Heartstrings

by Kelli McCracken

  Other memories came strolling through. One was of us in the backyard, gazing at our house, discussing how to remodel. Another one was of us sitting in the hammock, making wedding plans.

  The harder I played, the more my fingers felt as though they were being ripped open. Still, I endured the pain, because every second I played gave me more time with Adam. I remembered our life together, as well as the love we shared.

  Tears began falling. I let them slide down my face and kept my eyes closed. It was more than the music touching my heart that made me weep uncontrollably. It was a scene that froze in my mind and filled me with a soul-shaking ache—Adam cupping my face, kissing my lips over and over as I held a positive pregnancy test in my hand. It was the day I told him about our child, the same day he told me how I’d made him the happiest man alive.

  “Just breathe, Josie.”

  I opened my eyes as a cool breeze made me shiver. My heart began pounding when I saw Adam sitting beside me. His lips tugged upward, and he leaned his head closer.

  “You finished, baby. You finished our song. And it’s beautiful, just like you.”

  “How are you here, Adam?”

  My lips trembled. The harder I fought to keep my emotions in check, the more they came to the surface. Yet the moment Adam brushed his lips against mine, I lost control. A warm, wet trail formed on my skin, but Adam wiped it away.

  “I’ll always be with you, Josie. Always.”

  Neither of us said anything else. Our lips pressed and parted in a series of kisses. They were soft, sweet, and way too brief. When I felt his lips leaving mine, I gazed at him. Adam did the same. He smiled at me once more but did something he’d never done before, something that I feared the minute I realized he was real.

  He faded away.

  ~ CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN ~

  It felt as though I’d jumped into an icy pool of water. My body trembled, but at the same time, it didn’t feel as if I could move. There wasn’t a part of me that didn’t tingle like I’d touched an exposed wire, but that tingling faded and I grew numb. Now I was trapped—trapped between reality and an illusion, one that even the hands of time couldn’t alter.

  The cushioned bench still cradled my bottom. I gripped the edge, steadying myself the best I could. No matter how hard I focused, I couldn’t wrap my head around what just happened.

  Had Adam been here?

  No. It wasn’t possible. He was lying inside a hospital room, in a coma, fighting for his life. Knowing as much convinced me that I was suffering from another one of my fears. The trauma I’d experienced over the last couple of months had made me lose my mind. It was official.

  I was crazy…

  Each time my heart slammed against my chest, I fought back the urge to vomit. I released the bench I was clinging to, making my fingertips throb. I ignored the pain within them and searched for my phone. I had to call Hadley, if for no other reason than to have her calm my frayed nerves.

  Something wasn’t right. Regardless if I was crazy or not, I’d learned to trust my gut enough to know when it was telling me something important. Right now, it was screaming at me to leave this house and go back to the hospital. Whatever was going on, it had everything to do with Adam.

  I’ll always be with you, Josie. Always…

  My heart seized. It felt as if my worst fear was coming true. I was losing him. Why else would he appear and promise to always be with me? Those words were often spoken just before someone died. While I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating or if Adam’s soul was coming to me, I knew one thing for sure. I had to get to the hospital.

  Finding what little strength I had, I pushed myself from the bench and made for the living room. It didn’t take me long to reach the couch where I’d placed my jacket. I dug through the pockets until I found my phone.

  A series of taps on the screen pulled up my list of contacts. I found Hadley’s name and selected it before placing the phone to my ear, but the line never rang. Her voicemail picked up, instructing me to leave a message.

  I didn’t.

  I found Paxton’s number next. I tapped it and placed the phone back to my ear, praying that he would pick up the line. After one ring, his voicemail kicked in. I tried his number again, then Hadley’s, yet the response was still the same. No one picked up but the irritating voice of the automated mailbox.

  It was as if I’d entered a twilight zone, a paradoxical universe from which I couldn’t escape. The craziest of scenarios were unfolding. I’d fallen into a deep, dark hole. Now I had to climb out.

