by Leanne Davis
His shut his eyes and mumbled, “This can’t be happening.”
“Oh, but it is! It’s really happening for us!” She beamed, actually glowing now, as she smiled at him. As if it were happy news to a newlywed couple. His stomach churned with anxiety, as his heart began beating erratically. She was his worst nightmare! No way. No fucking way. How could this be?
Pregnant? Baby? Fatherhood? Him? That was the worst joke the universe could inflict upon him. Or the poor kid. He wasn’t fit to be a father. Or responsible for someone else. Someone else who was helpless. And with Tamira? God! No!
Not now. Not when he was… what? Almost feeling content with how things were going. With Erica.
Erica. Shit. How could he tell her?
“Don’t worry, I already made an appointment with Erica. We’ll see her together tomorrow.”
“You want to go to Erica?”
Tamira smiled as she nodded, apparently oblivious to Spencer’s deadpan tone and visible displeasure. What was wrong with this girl?
“I didn’t tell her why. We’ll tell her tomorrow. Together. She’s my doctor, you know. And it’s okay about you two, because now that we’re having a baby, well, you’ll be all mine now.”
Tamira’s eyes were vacant, and her smile vapid. He stepped backwards in surprise, thinking that he must’ve missed something about her before. All those warnings Erica kept saying to him about Tamira echoed in his brain. Young, naive, and troubled. What she meant to tell him was that Tamira was fucking delusional. And now she was pregnant with his child?
Chapter Seventeen
Spencer waited in the reception room, becoming so uncomfortable, he couldn’t breathe. There were plenty of glances, looks and whispers. When did he ever wait in a reception room? Never. But here he was, waiting to consult his pseudo girlfriend about knocking up another girl.
Tamira got up when her name was called. She was smiling vacantly, like a small child with a secret she couldn’t wait to tell. Spencer stood up too. He began to hate Tamira. He hated walking beside her or doing anything else with her. Erica’s nurse studied them strangely before leading them to one of the exam rooms, one he previously painted. Hanging on the wall, he saw Erica’s diplomas along with several certifications and merit awards. Her fucking pedigree. The nurse weighed Tamira while they chatted amicably, and Spencer sat beside her, seething. His fierce resentment of Tamira now was far stronger than he ever felt while fucking her. He hated her weak, whining voice, and giddy laugh and her stupid, moronic smile.
Jayda, Erica’s nurse, had always been nice to Spencer. Now, she eyed him up and down several times, her frown conveying her tacit disapproval. He sat there, silent and miserable, with his arms crossed, and one ankle resting on his knee. The last thing he wanted to do was face Erica.
After leaving work yesterday without a word to anyone, Spencer didn’t even put the power-washer away. He did it first thing this morning, and was relieved it hadn’t been swiped overnight. Erica called his cell repeatedly, no doubt, feeling confused, shocked, and hurt over why he left work so abruptly without talking to her. He wouldn’t answer. He was hiding from her, but knowing she’d surely track him down if he went anywhere he usually frequented. So he disappeared and got drunk. So drunk, he didn’t remember getting home and had a monstrous headache this morning. He was late to work this morning and did everything he could to avoid seeing or speaking to Erica.
Jayda left the examination room. Alone with Tamira, Spencer just stared hard at the stainless steel sink. Tamira chatted away, as if he were cheerfully responding and answering her inane questions. Then there was a knock at the door and in walked Erica.
She wore her white lab coat over a blue business suit. Her hair was down and around her face. The smile she had instantly vanished and confusion filled her eyes as she stopped dead in the doorway at being confronted with Spencer sitting next to Tamira. Her face fell as she glanced at the chart in her hand. Her eyes seemed to glaze over, and begin to glisten in the span of a few seconds. Then her horrified eyes met his. She knew.
But damn! If Erica wasn’t the most professional, competent person no matter what. She entered the room and shut the door, taking her seat on the stool, and setting the chart on the counter beside her. Then she turned towards Tamira.
“So you’re pregnant?”
