by Ophelia Grey
I read over it again, the chill seeping deeper into my bones as I finally understood what demons haunted Blake Harrison. His wife didn’t die, nor did she divorce him. She had killed their two young children in a fit of madness and left Blake Harrison to pick up the pieces of his shattered life. My heart ached for him, as I thought of the happy life he must have had with Lily, the smiling brunette from the photos, and their two young children, and how horrible it must have been when he realized she had betrayed him in the most awful way, by killing their own children.
What would make a woman kill her own children? I couldn’t understand. I wanted to ask Jane, but she had made it clear that she was not willing to give me any further information. I stared bleakly at my computer screen, trying to decide my next move. Could I hide my newfound knowledge from Blake Harrison? Should I? I felt more lost than I had since escaping Mercy River and I had no idea what to do.
I clicked on my email, suddenly missing the people I had always turned to when I needed help. I had been carefully avoiding my old email account, not ready to explain my decisions, and my new life, to my friends and family back in Mercy River. Now, I suddenly felt a huge void where they had been. I needed someone to turn to, to help me decide what to do with this horrible information that I had found.
I clicked on my inbox and saw the page filled with emails. There was one from my parents, simply asking me to come home and promising to help me redeem my soul. I immediately clicked that email shut, feeling the old, familiar pounding in my heart whenever my parents scolded me. I no longer wanted to let them make me feel small and worthless. They wouldn’t understand, and they wouldn’t help me.
I scanned the page, seeing dozens of emails from Daniel. My finger hovered over my keyboard and I felt a swell of confused emotions. Daniel had always been the person I had turned to when I had questions of faith or needed advice, but he was part of the past that had repressed me. I couldn’t ask my ex-boyfriend for help with what to do with my new lover.
I wanted to read his emails, to soak in his comforting words. Maybe he had begged for my forgiveness, told me he understood that I needed more from life than Mercy River could offer, promised to join me out in the world. As soon as my hopes rose, I knew they were false. I knew Daniel better than anyone, and he would never understand my need for a life outside of Mercy River and our small, stifling church. I knew what his emails would say. He would quote passages of scripture, tell me to come home and be his good and obedient wife, return to the fold. I couldn’t read those emails.
My eyes finally settled on the one email sent by best girl friend, Mary. She was always so much better at being obedient than me, helping me make the godly decisions, but she had been my friend despite my failings, despite questioning our faith and way of life, and she had always been there to support me. If there were anyone left for me to turn to, it would be Mary.
I quickly clicked her email, before I had the chance to look back at any of the other emails that might tempt me to take a quick peek.
Gracie,
I’m just writing to tell you that you are still in my heart and I miss you. In the past few months, I’ve come to understand what you have always tried to tell me. Mercy River isn’t the haven I always believed it to be. I met someone. He’s wild and crazy, and my parents completely disapprove. I think you would like him. I’m leaving with him, Gracie. I’m leaving Mercy River and I would never have had the courage to do it if you hadn’t left first. So thank you. I’m not sure where I’ll be, but email me and let me know how you have been and maybe we can figure out a way to meet up somewhere.
Your best friend forever,
Mary
I read over the email again, tears welling in my eyes. Mary had always been so good and obedient, and now she was finally free from that stifling prison of a town where we grew up. I was so happy for her. But I knew that it wasn’t right for me to turn to her now with my problem. She was busy forging her own new life, and I needed to figure out mine on my own.
I closed my laptop and blinked the tears from my eyes. I wanted to write back to my friend and congratulate her, but first I needed to make a decision about what to do with Blake Harrison’s secret. I couldn’t rely on anyone else to help me now.
Turning it over in my mind, I weighed the pros and cons of bringing it up with Blake Harrison. If I told him, he would probably be angry that I searched into his past, but I would at least be able to be honest with him. If I pretended I didn’t know, then we could go on as we had been, but the reason I had looked into his past in the first place was that I wasn’t fully satisfied with how we had been. I was used to keeping my own dark secrets, hidden from everyone in the world, but I didn’t want to lie to Blake Harrison. I couldn’t go back to being the scared, submissive girl who hides the dirty truth in order to make everyone else happy.
I knew what I had to do. I needed to be brave and take the risk of talking to Blake Harrison. I would have to deal with his reaction, whatever it would be. But first, I needed to delve further, to understand what had happened. I knew what to do, but I couldn’t help feeling a shiver of anxiety as I opened my laptop back up.
I pulled the long legal document back up and scanned through it until I found the financial details. As my eyes swept over the lines of financial details, I felt like I was still playing in a crazy world of wealth where I didn’t belong. Apparently Blake Harrison was paying thousands of dollars a day to keep his wife at a private mental institution in Connecticut. I did a search of the institution, Windy Hills, and found that it was only a twenty-minute drive from the Harrison Estate.