  Tapping the screen once more, I found Brighton’s number and called him. Hopefully he hadn’t gone straight to bed when he got home. I knew he’d planned to sleep, but perhaps I’d catch him getting out of the shower or still eating.

  The line rang four times before his voice echoed in my ear. Only, it wasn’t really his voice, but a recorded version. Another damn voicemail… This was it. I was tired of waiting for someone to give me the answers I desperately wanted. It was time to get them myself.

  A quick survey of the room revealed many items I hadn’t noticed before today. One of those items was a set of keys sitting atop a table near the front door. It’s where Adam and I always put them when we came home from wherever we’d been.

  Now that my memories were back, I knew I’d be able to navigate the streets of Toledo with no problems. Brighton knew the same. He’d not only returned all of Adam’s things, he’d returned some of my items too. I was grateful my car keys were one of them.

  After slipping on my jacket, I shoved my phone in my pocket, grabbed my purse, and shut the front door. The lukewarm breeze blew my hair about my face, but I brushed it away as I drew in a deep breath to settle my nerves.

  I wasn’t nervous about driving. I knew these roads like I knew every piece Mozart composed. The rapid beat of my heart stemmed from something else, something far more precious to me. Adam. I prayed I was wrong, that seeing him a moment ago wasn’t what I feared. I prayed it wasn’t his soul leaving this world behind.

  * * *

  It was a Saturday for Christ’s sake. Of all days to have a traffic jam, it had to be a Saturday? I didn’t have time for this. I needed to get to the hospital like I needed my next breath. The ones I drew into my lungs did little for me. It felt as though I were suffocating. In a way, I guess I was, because if I lost Adam, I’d drown in the sorrow filling my heart.

  The car inched down the street like a snail. Too bad we didn’t live in the future with cars that flew. I would be at the hospital in no time. Instead, I sat a mile away, growing more frustrated with the congested traffic.

  I grabbed my phone off the passenger seat and tapped on Hadley’s name. I don’t know why I bothered. She hadn’t picked up the other twenty times I’d called. Neither had Paxton or Brighton.

  Perhaps the cell reception was bad in the hospital. It didn’t explain why Brighton wasn’t answering, but I knew he was a heavy sleeper. The only other explanation for Hadley and Paxton not answering was because Adam was in ICU. It was possible they weren’t allowed to have their phones turned on. I’d been so out of it for the last week, I didn’t remember seeing any signs or being told as much. Then again, my cell phone didn’t exist while I was at Adam’s bedside. Nothing existed but him.

  Growing beyond frustrated, I flung my phone back to the seat and gripped the steering wheel. The first empty parking space I saw, I’d whip the car inside it and walk the rest of the way. I couldn’t take this anymore—not knowing. Everything within me said I needed to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. Something was going on with Adam. I wouldn’t feel any peace until I knew.

  Then again, depending on what the news was, I may not feel peace anyway.

  By the time I made it through the next intersection, I found a break in the traffic, along with an empty parking space. After checking all my mirrors for any vehicles around me, I eased my way out of the bumper-to-bumper line and into the parking space near the curb.

  It didn’t t
ake long to park the car, kill the engine, or collect my things. I glanced in the rearview mirror once more and looked at my reflection. The circles under my eyes had grown darker. Bags were forming too. Maybe if I had gone to sleep like Brighton suggested, I wouldn’t be in this dilemma. Then again, I wouldn’t have seen Adam or sensed the change.

  Pushing the door open, I slung my purse over my shoulder and locked the car. Then I took off in a sprint. I forced my legs to move faster with each step. Luckily, the streets weren’t very crowded today. It wouldn’t have mattered if they were. If anyone got in my way, I’d either move around them or knock them down. I was hell-bent on getting to the hospital as quickly as I could.

  After running for several blocks, I approached the main entrance. It wasn’t a moment too soon because my lungs were heaving so hard, I thought for sure they’d explode. The fear of what I would discover inside the building had me hesitating, but my love for Adam gave me the strength I needed to keep pressing forward.

