"I'm waiting," Jake said, his voice quiet and deep with suppressed emotion. Her heart ached because she knew how hard it had always been for Jake to express his emotions. To the outside world he presented his devil-may-care bachelor image but Larissa knew that Jake's emotions ran deep. He was anything but carefree.
She studied Jake's face. He was so familiar to her, not just because of his resemblance to their son. But because she saw his face every night in her dreams. Even before Peter was born, Jake had been the one man she'd never been able to forget.
Perhaps it was because of their friendship. She'd survived her college years at Georgia Tech because of him. Unlike the other guys who'd looked right through her, Jake had seen her.
He'd been her first male friend. The first man she'd trusted. The only man she'd ever really been comfortable with.
She couldn't tell him that she'd kept their son a secret because she'd been afraid that one day he'd leave her for a more glamorous woman and perhaps take their son with him.
"Everything about Peter is complicated."
Jake sat on the edge of her lounge chair and touched her face carefully. She knew in that instant that however Jake saw her, it wasn't the way other men did. "It doesn't have to be. Just level with me."
When he touched her she couldn't think. Shivers of awareness spread throughout her body and she'd never been more aware of Jake's maleness.
The fact that he was filled with rage at the secret she'd kept for too long didn't make it any easier to stop her skin from tingling, her nipples from tightening, or the warmth from pooling between her legs. She closed her eyes. But that only intensified his touch. It brought the entire focus of her world down to the two of them and the warmth of his fingers on her face.
"I'm waiting, Rissa."
Rissa, Jake was the only person who'd ever cared enough to call her by a nickname. To the world she was the serious librarian who could find any fact in record time, but to Jake she'd always been … she wasn't sure what she'd been to him. Or what she would be now.
She opened her eyes and his face was barely an inch from hers. His breath brushed her cheek and she knew if she leaned the tiniest bit toward him, he'd take control of this unexpected embrace. His lips would touch hers and she'd give up reason and sanity to experience again the magic they'd shared on that long-ago night.
She cleared her throat and leaned away from him. He rubbed his fingers, which had just been touching her face, and looked at her with regret.
"I'm not sure where to begin. The reasons are long and complicated. And you're too angry to really listen."
"Any man would be."
"I'm not saying you shouldn't be. I just don't want to become a victim in your quest for vengeance."
He watched her for a moment then stood in a rush, cursing under his breath. She realized she was right.
She should have known better. She'd never been more than a rather average looking woman and Jake … well, Jake was used to prime cuts of womanhood. Tall, leggy blondes with D cups and flawless complexions. The closest she'd come to a D cup was after Peter had been born and her milk had come in.
"Then let's get this talk about our son over with."
She took a deep breath. She felt even more vulnerable than she had when she'd arrived at his house this morning. "I don't know what to say."
"For God's sake, woman, you graduated from Georgia Tech with honors. How hard can it be for you to find the words?"
"I wish it were easier, but it's all tied to my feelings."
"About me? I didn't force you that night."
"Jake, I was there, remember? It was an incredible night. I don't have any lingering resentment from that."
"I knew it."
"Good thing we're outside."
He quirked one eyebrow at her in question.
"So that your swelled head has room."
"Start from the beginning. I thought I used a condom."
"I think it broke."
"What?"
"I was a little sticky the next morning. So I took a test as soon as possible."
"You knew when I called to ask you to go to Cancun?"
"Yes."
* * *
Jake turned away from Larissa, intent on leaving before he said something he'd regret. Larissa was watching him with tears in her eyes and his head told him there was no way she'd intended to hurt him with her decision. But right now his heart told him he didn't care.
He felt betrayed because he'd always trusted Larissa. If any of the other women he'd slept with had shown up on his doorstep with a child in tow, he'd know they were there for money. He was always careful about protection because he knew that his name and his money left him vulnerable to ambitious women.
But Larissa was the sweet girl he'd felt comfortable talking to in the late hours at the library. The woman who'd come back to their five-year reunion looking like the embodiment of every female fantasy he'd ever had. The woman who'd come to him today for help whether she admitted it or not.
And he was in no mood to help. He had to shake the fury pumping through him with every beat of his heart.
"I'll be back," he said, and walked into his house.
He headed down the hall to his tae kwon do work-out room. In the corner was a bag he used for kick-boxing practice and for sparring when Wes wasn't available to work out. He closed off his thoughts. Centered himself and focused all of his energy on the punching bag. Twenty minutes later he was dripping with sweat and still not sure he was ready to talk to Larissa. But they didn't have the luxury of time. There was a reporter who was determined to flash his face across the front page of every paper with the word father in the headline. He had to step up to the plate. He had to drop the safety of his carefree existence and really make his life count.
He bit back a savage curse. He wasn't ready for this. Didn't know that he ever would be. But Peter—that little boy—and his family deserved better. His uncle had enough to worry about with his campaign and some vaguely threatening e-mails. Jake wasn't going to add Larissa and Peter to the mix.
