by Lucy Monroe
“Okay, so your dad missed a few school plays, but think of all the good he did.”
She laughed, her expression almost pitying. “It was a lot more than a few school plays and someone else could have done what he did in the field.”
“He was a damn good agent.”
“Yes, he was…but he wasn’t the only agent, not even the only really good agent. And who is to say that him moving to a desk job earlier wouldn’t have done the agency more good?”
“But he wouldn’t have been happy.” Didn’t she see that?
“I know. But his happiness came at the cost of mine. I can understand that as an adult…that he had to do what he felt was right, but I can never condone subjecting any child of mine to a similar situation. It hurts too much. I didn’t understand why he had to do what he did when I was little. All I knew was that my dad didn’t love me enough to be there for me when I needed him. I love him, but I’ll never allow a child of mine to go to sleep at night wondering what is wrong with her that she’s so unimportant to her dad he’s missed her birthday again, or her first date, or her high school graduation.”
He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again. He didn’t know what that was like. Sure, things had come up when he was a kid that made his parents have to miss something here or there, but never one of his birthdays…or his graduation. It would be too easy for him to say it wouldn’t have mattered, but he didn’t know because he’d never had to face that.
“It sounds to me like you know exactly what you want—”
“Or don’t want.”
“Or don’t want. You’re definitely strong enough to turn down a guy if he wasn’t offering you the kind of lifestyle commitment you’re looking for.”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Maybe I am now…but I wasn’t always.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that I’ve made mistakes in the past I have no intention of repeating.”
“You’ve never been married.”
She winced. “No, I haven’t.”
Did she have any idea how her half answers were driving him nuts. The more he learned about her, the more he wanted to know until it was a burning thing inside him.
That was just his curiosity. Nothing special, but he hadn’t been intrigued by something outside his job like this for a long time. Not since wanting to find out who had killed the uncle who had lived estranged from his family for decades.
He’d had to learn that info secondhand…another man had discovered the identity of the killer. But this time, Ethan was going to be the one to discover what made Beth tick.
“So, you’d be safe dating agents.”
“And if I fell in love?”
“Love?” He didn’t deny its existence, but he’d never felt it. Not for a woman. Sometimes he wondered if he just wasn’t the type of man to fall in love.
“Yes, you know that pesky emotion that causes people to do lots of stuff they swear they’d never do.”
“I don’t see you letting it rule you.”
“Don’t you?”
“You’re too stubborn.”
“Stubborn…what kind of talk is this? You are supposed to be telling this one of her beauty…ai, ai, ai…you leave the talk of stubborn for after the marriage.” Vito was shaking his head and staring at Ethan in horror.
Beth grinned. “You tell him, Vito. Besides, I’m not stubborn. I don’t know where he gets the idea that I am.” She batted her long dark lashes at him and the old Italian beamed, eating up this flirtatious side to the quiet little admin.
Who damn well was stubborn. Very. His mama would love her. So would his sister. His daddy would say to steer clear unless he wanted to end up roped and hog-tied. He frowned. Not bad advice.
“Now you glare at her? This sweet thing. What could she have done?”
“Nothing. Honest.” Beth smiled coquettishly. “He’s a little upset because I think he’s a poor prospect for a long-term relationship like marriage. He thinks jumping out of airplanes and forgetting to pull the rip cord on his parachute until the last minute is entertainment. I have my own ideas about how to pass the time.”
She said it so suggestively Ethan almost choked on his wine. This vixen was not the shy, but stubborn little secretary he was used to dealing with.
Vito was shaking his head again. “There is nothing romantic about jumping out of an airplane, but he did bring you here for dinner.”
“That’s true,” Beth mused provocatively. “I suppose I’ll have to give him marks for some level of romanticism.”
“That is good, no?” Vito placed their dinners on the table before leaving to greet another obviously well-known customer at the door.
“I can be as romantic as the next man, but this is not a real date, or had you forgotten?”
“My memory is just fine, thanks.”
“Then what was all that stuff you spouted at Vito? I never said I wanted to marry you.” He realized how ridiculous he sounded only when the words were out of his mouth.
He was coming off like a defensive kid who was not confident of his ability with women so had to tell her what a great guy he was.
She laughed, the sound warm and filled with amusement. At his expense. “Would you prefer I told him that our get-to-know-you session for the sake of the case was getting too intense?”
“Of course not.”
“He thinks we’re on a date, so I acted like I was on a date.”
“Then I pity the poor man you actually deign to allow yourself to go out with.”
“Do you?”
Hell no. He envied him…the date and the pink handcuffs.
He was envying a lot more later that evening as he poked through Beth’s closet and drawers. Okay, so he’d guessed she wore sexy undergarments, but damn…he hadn’t expected anything this hot. She had lacy thongs and see-through bikini briefs and bras that were nothing more than a couple of bits of silk. The demibras killed him. He’d picked one up and his hand had actually shaken.
