They both studied the moon. He told himself to take a step away. He needed to let this go. Over the years he’d gotten good at letting things go. He knew how to keep a relationship easy and uninvolved.
Or he had known, until now. Man, he wasn’t a kid. He knew all about high school romance and crushes. He knew how to be an adult and just take a woman for dinner. Laura was teaching him a new lesson.
Now he knew for the first time what kind of woman it would take to change his ways. The woman who didn’t seem to want to stay in a man’s life seemed to be the one. This woman who needed to protect her heart and her child.
He pushed his hat back and turned to face her. Her pale gray eyes were smoky in the dark of the porch with just the glow of a lamp behind her. Her lips parted, as if she meant to say something.
He’d kissed her one other time, on impulse. He could do it again. At that moment he figured he could take one step and she’d take the other. But looking at her standing there, vulnerable in a way he’d never seen before, he knew better.
He knew she needed exactly what she’d said she needed. She needed a friend, not someone complicating things.
“Jesse.” His name was soft on her lips and she looked up at him. He took off his hat and backed a step away.
“Laura, I’m going to leave now. It isn’t what I want to do.” He touched her cheek and she shivered. “I don’t know if it’s what you want. But I know one thing—it’s what I have to do to keep this uncomplicated. I brought you out here to give you a job and make your life easier. I didn’t plan on making it harder.”
“Thank you.” She stepped away from his touch and he let her go.
“Good night.” He had a feeling it would be anything but good. He smiled and pretended. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Jesse, I’m fine. I’ve been alone a long time. I’m not afraid of the dark.”
“Of course.” He walked out to his truck and when he got in to start it, she had stepped back into her house. She stood at the door and watched him go.
He’d been alone a long time, too. It no longer appealed to him.
Chapter Twelve
Laura stepped out of the little blue sedan Myrna had had delivered for her that afternoon. A replacement, Myrna had called to inform her, and would brook no arguments. Laura would argue but not now. Now she had only one thing on her mind—Abigail.
Laura’s daughter stood on the front porch of the Cooper home, Angie Cooper holding her hand. As Laura crossed the yard, Abigail rushed to her, throwing her arms around Laura’s waist and hanging on tightly. Laura lifted her daughter to hold her close. She inhaled her presence and her softness. They were both crying. Laura wiped at Abigail’s tears.
“I love you,” she whispered close to the little ear.
“I love you, too, Mommy.” Abigail sobbed hard against her, breaking Laura’s heart again. Since all of this had started, Abigail had been strong. They’d probably both worked too hard at not crying, not showing the other they were hurting. Both had tried too hard to be strong.
It came out in that moment, in tears and sobs.
“I think we should go inside.” Laura carried Abigail up the steps. “You’re getting big. I think you might have to walk.”
Abigail shook her head against Laura’s shoulder. “Not yet.”
“Okay, not yet.” Laura kissed Abigail’s cheek. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too.” Abigail leaned against her. “Can I show you my new room?”
“Of course you can.” Laura smiled at Angie Cooper, who waited inside the door for them. She mouthed the words, “Thank you.”
Angie nodded and rested a hand on her back. “I think she’s excited to show you her room. I told her she’s going to have a very nice room at her new house, too.”
“I was up all night cleaning it,” Laura admitted, avoiding the details of why she’d been up all night. What would she tell Angie Cooper?
She could tell her the obvious—that Jesse was one of the most decent men she’d ever met. She could tell the easy truth—that it felt good to be in his arms and to pretend that she could be the woman he wanted in his life. But the reality was he was considering a year in the mission field and Laura had to protect Abigail.
She needed stability for her daughter, not a relationship that lasted a few months and ended with her losing her job and her heart.
She shifted Abigail to her left side as they walked up the stairs to the room Angie had opened to her daughter. It was the type of room every little girl dreamed of, with white furniture, a lot of pink and a basket of toys and stuffed animals.
“What a great room.” Laura hugged her daughter. “I’m going to let you walk now so you can show me everything.”
The minute Abigail’s feet touched the ground she became animated, leading Laura around the room and showing her every amazing thing. Laura swallowed the lump that slid up her throat, swallowed the jealousy and the regret. So many people were contributing to her daughter’s happiness. So many people had helped them.
Focus on the good, Laura told herself. Be thankful for the people God had sent into their lives to help them. She had to remind herself again as Abigail pulled out new dresses for church.
Angie Cooper walked up behind her, resting a hand on her arm. “You’re all she needs.”
Laura swallowed and blinked away tears that stung her eyes.
“I know. Well, I think I know.” She laughed a shaky laugh.
Angie reached for Abigail, and Laura’s daughter looked up, her eyes wide. “Abigail, let’s go down and we’ll show your mom the pizza crust we’re making.”
Abigail found something new to be excited about. They were going to make pizza. Laura followed her down the stairs and to the kitchen.
“The crust is in the fridge. It’s rising,” Abigail explained. She opened the refrigerator door and pointed to the bowl with the mound of pizza dough covered with plastic wrap.
