by Maggie James
‘Sweetheart, what’s wrong?’ Worry in her mother’s voice.
Lori drags in a breath. Crunch time, it seems. Then she relates everything Aiden’s told her, watching as Dana’s eyes widen with shock.
‘Oh, my God,’ she breathes. ‘Aiden’s my son? He’s my Michael?’
‘It’s true, then?’
‘Yes. You have a half-brother, Lori.’
So he wasn’t lying. ‘Why, Mum? All these years, and you’ve never breathed a word.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Dana whispers. ‘I should have told you. But I couldn’t.’ Her mother wipes away her tears. If anything, she’s even paler, the dark smudges under her eyes more pronounced, but despite her appearance, joy radiates from her. ‘Wait here,’ she says. Dana leaves the room, her footsteps echoing on the stairs. When she returns, she’s holding a white envelope, A5 size. From it, she extracts two sheets of A4.
‘This arrived for me yesterday,’ she says.
Lori reads the letter. It’s the one from the intermediary agency. Its words are polite, formal, enquiring whether Dana Golden is willing to consider meeting with her son, the baby she named Michael so long ago. No mention of his new name, the fact he’s now Aiden Scott. There’s a contact number, an offer of free counselling, reassurances that it’s entirely her decision.
‘I was only fourteen when I got pregnant,’ Dana says. ‘Fifteen when I had my son.’
Too young, Lori thinks.
‘I couldn’t cope. You must understand. Mum had died not long before, and Dad was never the same afterwards. Our relationship was strained, to say the least.’
‘You missed your mum as well?’
‘Yes. Cried every night for her. She was wonderful, so warm and caring, unlike your grandfather. I was starving for love, sweetheart. Sex was a substitute. Until I got pregnant.’
‘How did Grandad react?’
‘Like you’d expect. Shouted at me, told me to have an abortion, that he couldn’t cope with a baby in the house. I was adamant, though. No way was I killing my child. So naïve, I was. I pictured being the perfect mother, you see.’
‘I’m guessing the reality was very different,’ Lori says.
‘It was awful. I ended up a nervous wreck.’ Dana wipes her eyes. ‘Being a mother was nothing like I’d dreamed it would be. Night after night soothing a fractious baby, the endless round of nappies, bottles, crying. All the while operating on zero sleep. Before long, I slid into a terrible place emotionally.’
Lori’s silent. She pictures herself at fifteen with a newborn, certain she’d have cracked under the pressure.
‘By the time he was three months old, I accepted I loved Michael, but couldn’t take care of him. Dad wore me down, persuaded me adoption was the best solution.’ Dana’s hands tremble in her lap.
‘You regretted it?’
‘God, yes. Every day since too. I was fine until right before I had to hand him over.’ Her voice cracks. ‘I cried, said I’d made a dreadful mistake and that I wanted to keep him, but Dad told me I was being ridiculous. He shouted, got me so scared I couldn’t think straight. When the people from the adoption agency arrived, I said I was happy to go ahead.’
Tears prick Lori’s eyelids.
‘After Michael was adopted, Dad forbade me ever to talk about him. It took a long time, but gradually I mended, although I thought about my son every day. The couple who adopted him, the McNallys, they were good people. I never doubted he was loved.’
‘You never thought about contacting him? When he was older?’
‘No. I decided some things were best left alone. Besides, I didn’t know how to go about it. Time passed, I got married, had you, then Jessie. I never told your father. And it seemed pointless to reveal you had a half-brother. I didn’t want to rock the boat.’
‘He found you, though,’ Lori says.
‘That day we met him at Oldbury Court. You’d have thought a mother would know.’
‘How could you?’
‘The questions he asked. Where I grew up, about my parents, right down to what my favourite food was. He showed such an interest in me, and I never suspected.’ Dana smiles. ‘Such amazing news. My beautiful Michael has come back to me. After I got home from the psychiatric unit, I’d been questioning everything, still unsure whether I had a reason to live. Even with you in my life, my future seemed so bleak. Then this letter arrived. Suddenly I had something to hope for, and my world changed. I called the number, said I was willing to meet my son. I never dreamed I already had.’
