by Candy Harper
And then it happened. I just opened my mouth and out it came.
‘That’s funny because everybody else says that you’re the most big-headed idiot this school has ever had.’
Courtney sucked in her breath and everyone else laughed. I hadn’t even realised anyone else was listening.
‘Good one,’ Ashandra said.
Jasmine’s eyes were boring into me. ‘You’re jealous. Just wait till I’m at the Olympics.’
The room was completely quiet; they were all waiting to hear what I would say back. I said exactly what I knew Amelia would say.
‘I think you’re confused. There isn’t an event for selfish show-offs at the Olympics. But you’d definitely get the gold if there was.’
Jasmine was red in the face. She opened her mouth to say something awful back, but Miss Espinoza walked in and everyone had to sit down.
My heart was thumping, but it felt good not to be the one made to look stupid for once.
On Friday, things between Ashandra and Kayleigh seemed to even out to a sort of frosty politeness. But at home things between Amelia and Chloe just got worse and worse. On Saturday morning, Dad came back from dropping Lucy off at ballet and he and Suvi took Kirsti upstairs to get her changed and dressed. That’s when Amelia and Chloe started snapping at each other again.
Chloe was disappointed because Thunder had backed out of their plan to film Big Bear on roller skates.
‘What could possibly be more important than this?’ she asked me.
‘Maybe he has to do something with his parents,’ I said.
‘Maybe he doesn’t want to see you because you crushed him when he asked you out,’ Amelia said.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Chloe said.
But it was true that Thunder had been making excuses not to see Chloe recently. She frowned.
Amelia started humming the song she’d written for International Day.
Chloe groaned. ‘Not that rubbish again.’
Amelia stopped humming and started singing.
Chloe put her fingers in her ears. ‘You do realise that no one is going to want to listen to you warbling on about countries in harmony and all that rubbish.’
Upstairs, Kirsti started howling.
‘You sound just like her,’ Chloe said. ‘No wonder Dad isn’t coming to see you sing; he has to put up with enough wailing already.’
‘Shut your face.’ Amelia shoved Chloe in the chest.
Chloe pushed her back. ‘You shut it. You think you’re so brilliant just because you can sing and you read books and wear make-up.’
‘You’re just jealous. Maybe in a million years you’ll act like an adult.’
‘I’m not jealous! You think you’re so big, but you’re an idiot, always being sarky with Dad and pretending you’re not part of this family.’
‘What family?’ Amelia exploded. ‘We’re not a proper family! Mum and Dad barely even talk to each other.’
‘So? He’s still our dad.’
Amelia looked at Chloe with dagger eyes. ‘We all know that you’re on his side.’
‘What do you mean, on his side?’
‘You think he’s brilliant. You’re always throwing your arms round him. You never even consider Mum. What do you think it’s like when someone you love goes off with another woman and leaves you behind to cope, and five minutes later they’ve got a whole new life with their new baby, and they don’t care about you any more and they never even show up to hear you sing?’ She pushed past me and ran out of the room.
Chloe’s forehead creased. ‘Wait a minute,’ she called to Amelia’s back. ‘Are we talking about Mum or you?’
I don’t think Amelia really knew.
‘Did I hear shouting?’ Dad asked when he came downstairs a few minutes later with Kirsti on his arm.
Chloe shrugged.
I was being tough so it wasn’t up to me to explain everything. I stared at my juice. In a tough way.
‘Well, let’s try not to get too boisterous at this time in the morning; we’ve already had Lucy doing the fairy elephant dance on the way to ballet,’ Dad said, popping Kirsti in her bouncy chair. ‘And I know Kirsti’s been bellowing, but we should try not to disturb the neighbours any more than necessary.’
I knew that when you’ve got Kirsti howling in your ear it’s hard to hear anything else, but I was surprised he didn’t want to know what the shouting was about.
Chloe didn’t seem bothered about telling him. ‘What’s the Plan for this morning?’ she asked.
