by Leanne Davis
She scooted down so she was lying alongside him. She wrapped both her legs, and arms around him. He was flat on his back, and she on her side. She held onto him as no one ever could or bothered to do.
“What did Rob tell you?”
She leaned over and kissed his brow, noticing his eyes were still closed. “Later. Not now. Just stay here until I fall asleep.”
His arm came around her and he stayed there. She fell asleep with his arms around her, his breath against her hair. Her heart was almost sure he had to love her too, or he wouldn’t have come back there today while she was still in his house.
Chapter Twenty-One
Spencer stayed with Erica until he felt her body relaxing, as her breathing slowed steadily in and out, and sheer exhaustion claimed her. He slid out from under her embrace and stared down at her. Confused. Exhausted. Not knowing why he still had her there.
He came downstairs, and found Rob finishing up the lunch he made for work.
“What did you say to her?”
Rob paused. Then he lifted a jam-filled knife to his mouth, licking it, and tossing it into the sink. He turned back to Spencer. “I told her the truth.”
“Why? Why didn’t you mind your business? Why were you even talking to her?”
“You’ve met her, right? Why don’t you tell me how you say no to her? When she wants something, she knows how to get it. Besides, she caught me at a weak moment.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I was naked, but for a pillow over the family jewels, and thought it was just you banging at my door. I was embarrassed, so I agreed to talk to her. Who was I to argue in that vulnerable state?”
Spencer’s mouth tweaked at the picture. “She does always get what she wants, somehow.”
“And she wants you.”
Spencer shifted his weight from one foot to the next. “She’s confused. Caught up in this… whatever it is.”
Closing his lunch bag up, Rob stopped and laughed. “Erica Heathersby confused? I doubt the woman has made a single wrong turn, or committed a mistake in her entire life! If she says she wants you, she means just that. Deal with it. You couldn’t scare her away with all your blustering iciness. This one stuck. And she saw past it all. Why you got so damn lucky is beyond me. But you were, and you still are. Don’t fuck this up.”
Spencer watched as Rob slammed the door and left. He was startled at Rob’s anger. Spencer was fully prepared to let Rob have it and scold him for betraying him; but now Rob was mad at him? What the hell?
He rubbed his head and glanced at the clock. Speaking of work, he had to go. He grabbed Erica’s car keys and left. Glad, for once, he had a job to escape to and think about. Glad he could use it to banish all the thoughts about Erica from his mind. Taking her car meant she’d still be there when he got home. So what? It didn’t mean shit. Not all of his actions had to have meaning behind them.
****
Spencer pulled Erica’s car into his driveway after work. The house was bright, and the shades all open. He usually didn’t bother with them. The front door was wide open, and music from his stereo was playing. Shutting Erica’s car door, he cringed at the loud sounds of the theme song from Titanic echoed from his house. Oh good God! What would the neighbors think must have happened to Rob and him?
He came through the front door. Slamming it shut.
“Erica?” he yelled after finding the kitchen empty. All the shades in there were open too. He glanced out back and found Erica finally. Their backyard was small, a postage stamp-sized deck, with a weed-strewn lawn around it. She was on the deck, in one of the dining room chairs, lounging, he supposed. Her long legs were bare, and she had a book in her hands. He crossed the living room and turned off the suddenly cresting tones about how “the heart will go on.”
He sighed in relief as she sat up and finally spotted him. She rose from the chair, and strolled through the open sliding door.
“Jesus, Erica, I can’t trust you for a second alone, can I?”
Startled, her smile vanished. He was grumpy, and still in a foul mood after the morning’s fiascos. After the humiliating revelations, the last person he wanted to see was Erica. Erica was all long-legged, wearing a fluffy skirt she must have brought in her overnight doctor bag. Her t-shirt was casual and tight. Her hair looked all soft and shiny around her face. She was barefoot. Barefoot in his damn house!
“What?”
“The front door was wide open, and the music so loud, you didn’t hear me yelling. Anyone could have crept up behind you and grabbed you before you even knew it.”