  As I moved through the main lobby, I caught a whiff of the nutty goodness I knew to be coffee. I wanted to grab a cup so I could fuel my tired mind and give it the energy I needed to face the unknown. But I didn’t. The elevators came into view, filling me with the strength I needed to keep going.

  It seemed to take the elevator forever to reach the lobby. I knew it didn’t matter if I kept pushing the button to call it to the first floor, but I did it anyway. Why was time working against me today? Was the universe trying to warn me of something, or was it a way to keep me from learning devastating news?

  I prayed it was neither.

  The ride up to the second floor seemed to take an eternity as well. What little patience I had was wearing thin. I held on to the last of it as I stepped out of the elevator and proceeded toward Adam’s room.

  A lull of voices came from different directions. It was only the nurses at their station chatting amongst each other, as well as a few doctors I noticed. Since none were a part of Adam’s medical team, there was no need to focus on what they were saying.

  Once I spotted the door at the end of the hall, I picked up my pace. This craziness would be over soon. All the anxiety that built within me would release in either happiness or sadness. I wanted it to be the former, but even if it were the latter, at least I’d have an answer. I’d be free of the worries tormenting my mind.

  I gripped the handle, held my breath, and said another silent prayer. He had to be okay. God couldn’t be so cruel that he’d take both my child and my fiancé away from me. Losing them both would be the end of me. I wouldn’t have the strength to carry on.

  Sucking up my fears, I finally pushed the door open and stepped into the room. What I found on the other side froze me in place, or rather, what I didn’t find. It was empty. The windowsill, the chairs, even the bed was void of the people and objects that occupied it this morning.

  Acid crept up the back of my throat as tears welled in my eyes. It was true. My worst fears had become reality. The empty bed said as much. Adam was gone. It was his spirit that came to me at the piano and kissed me farewell.

  I couldn’t stop the tears from falling or the wails from leaving my chest. I fell against the wall, wrapping my arms around my waist. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t. How could life be this unfair?

  Why hadn’t someone called me? If I was listed as his Medical Power of Attorney, I should have been notified that he was slipping away. Was this the reason why no one answered the phone? Were they all too big of a coward to tell me that the man who owned my heart and soul ceased to exist?

  My knees shook. They grew weaker the harder I cried. And just before I gave in to the pain and fell to the floor, a warm hand curled around my shoulder.

  “Miss Hayes?”

  I spun around and came face-to-face with one of Adam’s nurses. Her forehead creased as her eyes roamed my face. I couldn’t find my voice to reply so I mustered the strength to nod instead.

  She patted my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” My voice cracked. “Adam…he’s…” More tears streamed down my cheeks as she glanced at the bed and then back at me. Her brows rose, making her forehead wrinkle, then she smoothed her features a moment later.

  “Come with me, sweetheart. I’ll take you to him.”

  Nodding once more, I followed behind her as I wiped the tears from my face. She led me back down the hall to the elevator and pressed the button. I parted my lips to ask where she was taking me, but I assumed it was to the morgue.

  My stomach flipped at the thought.

  The elevator doors opened and we moved inside. An elderly couple stood on one side, near the buttons. They smiled at us then glanced at the top of the elevator, where the floor numbers began lighting up once the doors closed.

  Seeing them together made my heart ache even more. I wanted to grow old with Adam, would have grown old with him if not for…

  I looked at my feet and fought back tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of them, or anyone for that matter. No one should have to endure the pain that surmounted me. No one should have to stare heartache in the eyes and offer kind words when the moment grew awkward. I didn’t want to put anyone through what I was experiencing firsthand.

  When the elevator stopped on the fifth floor, the nurse turned toward me and smiled. “This is our floor.”

  She didn’t say anything else, nor did I, even though I was surprised we weren’t in the basement. Once the door opened, we left the elevator and turned right. Rooms lined the hallway on both sides with little workstations in between. Each one housed a computer along with forms and charts. A few nurses sat at the stations the further down the hall we walked.