‘I’m pleased. If Aiden coming back into your life means you’re happier.’ Despite her words, a stab of resentment pierces Lori. She gets why her mother’s so delighted, but why did it take her long-lost son to rescue her from depression? Why wasn’t Lori enough? Try as she might, she can’t help feeling a sense of rejection.
Dana sits up straighter, her shoulders squared. ‘Will you call him, darling? Ask him to come over? Right away?’
Lori’s taken aback. It’s too soon, everything’s happening too quickly, she can’t deal with this. Yet what choice does she have? Only natural her mother wants to see her son again, as Michael this time rather than Aiden. How can she refuse?
She does her best to smile, despite the effort. ‘Of course I’ll call him.’
‘Oh, God,’ says Dana. She gets up, paces the room. ‘I can’t believe this is happening. My son will be here soon.’
Lori calls Aiden, tells him she’s spoken to Dana, asking him to come round. ‘I’ll be there in ten minutes,’ he responds, eagerness in his voice.
The atmosphere in the room turns tense, Dana picking at the hem of her sweatshirt. ‘This must have come as a shock to you,’ she says. ‘How do you feel about this, darling?’
Like a spare part, Lori wants to scream. ‘I don’t know, Mum. It’s a lot to take in.’
Concern floods Dana’s expression. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. You’ve had so much to deal with, in such a short space of time. Jessie’s death, me trying to kill myself. Now this.’
‘It’s just that . . .’ Lori hesitates. ‘First there was me, then Jessie. Just us girls. It’s hard to get to grips with having a brother. It’s different for you. You’ve always known you had a son.’
‘I get that. First he’s your friend, now he’s your brother. We’ll all need time to adjust, slot him into our lives, but everything will be fine. You’ll see.’
A small voice sows doubt in Lori’s brain. What can she say, though? Dana deserves this reunion with her son, and the transformation the news has wrought has been a miracle. One bringing her mother a happiness her daughter has feared was gone forever. Whatever her misgivings, she has to thrust them aside, do what’s best for Dana.
Minutes later, the doorbell chimes at the Golden house. Dana’s face pales. When Lori opens the front door, Aiden’s expression is both nervous and eager. ‘Hi,’ he says, the word clearly holding a myriad of emotions.
‘She’s in there.’ Lori stands back to let him through, before following him into the living room, where Dana waits. She won’t stay long. Just enough time to witness her brother meet their mother, and then she’ll give them some privacy. Right now her head’s a mess.
Dana holds Aiden at arm’s length, her eyes devouring her son. ‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ she says. Then she draws him into a hug. It’s tentative at first, then fierce.
When they break apart, Dana is crying. ‘My Michael,’ she says. ‘I loved you so much. But I was too young. I couldn’t cope.’
‘I know. I get it now. It’s OK, really it is.’
‘Did your adoptive parents treat you well? Were you happy, at least until that awful fire? I’m so sorry about that, my love. And what about your foster parents? Were they good to you?’
‘Yes to everything. Isn’t it weird? I have three mothers.’ He grins. ‘You, Tanya McNally, Amy Scott. Not many people can say that.’
Dana laughs. ‘Does your foster mum approve of you coming here today?’
‘She’s fine about it. It was her who encouraged me to search for you. Said I should discover my roots.’
‘I’d love to meet her. Your adoptive mother too.’
Aiden smiles. ‘I’d like that.’
‘There’s so much I’ve missed of your life. Your childhood, where you went to school, what interests you. I want to know everything, sweetheart.’
‘Quid pro quo.’ Aiden smiles again. ‘We have plenty of time. All the time in the world.’
The afternoon passes in a blur as mother and son start to knit back together. They discover they share a love of Italian food but hate sushi. They’re both night owls who find it hard to relax. How Aiden prefers Sudoku to crosswords, whereas Dana’s the opposite. They cover the big stuff too. Dana’s emotionally sterile teenage years. Aiden’s discovery he has two half-sisters. Somewhere along the way Dana’s wounds begins to heal. For her, it’s time to bury the past.
‘Come upstairs,’ she says when they’re tired from talking. ‘There’s something I need to show you.’
In her bedroom, she opens the bottom drawer of her bedside cabinet. From it she extracts an envelope, pulling out a single photograph. Her fingers glide over the surface. A fifteen-year-old girl, exhausted after a gruelling labour, her son in her arms. Dana’s eyes betray fear, bewilderment, yet tenderness too, as she cradles her child.
