Kate looked at Bina and figured she was about to begin crying. But today Kate saw a different Bina from the one she had known. It was a cliché to say that the bride was glowing, but between Bina’s obvious joy and the heat, her face looked beautiful and incandescent, almost as if a candle burned within her. ‘Forget about it,’ Bina said. ‘I’ll just go barefoot.’
‘Are you meshuga?’ Mrs Horowitz asked. She turned to Kate. ‘My daughter, the bride, has gone crazy. Talk to her, Katie.’
‘I think it’s a great idea,’ Kate said. ‘After all, Julia Roberts did it.’
‘Another meshugana,’ Mrs Horowitz said. She looked at Kate. ‘You look beautiful, darling,’ she said and kissed Kate on the cheek. Just then a sweating man in a shirt open at the neck came in.
‘We’re ready to go,’ he said. ‘The cameras are set up and we’ve put the lights on. You better start before the congregation melts.’
‘Where are the girls?’ Mrs Horowitz asked.
‘They’re in the ladies’ room. Where else?’ Dr Horowitz answered.
‘Go get them and I’ll get the flowers. Katie, you keep an eye on Bina so she doesn’t decide to marry a third guy.’
Kate and Bina were left alone. ‘You look beautiful,’ Kate told her friend. ‘Are you as happy as you look?’
‘Ohmigod! I’m so happy. And it never would have happened without you. Thank you, Katie.’ Bina’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I love Max so much. I didn’t know it could be like this.’ Kate knew exactly what she meant, but said nothing.
Just then the girls arrived, looking like a bunch of tangerines that had rolled out of a broken bag. ‘Katie!’ they called.
‘Shh,’ Mrs Horowitz said. ‘They’ll hear you. With decorum.’
‘And the bouquets,’ Dr Horowitz called. ‘Refrigerator fresh.’ All the bridesmaids received the same nosegay of orange orchids with glossy lemon leaves. Then Kate got a larger bouquet of lilacs, dianthus and white roses.
‘That’s not the only thing that’s fresh,’ Mrs Horowitz whispered into Kate’s ear. ‘I made kugel just for you. Just don’t tell the caterers.’ She fluffed up Kate’s dress and then looked up at Bina. ‘Time to go,’ she said.
‘Exactly,’ Dr Horowitz told her. ‘Now go sit down where you’re supposed to, Myra. I walk her down the aisle.’
‘See you at the bima, Bina,’ Mrs Horowitz said and cackled. ‘I waited thirty years to use that line,’ she told them as she went to take her place.
Kate stood under the traditional canopy in front of the whole congregation with the Bitches arrayed behind her. There wasn’t a lot of room and the brims of their picture hats were bumping into one another as well as into the back of Kate’s neck. She had her hair up and was actually grateful for the tickling because it kept her distracted. Max and Bina stood on either side of the rabbi. Kate couldn’t take her eyes off Bina. She looked so happy and stared adoringly at Max. He was a little bit pale, but he returned the passion of Bina’s looks. In fact, it seemed to Kate as if they were unaware of the rabbi, the wedding party or the couple of hundred guests before them. Kate looked out at the rows of faces. She wondered how many of the couples sitting in the pews loved one another. She also wondered if Jack, who, along with his family, had boycotted the wedding, felt desolate. Elliot gave her a little wave, and it helped her feel less lonely.
Most of the ceremony was in Hebrew and Kate was clueless as to what it meant. But she did know that it meant that Bina had gotten the man she loved, and that Max was a kind, loving and dependable man. Kate supposed that she would never find a man she could look at the way Bina was now looking at Max. When the wedding vows, first pronounced in Hebrew, were repeated in English, Kate couldn’t keep the sadness at bay any longer. She loved Bina and was really happy for her but Bina would now join the sisterhood of young wives and mothers. It was ironic that just at a time Kate had merged her old friends with her newer ones she would lose Bina to housekeeping, motherhood, and preschool.