“That’s what you’re upset about? Who would even have had a clue I’m here? It’s such a nice day outside, I felt like letting the sunshine in.”
“You think you can just assume no one would know you’re here? What if someone is making it his or her business to know where you are? For such an intelligent doctor, sometimes you surprise me with how stupid you can be.”
Okay, maybe not the best thing to say, since her face clouded up. “Don’t talk like that to me.”
“Well, I don’t know how else to make you believe me. Bad things happen, and you can’t always assume things will be okay. You can’t be so clueless about your own safety. I know you’re not exactly from the streets, but use a little common sense! If not for yourself, then do it for me.”
She pursed her lips at him, but finally nodded. “Okay; doors wide open not smart. I didn’t think about it. I woke up, and it was stuffy in here, I wanted to air it out, and enjoy the rarity of a summer day.”
He let out a long breath. All she ever wanted was to live her life, and enjoy the day. She just wanted to find happiness in her life. She was so honest, open, and wonderful, he didn’t know why she let him breathe the same air as she. She didn’t have the first clue about things that were dark and evil, which could attack you, despite how sunny the day might be.
“Just think a little more about what you do. Don’t give the person who attacked you once another opportunity.”
Her eyes rounded. “You don’t think it could happen again, do you?”
He rolled his eyes. “Of course, I think it could happen again. Why do you think I’ve tried so hard to find out who it was? Or why I’ve stuck so close to your side?”
“Oh. I guess I didn’t think about it happening again.”
“Did you call the police today? About the preacher and Tamira?”
“Yes. Even though I still think Tamira could never do anything to hurt me.”
He nodded. Of course, she couldn’t believe that. He eyed her all over. She looked as fresh and pretty as a teenager sun-bathing. She looked relaxed, well rested, and happy even. How could she? He didn’t get it. How could she be so happy at his house? “You look like you slept well.”
She nodded as she smiled up at him. That smile did strange things to his heart and something squeezed inside his chest.
“I did.”
“At least, someone did.” He grumbled as he wandered into his kitchen and glanced around for something to do. Eat. Drink. He had to figure out what to do now that Erica was there. And his chest was feeling so weird.
And after the pivotal morning they shared.
“Bad day at work?” She touched his shoulder with her soft, capable, lovely, white hands.
He shrugged and ducked out from her grasp. “Always. No different than ever. Don’t act like you don’t know what my job is.” He decided on a beer, which he opened up.
“Right, the job again. You know, you took my car again, so it’s your fault I’m still here.”
He shrugged and wandered over to the sliding door where he glared out at the deck. The yard really looked like shit. Why didn’t he and Rob ever plant a shrub or two? Cheer up the dismal-looking space a bit?
“It’s a nice evening; why don’t we go for a drive?”
“A drive?” He turned and looked at her as if she were crazy.
“Yes. Why not? Nothing else to do, is there?”
“No. Never is,” he said, shrugging, and following her inside. He gritted his teeth when he found himself watching how her skirt swayed back and forth at her knees. She grabbed her keys.
“I think I’ll drive.”
He quirked an eyebrow. She never drove them anywhere, even in her own car.
Once in the car, he still drank the beer, despite her pointed look of disapproval. He didn’t care; he drank it anyway. Ignoring her, he put sunglasses on to cut out some of the sun’s glare. She drove slowly, cautiously, just like the music she listened to. When she finally pulled onto the freeway, she still didn’t speak and neither did he.
Suddenly, he sat up straighter. The area grew familiar and he looked at her keenly. Her face showed nothing, just her normal, pleasant expression.
“Where the fuck are you going?”
“Rob gave me the address,” she said, her voice quiet, while her face suddenly flushed. At least, she didn’t try to play dumb. Still, she drove. And soon, much too soon, she stopped right across the street from the house Spencer fled at the age of thirteen. He hadn’t been back since.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Just looking, Spencer. Just looking at a house.”