‘The Plan is for everybody to be really good and quiet while I get some work done. We might have time for half an hour’s fishing this afternoon,’ Dad said, picking up his phone and starting to look through his emails.
‘I’m going to tell Thunder to stop being an idiot then.’ Chloe attempted to moonwalk out of the kitchen. I stood up to follow her.
‘Tell Amelia we’re not going out this morning, will you, Ella?’ Dad asked, not looking up from his phone.
‘I think she might have locked herself in the bathroom again.’
Dad looked up from his phone and then back down again. ‘Amelia and Chloe seem to be winding each other up a bit today. They’re normally such good pals. Do you think you could smooth things over between them?’
Suddenly, I understood a bit why Amelia was so cross with him. How could he possibly have not noticed that Amelia and Chloe didn’t get on at all any more?
‘They always wind each other up; they fell out ages ago,’ I said. ‘They hardly talk to each other at the moment. And even when they do it’s just to say nasty things.’
‘Mmm,’ Dad said, still looking at his stupid emails. He wasn’t paying attention to me. I didn’t care though because I was being tough. Which was good because it isn’t very nice when your dad doesn’t listen to something important you’re telling him.
It wasn’t a very good weekend. We didn’t even go fishing. Dad only came out of his study to watch the football with Chloe. Amelia only came out of the bathroom to shout at people.
By Tuesday, Chloe was still staying as far away from Amelia as possible so I was keeping her company in the forest at the bottom of the garden while she sketched a tree for her art homework. She was eating a packet of Monster Munch at the same time. I don’t know where she got them. I could only find boring ready salted crisps in the cupboard.
‘Are Ashandra and Kayleigh friends now that you’re all in Hockey Club?’ Chloe asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t have the energy to tell her that playing on a team together didn’t seem to have worked and neither did being nice. The bright side of me being tough now was that at least Ash and Kay seemed to understand that I didn’t want to hear them complaining about each other, even if they were still pretty frosty with each other, only speaking about the project when they had to. To be honest, I didn’t feel very tough or strong about the whole thing. I tried to squish down my worries. Amelia wouldn’t let this kind of thing bother her.
‘Not exactly friends,’ I said.
The weather wasn’t as warm as it had been so Chloe had brought out a flask of tea. She poured me another cup and held out her crisp packet to me. ‘Try a mouthful with a Monster Munch; it makes them sort of fizz.’ Then she frowned. She doesn’t normally frown when she’s talking about crisps.
‘Are you all right?’ I asked.
‘Mmm. I’ve been thinking.’
That sounded serious. Chloe doesn’t like to think about things if she can help it.
She sighed. ‘I don’t really understand all that stuff Amelia was saying about Mum and Dad.’
‘Me neither.’
‘Do you think I’m upsetting Mum?’
‘No.’ I hesitated. ‘I don’t think so . . . I don’t know.’
Then she said something that proves what I’m always saying about Chloe being much more sensible than people think.
‘Let’s ask Mum.’
She packed up the flask and her sketch stuff and we went into the k
itchen where Mum was making dinner.
‘Mum, can I ask you something?’ Chloe twisted one leg round the other.
‘Of course.’
Chloe opened her mouth and shut it again. Her neck was pink. Usually when Chloe talks the words tumble out. She always has something to say.
Mum put down the cheese grater and leant across the counter towards Chloe. When you know someone really well, their quiet bits can tell you as much as their words. Mum knew something was wrong.
‘What is it, sweetheart?’ she asked.
‘Do you want me to stop hugging Dad?’
I was sure that Amelia was wrong and that Mum would just laugh, but she didn’t.
‘Of course not. Why on earth would you think that?’
‘Amelia says I should be on your side.’
I’ve noticed that sometimes grown-ups do this face when you speak to them, and you know that you’ve said something that’s shocked or upset them, even though you don’t know why.
Mum bit her lip. ‘Ella, do you think you could fetch your sisters? Wait, Lucy is at Rose’s house. Just find Amelia.’
Chloe shot me a look; she didn’t get it either.