Grabbing a monogrammed towel from the rack near the door, he walked through his house. His town house had been featured in Modern Architecture as the ultimate bachelor pad. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before stepping out on his patio. He wasn't sure what he expected to find when he returned.
He knew it wasn't Larissa sitting on the grass with their son in her lap. Both of them had their eyes closed and faces turned to the sun. He thought they were sleeping but then realized that Larissa was speaking softly. The words were familiar to him. Robert Frost's poem Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.
He'd never felt more inadequate for the task before him than he did at this moment. Sure, Fortune magazine had called him and Adam the golden boys of the coffee bean world, "taking a tried and true idea and making it new and fresh."
But fatherhood was different. It involved emotions and all kinds of variables that didn't work in a solid business plan. And emotion was the one thing he'd always felt most uncomfortable with.
He guessed that was partly why he had a son with Larissa. The night of the reunion he'd realized she'd become more than just a smart girl who'd listen to him ramble on about what he wanted to do with his life. And he'd been uncomfortable with all she'd made him feel. Except for the passion she'd evoked in him. Passion was one area he was extremely comfortable with. So he'd seduced her under the stars.
Watching mother and child now kindled a desire for something that he hadn't realized was missing from his life. He wanted to be a part of that golden circle of light. Of that deep bond between mother and son. He wanted to insure that Rissa and Peter could always find a patch of sunlight to sit in. He set his towel and water bottle down on the table and crossed to them.
Not questioning his actions, he sank to the ground behind Larissa and settled himself around her. He left a couple of inches of space because he knew that in spite of his feelings of betrayal, he wasn't above using sex
to manipulate her. He wanted her like hell on fire. And if he touched her again, he wasn't going to be able to control himself.
He put his hands over Larissa's and felt her stiffen. Peter's small hand moved to rest on his wrist and Jake felt something close to peace for the first time since he'd been old enough to know that he was a Danforth.
He liked the sound his deep voice made added to Larissa's soft tone and Peter's childish one.
"The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep."
They finished the poem together and Peter leaned around his mother to watch him with wide questioning eyes.
"How did you know the words?" Peter asked.
"Your mom taught them to me," he said, softly. The boy continued to watch him with a focus that was unnerving.
Peter broke into a wide grin and said, "Cool." The boy hopped to his feet and ran across the yard toward the ball.
Jake turned his head a quarter and met Larissa's clear blue gaze. For a moment they were back in the uncomplicated days of college. Life was just about doing what felt right and making each moment count. Victoria had still been safely at home, and he hadn't yet fathered a child. But times had changed and Victoria was gone—disappeared at a concert so long ago. And though everyone warned them she was dead and would never return, Jake's family kept hope alive.
Larissa smiled at him and his groin tingled. She was so close that her scent filled his nostrils with each breath.
"I did, didn't I?" She licked her lips nervously and he leaned closer to her. Her mouth had always fascinated him. Her lower lip was fuller than the top and he knew from that one brief night how sumptuous her mouth would feel under his own.
He leaned farther toward her, but Peter used his wrist for balance as he stood and then raced across the yard to the soccer ball.
"Yes, you did," he said to Larissa.
"That seems like so long ago."
"It was a different life," he said.
Peter kicked the ball over to them with more energy than skill. Jake had always been very good at soccer and his son showed … none of Jake's aptitude.
"Where'd you go before?" Peter asked, coming over to them.
"To my workout room. I needed to clear my head."
"Is it clear now?"
"Almost," Jake said, ruffling his son's hair.
He stood and helped Larissa to her feet. He still wanted to know why she hadn't told him she was having his child, but he'd save that conversation for later when they were alone. Right now they needed to figure out what to do next.
But Peter was watching him and he didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation in front of the boy. "Let me show you how to kick the ball like the pros do."
"What's a pro?" Peter asked.
"A professional player. You know someone who gets paid to play the game."
"You can get paid to play?" Peter asked.
"Only if you're really good."
Jake showed his son a few basic kicks and then got out his practice goal net and left his son playing.
Larissa had returned to her lounge chair and watched him warily as he walked toward her. He didn't like the look on her face. He didn't like it at all.
* * *
Larissa tried not to stare as Jake walked over to her, but she couldn't help it. Sweat glistened on his neck and she knew that if she got close to him, he would smell earthy. She wanted to indulge herself in him once more. But he needed answers and she'd come here this morning intent on giving them to him.
She closed her eyes. While Jake had been gone, she'd found the words she needed to tell him. She'd have to sacrifice her pride, but Peter was more important than pride.
Jake returned and sat on a chair facing her. He braced his elbows on his knees and leaned toward her. She took a deep breath.
"Jake, I—"
"Larissa, I—"
She laughed. In the old days when they'd been friends, often they'd both started talking at the same time.
"You first," Jake said.