‘Do you, Max, take Bina to be your lawfully wedded wife…’
Kate heard the words and this time it was not Bina’s but Kate’s own lips that trembled. As tears rose to her eyes, she raised her bouquet as if in self-defense. She thought of Billy, now lost to her, and the way he looked at her when her face had been beside his on the pillow. Had it been with as much warmth as Max now displayed?
‘I do,’ Max said.
‘So do I,’ said Bina, inappropriately jumping the gun. People throughout the temple laughed and Kate, who had been on the edge of tears, had to laugh as well. Same old Bina.
The heat and the noise at the reception were almost overwhelming. It didn’t help Kate’s mood that it was being held at the same banquet hall where Bunny had been married and where all of the Billy Nolan nonsense had begun.
Elliot and Brice were doing their best to keep her diverted but it wasn’t an easy assignment.
‘When do the Elders of Zion do the blood ritual with a little Christian baby?’ Brice asked.
‘That’s after the appetizer,’ Kate told him.
Unfortunately, the two of them couldn’t keep up the bodyguard act because Kate had to sit on the dais with the wedding party. That left her open to the women who kept accosting her, wanting to know ‘When is it going to be your turn?’ Kate wanted to tell them she was a lesbian and had already had a civil union performed in Vermont, but she wasn’t sure there was oxygen and an EMS team nearby. When the announcement that the dancing was starting was made, she stood up because she couldn’t bear to sit there like a target any longer.
‘And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time on the dance floor, let us put our hands together for Mr and Mrs Max Cepek.’
The room was filled with the sound of applause, shouts of ‘mazel tov’, the dinging of forks against glasses and the squeals of children who were running from table to table. Max stood up, put his arm around Bina’s waist and swept her onto the dance floor, where the two of them began to waltz. Kate applauded along with the rest despite the tears in her eyes. Over Max’s shoulder, Bina threw a kiss to Kate and mouthed ‘thank you’ to her. Kate nodded and felt she could bear no more. As quickly as she could without calling attention to herself or tripping on the hem of the damn dress, she stepped off the dais and, as unobtrusively as possible, opened a door to the terrace.
47
Kate slipped out onto the terrace unnoticed and leaned against the closing door. She was dizzy and having trouble catching her breath. She knew that most likely she was having what psychologists would term ‘an acute panic attack’ but at the moment she was more woman, less psychologist. She took a moment or two to calm herself. Behind her in the hall, she heard the band begin to play ‘If I Loved You’. Kate walked through the heat to the end of the terrace, but there was no escape. It was a corny song and she didn’t like ballads from musicals. That was more in Brice’s department. But there was something undeniably poignant about the unexpressed fear and longing in the song. She felt her own loneliness welling up inside her.
She’d never get married, and even if she did she had no parents to throw her a wedding. Not, she admitted, that she wanted a wedding thrown at her any more than she wanted the damn bridal bouquet that Bina and the Bitches were conniving to have her catch. She sighed, a lump in her throat.
Then, just a few feet away, there was a shaking of the ivy along the balustrade. At first it was just a shiver, but without the slightest breeze. Kate stepped away, expecting a squirrel or even a chipmunk to emerge. But, instead, the trembling became wilder and the vines beneath the ivy actually jumped back and forth. Kate watched, fascinated, until a hand grabbed the railing. It was followed by a second hand and then Billy Nolan’s head and shoulders appeared. Kate nearly screamed, but luckily found herself without a voice. Billy lifted himself by his arms then threw his long legs over the balustrade.
Kate was certain he hadn’t been invited, or had he? She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he stood there, breathing heavily,
recovering. He was wearing jeans, a white shirt and loafers – obviously not attire for a wedding.
Had Bina and Elliot been at it again? Were they plotting behind her back? But she’d already broken up with him and gotten her proposal. Surely he wasn’t invited. And if he had been, why was he dressed so inappropriately? And why had he chosen to arrive in such an unusual – not to say dangerous – way?
Kate’s face registered dismay and she turned around, walking to the end of the terrace. Whatever the answer was, Billy surely wouldn’t want to see her. She was embarrassed to be caught out here by him.
