by Candy Harper
Ashandra drew herself up tall. ‘I’m saying that you’re irresponsible and you’re letting the class down.’
‘That’s better than being a stuck-up bossy-pants who thinks she’s better than everyone else.’ Kayleigh pushed back her chair and flounced off to the drinks machine.
Ashandra stood up with her head held high and walked off in the opposite direction.
I was left in the middle.
‘Has Miss Gardner told your class about the art competition yet?’ Chloe asked me while we were making pasta bake for tea. Amelia was supposed to be in charge, but she was scribbling in a notebook.
‘Yes,’ I said. Ashandra and Kayleigh had ignored each other all day after their row. It made me feel sick just thinking about it.
Chloe was distracted by Amelia noisily leafing through her notebook.
‘Amelia, you’re supposed to be doing the peppers,’ Chloe said.
‘I’m doing something more important.’
‘Nothing’s more important than making food for me to eat.’
‘I’m writing a song for International Day. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand the importance of music in an otherwise bleak existence.’
‘Has it got any rude words in it?’ Chloe asked.
Amelia rolled her head back like she couldn’t even bear to listen to Chloe. ‘No, it has not.’
‘Then I don’t think it’s as important as making tea.’
‘We’re doing China for our panel,’ I interrupted before full-scale war broke out. ‘Did you know they’re going to be on display in the hall on International Day when the parents come in the afternoon? Do you think Dad will come?’
‘Yes,’ Chloe said.
‘No,’ said Amelia at the same time. ‘He didn’t bother coming to see me sing my solo in the carol concert.’
Chloe bit into a chocolate finger. I don’t know where she got it from. There weren’t any in the cupboard. ‘You can’t really blame Dad for not wanting to listen to you sing,’ she said through her biscuit. ‘It is super boring.’
Amelia opened her mouth, but I interrupted again. ‘What country are your class doing?’ I asked Chloe. ‘For your panel?’
Chloe looked back at me. ‘We’ve got Finland. I’m going to ask Suvi for ideas.’
Amelia pulled a face. ‘What are you asking the Ice Queen for?’
‘Because that’s where she’s from obviously.’
‘It’s revolting the way you suck up to her and Dad.’
‘I don’t suck up to them! I’m just not rude and horrible like you are.’
Amelia put down her pencil. ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’
‘Get what?’
‘You’ve got no sense of solidarity with Mum.’
‘What on earth are you talking about?’
Amelia gave her a withering look. ‘You don’t understand anything. You’re too immature.’
Chloe slammed the casserole dish down hard on the counter. ‘I’m twelve! I can be immature if I want to! Why do people want me to act a certain way and do stupid grown-up stuff? You think you’re an adult because you’re always being sarcastic and reading boring books and talking about boys. If that’s being grown up then I’d rather be immature.’
‘That’s not what I’m talking about! I’m talking about looking after Mum, but you obviously don’t care about that.’ Amelia snatched up her notebook. ‘You don’t care about anything!’ She stormed out of the kitchen.
‘Yes I do!’ shouted Chloe. And she went out into the back garden, throwing open the door so hard that it smacked against the wall.
I was left in the middle.
Kayleigh let Ashandra completely take charge in art on Thursday. And then she didn’t bother coming to Hockey Club; she didn’t even care when I told her that she’d missed learning how to shoot goals.
I was starting to think that maybe Chloe’s suggestion about doing things together wasn’t going to be enough. Maybe nothing was going to make them friends. And anyway Chloe wasn’t the expert on friendship that I thought she was because for days all she and Amelia had said to each other were horrible things, even though it wasn’t that long ago that they were really good mates and shared a bedroom. By Friday night, they were still angry with each other.
‘Which one of you snot trails has got my phone?’ Amelia demanded, interrupting me and Chloe arm-wrestling.
‘Why would we want your phone?’ Chloe stuck out her tongue.
I rubbed my arm and didn’t say anything.
‘Because my phone is much better than yours.’
Chloe flexed her hand. ‘Yeah, but it probably goes around telling all the other phones how it’s better than them and so mature. Nobody likes phones like that.’