I glanced at the time. It was still late morning, and it didn’t seem like Blake Harrison was planning on giving me work to do today. I bit my lip, running over options in my head. I knew that I should probably take more time to carefully plan everything out, but I was afraid that if I had time to think, I would over rationalize, feel guilty, and then chicken out. I had to do it now.
I quickly searched for a local taxi company and made the call. Blake Harrison had told me that I could always use his driver, but I didn’t want this getting back to him until I had the chance to talk to him myself. Since Blake Harrison kept careful tabs on everyone, I was pretty sure the driver would be forced to tell his boss about where I was going.
By the time my taxi arrived, I was waiting anxiously by the gate, kicking the gravel as I started to second-guess my decision. My heart was thumping in my chest as I jumped in the back of the car and gave the old driver the address to Windy Hills Institution. I clutched my hands tightly in my lap, barely paying attention to the driver’s small talk as we drove off.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” My mind felt scattered, but I didn’t want to be rude to the one person who could get me to my destination.
“I said that was a nice house back there. Do you live there?” His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror, and I was relieved to see simple curiosity there, rather than the greed of someone willing to jack up the bill for an apparently rich girl.
“Sort of. Well, I’m working there and living there for the time being. And I’m going to visit a family friend.” I realized I was rambling and on the defensive for no reason. The cab driver didn’t care who I was visiting, but I suddenly felt worried that Blake Harrison’s reach was far enough that I would be caught before I even had the chance to get through my investigation.
The driver nodded and went back to listening to his oldies radio station. I was grateful for the distraction, and let my eyes close as I let the music crowd out my increasingly negative thoughts. It was too late to start second guessing myself now.
The car was slowing. My eyes snapped opened as we pulled through a gate marked “Windy Hills Institution for the Mentally Ill.” I could feel my heart’s hard pounding against my ribcage. I had made it. I was really here, and maybe now I could get some clarity on what had happened to Blake Harrison.
“I guess this is it?” The driver’s voice was filled with unasked questions, but
I just nodded and handed him the fare.
I walked through a large set of doors and stopped to survey the lobby. There was a counter right in front of me, which seemed like the most promising place to start. A large woman sat at her desk behind a glass panel, smacking her gum and playing with her phone. I stood at the glass for a few minutes, but she ignored me and continued to furiously tap her phone’s screen. I cleared my throat loudly, hoping to get her attention.
“Yes?” she asked indignantly as she put her phone down and looked up at me for the first time.
“Um, I’m here to visit someone,” I explained, suddenly worried that my plan might not even work. What if they refused to let me see her? What if they immediately called Blake Harrison?
“Yeah ok, give me the name.” She popped another piece of gum in her mouth and turned to the shelf of files beside her.
“Lily Dover, my sister.” I replied confidently, hoping she wouldn’t question me any further.
“Alright, it says here that she is over in C Wing. So just follow those signs there and I’ll call ahead to have them bring her to the visiting area.” The woman turned away from me and I quickly walked to where she had pointed before she could think to question me any further.
The signs to C Wing were easy to follow, and after only a few turns I arrived at a locked door with a glass window marked “C Wing.” I pressed the buzzer next to the door and waiter as a nurse hurried over and opened the door.
“You are here to see Lily?” She asked as she held the door slightly ajar.
“Yes, that’s me.” I quickly concocted a story in my head about how I was her much younger sister who had been living out of the country for the past two years, but the nurse didn’t seem interested in investigating further. She pushed the door open and I walked into what looked like a drab living room.
I saw a bony woman with dull, wild brown hair huddled in a chair at the far end of the room. It took me a moment to realize that it was the same woman from the photos with Blake Harrison. Somehow that beautiful woman, who had looked so happy and filled with life, had transformed into the sad creature in front of me.
“Lily?” I asked gently, reaching my hand out to touch her slender arm. The skin felt so cold and fragile, but she turned to look at me.
I couldn’t stop myself from flinching when I saw her face. Her cheeks looked sunken and hollow, but her eyes were the most frightening. They looked like dark pools with no bottom, rimmed by red, with dark blue circles underneath that stood out against her pale skin.
“Who are you?” her voice was soft, almost child-like. I felt a strange mix of fear and pity as she stared into my face with those large, sad eyes.
“I’m a friend of your husband, Blake Harrison,” I responded in a shaky voice. “I came here to see you because I want to understand him better. Can you help me?”
Her face changed into a cruel smile that resembled a sneer as she looked me up and down. “Did he send you?” Her voice was mocking as she twisted her dried out hair in her fingers and looked me over.
“No, he doesn’t know I’m here. As I told you, I want to know him better.”
“He’s the devil you know.” She leaned in and whispered to me, her eyes darting around the room. “I saw the evil and I had to kill it. I had to. I was only following God’s will. He talked to me, you know? God told me to kill them so the devil couldn’t touch them.”
