Shape Of Love

  “Wait! Sam!” Kristy gasped. “Should we do this? You're still recovering. Is there any chance that you might get hurt?”

  Sam's chest heaved and he shook his head.

  “I'm still in a bit of pain, but I want to do this,” he said. “Just don't lean on my chest. Maybe let me take the lead? I think if I'm controlling the tempo and what's going on we'll be fine.”

  Kristy grinned coyly.

  “No argument here. I sort of like that better anyway. I like it when a man takes charge.”

  Sam placed one hand firmly on the small of Kristy's back and the other he buried in her hair, tilting her head back just a bit.

  “Well, then get ready lady. I think you're really gonna like what's about to happen here.”

  And then Sam took her in his arms and made love to her for the very first time.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Sam whistled to himself, as he closed the bathroom door and began to shed his clothes. He was happier than he's ever been before. Every day it was getting easier for him to move around. The pain in his chest was beginning to subside, and Sam knew that this was evidence that his ribs were healing nicely.

  The first few days that Sam had spent in Kristy's apartment had been difficult and he'd only gotten out of bed when it was absolutely necessary. Kristy has been a godsend. She had brought him snacks and water all throughout the day. She had even gone back to his parents' house after class that first day. Sam had left in such a rush that he'd forgotten the majority of items necessary for daily hygiene; underwear, deodorant, shampoo, gym shorts. Kristy had actually taken another very long cab ride out to long island and retrieved all of these items for him. Sam had asked her how it had gone; if his parents had been cruel or aggressive towards her. Kristy had only smiled and said that it had been fine, but the strained crinkle in the corner of her eyes told Sam that this wasn't the case. Kristy was covering to save him the pain of hearing about his parents' bad behavior. He had truly never met someone so kind, sweet, and considerate.

  Sam turned on the shower and let the steam begin to fill the small bathroom. Sam stepped into the shower and his smile faltered for just a moment. Sharing a bathroom with two women was probably the only downside to this happy ending that Sam found himself in. The shower was filled with weird girly products, some of which Sam couldn't even identify. Facial scrub, body butter, cleansing masks. Sam wondered how women could require so many more grooming products than men. Especially when men were usually sweatier, and just generally more disgusting.

  Sam pushed aside a tin of something labeled 'bath ice cream' and snatched up his body wash.

  He shook his head and smiled. Being here was wonderful, even if it did mean being assaulted with all things girly every time he used the can.

  Sam was becoming more sure with every passing day. Kristy was his soul mate. She was the woman for him. He had felt this in his gut, even from the first few moments that they'd spent together. He was drawn to Kristy, her sweetness and gentle nature. Her shyness and feminine elegance. He found himself yearning for her at all times. He wanted to know everything about her, all at once. He wanted to take every scrap of information about Kristy and place it into his brain. He wanted to swallow her up and walk around with her inside of him. He wanted everything inside of her to be his.

  Sam replayed their lovemaking as he showered. He thought back to the smooth suppleness of her skin. The way that she sighed against him, as he entered her. The way that she blinked her eyes in such a coy and sultry way. The way that her skin smelled so musky, like a spicy, exotic flower.

  He knew that he wasn't ever going to want to be with anyone else ever again. After being with her, no one else was ever going to satisfy him. He knew that he's had the best. He had found the only woman for him.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  A little over a week later, Sam was able to move back into his own place. His mobility had greatly increased and while he was still going to be taking the rest of the semester off, he didn't need someone else to take care of him anymore.

  He explained this to Kristy, as he packed his bags.

  “I really appreciate you letting me stay with you guys, Kristy. But I want to get back to my own place now. I don't want to put a strain on our relationship by moving too quickly. I'm just worried that's exactly what will happen if I stay here. People usually start to get annoyed with each other when they live together.”

  Kristy sighed.