“We’ll have to get Mrs. Cooper’s recipe so we can make this at home.” Soon, she wanted to promise. Very soon. But she couldn’t because she didn’t want either of them to get their hopes up and then find out that it wouldn’t happen for months.
“Mrs. Cooper wrote the recipe on a card.” Abigail showed her the card on the counter. “It’s for you.”
Laura slipped the index card into her pocket.
The front door closed and a few minutes later they were joined by Jackson Cooper. He took off his hat and gave her daughter a big smile.
“Now, there’s the girl I was looking for. I have a brand-new baby calf and I thought you’d like to see him. I also have something else out here, but your mom has to okay it.”
“What color is the calf?” Abigail quickly forgot about pizza.
Jackson laughed. “Well, what color do you want him to be?”
“Spotted.” She giggled.
Jackson shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t have a spotted calf. This calf is red with a pretty white face.”
“Can my mom come with us?”
“Of course she can. Big girls like calves, too.”
Abigail let out a whoop and grabbed Laura by the hand. “We’re going to see a calf that’s red with a white face.”
Laura smiled and she wanted to tell Abigail about the new foal at Jesse’s and the path that led to the lake. But later—they’d talk about all of that later.
“You’re quiet.” Jackson spoke as they were walking past the stable and in the direction of the field. “Everything going okay?”
“I’m good.” She smiled and watched Abigail run ahead of them, the border collie at her side. “I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. This is the first time I’ve spent the day with her in months where we weren’t being supervised in an activity room at a state office.”
“It had to be rough. But it won’t be long and you’ll have her home for good.”
Laura nodded and managed to not cry. “I know.”
Jackson glanced bac
k over his shoulder. Laura turned, hearing the vehicle at the same time. They moved to the side of the driveway and Laura called for Abigail to stay in the grass. Jesse’s truck slowed to a stop and he got out.
“I thought he had to work until later.” Laura bit down on her bottom lip, surprised she’d said it out loud, surprised she sounded like someone who knew his schedule, his comings and goings.
Jackson gave her a funny look but didn’t say anything, not to her. “Hey, brother, what are you doing? Playing hooky from work?”
Jesse shot Jackson a look. “I had a break and I wanted to check on things here.”
“We have a new calf.” Jackson nodded in the direction of the field and the spot of red in the grass next to a grazing cow.
“Nice calf.” Jesse smiled at Abigail, who had returned to Laura’s side. “Has Abigail seen the puppies?”
Laura held a hand out to Abigail, who stood close to her side peeking up at Jesse. Her little fingers tightened around Laura’s. Laura smiled at the daughter who had suddenly turned shy and gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
“Abigail, this is Jesse.”
Abigail freed her hand and held it out to Jesse. He took her hand in his and squatted in front of her, his smile tender and making all the difference in ways Laura hadn’t imagined.
“Abigail, I am so glad to finally meet you.” He remained at her level. “Are you on your way out to see that new calf?”
She nodded and smiled at him. “My mom said there are horses here, too.”
“There are horses, and even a pony or two for big girls like you.”
Her eyes widened, and Laura remembered being six and wanting a pony. She wanted to jump in and stop Jesse from making promises. She waited, breathless, hoping that here in Dawson, with the Coopers, Abigail would learn that sometimes promises were kept. Men were strong and could be there for a woman. She wanted Abigail to know those things.
Laura didn’t dare include herself in that dream.
Jesse stood and Abigail didn’t remove her hand from his. Laura watched, amazed at how her daughter had taken to him. But then, Jesse was easy to like. He was soft-spoken and kind, and his eyes were warm and gentle.
“Will you go with me to see the calf?” Abigail held tightly to his hand, as if she didn’t plan on ever letting him go.
“I will, and then I have to get back to work.”
“We’re making homemade pizza,” Abigail told him as they opened the gate. “Do you want some?”
“I’d love homemade pizza, but I won’t be here.”
“We’ll save you some.”
“I’m counting on that.”
Laura closed her eyes briefly and thanked God for this new chapter in their lives and for people around them who kept promises.
And for Jesse. She smiled when he turned to wink at her. She could add him to the list. She was thankful he’d given her a chance.
* * *
Jesse didn’t want to go back to work. That didn’t happen often. As he walked back to his truck after seeing what Abigail called the most beautiful calf ever, he wanted to stay on the farm. Laura walked a short distance away. Abigail raced ahead, picking daisies, dandelions and anything else that looked like a flower. She handed them all to her mother, and Laura took them with a teary smile.
Jackson had walked next to him but when they got to the stable he stopped. “I’ve got some work to get done. I’m going to let you walk Laura and Abigail back to the house.”
Jesse shook his head but he didn’t argue. He almost thanked his older brother for his discretion, his unusual insight. But then, maybe he shouldn’t be so thankful. Ahead of him Laura slowed her steps and he caught up with her. She held the little bunch of flowers, sniffing a less than fragrant bouquet of what some would have called weeds. When she looked up at him, he laughed.
“What?”