“Yes, Dr. Heathersby. Two months along, I think,” Tamira said, nearly glowing with enthusiasm. There was no cattiness in her voice. No sense of triumph. It was almost as if she thought of Erica as just her doctor, who was naturally happy for her. It was like she didn’t comprehend the grave undertones between the three of them. Erica finally lifted her eyes to Spencer. He should have called her last night and told her. He should never have ambushed her like this. Any reasonable human being would have warned her. Anyone else in the world would have known to do that. Except him. Because he didn’t know how to handle himself in any kind of relationship. The least he should have of done is freaking told her.
But words failed him. After being waylaid by Tamira yesterday, he couldn’t get past his own thoughts. He knew he wasn’t relationship material. Erica could finally see that now and believe him for once.
Erica cleared her throat. “And you think the child is Spencer’s?”
“Yes. There’s been no one else since… well… you know.”
Erica nodded. She knew something. Spencer knew nothing. Not even his own name anymore. Erica’s voice was calm, kind, even compassionate. How did she do it? Control her emotions? And restrain herself from ripping out Tamira’s eyes?
“Tamira in light of these circumstances, I must refer you to someone else. I can’t be your doctor.”
Duh! Anyone got that. Except Tamira. “The circumstances being you and Spencer? Oh, don’t worry about that, Dr. Heathersby. He’s with me now. You know, since I’m pregnant. I need you to remain my doctor. You know... considering... everything. You can’t abandon me now. I need you.”
What was wrong with this girl? What did she mean by “everything?” Why did Tamira insist on seeing only Erica?
“Really, Tamira. I can’t do this.” Erica refused to look at Spencer.
Tamira grabbed Erica’s hand, her face suddenly growing tense, and finally losing the space cadet smile. “Please. I can’t do this without you. Please. Please. You can’t just turn me away.”
What the hell was going on? Spencer couldn’t figure it out. Obviously, there was more to this than he understood; it had to be something much bigger and deeper even, than the pregnancy. But… what could be bigger than that?
Erica put her other hand over Tamira’s as the tears glistened and rolled down Tamira’s cheeks. “Okay. Okay. Calm down, Tamira. Calm down. I’ll look at you today. Then, maybe, we can find you an Ob/Gyn you like. Someone you can trust too. Okay?”
Spencer marveled at Erica. She was amazing. Her voice was so calming and soothing. She seemed to be getting through Tamira’s delusional craziness.
“Okay. Everything is going to be okay then,” Tamira said, rocking again.
Erica’s mouth tightened and she finally met Spencer’s eyes and horrified, confused, miserable gaze. Spencer thought Tamira dragged him in to see Erica just to gloat, or try to hurt Erica. But it seemed much more. Tamira seemed almost panicked, with a kind of loony need for Erica. Why? What the hell was happening?
“Why don’t you put the gown on? I’ll be right back.”
Erica turned and left. Spencer waited a heartbeat as he realized Tamira was starting to strip.
“I’ll just step out,” he said quickly before she could grab him too.
He shut the door behind him and leaned against it. He wanted to shove his fist through it. How could this be happening? Some girl he didn’t give a flying fuck about was pregnant with his child! And the only doctor she desperately needed was Erica! Erica! Of all the women in the world. The only woman that he ever wanted to have around him. Erica. He actually had her for about two days, but now, he’d lost her. She was gone for goo
d. They were done.
But… he had to say something to her, even if it was too late. Her office door was locked, but he popped the lock in a second. She whipped around when he entered.
“Get out.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know until yesterday. I don’t know how the hell it could’ve happened. I was careful with her. I swear to God. I’m always careful.”
She suddenly came at him. Quiet, composed, classy Erica, came flying at him. He was so startled by suddenly seeing her body being launched at him, it momentarily took him off guard. Reacting in seconds, he caught her wrists in his hands and restrained her as she tried to pummel his chest.
