by Nick Dear
Lika Stop arguing! It’s dreary.
Leonidik Oh, you’re siding with the dictator? Perfect. I love you for the clarity of your thought, Lika. Did you hear? I just said I love you. (Shouts.) Did everybody hear? I made an announcement!
Marat It does look as though he shouldn’t have any more alcohol.
Leonidik Oppression! I’m being oppressed! – And so, comrades, we’ve debated the nature of victory in war. Next item: what is love, and how do you cook it?
Lika Don’t, don’t …
Leonidik Attention, attention! The speaker is Marat – the Hero of the Soviet Union, the subject: love! Over to you, sir.
Marat (goes up to him) You talk an awful lot of shit. If you must know – a real man can do without love.
Leonidik Brilliant! – How do you become a real man?
Lika Marat gives lessons.
Leonidik Put me down from three till five on Sundays. It wouldn’t hurt me to try.
Marat You’re beyond help.
Leonidik (squaring up to him) Now don’t start taking liberties …
Lika (worried) Boys, please stop this …
Leonidik Ah, yes. All the girls love a Hero of the Soviet Union.
Marat Yup. And they can’t stand a piss-artist.
Without warning, Leonidik swings a punch with his good arm. He connects with Marat’s jaw. Marat goes down heavily.
Leonidik Only lost the one arm, you know.
Lika (rushing to Marat) What have you done? Brute!
Leonidik sits at the table and ties on his napkin.
Leonidik I’m starving. What’s for lunch?
Marat struggles to sit up. Lika helps him.
Lika A fine pair you are! Coming to blows!
Leonidik He got what he was asking for, that’s all.
Marat Damn it, that hurt.
Lika Here, drink some water.
Marat Forgive me, Leon. I went too far.
Leonidik It’s nothing. I wasn’t expecting such luck.
Marat (rubbing his chin) Yes … blindingly good.
Lika Idiots! What do you mean?
Marat I mean I underrated my opponent.
Leonidik (eating) Yes, and he’ll thrash you next time,
too.
Marat See, Lika? He’s threatening me again!
Lika What’s that to a real man who can do without love?
SCENE TEN
26 May. Late evening, but it’s still light outside. A wonderful patch of golden sky is visible through the open window. Marat and Leonidik are waiting for Lika.
Leonidik What’s the time?
Marat Quarter past ten. She must be having fun. (Pause.) Shall I turn on the light?
Leonidik Why? Tonight there will be no darkness.
Marat Are you being poetic?
Leonidik Don’t be cruel. The white nights are miraculous.
Marat Think we should go home? It’s late.
Leonidik You go home if you want. (Indicates himself.) He’s staying. He hasn’t seen her for two days. He’s missed her, and he’s not afraid of admitting it. Know why? Because he isn’t a real man. His emotions are out in the open.
Marat What’s it like out there? Chilly?
Leonidik It’s fine. (Pause.) You were just going, weren’t you?
Marat (looks out of the window) You’re right, it is a miracle. That sky … all green and gold… . Leonidik, have you ever been to Saratov?
Leonidik Passed through.
Marat Like it?
Leonidik So-so.
Marat I may be going there. To study.
Leonidik You’re out of your mind. Why?
Marat A friend has invited me. A comrade from the war. (Smiles.) They say the Volga’s very broad there.
Leonidik So what?
Marat So it’s a beautiful place. And I’m getting fed up with your company. (very serious) How do you feel about me?
Leonidik I can’t imagine life without you, sweetheart.
Marat Don’t joke. I love you.
Leonidik (simply) I know.
Marat But it doesn’t alter anything, all right?
Leonidik All right.
Marat One of us has got to go.
Leonidik Fair enough.
Marat Leon … Why don’t you go? It’d be better.
Leonidik Who would it be better for?
Marat You. Absolutely. You.
Leonidik (laughs) Will I become a real man if I go?
Marat Who knows? Look, we mustn’t lie to each other, she doesn’t love you and that’s that.
