by Lucy Monroe
“Call it a gift. And blame yourself…I don’t get this basic with other women. Something in you brings it out.”
“The same something that brings out Alan’s protective instincts?” He’d certainly been overzealous in that department earlier.
“I don’t think so,” he said, as if the idea that he and Alan were affected by her in the same way was an anathema. “Though I feel a mite protective of you myself.”
“Do you?”
“Couldn’t you tell this morning?”
“No, I was too busy fantasizing about shooting your kneecap.”
“You would maim me for life for warning off your ex-fiancé?” he asked, askance.
“No, for embarrassing me.”
“You’re ashamed to be dating me?”
“Wanting to maintain a certain level of privacy in the workplace has nothing to do with being ashamed of who I’m dating, but we aren’t dating. Not really.”
“Last night sure felt like a date to me. It ended better than a lot of them do.”
“With me sending you home?” she couldn’t help teasing.
“With the image of the hungry look in your sweet brown eyes as you stared at my hard dick. And the date didn’t end there…did it?” As he’d been speaking, he’d been moving closer until she was against the wall and once again his body was just touching hers.
“No.” She licked her lips, while staring at his. “I guess not.”
He groaned. “Beth, baby, you are killing me again.”
“I don’t mean to.”
“Huh.” It was definitely a sound of disbelief. “So, do you acknowledge last night was a date?”
There was no hope denying it and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. “Vito certainly thought so.”
“He’s a flirt.”
“He’s a sweetheart.”
“He’s an Italian lothario who is going to lose his charming accent along with his voice if he doesn’t stop flirting with my woman.”
Ethan was playing his role again, but she couldn’t help the thrill of dark pleasure that raced down her spine at his words.
He nuzzled her neck, sending chills of pleasure down her spine. “So…you hungry?”
She let her head hit the wall as she leaned against it. “A little…”
It was a lie. She was starving…both for him and for the delicious food smells coming from the kitchen. The question was, which hunger was going to get to her first?
“If you’re only a little hungry, then maybe you’d be okay with dessert first.” His lips played along her jaw.
Oh, yes…dessert. Yum. “What’s for dessert?” she asked in a whisper that sounded a lot more come-hither than she’d intended.
He kissed the corner of her mouth, but not full on her lips. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” What was her sanity doing asserting itself now? Didn’t it know when to keep a low profile?
“Trust me, you are.”
She was…but she wasn’t. And the conflicting feelings only fed the overwhelming desire coursing through her. Shouldn’t her ambivalence at least give her a little respite? And yet despite how her body buzzed with electric need, her mind and fears would not shut off. Had she gotten so used to dreaming about life rather than living it, she’d lost the ability to just exist in the moment?
It was not a comfortable thought…but none of them were right now. “You said you wouldn’t push me.”
He cupped her face and leaned his forehead against hers while his body pressed closer. “I want you to the point of madness, Beth. And as fantastic as it was, I don’t want another session of lovemaking via the phone. I need the real thing. I think you do, too.”
Her body certainly agreed with him. It ached to press closer to his heat, but part of her was more than willing to try the phone sex thing again. It had been incredible. What if the real thing was a disappointment? Not that she was expecting it to be. She liked making love. A lot. It had been good with Alan and she thought it would probably be spectacular with Ethan. Would she survive it though?
“I’d never done that before. The phone sex thing,” she clarified as if he wouldn’t know just what she was talking about.
He nuzzled her. “I figured that. Neither had I.”
“N-never?” She shivered as his nuzzling affected her in ways she wished she could better control.
“No. Now that you’ve taken my virginity, do you feel obligated to marry me?” he asked in a deep voice that masked the humor she knew had to be lying under the surface.
But even knowing it was a joke, the words caused everything inside her to freeze in shock. “Uh…no.”
“Too bad, but maybe I can change your mind.”
“Don’t joke about that.”
“Why not? Are you worried your certainty I’d make a bad long-term prospect is in jeopardy?”
“No. You’re the one who said you were looking for sex without commitments.”
But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t end up wanting one. And that would be a disaster on so many levels, she didn’t even want to consider the possibility.
“More like sex without long-term commitments. I expect you to be very committed to me and only me while we’re having sex and vice versa of course.”
How could he talk so intelligently while she felt like her muscles and her will were turning to jelly? “I think maybe I should come back another night to do the get-to-know-you thing.”
He leaned back so their eyes met. His were assessing and hungry…very, very hungry. “What are you so afraid of, Beth?”
“You.”
He shook his head. “Don’t you know…you’ve got nothing to fear with me, darlin’? Nothing at all.”
He was wrong. She had no doubt he knew exactly how to give her more pleasure than she’d ever known. It wasn’t her body she was worried about. It was her heart, but she wasn’t about to admit her biggest fear was that she was falling in love with him. He knew too much about her desire for him already.