When I came back with Amelia, Mum made us all sit down at the table.
‘Girls, do you remember when Dad and I told you we were getting divorced?’
I blinked. Even though it was nearly a year and a half ago, I did remember. It was a horrible, horrible day.
‘We said that the most important thing was that you remember that we love you all very much.’
‘Yeah,’ Amelia said. ‘But what’s that got to do with you hating Dad?’
Mum actually gasped. I nearly did too because I’d never thought that about Mum and Dad.
‘Amelia! I don’t hate your father. I’ve never even said a bad word about him.’
‘That’s because you never finish a sentence about him,’ Amelia said.
That’s sort of true. Mum doesn’t say much about Dad. Or Suvi or Kirsti.
‘And you cried when you two got divorced.’
Mum pinched the top of her nose.
‘I did cry,’ she said slowly. ‘Getting divorced is sad and difficult and it can make you cry, but that doesn’t mean I hate your dad.’ She looked right into Amelia’s eyes. ‘I don’t. And I certainly don’t want you to take sides. There aren’t sides,’ Mum insisted. ‘We’re all on the same side.’
Amelia slapped a hand down on the table. ‘No we’re not! He went off! He left us!’
‘And I think maybe I should have realised just how angry that’s made you,’ Mum said softly.
‘I’m angry for you.’
I stared at Amelia. Her voice was all gravelly and choked.
Mum slid her chair closer to Amelia and wrapped an arm round her. ‘You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine. I’m very happy with our life.’
Amelia was crying. Chloe widened her eyes at me. We hadn’t seen Amelia cry for a very long time.
‘You’re allowed to be angry with Dad for yourself,’ Mum said to Amelia. ‘You all are.’
Amelia wiped her nose with the back of her hand. ‘I’m angry with everybody. It’s not fair.’
Amelia cried and cried. Mum shushed her and rocked her like she was tiny.
Chloe squeezed my hand.
I bit the inside of my cheek and tried to think tough things.
Ever since Mr Garibaldi made them sit together, I’d been watching Ashandra’s and Kayleigh’s backs in maths. At first, they completely ignored each other. It was as if there was an invisible line down the middle of the table and they were very careful not to let even an elbow cross it. But then, during our double lesson, while I was bent over my book, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ashandra turn round to look at me. Then she turned back and said something to Kayleigh. After that, I saw them whispering several times.
After the next lesson, Kayleigh even waved to Ashandra when she went off to talk to Erica. Me and Kayleigh got in the queue for the vending machines.
‘So . . . I was just chatting to Ashandra,’ Kayleigh said.
My heart did a little squeeze, but you can’t get excited about things because that’s when people crush your hopes so I just said, ‘Oh.’
‘You never said she liked horses.’
That wasn’t what I was expecting her to say. ‘I didn’t know she did.’
‘Well, mostly she’s just read books about them – she’s going to lend me some – but she wants to start riding lessons so she’s going to go with me to the stables on Saturday. You’ll come, won’t you?’
When Kayleigh and I were little, we used to play ‘horses’ in the playground a lot. At first, I didn’t know what to do and I felt silly, but Kayleigh said I could be called Spirit and she made trotting about look so much fun that soon we were galloping through meadows and up mountains every playtime. I loved it. I did try going to the stables with Kayleigh for one lesson, but, when I found out that none of the horses were called things like Sparkle Hooves and they didn’t have glitter in their manes and actually they were quite stampy and toothy, I wasn’t so keen. But it had been ages since I tried it and maybe all of us riding around together was the way to finally make us best friends.
‘If you like,’ I said, trying to stay tough. But then I completely couldn’t help adding, ‘I can’t wait.’
Whenever I tell my mum about my day, she always knows what the most important bit is.
‘So Ashandra and Kayleigh actually decided they wanted to do something together?’ she asked when I told her about the horse riding.
I nodded.
‘That’s excellent. I’m really pleased. I know how much you want them to get along.’
‘Do you think we can be best friends now?’