Leonidik Quite possibly, but we’re still going to ask her.
Marat That might not be very clever …
Leonidik But can’t you see, Citizen Marat, that he who has nothing is still afraid? Afraid to lose the little nothing he’s got?
Lika enters, turning on the light.
Lika Why are you sitting in the dark?
Leonidik It’s nice. With the white night outside.
Lika I thought you would’ve both gone home. You’re very persistent, aren’t you?
Marat Leonidik’s the persistent one.
Lika Yes, well, you were going to run away, weren’t you? Fine – off you go. Leonidik and I are going to have tea. I’ve bought him some quince jam.
Leonidik Hear that?
Marat Women! Christ! (cheerily) Very well, I’ll have tea as well.
Lika First say you’re sorry you wanted to go.
Marat Shit.
His holster is hanging up. He goes to it and takes out his pistol.
If you don’t give me some tea, I’ll shoot this Leonidik of yours. (He aims.)
Lika (laughing) Idiots! What idiots you are! (She prepares the tea.) This city is so magical. The lilac’s out in the Field of Mars … the scent’s fabulous. And the sun sinking over the Fortress was the colour of a justripe peach. Down by the river, young lovers are sitting on stone benches, holding hands. When there’s no night the place goes mad …! Just now I saw a couple kissing on the next landing. (to Marat) Guess who? Lelya from Tbilisi.
Marat I’ll throttle her, shall I? – Do you write love poems, Leon?
Leonidik Sometimes.
Marat (to Lika) Any good?
Lika Not bad.
Marat Everyone loves a love poem, don’t they?
Leonidik Unfortunately, they’re not for publication.
Marat Who are they for, then?
Leonidik Me.
Marat Ah, so you’re able to tell before you write them – this for public consumption, this for my private pleasure? What’s that, the artistic equivalent of double-entry bookkeeping?
Leonidik A true poet must experiment. Take a few risks. Pointless to involve the readers, who simply aren’t prepared.
Marat Not every reader’s a coward, you know. Maybe they’d like to take a few risks with the poet? Maybe this voyage into the unknown of his would be best not undertaken alone!
Lika Will you stop shouting. Sit down and wait till the kettle boils. Marat, you attack Leonidik about nothing at all. Why do we like what we do? Because it makes us try things, make mistakes, work it out. The most risky profession of all is medicine. Which is why I love it. When my mother was young, she dreamt of becoming a great scientist. She didn’t make it … But me … You see, children are born to succeed where their parents have failed. That’s what I think. So I promise you that there will be no diseases left on the planet at the end of the twentieth century. On that, I give you my word.
Marat I’d rather you gave me some salami. Talk about having a big head!
Lika As soon as I finish my degree I’ll start a thesis. I sometimes wake up and think, who can stop me, now? Who can stop me becoming a great scientist? Who is the enemy?
Leonidik You, perhaps?
Lika I’m sorry?
Leonidik Perhaps the enemy is you yourself.
Lika No, hang on –
Leonidik They say you have to find the enemy in order to defeat him.
Marat We didn’t hav
e to find fascism. It came to us. What could be a worse enemy than that?
Leonidik Well, I don’t know – a secret enemy’s always more dangerous.
Marat You’re both driving me insane. (to Leonidik) Since you stopped drinking you’ve been completely impossible. You believe all Lika’s dire predictions. And she’s only trying to scare you.
Lika That is not helpful. Leonidik is by nature nervy and physically weak. You should be backing me up, not goading him.
Marat (grumpily) But I can’t have a drink, because of him, can I?
Lika … Despite all the jokes, I feel sad. Why is that, do you think?
Marat Shall I tell you?
Leonidik No, don’t.
Marat (to Leonidik) You wanted it all to come out.
Leonidik She knows why we sometimes feel sad … When the three of us are together …
Pause.
Lika Let’s not pursue it.
Leonidik Sooner or later, we have to. He’s thinking of going to Saratov.
Lika Are you?