He had a real thing for that particular piece of lingerie…the way it held a woman’s breasts up and left the nipples bare, as if they were waiting to be touched and played with. He couldn’t help wondering what kind of breasts she had. Were they perky? Or a little heavy? Cone shaped or round? Did she have big nipples or small ones…dark or light?
Her skin was pale, but her hair and eyes were dark…it could go either way. Did she like having her breasts and her nipples touched, suckled…bitten? He was aching to find out.
Her clothes were a revelation, too. He’d seen the office gear she wore to work, but she had a rack of filmy, feminine dresses that made his mouth water. Thinking of her in them, worn over some of the more risqué lingerie, sent another surge of blood rushing to his groin. It was all he could do to stifle a groan of pure male hunger.
He’d never done this before, going through a woman’s closet. He’d sure as heck never considered doing so could be such a turn-on, but picturing Beth in the clothes—or partway out of them—was making his dick hard as a rock and his brain short-circuit.
“Are you about done?”
He didn’t have to look at her to know what he’d see. She’d taken off her heels but left her stockings on and was sitting on the edge of her bed. One leg swung gently while she had the other lifted so she could lean her head on her knee. Dark brown eyes watched him with mysterious thoughts that he’d give his spot on the next bungee jump for.
Despite the fact that her skirt was short and her leg was lifted, nothing showed. She’d made sure of that with a quick tug on the hem of her flowy skirt, but if she moved just a little bit, he would be able to see her panties. He was killing himself wondering what type she was wearing and how much else he would be able to see. If she moved her leg just a half an inch to the side.
Had she done so already? That was another thought that was tormenting him.
He turned to face her, to see. He made no effort to hide his erection. If she was looking below the wa
ist, she was going to see the effect going through her closet and dresser had had on him.
But her doe-brown eyes were trained on his face and he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or disappointed by that fact.
“Yeah…I’m done. In here. I’d like to look over the rest of your apartment some more.”
“Okay.”
“Tomorrow night you can come to my place for dinner and do your own reconnaissance.”
She bit her lip and damn if he didn’t want to help her out with that little habit. “Do you really think that’s necessary?”
“Yes.”
She sighed…and shifted. And he got his wish. She was wearing black panties. Not a thong. They were sheer, but not at the crotch. There was a small dark splotch right in the center. She was wet. So wet that she’d soaked through her panties. His knees nearly buckled. His dick had been hard. Now it throbbed. He was not going to make it out of the apartment without at least kissing her.
But what he really wanted was to bury his face in that little bit of silk and take in her scent and her taste until he was drowning in both.
She gasped and he realized she’d just become aware of where he was looking.
She didn’t move though. Or say anything.
“You’re wet,” he ground out.
“You’re hard.”
“I wondered if you’d notice.”
“It would be impossible to miss.”
Primitive male pride filled him. He was no monster, but he was big enough. And from the tone of her voice, she liked that…and was a little awed by it. Good. He liked that.
Their gazes met…locked.
“I would have expected you to be more sophisticated in your tastes.” She was probably trying to sound caustic, but her voice was too breathy for that.
He smiled. “What do you mean?”
She licked her lips. Nervous…or excited? “I’ve never seen you as the type of man to get his jollies from looking at a woman’s underwear.”
“I didn’t get my jollies, I got a hard-on, and it wasn’t the little bits of fabric you call underwear that turned me on. It was the image of you in them.”
“Oh.” Her leg moved a little more and her skirt slipped, showing her stocking top, the smooth, pale skin of her thigh, and the dark curls of her mound through the sheer fabric of her panties.
He inhaled deeply, the scent of her arousal turning his up another notch. “What about you?”
“I haven’t seen your underwear,” she whispered.
And that added to his excitement. Hell…everything about her did that. “Want to?”
“Yes…no…this is a bad idea.”
He didn’t agree. He undid his pants and slid them down his thighs. His cock sprang free. The air brushed against him like a caress. It felt good, but not as good as she would feel.
This time she moaned…a tiny sound that nearly obliterated his control. “You aren’t wearing any.”
“I like commando.”
“I can see that.”
“Now, tell me why you’re so wet you’ve soaked your panties.”
“It’s not a new thing around you,” she admitted with a choked laugh.
They were looking into each other’s eyes again and hers were glistening with need.
“You fantasize about me?”
“Yes.”
“A lot?”
She blushed. “Yes.”
“And the pink handcuffs.”
The blush spread down her throat to cover the tops of her breasts revealed by her neckline. “Yes.”
Hot damn. “I’m not looking for a long-term commitment right now.”
He just could not get the image of her and orange blossoms out of his head. Most women he dated didn’t need it spelled out for them, but she was special and he owed her honesty.
She didn’t look hurt…or bothered even. “I’d never want that with you.”
For some reason, despite his arousal and his brain telling him that was exactly the way he wanted it, her response made him mad. But he had enough intelligence not to tell her so. It was just his ego taking a hit and he wasn’t going to let that get in the way, not of an attraction this strong.
“Do you want me?” he asked.