She smoothed the hair out of my eyes. ‘I hope you can all be friends, Ella. But remember, you’ve got to give it time. And there are different kinds of friends; as long as everybody’s happy, that’s the most important thing.’
She squeezed my arm. ‘Which reminds me.’ She looked over at Amelia and Chloe watching TV.
‘I want to talk to you all. Where’s Lucy?’
‘She’s in the Pit,’ I said.
‘She’s always down there now,’ Chloe said.
‘Do you know what she’s doing?’ Mum asked.
Amelia shrugged. ‘She’s probably amassing an army of headless dolls to attack us in the night.’
‘Actually,’ Chloe said, ‘‘if you were going to make an army, probably one with heads would be better. Then they could see what they were attacking.’
Amelia sniffed. ‘Lucy should have thought about that before she popped their heads off.’
Lucy walked into the sitting room.
‘What have you been doing, sweetheart?’ Mum asked.
Lucy thought for a second. Even though she’s only seven, she’s already way too smart to say ‘nothing’ so she said, ‘I was building a Lego dungeon for one of my dinosaurs. He was visiting the Sylvanian school, but he went crazy and chewed one of the baby rabbits so I had to lock him away.’
Which sounded quite believable for Lucy, but I still thought she was up to something.
‘Anyway, I wanted to speak to you all,’ Mum said. ‘Chloe, turn the TV off.’
Chloe zapped it with the remote.
‘Lucy, last night I told your sisters that I don’t hate your dad and that nobody needs to take sides.’
I expected Lucy to ask a lot of questions, but instead she said, ‘I know that already.’
‘Good. But we need to talk about one more thing,’ Mum said. ‘I also said last night that I’m happy and I really meant it. I don’t want you to think that your dad “ran off” and I was the one left behind.’
‘But you’d still be together if it wasn’t for Suvi,’ Amelia said.
That wasn’t true, was it?
Mum looked serious. ‘No,’ she said. ‘That’s not how it is. Dad didn’t even meet Suvi until after he’d moved out.’
; Amelia pouted. ‘Well, it was all pretty quick, wasn’t it? A year and a half ago you two were still married; now Dad’s got a whole new family!’
‘Sometimes these things happen quickly and I know you haven’t had much time to get used to the idea.’
‘Maybe, if Dad hadn’t rushed into things with Suvi, you and him might have got back together.’
Mum looked round at us and I realised that we were all dead still, waiting to see what she would say to that.
‘Oh, girls, I’m so sorry that this is so difficult for you. But I need you to understand what really happened.’ She looked at each of us in turn. ‘We made a decision, your father and I, both of us together, that we didn’t want to be married any more. It wasn’t anything to do with anybody else and we were never going to get back together whether Suvi had come along or not.’
It felt a little bit like things finishing all over again. It’s not like I’d exactly thought my parents would get back together, but Mum saying it would never happen still made my chest go all tight.
Mum squeezed Amelia’s hand. ‘Dad didn’t abandon me and he didn’t abandon you girls. He wants to see you as much as he can.’
‘So why does he work so much?’ Amelia asked.
Mum’s forehead creased. ‘Work is important to your father; it’s . . . it’s to do with how he grew up, but you should know that you girls come first.’
Amelia tried to interrupt, but Mum went on.
‘Even if he misses things sometimes, even if he’s late, when you really get down to it, you girls are the most important thing in the world to him.’
‘How do you know?’ Lucy asked.
‘Because I feel the same way. Because it’s the one thing that we are in complete agreement on,’ Mum said and pulled us all into a big Strawberry Girls hug.
Ashandra leant me one of her books about ponies. I loved it when the girl in the story, Penny, was chasing the thief and she was urging her pony to go faster through the moonlit field. They went soaring over the stream, moving as one. It sounded almost like flying.
The couple of times that I’ve actually been riding were a lot more . . . bumpy. You’re supposed to get into the rhythm of the movement, but I ended up feeling like I was sitting on a washing machine. A washing machine with very long legs. Horses are much bigger than you think.