Marat Yup. I will, too. You’ll both have a weep when I’m gone. (Pause.) How peculiar: it has got dark after all.
Leonidik He told me I should go away. He said you didn’t love me.
Lika … Marat knows everything about everything.
Guitar music is heard from outside.
Leonidik Who’s that playing the guitar?
Lika My neighbour, on his balcony. He’s very musical.
Marat Is he in love?
Lika Hopelessly. He’s sixty, and he’s getting married soon.
Leonidik Ah, a modern bridegroom. With all his arms and legs.
Marat Nicely put.
Lika (to Marat) You’re going where?
Marat Saratov. Like it?
Lika Never been.
Leonidik Not a bad little town. Even got a medical school.
Marat Oh, it’s got the lot.
Lika Is that why you chose it?
Marat I’ve a friend there.
Lika Haven’t you any friends here?
Marat (looking at Leonidik) I have. That’s half the trouble.
Leonidik (smiles) Nicely put.
Marat (grimly) Well, someone has to go.
Lika You have seniority.
Marat Ah yes. Intelligence officer.
Leonidik A real man.
Lika (to Leonidik) What about you?
Leonidik I’m not going anywhere. No! I’ll only go if you make me!
Marat That’s what he keeps saying, you see.
Lika (sharply, to Marat) Shut up!
Leonidik helps himself to some more jam.
Leonidik Quince … a curious phenomenon … I’ve never seen a quince actually growing.
Marat I have.
Leonidik (to Lika) I was lying. I’ll stay with you even if you send me away.
Lika Oh yes, why is that?
Leonidik Because without you there is nothing.
Lika (to Marat) What do you say to that?
Marat (grins) No point grovelling, is there?
Leonidik Don’t the neighbours mind you having two men in your room at this hour?
Lika We have nice neighbours. It’s a good housing allocation.
Marat (laughs) What a daft expression. It’s a room. Once I was horribly in love with a woman in Drogovich. As I was leaving she called after me, ‘Marik, don’t be silly, come back! I have such a marvellous housing allocation!’
Leonidik (laughing) Bravo!
Lika Leonidik, where have you been horribly in love?
Leonidik In Leningrad.
Lika (to Marat) You can’t keep up with him, can you?
Marat No, I’ve no chance. Especially since you still adore Turgenev.
Lika I can’t see how laughing at me helps.
Marat I’m not laughing, I’m crying. (He gets up.) Right, that’s enough of all that. Someone’s got to go. Me or him.
Leonidik (to Lika) You decide.
Lika Oh, I see. (angrily) Perhaps I’ll choose the old man with the guitar …
Leonidik (listening to the guitar) Well, he’s putting some effort into it.
Marat I’ve had enough of the stupid gags.
Lika Then let’s be quiet for a moment. (Pause.) Marat, do you love me?
Marat is silent.
Leonidik He loves you. He told me.
Lika Oh, you’re going to behave like a real man now, are you?
Leonidik It’s catching …
Lika Don’t tell me about him. Tell me about you.
Leonidik … If I lose you I shall be completely lost. You’re everything to me. You’re my whole universe.
Marat What’s the use?
Lika goes to Leonidik and runs her hand through his hair.
Lika Want some more tea?
Leonidik (weak smile) Brandy would be better.
Marat (pale) I’ll bring you both brandy tomorrow.
Lika stares out of the window.
Lika It’s dawn already … What a short night …
End of Act Two.
Act Three
SCENE ELEVEN
10 December 1959. The same room, thirteen years later. The furniture has changed, but it’s not very expensive. Snow is falling outside the window. The clock strikes eleven. Lika and Leonidik come in from the street. Lika helps Leonidik to take off his fur-lined overcoat, then kneels and pulls off his boots, then goes behind a screen and changes into her dressing-gown. Meanwhile Leonidik changes his jacket and puts on his slippers. Lika plugs in the kettle. Leonidik takes cheese from the sideboard. He nibbles at it. Lika sees this and slaps his hand. Leonidik sits at his desk and opens the newspaper. Lika starts laying the table for supper.