  “I guess, you're right,” she admitted. “People usually do fall out of the honeymoon stage after they live together for a bit. And I really don't want this honeymoon feeling to end. The beginning of a relationship is always the best, but I have to say, I've never felt a beginning like this. I've never felt a pull so strong-”

  Kristy's words were cut off, as Sam planted a kiss on her lips. His lips moved against hers wildly and she whimpered involuntarily, with need.

  Sam pulled away and smiled down at her. Kristy's cheeks were flushed and reddening.

  “I want to get out of your hair,” Sam said. “Besides, I think we both need some privacy and time apart. But that doesn't mean I don't still want to spend tons of time with you. How about we get together tomorrow night?”

  “Sure,” Kristy said.

  “Okay,” Sam said. “I'm looking forward to it.”

  Sam gave Kristy one last kiss before leaving.

  As he walked down the road and hailed a taxi, he pressed his own lips together. They still tasted like Kristy. He wanted her to linger on him forever.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The next six months passed by in a blur. Both Sam and Kristy were busy with school and work. Kristy also had her yoga and Sam had his workouts at the gym. They fell into a comfortable pattern of spending time together, but not smothering one another. Kristy was loving the sync that they had with each other. It was as though they came together when they needed one another, and they came together often, but they didn't have to be around each other either. There was no desperation in their love. There was no fear of loss. Kristy wasn't worrying that Sam would lose interest. She felt more comfortable with Sam than she had ever felt with anyone before. She felt absolutely free to be herself. They had gotten to a point where she didn't feel like she had to impress him. She still dressed up and applied her make-up for him. But it was because she loved being able to make him happy and she wanted to look nice for him. She didn't feel like she had to put effort into her appearance. She felt sure that Sam would still love her, no matter what she looked like.

  As their relationship progressed, Kristy learned more and more about Sam. He told her all about how he and Brad used to catch frogs in the woods when they were kids. How Brad had joined the boy scouts and Sam had so desperately wanted to be able to join too. He told her how he would sit awake staring out his bedroom window into the night, every time that Brad would go on a boy scouts camping trip or sleepover. He would stare at the line of forest in the distance and wonder what they were doing, wishing that he could be a part of it.

  Kristy's heart had ached for the young Sam. She pictured him small and sad, gazing out into the night. She thought of how he must feel that a huge part of himself was being denied. That he was being excluded and denied a piece of his identity all at once.

  Kristy had opened up to Sam too. She told him about the girls in middle school who used to pick on her. They had called her horrid names and brought attention to the effeminate tendencies that she was trying so fervently to hide. But then the girls had been nothing compared to the boys. Kristy had never been physically attacked by her male schoolmates, but she had been in immenent fear of it occurring several times. She told Sam about how she'd been cornered in the locker room bathroom. It was all the way at the opposite end of the locker room from where the gym teacher's office was situated. They cornered her there because the teacher couldn't hear what was happening. They hadn't put hands on her, but they had towered over her. They had invaded her space, with puffed out chests and taunting ma
lice in their words. She told Sam how she had become quiet and looked down at the ground, just waiting for it all to be over. She had ducked her head low against her neck and tried to become as small as possible. She tried to shrink down into herself and be unseen. She'd never gone into a school bathroom again after that. She tried a few times to use the bathroom in the teacher's lounge, but she'd been angrily chastised by the eighth grade biology teacher. In the end, she found that it was easier to just not eat or drink water during the day. She had preferred being thirsty to having to deal with the overwhelming and nauseating fear that accompanied bathroom use.

  Sam's eyes had crinkled and he'd gathered Kristy up in his arms as she told him this.

  “God, that makes me so sad,” he whispered. “It breaks my heart so much, that there were people trying to hurt you and I wasn't there to protect you. I didn't know anything about it. I was just going about my life, and here you were so scared that you were dehydrating yourself.”