Knowing that Jake had never been anything but good to her, she sorted out the pieces of her troubled past and took a deep breath. "The reason why I didn't tell you about Peter is that I wanted to manage parenthood on my own."
"You always were pretty stubborn about that. Why don't you save the rest of the tale for a time when we are alone? Let's talk about what we do now."
She appreciated the reprieve, but she was curious. "What made you change your mind?"
He shrugged massive shoulders. "Something about you looking at me like I was an ogre."
"I didn't."
"Sweetheart, you have the biggest, most innocent eyes I've ever looked into, and it only takes one instant for you to make me feel like a bully."
His words made her feel special. "I didn't mean to."
"I know. Let's fix this reporter problem and then we'll talk. We'll find a sitter for Peter and we can learn each other's secrets."
"I don't have any secrets."
"Peter's it?"
"Yes, just Peter. I felt so … panicked when Jasmine Carmody called and said she knew you were Peter's father. There's nothing I can do to protect him from anything she writes for her newspaper. At least he can't read."
"How did she find out about Peter? Am I listed on the birth certificate?"
"No. She said she'd talked to Marti Freehold. Do you remember her?"
"She's the biggest gossip I've ever met."
"Yes, she is. Marti mentioned she'd seen us leaving the reunion together. And that we'd looked, well, like we needed to find a private room and quick."
"Sounds like Marti," Jake said.
"Jasmine Carmody has Peter's birth certificate and she knows you're not listed on there, but she also has a picture of you when you were the same age as Peter. They're practically identical."
Jake leaned back in the chair and Larissa tried not to stare at him. She knew that he was trying to solve a very sticky problem. And she shouldn't be lusting over him at a time like this.
Finally he cleared his throat. "I think I may have come up with a solution that will take the sting out of any article Jasmine Carmody writes."
"What?"
"We'll live together as a family."
"Will that work?"
"Sure it will. What she's doing is just a step above blackmail. If we acknowledge it and move on, then she can't hurt us with whatever she writes. I think it's the perfect solution."
"But living together? I don't think that's necessary."
"I do. I want to get to know my son. We'll be a family unit and once she knows I've acknowledged Peter is mine, she won't be able to hurt us."
"Jake, we hardly know each other."
He raised his eyebrow at her. "I'd say we know each other pretty well."
"That was just one night."
"Rissa, I was talking about all those late-night conversations in the library."
She flushed, knowing good and well what he'd been referring to. She wasn't sure what had changed while Jake had been gone, but his workout had brought back the man she knew. The man she was comfortable with. The man who wasn't so angry at being left in the dark where his son was concerned.
"Still, we've never lived together. I mean, where would we live?"
"I don't have every detail planned. I'd like to live here because I'm close to D&D's and I go into the office every day when I'm not traveling."
"Well, your place isn't much farther than mine from the library. But I don't know that I'd feel comfortable in your house."
"We'll hire a decorator to do the place over."
"I don't know. That seems like a big expense for…"
"For what?"
"For camouflage."
"Camouflage?" he asked.
"We aren't in a relationship. Are you sure about this?"
"One-hundred percent certain."
"Would we be l
ike roommates?"
"What did you have in mind?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her.
She didn't know if she could live with Jake and not give in to the lust surging through her. This was probably the dumbest idea ever but deep in her heart it felt right.
"Not what you're thinking. I mean we're both adults. We can keep our hands to ourselves. We're living together for Peter's sake, not for ours."
"It's precisely because we are adults that I think we're going to have a hard time living together and not sleeping together."
"Jake, are you trying to say I can break your willpower?"
"Sweetheart, do you really want to start a battle over this?"
"Why, don't you think I could win?"
"Not if I put my mind to it."
"It's not your mind that tempts me, Jake."
He threw his head back and laughed. Her heart clenched and her entire body ached. She wanted to be in his arms again. But she knew better than anyone did what a relationship based on a child was like. She also knew that when it came to lasting relationships, the odds of her and Jake making it work were very slim.
Her only chance at sanity was to make sure he stayed out of her bed and her heart.
* * *
Three
« ^ »
Jake knew there was no way he'd be able to live under the same roof as Larissa and keep his hands to himself. But if she wanted to pretend a platonic relationship was all she wanted, he'd let her. Passion and proximity were two things that couldn't be ignored.
He'd been celibate for a while now. Though he still casually dated, sleeping with women he hardly knew had lost some of the excitement it had held. And his business took most of his time. Becoming a millionaire in his own right before he turned thirty had taken all of his concentration.
The spark that had been kindled at their college reunion almost four years ago hadn't died after one night together. This morning had proved that the fire between them still burned strongly. But he was willing to bide his time until they had everything settled between them before he made any moves toward Larissa.
He knew that in time she'd be in his bed. Everything else about the future seemed uncertain, but there was a sense of rightness in his soul when he thought of the two of them together. Just to be certain that he never lost his son again, he made a mental note to call Marcus, his cousin and family lawyer.
SIN CITY WEDDING Page 2