We must do all we can to encourage them.”
So a brighter period came to the cottage. The snow thinned, the sun became stronger and the nights shorter. Joy knew that Heather and Jock had become lovers. Jock’s swift bound back to high spirits reflected this. The big man had his crutches and special shoes, and was no longer confined to his room nor to the cottage. On fine mornings, he swung his way down the road to his brother’s house.
Summer arrived, and it was time for him to pack his belongings and move to his brother’s place. Before he left he called Joy into his room and told her, “I’m a man again, thanks to Heather. You know I care for her.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” she said.
“I’ve arranged with my brother to go out with him in his boat for the summer. Later, I plan to have my own boat. I’ll get used to handling the craft. I have a special knack for picking out good lumber lots, and some of the woods men have asked me to size up likely spots for cutting. They’ll pay me for doing it.”
“That’s an excellent idea.”
“It’s all a miracle,” he told her. “A miracle I owe to the doctor and you, and Heather. I’ve asked her to accept my ring. She’s a bonny lass and she’s agreed to marry me.”
Joy kissed him. “You’re making no mistake, Jock. But don’t take her from us. We need her as a nurse.”
“No fear of that. We shall have a room in my brother’s house until I build on the lot next to it. And Heather can come back and forth easily. I want her to keep on being a part of the doctor’s work.”
So it turned out better than they had hoped. During the summer, she and John stood up for the two at a crowded wedding service. Nearly every family in the village was represented at the kirk, except for the Stewarts. The shallow Rose had been left in the lurch by the schoolmaster. Jack Taggart had rushed off to Edinburgh at the end of the term. The news soon spread around, as it does in small places, that he’d left Rose pregnant!
The Town Hall had never been the scene of a happier party. There was singing and dancing, along with a feast of food and lots to drink. Jock had a fine, bass voice and had often been called on to sing on such occasions. When the moment for the bridal waltz came, he took Heather to John, then he stood with the musicians, and sang the words of the waltz with great feeling as John and Heather danced. There were cheers and applause when the waltz ended, and not a few tears.
Nor did Jock miss taking his bride to Edinburgh. Joy and John saw them off on the stage, and had no doubts the two would have the time of their lives honeymooning in the great city.
Before Jock left, he took Joy aside to say, “I’ve heard about Rose and it’s too bad.”
“You’re very generous.”
“I gain no pleasure from her disgrace,” Jock said gravely. “She’s a pretty little thing but with not much else to her. Not like my Heather.”
“Not at all like her,” she agreed.
“Still I’d like to help her. Let her know I hold nothing against her. Maybe you or the doctor might do that for me.”
She smiled. “If it will make you feel better I’ll call on her.”
“Bless you,” Jock said warmly. And he and his bride were driven off in the stage.
Joy waited a little before stopping by the Stewart’s small cottage. Fortunately, both Rose’s parents were away; Rose came to the door. The pretty girl looked forlorn, and her face was distorted by puffiness. The signs of pregnancy were evident beneath her cheap dress. She looked thoroughly ashamed.
Joy said, “May I come in for a moment, Rose. I have a message for you.”
“For me?”
“From Jock. He asked me to deliver it.”
The girl looked startled. “From Jock?”
“Yes.”
“Come in,” Rose invited her. Joy was touched by the poverty of the interior of the small house. But it was sparkling clean. Rose insisted on serving her tea and scones.
Over tea, Joy said, “Before Jock left on his honeymoon he asked me to visit you.”
Rose looked miserable. “Gloating, I’m sure! The gossips are having a fine old time!”
“No, Rose. He didn’t say anything nasty. He is worried about you and sorry for what has happened.”
The girl’s lovely green eyes filled with tears. “He said that?”
“And more,” Joy went on. “He wants to continue being your friend. Heather could also be friendly to you, if you’ll allow her. And he asked me to surely say that he still thinks you’re a pretty lass.”
“Pretty lass!” Rose began to cry. “Look at me! Disgraced!”