‘You think you’re so funny. You’re not!’
‘Why is Mum laughing then?’
We all turned to look at Mum who was trying to hang up the washing on bits of furniture because it was raining outside. There was definitely a smile on her face.
‘I’m not laughing,’ she said. ‘I’m just enjoying the lively nature of your exchange.’ She looked round the sitting room; there were soggy clothes hanging from the radiators and chairs, and the floor was covered with various cups and plates from after-school snacks and bits of magazines that Lucy had made a collage from. ‘I haven’t seen your phone in here, Amelia, but it could be under any of these school jumpers or piles of junk. Where did you have it last?’
‘In my bedroom, which means someone has been in there.’
‘Wasn’t me,’ Chloe said. ‘I’m allergic to both disgusting perfume and whiney music so I can’t go in your room without breaking out in a rash.’
Amelia ignored her. ‘Where’s Lucy?’
‘She’s at Dad’s,’ I said.
Lucy had managed to persuade Suvi to pick her up from After School Club sometimes even when it wasn’t a Wednesday or a second weekend. She hadn’t really told anyone why, but I knew it was because she wanted to see Kirsti.
‘No, she’s back now,’ Mum said. ‘Dad dropped her off half an hour ago.’
‘She’s probably in the Pit,’ I said.
Mum frowned. ‘She’s spending too much time down there.’
‘I’ll help you look for your phone,’ I said to Amelia.
That meant Amelia stayed in the sitting room and carried on moaning to Mum about how we steal her stuff while I looked in the kitchen and the bathroom and on the stairs. I found her sunglasses in the kitchen cupboard and her new boots under a damp towel in the bathroom, but there was no sign of her phone. I was going to look in the Pit too, but there was a big sign taped on the door that said KEEP OUT in Lucy’s handwriting. Underneath there was a picture. I’m not sure exactly what it was supposed to be, but it had a lot of teeth.
Eventually, I found Amelia’s mobile in the cupboard under the stairs.
Lucy was talking into it.
‘Lucy! Amelia is going mad looking for that.’
She ignored me and carried on speaking. ‘. . . And if you want to make a really big splash you need to get a good run-up—’ She paused to flick her wrist at me, meaning I should go away, but I stood firm.
‘Who are you talking to?’ I asked.
‘Kirsti.’
‘Kirsti’s a baby. She can’t talk yet.’
‘No, but she can listen. She’s a good listener.’
My brain felt a bit like scrambled egg. ‘But how did she answer the phone?’
‘She didn’t answer it. She rang me.’
For a second, I wondered if all that time Lucy was whispering to Kirsti she had been teaching her some incredible baby tricks. ‘What?’
‘I borrowed Amelia’s phone then, when I was at Dad’s, I used his cordless phone to ring the mobile and I answered it and then I left the cordless under Kirsti’s cot.’
‘But you’ve been back from Dad’s for nearly an hour now.’
‘So?’
‘Has Dad’s phone been connected to Amelia’s mobile all tha
t time?’
‘Yes,’ Lucy said as if I was an idiot.
‘Lucy! That’s such a waste of money!’
‘It’s not! I’ve been talking to Kirsti. I’ve been telling her important stuff.’
I grabbed the phone and ended the call.
‘I didn’t say goodbye!’
‘You’re going to have to say goodbye to everyone if you’re not careful. They’ll put you in prison for stealing phones and running up the world’s biggest phone bill.’
She thought about that. ‘Would I get to sleep on a bunk bed in prison?’
I phoned Dad on his mobile to explain to him why he couldn’t find his landline phone. I tried to make him understand that Lucy misses Kirsti, but he just said, ‘Thanks for telling me, Ella. Put Lucy on the phone please.’
He spent a lot longer telling Lucy off than he did thanking me.
Later, I stuffed Amelia’s phone down the side of the sofa cushions and when we were watching TV I pretended to find it.
‘What’s it doing there?’ Amelia asked, peeling a squished raisin off the back of it. ‘That’s not where I left it.’
‘It’s not really weird that your phone is next to your lounging and complaining spot,’ Chloe said. ‘What would be weird is if it was by the kitchen sink because no one has seen you doing any washing-up for fourteen years.’