He pulled her to a stop next to him. “Hold on. I know that years ago it was fun to rub a dandelion under another kid’s chin and ask if they liked butter, but I don’t think you want to spend all day—” he rubbed her chin and her cheek with his thumb “—with yellow pollen on your face.”
He stopped rubbing and his fingers moved from her chin to her neck. She swallowed and shook her head. “Jesse.”
“No, you’re right.” He let his hand drop to his side just as Abigail ran back to join them.
The little girl looked from him to her mother.
“What’s wrong?” Abigail gave him a suspicious glare.
Laura reached for her daughter’s hand. “I had yellow pollen on my face.”
“Pollen?”
“From the flowers,” she explained, and Abigail still looked suspicious.
Jesse knew it was time to make his escape. “I’m going to head back to work. Abigail, it was nice to meet you.”
“We live at your house.” Abigail’s smile was big.
“Well, not really at my house. You have your own house, but it’s near mine.”
“Do you have horses, too?”
Jesse nodded. “I have horses, too. When you come to spend the weekend with your mom, I’ll show them to you. I think we can even find one for you to ride.”
“I get to spend the weekend and go to church with her.”
“I know.” Jesse couldn’t help but think about the dad who had walked out on the little girl standing in front of him. He was missing out. Jesse’s gaze returned to Abigail’s mother. Yeah, that guy was missing out.
“Bye, Jesse.” Abigail was obviously done with him. She had another fist of flowers and she turned and headed for the house and probably his mom.
“Bye, Abigail,” he called out after her. He smiled and turned back to Laura. She held the wilted bouquet in her hand and watched her daughter. When she looked at him, the look didn’t connect.
“Jesse, I have to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
She bit down on her lip and her gaze drifted away, back to the house, to the door closing behind her daughter and the dog sitting on the front porch waiting for the little girl to return.
“Jesse, don’t make her promises. I know that’s hard for you to understand. I’m sure you have the best of intentions. People have kept their promises to you. But...”
He shook his head. “Laura, I’m not going to make promises I don’t keep.”
But what if he couldn’t keep promises? What if he let them down?
About the only thing he could promise her was a job and protection from the stepbrother who seemed determined to use her every chance he got.
Laura touched his hand, grazing her fingers against his.
“I know you wouldn’t mean to. It’s just been a hard few years for us and not a lot of good things have happened.”
“Eventually you have to stop living in the disappointments of the past. If you don’t, you won’t enjoy what you have now. You’ll always be waiting for something to go wrong, for someone to hurt you.”
She looked away. Jesse stood his ground. She lifted the flowers again, wrinkling her nose at the smell. The breeze picked up, blowing her hair, and she turned to smile at him.
“You’re right. But I have to stand my ground on this. It’s easy to make promises to a little girl, but she wants so much more. She has dreams about...”
“About?”
She shook her head. “I have to go inside and tell her goodbye.”
Dreams about what? Jesse said goodbye and walked back to his truck. As he drove to work, he ran through his mind everything Laura might have been about to say.
Only one thing really made sense. He’d been a kid in an orphanage and he remembered what he’d wanted more than anything. A family. A whole family.
Laura was telling him she didn’t want Abigail to think the three of them would be a family.
He got it.
As he pulled in the parking lot of the hospital, his cell phone rang. He answered as he parked and got out of his truck, pocketing his keys and grabbing his jacket.
; “Isaac, what’s up?” Jesse stepped aside at the door and let a young family walk out.
“Just checking to make sure you’re still going to the training school with us.”
“I’ve got that week slotted for vacation time.”
Long pause. Jesse stepped through the door and waited.
“So are you still thinking this is what you want to do?”
“Have you been talking to my family?” Jesse smiled as he asked, but he didn’t feel it.
“No, I haven’t. I just know you. I know that when you see a need, you want to meet the need. If you’re called to do this, you know I’m thrilled to have you on board.”
Jesse nodded at the receptionist and the couple standing at the desk filling out paperwork. “Isaac, I promise you, I’m not going to take one step if I don’t feel like I’m supposed to go.”
“I’ve never doubted that.”
Jesse ended the call and pocketed his phone. He stepped into the quiet of his office where he could think and say a quick prayer before he started the next half of his shift. His own words rolled through his mind. He wouldn’t take one step if he didn’t feel like he was supposed to go. Six months ago this mission trip had felt like the next step in his life.
He’d been planning missions for as long as he could remember. Since he’d been a kid of about twelve and missionaries had stayed with their family for a week. He’d looked at pictures of kids a lot like himself. Kids who were sick, hungry, alone, the way he’d been before the Coopers adopted him.
He’d made a promise to himself and to God that he would help those children. As he sat there on the edge of his desk thinking back, he remembered just days ago and the family with whooping cough. Kids in need lived everywhere. But where did that leave him—and his plan?
Chapter Thirteen
At three o’clock on Friday afternoon, Jolynn arrived at Laura’s house with Abigail. Laura had been sitting on the front porch for an hour waiting impatiently. When the car stopped in her driveway she ran down to open the back door of the sedan.
The Cowboy's Healing Ways (Cooper Creek) Page 11