She stood up. “You’ll have the baby and be as pretty and youthful as you ever were. The disgraced one is that shallow Taggart who deserted you so cruelly.”
Rose said, “I would have married Jock had it not been for the accident that ruined him!”
“You’re wrong. He’s too strong to be ruined by what happened. Yet I don’t think you two were suited. He needs a stronger wife. Now he has one. And in time you’ll find the man who is right for you and marry him.”
“What man will want me now?”
“There will be one, believe me!” she told the girl.
She left Rose in better spirits. The pregnant girl had even agreed to return to the meetings of the reading club. Joy felt the girl’s unpleasant experience had matured her and improved her.
In August, Joy and John returned to Edinburgh for their annual vacation. Again they met Dr. Stanley Marsh and discussed the possibility of having more doctors come to the Highlands.
Then time began to pass swiftly as they kept busy. The weeks became months, and the months turned into years. Letters from London told of births and deaths and other matters. When her mother wrote, she complained of being neglected. There were continuous grim rumors about Sir George: he had openly taken up residence in the famous brothel which he had so long frequented. He continued to create scandal in his social circles.
Hilda now had three children, including a girl named Joy, who from all accounts was remarkably like her namesake. James had done well in managing the estate, and had made a promising speech in the House. Nancy’s letters were not happy. Joy’s girlhood friend was having trouble with her marriage. Her husband had taken to gambling, hardly a suitable pursuit for a professed poet. The one bright note in her letters was her references to the political and social worker, Ernest Layton, whom she insisted was a young Mr. Gladstone. Nancy did social work with the dedicated Layton and found satisfaction in it.
Nancy also mentioned a handsome man, Charles Dickens, a writer, who showed great concern for the poor and needy. In one letter, Nancy pointed out that railways were making even the remote parts of the country nearer; and she hoped that one day Joy would return to London.
Joy had been faintly aware of the passing time, so happy had her life been with John Hastings. Though George had refused her a divorce, she felt herself married to the dedi
cated doctor. Now, in the spring of 1848, she was in her twenty-seventh year. She studied herself in her dresser mirror, and felt the years had treated her kindly. Her face had no deep lines and her hair had its same golden sheen. Perhaps her figure was a trifle more curvaceous but she surely was not stout. Life in the Highlands had been good for her.
Invermere had grown over the years. There were some new shops and a number of new houses. One of the new ones belonged to Jock and Heather. Their marriage had prospered and they were the parents of three healthy children. Jock owned several fishing boats, and he organized a group of lumbermen to cut and sell their logs to a large company. In this way they did not undercut each other in price. He was the manager of the company, and as a result of his shrewd bargaining the entire village had benefited. He made such a reputation for his business ability that people with problems came to ask his advice.
He managed to get about well. The feats of strength he accomplished with his arms had become legendary. He manipulated his crutches so that he moved about on his leather shoes at a lively pace. Heather continued to work at the cottage hospital while her sister-in-law took care of the children.
Reverend Robin Miles succumbed to pneumonia in the winter of 1844. The gentle little man was succeeded by a young clergyman named Tom Mellor. He was earnest about making the kirk succeed, but he would never take the place of the beloved old man who had been there so long. However, Reverend Tom Mellor was soon accepted, and he naturally became a member of the reading club.
It was at one of their meetings that he met and fell in love with Rose Stewart. Rose had gained wisdom over the years, and a friendship had grown between her and Jock and Heather. It did not take the gossips long to let the Reverend Tom Mellor know that the young sister at the Stewart’s was in truth the illegitimate child of Rose. Many of the kirk members did not enjoy having their clergyman seen in the company of what they considered a fallen woman.
Since she was the wife of the doctor, and prominent in local circles, Joy found the young clergyman seeking her advice. She was secretly amused, wondering what the villagers would say if they knew that she and John were living in what they called sin. And that she had a husband in London!
Vintage Love Page 168