“You can see the effect you have on me.”
“Wanting is more than a physical reaction, Sunshine. I need to know if your brain wants this too, because if it doesn’t, I need to tuck my hard-on back in my pants and get out of here. Fast.”
She was silent. A long time. Too long.
He might have pushed another woman, but probably not and definitely not her. He’d learned long ago that both the sex and the aftermath were better when a woman was absolutely sure of what she wanted. It was agony, but he started the painful process of tucking himself back into his slacks. His body protested, but his brain told him this was the right thing to do. He had few relationship rules, but this one was firm.
Her eyes widened. “I didn’t say no.”
He couldn’t quite manage a smile, not when his cock was so hard it felt like it was going to shatter. “You were taking too long to say yes. If it’s that hard to decide, you aren’t ready for what I want from you.”
She blinked in confusion. “Sex.”
“Mind-blowing sex.”
She stood up, her face flushed, her bottom lip caught in her teeth again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought I wanted it…. I do want it, it’s just…”
“It’s okay, baby.”
“I teased you,” she said in an agonized voice.
“I liked it.”
“But I’m not ready to follow through,” she admitted. “I don’t know if I ever will be.”
He had more confidence, but he knew she’d have to deal with whatever was holding her back.
“It’s okay.”
“It is?”
“Yes.” She looked unhappy with his agreement, like it bothered her.
She should be grateful. A lot of men wouldn’t have been as understanding, but he wasn’t a kid. And he liked her. He wasn’t pushing her into a sexual relationship she wasn’t ready for. The things he wanted to do with and to her required a lack of inhibition that wasn’t going to come if she was doubting the rightness of letting him touch her.
He crossed the room and brushed his thumb over her lip, disengaging it from her teeth. “If you don’t stop doing that, you’re going to end up bruised…or bleeding.”
She looked up at him, the sensual longing in her eyes so strong he had to exert iron control to keep from stripping her naked and showing her how much she really did want him.
He kissed her, softly—almost chastely—on her lips, but his tongue took an irresistible swipe of her taste before he pulled away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She nodded, following him silently to the door.
He stopped there. “Remember, dinner at my place. Right after work.”
“I’ll have to come home and feed the kittens first.”
She was sugar sweet and that was another thing that was different from the women he usually dated. He liked it. “Okay, make it six-thirty.”
“I’ll be there.” She didn’t sound sure, but on this…he didn’t have the luxury of waiting or being understanding.
She needed to come to his home and get an idea of who he was outside the office. “Take a taxi. I’ll drive you home.”
“Okay.”
He almost told her to bring the pink handcuffs, but he wasn’t into self-torture.
Chapter 6
Idiot. Imbecile. Ninny. Blockhead. Dimwit. Dope. Dumbbell. Dummy. Nitwit. Numskull. Pinhead. Birdbrain. How many words for stupid were there? Not enough.
Beth rolled in her bed, the silk sheets mocking her with their sensual feel, her body tense with unspent passion. She’d had the man who embodied her most intense fantasies in her bedroom…his hard penis jutting from his body in desire for her, and she’d sent him away. Okay, so she didn’t want to get involved with him, not long term…but was she
nuts?
He’d accused her at dinner of being afraid to live. He said she was a dreamer, not a doer. Or something close enough to it. Was he right? She thought maybe he was. What other explanation did she have for not jumping at the chance to make wild passionate love with him?
Well maybe it would be sex and not love, but wasn’t that better than always dreaming and never doing? He’d asked why she’d never left D.C. since she felt like she didn’t fit in here. The true answer was that she was afraid to try to make a life for herself somewhere else. But why? What could be worse than knowing her own parents thought she was an alien? Or as good as.
She could get a job somewhere else…live somewhere else. But she was afraid. Afraid to live in any real sense.
Why?
She couldn’t think straight enough to answer her own inner demand. Her body was screaming with sexual hunger left unsatisfied. It was not a good feeling.
She looked at the clock and blinked, but the numbers stayed the same. It was nearly two A.M. and she was too excited to sleep. She could touch herself—would probably end up doing so—but right now she was so mad at herself for being such a wuss, she wouldn’t give herself the relief.
Her eyes filmed with tears. It hurt to disappoint yourself.
The phone rang and she lurched up in bed to check the caller ID. Middle of the night calls usually meant trouble. Had something happened with her mom or dad? The digital readout on the back of the phone read Crane, E. It was Ethan!
She snatched it up on the second ring. “Hello?”
“You awake?” he asked in that low rumble she found so sexy.
“If I wasn’t, I am now.”
“Were you?” he pressed, giving her no out with flippancy.
She sighed. “Yes.”
“Me, too.”
“Why?”
“I got hot and bothered over a very sexy woman with surprisingly kinky tendencies and I can’t get the image of her pretty little panties out of my brain.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh…I’m not wearing any panties now.” Somehow, she didn’t think that would help the situation, but the words had just slipped out.
He groaned and she smiled, in spite of herself.