  Kristy had buried her face in Sam's chest, feeling more safe and loved than she ever had. She didn't want to make Sam sad, telling him all about her childhood, but it felt so nice to know that her past self had an ally in a way. She had never been more alone and vulnerable than during her middle school years, and talking to Sam about it was a wonderful relief. She wished that she could somehow send a message back through the years to her young self, and let her know that one day she would be safe and happy, and in the arms of a man who wished that he could keep her from all pain. Back then, she hadn't ever thought that she could be loved in such a way.

  Sam came over a couple of nights each week. They usually hung out at Kristy's place. Sam never came out and said anything about it, but the few times that Kristy had gone to his place she'd been pretty disgusted. She loved Sam more than she's ever loved anyone, but that didn't mean she was a fan of his cleanliness habits. She had to admit that the state of his living space wasn't nearly as bad as some of the men that she'd encountered. His apartment was clean in the ways that mattered. His dishes were done. There was no trash or empty food containers lying about. But these were the only advantages that Sam had over the average male. His kitchen floor was ridden was crumbs, as was the rug in the living room. Kristy had grimaced as she'd spotted bits of rice and shredded cheese scattered across the dingy carpet. The bathroom was an utter abomination. Kristy had to bite her tongue and talk herself out of asking Sam when the last time that he had cleaned it was. The bowl and the seat of the toilet were stained, and it was far too obvious what material had stained them. The tub was rimmed with hair and soap scum.

  Kristy had tried to disguise her distaste but she didn't think that she'd been very successful, as Sam had stopped inviting her over, and now he always came to her apartment. Kristy appreciated this about Sam. He hadn't asked her if she had a problem with his place. He had simply realized that she did and without putting her into the impossible position of having ton explain to him that his living space gave her a bad case of icks, he had decided that he would be the one to always come to her place.

  It was a lot better this way. Kristy would never be able to kiss Sam or become intimate in a house without a clean bathroom. She would spend the entire time thinking about the grime in there. It was silly, but it was just a part of who she was.

  So, Sam came over to her house a couple of times each week. Sometimes they would hang out and watch movies, or order food and talk about their lives. Other times they would each go about their own tasks, but adjacent to one another. Kristy would do her yoga and Sam would work on his homework. Sometimes they would help each other with their homework. Sam was much better at math and he helped Kristy complete her Algebra homework. Kristy detested math and was just trying to get her required math class out of the way. She had taken Algebra because it was the easiest math class that the school offered for credit. Still, Kristy was struggling with it. She found Sam so attractive when he explained exponents or discovered the variable with ease. She found it really hot that Sam could do math so easily.

  In return for his help with equations, Kristy helped Sam come up with a thesis and structure the paper for his Art History class. Kristy loved art and she really liked that she was able to provide Sam with another point of view and help him organize his thoughts for his paper. Sam decided to write a paper on seventeenth century Dutch still-life paintings and Kristy had so much fun working on the paper with him. They used the paper as an excuse to make several trips both to the MET and the MOMA. They held hands and drifted through the exhibits, stopping to study the paintings that caught their eye. During these trips, they found that they didn't have to talk. They simply studied the art in silence, and enjoyed being together.

  The end of the school year came and Kristy began to worry. She always went home for the summer. What would happen to them if they weren't able to see each other every day? Would they remain together or would they drift apart? Kristy tried to tell herself that their love was real and it was becoming stronger with each passing day. There wasn't any way that they would drift apart just because of two months of absence. She told herself these things and they made sense, but she couldn't shake her worry. And then even if they didn't drift apart, she would still have to be without Sam for two months. She wanted to tell Sam how much she was going to miss him. She wanted to tell him how her heart would swell and ache each day that she couldn't be with him. But she didn't want to seem clingy or dramatic. She didn't want to admit to these feelings if she wasn't feeling anything near them. Kristy stressed and ruminated, and the last day of the semester grew closer and time seemed to quicken with exorbitant speed.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “Didn't I tell you this was the best running trail?” Brad shouted over the pounding of their feet.