  When we reached the last door, the nurse twisted the knob and pushed it open. She turned back toward me and smiled once more. “We’ll miss you guys in ICU. Take care, Miss Hayes.”

  As she stepped away, I peeked into the room. Flowers resembling the ones that occupied Adam’s windowsill now occupied this room. Seeing them made my heart kick up a notch. So did seeing Paxton and Hadley when I walked further in.

  Both smiled at me but didn’t speak. Neither did I. There was no way I could form words, not when the blood in my body felt as though it rushed toward my feet. In fact, I thought for sure I’d pass out.

  I blinked, and then blinked again. Was this a dream? It sure as hell felt like one, especially when I gazed into those beautiful eyes, the same ones I’d stared at while sitting on the piano bench. The reality of what it all meant had me holding my breath and praying it was real.

  I crept toward the bed. My attention lowered to the hand reaching toward mine. I placed my hand within it and eased onto the side of the bed. Then I swiped away the tears clouding my vision. It was a miracle. There was no other explanation, nor did I care anymore.

  Then it happened. The one thing that convinced me that all my prayers had been answered. A raspy voice filled the room, and two little words made my heart melt.

  “Just breathe.”

  I wrapped my arms around Adam’s neck and cried. He’d come back. All the pain and suffering I’d endured had finally come to an end. With that realization came peace, and with my newfound peace came something else. A song.

  And this song of love played beautifully on my heartstrings.

  EPILOGUE

  The tour bus breaks hissed loudly as the tires stopped rolling. I gazed out the window, noting an old truck stop with a diner adjacent to the pumps. If this was the place we were searching for, no wonder we’d spent the last few hours second-guessing the driver’s last turn.

  This place was in the middle of nowhere.

  I vaguely recalled passing a small town about five miles away. It was only a guess though. I’d been too focused on the growling noise coming from my stomach. God, I was hungry. Breakfast was the one meal I loved above all others. I craved a good helping of scrambled eggs smothered in cheese, with an order of crispy hash browns and raisin toast. The mere thought made my stomach gurgle again.


  Bright blue eyes left the guitar and met mine. “I heard that.”

  Adam chuckled, causing me to do the same. “Sorry. I know a growling stomach isn’t the melody you had in mind, but I can’t control it. We need food.”

  “I agree.” He sat the guitar on the mattress and came to a stand. “I guess it’s good we’re meeting this bass guitarist at a diner.”

  I nodded, though I didn’t care who we were about to meet. All that mattered was the man standing before me. It still felt like a dream—Adam being alive—but regardless of how unbelievable it was, facts were facts. Not only had he gotten better, but we’d also spent the last year planning this tour.

  Had Rough Riders’ manager not insisted they meet this new bass guitarist, we probably wouldn’t be in Iowa, smack in the middle of farm country. Yet here we were. Strangely, I didn’t mind. As long as Adam and I were together, I didn’t care where we went. We could be standing in the pits of hell, and I’d face every square foot as long as he was by my side.

  Since waking from the coma, he’d kept his promise to always be with me. Still, it was hard to believe the two of us were so connected that his soul came to mine while he was unconscious.

  I wouldn’t have believed it was possible, but hearing his take on the situation convinced me as much. Not only did he tell me about the instances he came to see me, but also how he watched me contemplate drowning myself in the tub. In fact, he screamed at the top of his lungs for me to stop. I couldn’t hear him at the time, which made me second-guess what he was saying. I thought he dreamed the whole thing while he was in the coma. Then he told me how his yelling caused the bathroom mirror to crack.

  “Come on, Josie. Let’s get you inside. You can enjoy a hearty breakfast while Brighton, Paxton, and I chat with this Ryan guy. He better be everything my manger says he is.”

  As we left the bedroom and walked through the tour bus, I noticed everyone else had already exited. Guess I wasn’t the only one ready to eat. Paxton’s appetite surpassed mine. So did Brighton’s.