‘Dad told me to destroy all my photos of you. I kept this one, though.’ Emotion cracks her voice. ‘After Jessie died, I’d gaze at your picture, and I’d torture myself, convinced her death was retribution for having you adopted. I believed I was being punished.’ She recalls how she’d thought her baby’s eyes were accusing her.
Aiden shakes his head. ‘Like you said, you were young. Unable to cope. If anyone deserves punishment, it’s me.’
‘Why, my love?’
‘For resenting you all these years. No,’ as Dana opens her mouth to speak. ‘I was wrong. I only hope I can make it up to you.’
Chapter 17
MISTRUST
In her room, Lori listens as her mother’s voice, along with Aiden’s, filters through the floor. Her fingers stroke Oreo’s head, eliciting soft purrs that bring comfort. As does the fact that, in a few short hours, she’ll be with Ryan. Oh, the relief of being able to offload to him, spill forth her doubts. Because she has plenty of those. Not surprising; it’s not every day you find a friend is your half-brother. That your mother’s carried a secret for nearly three decades. Lori doesn’t blame her, of course. Fifteen years old, still a child herself, motherless, faced with an unsupportive father? Small wonder she couldn’t cope. No, Dana’s not at fault here.
Lori’s not so sure about Aiden, though.
His revelation has stunned her. Earlier Dana asked her how she felt about this. Unsure how to respond, her reply was evasive, in no way indicative of her simmering anger. Under other circumstances, she’d have welcomed a half-brother into her life, seen the potential it offered for a brighter future. As things stand, she’s furious, as well as hurt. Time to unravel the tight ball of emotions spinning in her gut.
Yeah, she’s angry all right. She feels used, betrayed, by someone she’d once considered a mate. Their entire relationship has been based on lies; the realisation makes her mad as a rattlesnake. Seems he only befriended her to get close to Dana. Take their meeting at the Bierkeller. No casual encounter, but a calculated manoeuvre. His subsequent easy charm, the way he laughed and joked with her. Nothing but a front, all the while knowing she’s his half-sister. Oh, sure, she gets why he didn’t say anything that night, but why not later? Is it any wonder Lori feels the ground is shifting under her feet, that her world is seconds away from imploding? Will she ever trust Aiden again? If the answer is no, what does that signify for their relationship?
Her mother’s voice pierces her thoughts. ‘Lori? Can you come down, please?’
Lori walks downstairs into the living room. Dana and Aiden are side by side on the sofa, her hand on his forearm, joy written into every line of her face. Aiden’s expression, as he looks at his new-found sister, is more guarded, as though he’s aware of her doubts. Most likely he is, thinks Lori. After all, she greeted his revelations in St George Park not with delight, but with questions. No outpourings of joy, no delighted hugs. Instead, her chief reaction was thinly veiled anger, which he probably picked up on.
‘We thought you should join us, sweetheart,’ Dana says. ‘It’s not right to exclude you, now I’ve had time alone with your brother. Aiden’s staying for supper; I’m going to cook a Moroccan tagine. We’ll eat together as a family. Won’t that be lovely?’
Lori sits opposite them in one of the armchairs. ‘I’m seeing Ryan tonight,’ she says.
Disappointment edges into Dana’s face. ‘Please, Lori. This is a special occasion. It’s not every day I find a son and you gain a brother. Why don’t you call Ryan, tell him you’ll see him tomorrow instead?’
Lori shakes her head. ‘It’s all arranged. Too late to change things.’
‘But he’d understand if you told him the reason. You’ve always said how supportive he is.’ Dana’s voice rises, agitation sneaking in. ‘What’s so important you can’t cancel, anyway?’
‘Nothing, I guess.’ Lori bites her lip, her tone grudging. She’s not in the habit of lying to her mother, and she doesn’t intend to start now. ‘We were going to share an Indian takeaway, that’s all.’ And I need to see him, she thinks, but doesn’t add.
‘Well, there you go,’ Dana says, satisfaction in her voice. ‘Nothing that won’t keep. Call him, Lori. I’ll get going with the food.’ She gets up, after a pat of Aiden’s arm, an enraptured smile. Sour envy squeezes Lori’s stomach. She has no choice, it seems. She heads upstairs to find her mobile, make the call, resentment simmering inside her all the while.