  “I don't know, man,” Sam panted. “I've never been a big fan of running trails like this. I keep worrying that I'm gonna trip on a tree root or break my neck slipping on a rock.”

  Brad laughed.

  “No,” he called. “This is the only way to run! You got to be out here, in nature. You can't just always go running on pavement, with nothing to look at but buildings and concrete.”

  “It's not like I'm saying we should run through Time Square!” Sam exclaimed. “Just can't we keep it to the main areas of the park? Stick to the running track?”

  “Ugh, no way! The freaking bicyclists can't ever stay in their lane. Besides, how can you run with the traffic roaring along next to you? Just on the other side of the fence? I don't want to be breathing in exhaust fumes, while I exercise.”

  “You're in New York City, dude,” Sam pointed out. “I don't think it's possible to go anywhere without breathing exhaust fumes. You're kidding yourself if you think you're not taking in great, heaping lungfuls right now. Even all the way out here.”

  Brad blew a raspberry.

  “Whatever dude, if I am, at least it's less concentrated. I just prefer to have the illusion of being in nature.”

  At that moment, the blare of a car horn sounded through the trees and the two of them had to slow their running, and then stop to clutch their knees in laughter.

  “There you go!” Sam chortled. “My point exactly!”

  “Oh knock it off, guy!” Brad exclaimed. He was nearly wheezing through his laughter.

  “I feel like that was actually that funny,” Sam said, with a smirk.

  “I know,” Brad said. “It was more like the timing of it.”

  “Right,” Sam said, with a smile.

  “Oh, man,” Brad said. “I'm ready for a break. How about you?”

  “Uh, yeah,” Sam laughed. “I'm not used to running through the flipping forest. I wouldn't mind sitting down for a minute.”

  “Cool. There's a clearing around here somewhere. We can sit a minute and chill.”

  Sam followed Brad through a cluster of trees and around a hilly bend and finally the horticulture opened up to reveal a rounded space that was free of trees. There was a thin layer of grass, that parted in several p
laces to reveal patches of earth, and three large, misshapen boulders lined the edges of the clearing.

  “Here we go,” Brad said. “We can sit down here for a minute and relax. A lot of people don't know that this spot is here, so I just stop off here sometimes to sit and rest after a long run. It's kind of nice. I like being out here in the wild.”

  Sam shook his head.

  “The wild? You're still in Central Park, dude.”

  Brad shrugged.

  “You know. As close to the wild as I can really get.”

  “Okay, Jack London,” Sam said, with a laugh.

  Brad set himself down on one of the large rocks and Sam settled himself onto the rock next to him. He pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his heels against the bumpy gravel. The day was warm, but there was a pleasant and cool breeze rustling through the trees and drying the trails of sweat that trickled down Sam's face and neck. Birds called through the trees and squirrels rushed through the canopy of leaves above them. Maybe Brad was right. Maybe there was something to this nature stuff. Just sitting out was putting Sam into an even better mood, and his mood had been fairly high to begin with. He had the most exciting plans.

  “What are you over there grinning about?” Brad asked.

  Sam smirked and looked his friend in the eyes.

  Brad's eyes were dancing with curiosity and his lips parted in a grin.

  “I have such a big surprise for Kristy,” Sam said. “I can't wait to show her tonight.”

  “What is it?”

  Sam reached into the pocket of his gym shorts and pulled out his wallet. He opened up the wad of leather and retrieved two folded slips of paper. He grinned, as he passed them over to Brad.

  “What are these? Oh, wow!”

  Brad's eyes widened as he read the text on the slips.

  “A cruise to Mexico? You're taking Kristy on a vacation?”

  “I hope so,” Sam said. “It's only a two week cruise, but it's smack dab in the center of the summer. This way we won't have to go too long without seeing each other. I'm just really hoping that she says yes. I'm a little worried that she'll feel like it's moving too fast.”