Besides hearts did not belong in discussions about sex without long-term commitments. Hearts and the feelings they held were very long term. She’d learned that with Alan. Walking away from him had hurt more than the humiliation of calling off the wedding. Way more. Only the certainty that a lifetime of the same was staring her down had given her the strength to end the relationship when he got home repentant and still wanting to marry her.
She hadn’t dated for the first year after the breakup simply because she’d still been hurting too much to risk her heart. Then she’d met Ethan and every other man had eventually faded into the background. If he had that kind of power over her when she didn’t love him, how much worse would it be if she did when he walked away?
Even more terrifying was the prospect that he might change his mind and not want to. She didn’t think she’d have the strength to do it herself.
“What is the matter, Beth? You look like you’re watching a horror movie and it’s reached the really gory part.”
Now that was apt, but she attempted a shrug. It didn’t work very well considering how close they were. “Nothing.”
He looked at her like he was trying to read her mind, but for all his super spy abilities, he couldn’t do that. Thank goodness. She looked back, blanking her expression so she would not expose her churning emotions any further. She had a lot of experience with that particular feat.
His green gaze narrowed like he wasn’t buying the suddenly peaceful façade. Her dad used to look at her like that, but if he hadn’t been able to break through the barriers she’d learned to erect around her emotions, Ethan sure wasn’t going to.
He shook his head. “You are going to learn to trust me.”
Not likely, but she was smart enough to keep that thought to herself. An alpha male like him would see it as a challenge and he was determined enough where she was concerned.
“I want to kiss you.” He massaged her jaw with his thumbs like he was getting her ready,
his expression still probing. “I need to taste your lips. So, if you’re saying no for real, you’d better say it now. Once my mouth takes yours, my body isn’t going to be long in following.”
The proof of that statement pressed hard against her tummy.
An atavistic part of her suspected that if she said no, he would just look for another way to convince her. One thing was for sure. She wasn’t going anywhere. She didn’t want to, not really. Even though she should. And he wasn’t about to release her without an argument. One she knew she was destined to lose because too much of her was on his side.
The man looking at her so intently right now had no intention of being thwarted and yet she knew with just as primitive a certainty that he would never actually force her to do anything, nor would he ever physically hurt her. The truth was…he would never have to. She was a hair’s breath from kissing him herself.
“Dinner first,” she forced herself to say. “And then I look over your apartment.”
“And then I strip you naked and keep you that way for the rest of the night.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yeah, baby, we will.” It was as much threat as promise and she shivered in spite of her certainty he would never push her beyond what she could deal with.
He sighed and shook his head. “Dinner? You want dinner?”
The level of disgust in his voice made her smile. “It smells good.” And it did. Some kind of pungent barbecue and cornbread. It had been making her mouth water since he opened the door. “You’ve been tantalizing me with it since I got here.”
“I’d like to tantalize you,” he said suggestively.
With a man like Ethan, a woman had to take charge, or she’d find herself doing nothing but reacting. She didn’t want it to be that way…in or out of bed.
She pushed against his chest. “Feed me.”
He stepped back, albeit with obvious reluctance. “All right, but I’m warning you…dessert is going to last a long time.”
She said nothing and followed him into the kitchen, where he had set the table to eat. She liked that they weren’t using the formal dining room. It felt warm and homey. He’d made BBQ ribs and all the trimmings and served them up, refusing her offer to help.
“How did you find time to make all this?” she asked.
“I did the ribs in the slow cooker…one of my mama’s recipes. I threw the cornbread in as soon as I got home and everything else was pretty simple. Don’t tell Mama, but the beans are canned.”
“I promise to keep your secret.” She crossed her heart.
He grinned. “Good. I’d hate to have to silence you.”
“Would you?” she teased.
His gaze settled on her lips with tactile intensity. “Maybe not.”
Oh, my. Time to deflect. If she wanted to get anything done tonight, she had to get their attention on something besides sex.
She indicated their full plates and tall glasses of sweetened iced tea beside them. “A lesson in getting to know you?”
“You could call it that.”
They ate in silence for a little while until she felt the need to say, “It’s delicious.”
“I think so. Mama’s recipes are foolproof.”
“Do you cook this kind of thing often?”
“At least a couple of times a week. It reminds me of home.”
“I’m surprised you chose to leave Texas.”
“I couldn’t have the life I wanted there.”
“Why not?” There were plenty of opportunities to be some kind of government agent in Texas.
“TGP is here.”
“And you wanted to work with high-tech?”
“It’s where I’m needed the most.”
“Even so…you could work remotely. You don’t have to live in D.C., at least not anymore.” Her father allowed certain agents to operate from bases in other locales and she knew he’d give the option to Ethan over losing him.
“I like being in the center of the action.”
“You take the hardest assignments and usually the most dangerous.”
“It seems that way sometimes.”