Ryan, however, proves understanding, despite being puzzled. ‘You can’t tell me what’s happened?’ he asks.
‘No. It’s not something I want to discuss over the phone. It’s huge, though. That’s why I need to see you.’ A sob creeps into Lori’s voice. ‘I’m so confused, Ryan. I don’t know what to think.’
‘Hey.’ Just one word, uttered in that calm tone of his, and already she’s comforted. ‘Don’t get upset, babe. You say your mother wants you to eat at home tonight. Fair enough. Why don’t you come over later, though? Stay the night, like we’d planned? Then we’ll discuss whatever’s bothering you.’
She’d not thought of that. It’ll work, though. ‘That’s a great idea.’ By the time Lori returns downstairs, her mood has lifted a little.
She’s still wary of Aiden, though. During their meal, she observes him, the way he interacts with their mother. He’s all laughter and jokes, mixed with several compliments on her cooking. Seems he’s able to don whatever mask he pleases. Now he’s playing the loving son, reunited with his mother after their long separation. An Oscar-winning performance too.
‘Wow,’ he says at one point. ‘That meal was fantastic. My foster parents can burn water; neither of them would even attempt Moroccan food. What spices did you use?’
‘Thank you, darling,’ her mother replies. ‘The key ingredient is . . .’ As Dana recounts the recipe, anger gnaws at Lori. Yet again Aiden’s oozing charm; every word is designed to beguile Dana, drag her under his spell. It’s working too. Her mother’s staring at him as though he’s her every wish come true, mother and son ensconced in their exclusive cocoon. In a way, Lori understands. Jessie’s murder wrenched a chasm in Dana’s life so vast it almost drove her to suicide, so sure was she nothing could ever fill it. Not even me, Lori thinks, hurt twisting her heart. Now it seems her reunion with her long-lost son has achieved the miracle her daughter’s love couldn’t. And the man who’s brought about this turn of events is someone Lori suspects is a cuckoo in her family’s nest. She’s not even sure she likes him anymore.
After the meal, they return to the living room, Aiden and Dana sitting side by side again on the sofa. No matter how much Lori tells her
self she’s being petty, unreasonable, she can’t help but feel ousted. She thrusts her resentment aside, telling herself she’s being selfish. What matters here is Dana’s happiness, not her daughter’s insecurities.
When ten o’clock comes, Aiden stands up.
‘I should go,’ he says to Dana. ‘You need to rest.’
‘Will you come again soon?’ Her mother’s voice is pleading.
He grins at her. ‘You’ll find it hard to get rid of me.’
I’ll bet, Lori thinks sourly.
Once he’s gone, after an emotional goodbye at the front door, Dana addresses Lori, her tone gushing. ‘Isn’t this wonderful? I can’t tell you how happy I am, my love. He’s turned out to be everything I hoped. Kind, thoughtful, caring. So handsome too.’
Lori draws her mother into a hug, aware of the need to mask her misgivings.
‘I’m hoping he’ll join us on Christmas Day,’ Dana continues. ‘At least for an hour or two. I’ve been dreading the holidays, now Jessie’s gone.’
So has Lori. ‘I’m pleased for you, Mum. Listen, I have to go. I promised Ryan I’d spend the night.’
Dana smiles. ‘Of course. Why don’t you invite him over sometime, now I’m feeling better?’
‘Sure. I’ll find out when he’s free.’ She kisses her mother. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll be home after breakfast.’
Half an hour later, she’s ringing the bell at Ryan’s flat, desperate for his arms around her. He doesn’t disappoint, either. After opening the door, he draws her into a hug, pressing her head against his chest, the scent of him filling her nostrils. Lori breathes in deeply, soaking him up, drawing him into every pore. When she’s done, she draws back to gaze at him. There it is: the easy smile she loves so much.
He takes her hand, leads her into the bedroom, draws her down onto the bed. She nestles against him, one thigh slung across his body, an arm across his chest.
‘So,’ he says. ‘What’s happened? What couldn’t you tell me on the phone?’
Lori runs through the events of the day. Her meeting with Aiden in St George Park. His revelation that they’re related. At that, Ryan jerks upright.