“You could have told me yourself! Instead, you humiliated me! Blindsided me. Is this what you wanted all along? To jerk me around? Humiliate me because you think I’m too successful? Too rich? Too snobby? Too… whatever? Was this your true intent?”
“No. God no. Nothing like this. She told me yesterday. When I left here, I wasn’t thinking. Or feeling. I just left. I was in a blind rage. I do that kind of thing pretty often, Erica. I forget… everything and everyone around me. That’s one reason why I warned you to stay away from me. I got drunk to forget it. You can’t actually believe I want this. At all! Jesus! I didn’t tell you because I couldn’t believe it myself.”
“I came in there as her damn doctor, her baby doctor. To find you sitting there, the father of her child? How could you do that to me? You’re everything you warned me about, aren’t you? Selfish. Mean. Cruel. Cold. Did you get some kind of perverse satisfaction from that?”
“Not from you. I’m telling you this was not on purpose. I didn’t do any of this on purpose.”
“Why are you here? Why not run the other way?”
“Because she said it was mine. I have to know.”
“And what? You’ll man up and take responsibility if it is? Because let me tell you there’s a ninety-five percent chance she’s telling the truth. There hasn’t been anyone else with her.”
“Yeah. I’ll take responsibility. What else would you have me do? What did you think I’d do?”
She quit moving and took a deep breath. “Not that. Okay. Not that. Take responsibility. But I guess I’m glad of that, at least. You’d do that.”
She turned from him and her slender shoulders seemed to shake, then relax, as she inhaled several deep breaths.
“What was all that? In there with Tamira? What’s wrong with her, Erica? She’s all giddy about this. Crazy. She thinks somehow we’re in love or something like it. Why are you so sure she hasn’t slept with any other guys?”
“Because I know her. Tell you what, Spencer, get her to sign a release and I can talk to you.”
He watched Erica before he finally asked, “You knew something was off with her. That’s why you kept warning me about her, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I did. I do. And you know what’s worse? I personally hate her right now, and I could spit nails at her; but I also know what’s wrong with her, and therefore, I have to help her. I have to take care of her.”
“Erica…”
She looked up with daggers in her eyes and threw off the hand he put on her arm. “Just let me get through this. Just do that for me. Back off. I have to do my job. That girl needs me because she’s not well and looks to me for guidance. So you’re not the one I get to care about right now. Or worry about.”
He stepped back and Erica turned around and headed out of her office. Spencer’s gut felt twisted. He felt bad, no, terrible for Erica. And confused, and all worked up over Tamira and her unexpected pregnancy. He began to worry how warped Tamira’s thinking really was.
Spencer followed Erica into the examination room. Tamira was dressed in one of the baby blue gowns, with the long slit in the front. She failed to notice it offered everyone a long, wide view of her naked front. Then she climbed onto the exam table, still smiling absently. As if Erica wasn’t the person she really was. Tamira smiled even wider when Spencer came in. He didn’t know what to do or say. He decided it was better to just play along right then with Tamira’s fantasy. He stood against the door.
Erica started asking questions. Her voice seemed detached, but warm. Impersonal, but nice. When she asked Tamira about her last period, Spencer quickly did the math. They last slept together about two months before. So Tamira had to be at least that far along.
“Should I leave?” Spencer asked, desperate for Erica’s permission when she said she was ready to start the physical exam.
“Oh no. Please stay, Spencer,” Tamira said. “Please, I want you involved with everything.”
Spencer didn’t want to be involved in anything. But he stayed. He watched Erica stand up and use a tape measure on Tamira’s belly. What was she doing? She felt all around Tamira’s stomach. Then she turned between Tamira’s legs, rolling the stool closer.
“Slide your bottom to the end of the table.” Erica’s voice was cool and gentle and Spencer became fascinated watching Erica work. She pushed Tamira’s legs apart and rested them on the stirrups. God, who knew? What was she doing? He’d never actually seen her at work, or what went on in these examination rooms. He grew hot, and began perspiring with anxiety. He decided he really didn’t want to know what happened in here. Still, there was something quick, confident, and commanding in Erica’s movements that intrigued him and he could not resist watching her.