“Fuck you, Erica,” he said harshly. He sounded really mean. “You think because Rob told you a few things about me that you know me now? Or you know what I need? You think some kind of shock therapy will make me talk to you? Well, let me tell you something: you don’t know anything, about me, my life, or this. Do you hear me? You don’t know anything, you stupid, fucking bitch.”
His words were loud and echoed in the car. To her credit, she didn’t cower, or even flinch at his tone, or his cruel words.
Despite his lack of composure, his gaze looked past her to the house. That house. It looked the same. Still ugly brown with white trim. Still shaggy, unmown grass, and flowerbeds that needed weeding. It wasn’t a bad house, just neglected, ignored, and kind of shabby. There was a new SUV in the driveway, and a black cat lying on the front porch steps.
It was just a house.
Erica calmly put the car in gear, and did a U-turn. She drove in silence and purposely stayed on some back roads for a long while. Spencer didn’t pay attention, and his eyes saw nothing. He felt nothing. Except anger. That, he felt that in spades. There was a rage—seeing red behind his eyelids— kind of rage and his breath came out in heavy gasps. His fists were clenched.
He finally glanced up when the car stopped. She parked on an empty shoulder that looked off towards Puget Sound. There was no one around. The sun was beginning its descent, sinking into the water, orange and bright. It was a peaceful, isolated spot.
Then, suddenly, Erica crawled over the console, onto his lap, facing him, her hands coming up around him, and holding onto his neck. She pressed her face into his chest. Right at his heart. He could feel her warm breath through his t-shirt.
“I didn’t know how else to get you to talk to me,” she said quietly. Afterwards, he just sat there, unmoving, his fists still clenched at his sides and refused to put his hands on her.
“I imagined if it were me, and that house remained in my mind, what a thirteen-year-old would see. And maybe seeing it now, as an adult, would remind you you’re not thirteen anymore.”
“I think I already know that.”
“I think you don’t. I think you don’t know how to talk about it. You push everyone away so you never have to. Maybe this time, you won’t have to push me away.”
His jaw felt like it could shatter from the pressure of his teeth gnashing, and he had suffocating feelings that seemed to compress his chest.
“What happened the night you ran away? What happened to Barry, Spencer?”
A deep breath filled his lungs, which he expelled slowly and intentionally at the sound of his name.
“I don’t know. I didn’t stay around to find out.”
“What did you do?”
“I hid a kitchen knife in my room and stabbed him with it, without seeing, without thinking, and without ever looking back. I fucking stabbed him and ran. I don’t know where I hit, or what happened. If I killed him or just gave his arm a prick. I don’t know. I grabbed my bag, got Rob, and never went back.”
Erica lifted her head and her mouth found his. She kissed his lips, his cheeks, and showered his face with soft, soothing kisses. She was all filled with tenderness, and gentleness, something he’d never craved or wanted before. But suddenly, it became all he ever wanted. It made all the difference.
“I hope you killed the bastard.”
He let out a laugh. It was the oddest reaction, totally inappropriate for the darkness of the conversation. But hearing the gentle doctor, the lifesaving Erica, say that struck him as funny. No one else would have said it, or meant it, like how it sounded coming from her. He finally raised his hands to her waist.
“How long did it go on?” she asked after a poignant moment.
“Only a few months.”
“There is no ‘only’ about this. I’m sorry. It must have been horrible.”
“Brutal. I was able to fight him off sometimes. Others, not. It never was easy.”
“Other times, he raped you.”
He flinched at her words. So blatant and out there. Words no one ever spoke to him. Or knew about. Even Rob only suspected, but never actually confirmed it.
Spencer couldn’t reply or address her statement. But finally, he nodded. Betraying everything he believed in: never reveal your weaknesses or your failures. Never give anyone power over you, much less information. Not even your history, since all of it could be used against you. Her arms tightened around him and her tears dampened his shirt. Tears for him. He hated it. All of it. Her sympathy. Her questions. Her insistence that he remember. And admit it. And now, feel it.