Amelia gave Chloe a filthy look. ‘I haven’t even been alive for fourteen years.’
‘Exactly. Even before you were born, you were a shirker.’
They snapped at each other so much that I went up to bed early. Lucy was already asleep, but I could still tell she’d been crying.
Even though it was Saturday morning, everyone in my house looked miserable. I was worried because Ashandra and Kayleigh hadn’t really talked all week. Lucy was sad about Kirsti. Chloe had fallen out with Thunder, but wouldn’t tell anyone why. Mum was stressed because she had so much schoolwork to do. Amelia was miserable because that was how she always was. She was also screwing up her face because Chloe was eating yoghurt with a chopstick.
‘You don’t need to stare,’ Chloe said. ‘There weren’t any clean spoons. Or forks. Or anything except this.’
Amelia kept on staring so Chloe flicked yoghurt at her. Amelia shrieked.
‘Girls, please, I’m getting a headache.’ Mum shuffled through one of the many stacks of paper spread out in front of her on the table.
‘Are you still worrying about being inspectored?’ Lucy asked her. ‘You do teaching every day so you can’t be that bad at it.’
‘I’m not bad at it!’ Mum snapped. ‘It’s just all these stupid rules about how everything ought to be done. They want so many different things included in the lessons that I’m not sure where we’re supposed to fit the actual learning part in.’
‘Can’t you just fill in the lesson plan how they want it to keep them happy?’ Chloe asked.
Mum moved a handful of Lucy’s plastic dinosaurs off the table. ‘I’d have more time to fill in lesson plans if I wasn’t always having to pick up after you lot.’
Lucy pouted. ‘It’s not my fault you haven’t done your work!’
‘Don’t get cheeky with me, young lady!’ Mum closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘You’re too little to understand, Lucy,’ she said. ‘It’s not even just about the plans; they expect to see progress from every pupil. Every pupil! What makes them think that they know enough about every pupil to even be able to judge that? Shane Bolton hasn’t chewed anything from the craft cupboard for three weeks. That’s progress.’
‘Sounds like Chloe’s kind of boyfriend,’ Amelia said.
Chloe pushed Amelia off her chair. ‘I’m never having a boyfriend.’
Amelia grabbed Chloe by the legs and pulled her to the floor. The yoghurt and the chopstick went flying.
Then they were rolling over on top of each other and Lucy was squealing and Mum was shouting. We could have been watching cartoons and eating toast; instead, they were all being awful.
I slammed the door. Everybody turned and looked at me.
‘Stop it!’ I said. ‘Everybody, stop being horrible!’
Mum shoved Amelia into one chair and Chloe into another. ‘Lucy, get a cloth for that yoghurt.’ She pushed her hair back. ‘Ella’s right. Everyone is getting a bit cross and fed up. I want you all dressed in old clothes in five minutes. We’ve got a lot of work to do in the garden. No arguments. The fresh air will do us good.’
Surprisingly, everybody did what they were told. We put on old trousers and then we weeded and deadheaded and trimmed and tidied until the garden really looked quite neat.
Mum and Chloe pulled out the picnic table from under the trees and put it in a patch of sunlight so we could eat lunch outside. I helped Mum make a mountain of sandwiches and the others ferried out cups and plates and crisps and tomatoes and apples to the table.
‘This is nice, isn’t it?’ Mum said, looking down at the picnic and around at the garden.
‘Brilliant,’ Chloe said. And Amelia didn’t disagree.
‘Lucy, help me fetch the drinks,’ Mum said.
I watched Amelia and Chloe sitting next to each other on the bench. It was almost like when they used to sit next to each other all the time and made stupid jokes about who smelt the most. Amelia turned her face up to the sun. Chloe picked up a stray crisp and crunched it happily. Maybe they just needed to get out of the house. Maybe everything was fine between them now—
‘Eugh! Chloe, you’re revolting!’ Amelia said. ‘Mum! Chloe’s eating food straight off the table and the table’s got bird poo on it!’
Chloe glared at Amelia.