Leonidik (reads) ‘LenElectric have enlarged their stocks of metal crockery. Have you thought of replacing your utensils before the holidays? … The Gastronome is pleased to anounce a massive January sale… . Why not see in the New Year at an Intourist Restaurant?’
Lika Bread’s gone stale.
Leonidik (reads) ‘Wireless programmes for the eleventh of December: 4.45 – Comrades, open your hearts! Song recital. 5.30 – Calling all Komsomols. 6.20 – The early stages of rheumatism. 7.15 – Respected poet A. Sofronov reads from his work.’
Lika (kissing the top of his head) That’ll do.
Leonidik Fair enough. But wait – eight o’clock: ‘What joy to live in our Soviet Land!’
Lika Come and have your supper.
Leonidik Fair enough. (He goes to the table.)
Lika Want a sandwich?
Leonidik Why not?
Lika Cheese?
Leonidik Salami. (Pause.) I thought the play was rubbish.
Lika Why? It was just the same as usual. Short, though. Only three and a half hours.
Leonidik The people’s artist was mugging all over the place. I don’t know why you like him.
Lika He wasn’t at his best.
Leonidik He shouldn’t be allowed on a stage. He’s like a puppet. (Sips his tea.) If I had my way, I’d close all the theatres.
Lika Why?
Leonidik Well, I suppose there isn’t actually much wrong with the idea that everything that’s good is good, and everything that’s bad is bad … But let’s just say it begins to pall with repetition.
Lika You’re a free-thinker, that’s your trouble.
She takes a box of chocolates from the sideboard.
Leonidik Well, look at that! What’s it in honour of?
Lika My pay rise. Two hundred roubles a month from the first of January. Or have you forgotten?
Leonidik You might have provided something stronger for the occasion.
Lika You can put that thought straight out of your mind.
Leonidik Still, you keep your nose clean, you get promoted. That’s good.
Lika You’re not doing badly yourself, lately.
Leonidik I strive to serve the labouring masses.
Lika (smiles) Idiot.
Leonidik It’s a decent trade, which forbids
the intake of alcohol. Not chocolate, though. (He eats one.) So what is it you’re going to be?
Lika Attached Supervisor.
Leonidik Marvellous! I knew what I was doing when I married you. What are you attached to?
Lika General practice. I teach and I practise.
Leonidik Which is better – to be attached, or unattached?
Lika Unattached, probably.
Leonidik So we still have goals to strive for! Hurray! – By the way, I had a word with the housing allocation manager. He’s promised us a new apartment soon. With luck, we’ll move in the spring. – Doesn’t that please you?
Lika Yes, it does. (quietly) Except that I’m used to this room.
Leonidik Dear oh dear oh dear. Still, we’re moving, all the same. Look at this useless old clobber! It looks like it’s been here for ever! – But fair enough, who cares?
Lika Want some more tea?
Leonidik (rising from the table and kissing her hand) No, I’m finished, many many thanks. I’m going to work. Have to hand the proofs in tomorrow. By the way, I’m out of ink.
Lika I’ll buy some, darling.
Leonidik And I’m out of carbon paper.
Lika I’ll buy that too.
She clears the table. Leonidik sits at his desk and looks through his proofs.
Leonidik That bastard Petrov. An edition of five thousand copies? He promised me ten thousand. (Smiles.) Still, we don’t have a book out every year. (sharply) I see your favourite layabout’s getting an edition of a hundred thousand.
Lika He’s not my favourite.
Leonidik You’re always reading him.
Lika You liked him too. You used to.
Leonidik Well, he started very promisingly. Had something to say. And then? (fiercely) Cheap success! These ridiculously vast editions, year after year! It’s completely changed his personality. (He fumes.)
Lika Don’t do it to yourself, my dear… . If you like, I’ll go and talk to Petrov. Sometimes it makes a difference. Five thousand is patently not enough.
Leonidik Why not? You deal with Petrov. You’re my guardian angel. The most perfect wife in the world …