“Rob said you tried to tell your mom.”
“She was probably the most relieved when I left. She never did believe me.”
“Maybe she was just in denial. Maybe she wasn’t relieved at all. Have you ever thought about contacting her?”
“Never. No. I will never contact her again as long as I live. I will never forgive her.”
“Okay,” she said gently, rubbing her hand over his chest. “Okay, Spencer. You don’t have to ever contact her.”
“Besides, who knows? Maybe somewhere out there is a warrant for my arrest on charges of assault.”
“Somehow, I bet Barry never told a soul what you did to him.”
“I shouldn’t have sworn at you. Or called you a bitch.”
She lifted her head and smiled. “A stupid, fucking bitch.”
“Okay in full text, I’m sorry. I was taken off guard.”
She shook her head. “I know. I expected it. Your reaction. It’s okay. Just don’t do it again.”
“Why would you risk provoking my reaction? You’ve seen my temper. Why would you do that?”
She smiled and touched his cheek. “I’m not afraid of you. Never physically. Mostly, not emotionally. You might be rough sometimes, but you don’t usually mean it. You usually do it when you don’t know what to do, or what to feel.”
Moving her mouth to his lips, she kissed him again, placing her hands at his shoulders, and holding on. She was on his lap, straddling him; and he could feel her moist warmth on him. He grew hard under her and she shifted her crotch over him. She kissed him harder, her tongue, wet and smooth in his mouth. His hands pushed up under her t-shirt until he found her breasts, which felt warm and heavy on his skin. He quickly lowered his mouth on her tight, firm nipples: tugging, licking, scraping his teeth over first one, then the other. Her hands moved restlessly in his hair and her bottom moved over him harder.
He couldn’t believe it. Surely, Erica wouldn’t do this in the car! But then he felt her hands, her cool, long fingers on his waist, tugging at his jeans as she lifted her bottom off him, long enough to fumble with his lap, until she pulled his hard penis from his jeans.
He groaned when she put her han
d on him, feeling her warm fingers, and his breath hitched. His hands went up her skirt, and pulled down the silk panties she wore. He pulled so hard, he simply tore them. His finger brushed along her slit and he felt her hot moisture on his fingertips. She nearly bucked at the thrill of contact. He slid his fingers into her and she groaned as her muscles tightened around him.
Shifting slightly, she moved herself over him. Their hands came out of the way as she slid onto him. Slowly, easily, her slick, hot opening let him in so delightfully, he had to stop moving, to avoid coming then and there inside her. He held her still, and slid all the way inside her rapturous heat. Her long legs were wrapped around his back, astride him. Her bottom was on his lap, and her breasts were bare. Her face flushed, and her lips opened in awe as he felt his heart swelling with a strange feeling.
Fuck. What was this? This profundity? This connection? Her eyes were on his, and this time, his were open, looking directly at her. Twilight covered them in long, purple shadows. Her hands came to his face, and his to hers, as she put her lips on his in a perfect kiss. She kissed him as she rocked her hips, slowly. Bringing him in and out of her as far as she could, before sliding him inside her as deeply as she could.
She closed her eyes, and moved her hips faster and harder over him. He could feel her bottom moving, and her breasts brushing against his chest. He couldn’t imagine a hotter, more erotic moment in his life. How the hell could it be with a woman doctor? A woman who just pried out his innermost darkness from him? A woman who wore pretty, neat, stylish clothes that never even hinted at the heat they could generate together? A woman he couldn’t look at without wanting to touch, hear, and make love to?
A woman he could love.
No. He couldn’t love her. No. He didn’t want to love her. He absolutely couldn’t love her. But then, as she was perched over him, her body seeming to pull his hardness farther inside her, he came just after she did. He nearly deflated inside her after it was over. Her forehead dropped onto his shoulder. Her hands were on each of his arms, holding on. He could smell her and the soft scent of hairspray filled his nostrils.