Her face crumpled into sadness and she stopped speaking. She wrapped her arms tightly around her body and started to hum a quiet tune while rocking back and forth in her chair.
I took a step back, unsure if I should say something else, but it was clear that Lily was lost in her own world now and wouldn’t be any further help to me.
I murmured my thanks to the nurse by the door and quickly slipped out and hurried down the hallway in a haze. A cloud of confusion, fear, and sadness blocked my rational thoughts and a visual loop of Lily’s sneering face played over and over in my mind, like a trailer for some trashy horror movie.
I needed fresh air. I almost tumbled out the front door and onto the sidewalk. The air was crisp and cool, the perfect autumn afternoon. After a few deep breaths, I was finally able to get control of myself and sit down to process my bizarre encounter.
I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting when I came here: maybe I thought Lily would still be that woman from the photos and could explain everything to me, but the reality of her transformation had hit me smack in the face. The woman that Blake Harrison had loved and married had lost her mind, and had turned into a monster that killed her own children.
Pity welled in my heart and I felt the warm drip of tears down my cheeks. I felt for this once happy and beautiful woman, so lost in her insanity that she had become a completely different person, capable of such horrifying, evil acts.
My heart stung even more deeply for Blake Harrison. The impenetrable wall behind which he hid his emotions, his mood swings, his sadness, his demons, they all made sense to me now. He had opened his heart and loved someone, and then he had to watch her deteriorate, lose her mind, and ultimately betray him in the deepest way. It was a tragedy too large for any human to bear.
I kicked at the pavement, unable to contain my own emotions either. Blake had been so kind and generous to me, but I now knew that he was wounded profoundly, into the depths of his soul. Would he ever be able to open up and love me after having his heart torn out so violently?
I had to talk to him. I had to know. I wiped at my eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn’t wait any longer. I reached into my purse and pulled out my cellphone to call a taxi.
Chapter 9.
The wind tore through the treetops, leaves poured down in twirling brown and orange cascades as the taxi pulled into the Harrison Estate. The weather wasn’t helping my growing fear and the lump in my throat that grew as I approached Blake Harrison. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be when I told him that I knew his secret, but I was sure it would not be good.
“Here is fine,” I told the driver as we pulled up to the side door. I didn’t want to be use the front entrance and have Marshall or Jane question me before I had the chance to talk to Blake.
The mansion was eerily quiet for the middle of the afternoon. Maybe I was just imagining it, but it felt ominous. I shivered and pulled my cardigan closer around me as I slipped through the hallways and made my way to Blake’s office.
The gentle yellow light streamed in from under Blake Harrison’s office door. There was no turning back now. I had to talk to him. I steeled myself, straightening out my cardigan and skirt, and squared my shoulders before knocking firmly on the polished wood.
“Come in,” Blake’s familiar deep voice called from inside. Despite my fear, the sound of his voice warmed my core and sent tingles up my spine. I would never tire of hearing it.
I pushed the heavy door and peeked my head inside. Blake Harrison was sitting at his desk in front of piles of paper, but he stood up and grinned at me as soon as he saw me.
“Hey, you.” He straightened his perfectly tailored charcoal grey suit jacket as I walked in.
“Have you had a relaxing morning?” he continued. “I thought you could use a break.”
His face looked so eager and cheerful in that moment. I felt an overwhelming temptation to pretend I still didn’t know his secret. We could just pretend that everything was fine for another day. But the memory of Blake’s tortured screams at night, and Lily’s deadened eyes reminded me that I couldn’t pretend that nothing was wrong.
“Well, my morning wasn’t exactly relaxing. Actually, that’s why I came to see you. I need to talk to you about something.” I twisted a piece of my long, dark hair in my fingers, trying to find the right words.
“Have a seat, Grace.” His voice sounded concerned. “Is something wrong? Just let me know and I’ll fix it.” He looked so strong and authoritative that I almost believed he could fix anything. How could this Blake Harrison be the same man who crumpled at the mention of his p
ast?
“It isn’t that simple,” I whispered, my voice catching in my throat. “I know about Lily and what she did. I know why you hurt so badly.” I looked up to see his clear green eyes staring back at me.
Blake Harrison’s face turned white, but his features settled into his emotionless mask. I had expected to see sadness or rage. The lack of emotion scared me even more. “What did you do?” His voice was a low, quiet whisper that sent shivers up my body.
“I did research. And then I went to see her.” I couldn’t look at him as I spoke, so I looked down and my hands and rushed through my words as quickly as possible. “Now I understand why you try to keep me out, why you hurt so badly. You loved her and she hurt you. You had to watch everyone you loved get destroyed. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about your wife and I’m sorry about your children. I’m so sorry Blake.” My voice wavered and I could feel the hot tears trailing down my cheeks as I spoke.