‘Chloe!’ Mum called from the kitchen.
‘It’s all right, the bird poo is dry,’ Chloe called back.
Mum’s appeared at the back door. ‘It would still be a good idea to use a plate.’
‘I was just saying that it’s not like the crisps were actually covered in poo.’
Amelia made a vomiting noise.
Chloe picked up another crisp that had fallen out of the packet and on to the table. ‘See? It’s not dripping with big blobs of gloopy white poop.’ Her eyes lit up with an idea. ‘Hey, Mum, have we got any mayonnaise?’
‘I can look for mayonnaise if you can promise not to ingest anything that’s come out of a bird for two minutes.’
‘All right.’
Mum and Lucy came back with drinks and chocolate biscuits and mayonnaise.
Chloe shook the mayonnaise jar till a quivering blob sat on her plate. She dipped a crisp in it and crunched it with relish.
Amelia gave her a disgusted look.
Chloe held out the jar to her. ‘Do you want some gloopy poop?’
Apart from Amelia and Chloe snapping at each other, it was a nice picnic. It was really good to all chat together about what we could plant in the garden. I did ask Mum if she should be doing her lesson preparation, but she said she could do it later. Overall, I felt quite bright side-ish for the first time in a while.
Even though I managed not to think about Ashandra and Kayleigh for most of the weekend, I knew I couldn’t bear another art lesson with Ash being all tight-lipped and bossy and Kay pretending she didn’t care. Anyway, I wanted us to do well with our panel; I’d heard some of the ideas Suvi had suggested for Chloe’s class and they sounded really good. So I knew I’d have to talk to my friends.
On Monday, I marched Kayleigh into our tutor room and over to Ashandra. ‘Listen,’ I said, then I panicked that they’d both be cross with me for interfering, but I was supposed to be acting really nice and sometimes being nice includes doing scary things to help other people sort things out. I took a deep breath. ‘Do you think that maybe . . . please could you work together in art? Ash, you’re really good at organising and giving people jobs so I think that’s what you should concentrate on. And I know you’ve done some really good research about the things we should include on our panel, but I think you should let Kayleigh talk to everybody about how we’re
going to actually show that stuff.’
‘What do you mean?’ Ashandra said. ‘We’re just going to draw things on and then paint them, aren’t we?’
Kayleigh rolled her eyes.
‘Why don’t you explain your ideas to Ash?’ I asked Kayleigh. ‘Please.’
‘OK.’ But she didn’t look directly at Ashandra. ‘All the tutor groups are going to do painting so we need something different.’
‘Something that stands out?’ Ashandra was definitely interested.
‘Exactly. I thought what if we literally make our panel stand out? A Chinese dragon could be sort of bursting out of it; we could shape the dragon with chicken wire and papier mâché. And the lanterns could be raised too. Maybe with actual lights in, like those little LED ones.’
Ashandra was trying very hard not to look impressed. She wasn’t doing a very good job.
‘Mmm,’ she said. ‘That does sound . . . good. How about you describe it to everyone and then I’ll divide people up into groups to work on the different parts. OK?’
‘OK,’ Kayleigh said.
It was definitely progress.
‘This is the most revolting thing that has ever happened to me,’ Chloe announced, throwing down her mobile phone. It was Wednesday night and we were at Dad’s house, lying around the sitting room, waiting for him to get home from work.
Amelia looked up from her magazine. ‘I find that hard to believe because you told me only the other day that Buttercup once pooped in your trainers and you wore them all day before you noticed. If something more revolting than that has happened, I don’t want to hear about it.’
Lucy was using a toe to make Kirsti’s bouncy chair bounce. She stopped for a moment to lean over and look at Chloe’s phone, but Chloe snatched it away.
‘What is it?’ Lucy asked.
Chloe screwed up her face. ‘Thunder’s sent me a text. He wants me to go to the disco with him.’
‘I thought you liked discos,’ I said.
‘I like dancing and eating crisps and laughing at the teachers’ party clothes. I don’t like mushy stuff.’
Lucy’s eyes went round. ‘Does Thunder want to do mushy stuff with you?’