A drape hid the more graphic parts from Spencer’s eyes. Erica disappeared behind it, using some evil-looking metal tool. God, what did she do with that? He felt a grimace of sympathetic pain.
“Pap smear.”
Spencer started at hearing Erica’s voice. She suddenly slid out from behind Tamira’s legs. She was looking at him and her face seemed cold. Even deadpan.
“What?”
“I’m doing a pap smear on her. Checking to make sure things are okay. You looked puzzled over what I was doing.”
“What’s that thing?”
“Speculum. Opens things up so I can work.”
He remembered her claim of knowing women better then he and now realized exactly how accurate she was.
“Can we do a sonogram? Please, Dr. Heathersby?”
“Yes. An in-office one.” Erica turned and left, but came back minutes later, wheeling a computer-like machine with a screen. Spencer didn’t have a clue what that was for either.
“Come here. You’ll want to see,” Tamira said, holding out her hand to him. Spencer glanced at Erica, who tilted her head as if to say he should take Tamira’s hand. Spencer did.
Standing now by Tamira’s head, Spencer watched Erica’s miraculous hands at work. She pushed aside the gown, and squeezed some gel-like goo on Tamira’s belly. Spencer felt his nerves getting ragged. He felt dizzy, like he might pass out and his breath was coming in short, gasping pants.
Then Erica put a wand-like apparatus over Tamira’s stomach, moving it all around while she clicked on the keyboard in front of her. She was concentrating on the image and looking at the screen, but her expression remained unchanged. Finally, she smiled at Tamira.
“Well? Can’t I see it?”
“It’s too small yet. Maybe next time.”
Spencer looked into Erica’s face and saw her mouth was tight, while her eyes avoided his. What was it? What did she see? Something. It seemed like something. She looked intense. Uptight. Worried.
Erica wiped Tamira’s stomach off, and tucked the gown around her with gentle hands and a warm squeeze. The way that a mother might do with her daughter. God, was there no end to Erica’s goodness? How did she do it? How did she find so much compassion and professionalism for a girl who deliberately sought to rub her nose in this? How could she keep her composure and humanity? Her grace? Spencer was so awed by Erica, he could hardly get his brain to process what was happening: they were looking at his baby inside a girl he wanted nothing whatsoever to have any further interactions with.
Tamira sat up. “Dr. Heathersby, I’ve been thinking. I’d like to tell Spencer everyt
hing. You know, the last year stuff. But I was wondering if you would tell him.”
Erica’s eyes jerked up to Tamira’s. “Why? Why don’t you?”
“Because I just can’t.”
Erica studied Tamira. “You want me to discuss your past history with him? What I know?”
“Yes. Please. Would you?”
Erica waited a long, drawn-out moment. “Fine. Do you mind if I talk to him now? While you get dressed? You could wait in here for me?”
“Sure. Of course. Oh thank you!” Tamira nearly bounced off the exam table with a happy bop. What the hell?
Spencer took it as his cue to follow Erica into her office. She walked around her desk and sat down. The message was clear: she was putting her professional distance between them. She was a doctor in here. Wilting in her chair, and resting her elbows on her desk, her head fell into her hands. Finally, she raised her head, removed her glasses, and rubbed her eyes before putting them back on and sighing.
“We have a problem. A really big problem.”
He sat down across from her. It was the first time he ever sat in there before. He always stood before her, waiting for his next orders and leaving. Except for that one time when he had sex with her while sitting on her couch.
“I know. I do.”
“No. We do. Look, things aren’t all right with her.”
“What do you mean? Is something wrong with the baby?”
“You could say that. There is no baby.”
He jerked upright. “What the hell? She lied? She went through this whole grueling charade, expecting what? To trick me?”
“No,” Erica said, her voice very calm. “Sit back down. I have to talk about this. Right now, I’m talking as Tamira’s doctor to the person she wants for support in this. I need you to be that person. We’re not us right now. Let me just get through this.”