“This one isn’t.”
“It’s personal though.”
“But if it wasn’t, the assignment would be too tame for you, wouldn’t it?”
“I like a challenge.”
“You like danger,” she clarified. “You live for it.”
He thought about that for a second. “Living on the edge can be addictive.”
“I know.”
“Not from experience.”
“No, but I’ve seen it enough and not just in my dad.”
“Alan’s addicted to the danger lifestyle,” he guessed.
She didn’t argue, though why he kept harping back to Alan and decidedly old news, she didn’t know. “So are most of our agents. Men and women alike.”
He nodded, smiling. “I think Elle and Jayne have it the worst, if you want the truth.”
She thought about the cases the two female agents gravitated toward and had to agree. “They’re good at what they do and aren’t afraid to tackle anything. They’re true professionals.”
“My favorite kind of agent.”
“Is it going to be a major problem for you working with me on this case?”
“Have I implied that it would be?”
“I’m no Elle or Jayne. I’ve got rudimentary training in procedure and the fact is, we both know I’m doing this out of necessity.”
“I don’t expect you to be an experienced field agent. Just do what you do best…be yourself and leave the supersleuthing up to me.”
“But you’d probably rather be doing this with Elle.” That woman was truly scary and Beth wouldn’t want to face her in even an exercise-sparring session.
“No, I wouldn’t. And you know why. We don’t have a choice on this assignment. For a lot of reasons.”
“I suppose.” But she still had her doubts.
He squeezed her shoulder. “I think you’ve got depths you never realized, Sunshine. You’re going to be great in your role. Trust me.”
She grimaced. “You’ll make sure of it, right?”
“I am the senior agent on the case. Your success is my responsibility.”
“Some might call you a control freak with an over-developed sense of responsibility.”
“It all comes with the territory.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You think I’m different from other agents?”
“You like being in control. A lot.”
“Usually.”
She actually snorted at that. “When don’t you?”
He leaned back in his chair in a way that would have given her mother conniptions. “You told me you fantasized about tying your lover to the bed and having your way with him.”
She tried to maintain a casual attitude, but heat bloomed in her cheeks and she wanted to strangle him. “That’s me, the closet dominatrix.”
“You’re not a dom, baby. We talked about this. You aren’t into pain. You don’t secretly want to dress in a black leather corset and wield a whip.”
Maybe a velvet whip, but he was right. She didn’t find pain a turn-on…though she wasn’t sure about a sexy spanking. She shook her head. “I think I must be depraved. I fantasize about handcuffing you to my bed and doing all sorts of sexy things to you. What does that make me?”
“Adventurous. And it makes me horny as hell.”
“So, you would let me?”
“Hell, yes.”
Chapter 9
Very definite. Maybe he played those kind of sexy games a lot. As soon as she thought the question, she blurted it out.
“Actually, I’ve never let a woman handcuff me or tie me up, but there’s a first time for most things, Sunshine. When you’ve got the courage to try them.”
“I’m surprised you want me to do that…considering how much you like being in control.”
“Me, too.” But he didn’t sound bothered b
y the fact.
“I want to torture you with pleasure,” she admitted and then covered her mouth with her hand as if she couldn’t believe she’d said the words.
The sane part of her mind couldn’t.
“As long as you’re the one doing it, that sounds damn fine to this ole boy.”
She loved it when he went all Texan on her and she was guessing he knew that because his drawl definitely got stronger when he was getting sexy with her.
“You’re not scared of giving up control?” she asked.
“Who says I’ll give up control? I’ve been bound in far more dire circumstances and not lost control.” Oh, he was arrogant.
“Maybe I’ll take it from you.”
He leaned forward, pushing his plate out of the way so he was practically sharing breath with her. “I’m counting on you trying.”
“You don’t think I can?” she asked in a voice that was a little too hesitant for her liking.
“We won’t know until you try.” But he didn’t believe she could do it. That much was obvious.
Instead of making her feel underconfident, his lack of belief in the more rampant side of her sensuality only made her more determined to prove him wrong. Which probably made her crazy, but there it was.
She leaned back in her own chair, ignoring the way she cringed at doing so. She needed the distance. Crossing her arms over her chest, she said, “Tell me about your uncle…the one who was an assassin.”
Ethan’s look was knowing. He definitely believed he’d won that little difference of opinion. He’d learn better…later. But she’d always believed that actions spoke louder than words and she planned for hers to be in magnified stereo.
“Your uncle…” she prompted.
“Uncle Lester was a soldier in WWII. He came home and went into the business because he’d learned more about killing than a man should know if he wants to be something besides a killer. He went by the name of Arwan. He did freelance, but a lot of his work was for the government. He was in his eighties when he died. He had a girlfriend though. Queenie. I keep in touch. She’s a firecracker.”
“Why did he stay away from your family for so long?”
“For their safety.”