Meanwhile, Billy had caught his breath. He looked up and caught her gaze. ‘No wonder my dad preferred ladders,’ he said.
Kate was speechless for a moment. Then she had to ask, ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I might ask you the same question,’ he said.
She blushed. ‘I’m here to see Bina celebrate.’
‘Out here on the terrace?’ Billy asked.
It was too much. She didn’t need to be teased by the man she’d loved and lost.
‘I just … I have to go back now,’ she told him. ‘Nice seeing you,’ she said.
She got as far as the door, her hand actually on the knob, when his arms came around her and his hand rested over hers. ‘Don’t touch the dial,’ he said.
Kate watched, her face reflected in the glass of the terrace door. She was flushed and her lips were trembling. It wasn’t a pretty picture. Behind it everyone was on the dance floor, celebrating with Max and Bina. Why was Billy torturing her like this?
In the mirror of the door she saw him lean forward. She felt his face beside hers. ‘Kate,’ Billy whispered in her ear, ‘want to dance with me?’ Without turning around, Kate shook her head. ‘Oh come on,’ he said, the familiar coaxing tease in his voice. ‘You know you want to.’
Kate turned to look at him. They were face to face, an inch or two between them. She could feel the stream of air from his nose on her forehead. She might not be able to have him, but for now she could have the same air he breathed inside her. Then he took her in his arms and held her to him. They began to move to the music, as close as two people with their clothes on could manage.
Kate was stiff at first but soon couldn’t help but relax into his body. God, she missed his smell, his skin, his clean heat. This was breaking whatever was left of her heart but she couldn’t help it: she moved her arms up so that they draped over his shoulders.
‘Kate,’ Billy said, pulling back slightly, ‘tell me you missed me.’
‘Missed you?’ Kate echoed. Could she – or should she – describe the ache and emptiness and regret she’d felt since …
‘Look, I don’t know how the whole thing started, or whose idea it was, or whether it started as a joke,’ Billy began, ‘but I heard about your proposal.’
She looked up at him. How did he know about Steven? She’d only told Elliot. But then, she reflected, he’d probably told Bina and she’d told … well, everybody. ‘It was ridiculous,’ she said. ‘It had nothing to do with you.’
His shoulders, under her arms, shrugged. ‘Maybe yes, maybe no,’ he told her. ‘You know what happens after you date “Dumping Billy”.’
‘Stop,’ Kate told him. ‘I never dated you because of that. It’s a stupid nickname.’
Billy shrugged again. ‘Everyone called me that. And everyone knew its truth but me.’
‘You don’t think you’ve got some kind of … power, do you? I mean to get people married?’
Billy laughed. ‘Don’t worry. I’m not delusional. At least not in that way. I watched as, one by one, all the guys I knew got married. And I wondered what was I waiting for? What was wrong with me?’ He looked down at her. ‘I had a prolonged adolescence. And I knew how much my dad loved my mom. I … I had fun, but I didn’t want to settle. You know what I mean?’
Kate nodded up at him.
‘You were different. You had the courage to leave, to raise yourself above what you came from. You, well, you’re accomplished.’ He paused. ‘And I probably shouldn’t say this but I think we have a lot in common. I’m not saying I have your education or anything. But we both overcame a lot of early loss. You know what I mean?’
Kate nodded again, speechless, listening. His body against hers, moving to the music through the heat, felt like some kind of delicious dream. Kate didn’t want to think of waking up.
‘I think people who haven’t suffered, well, good for them, but they’re different from those of us who have,’ he said. ‘I don’t know all the psychology, the way you do, but I know that people like us, we’re always going to be scared that we’re going to screw up, that we’re going to make the wrong decision and wind up where we started. You know?’
Kate nodded. She knew too well. She felt her heart begin to beat faster. Was it possible that he wasn’t just forgiving her but … she couldn’t think. The heat and her excitement seemed to close in on her.
‘I don’t know why I had higher ambitions than the guys I know. Or why I went to France. I don’t know why when I came back I wouldn’t settle for a job working for someone else. Why I took over the bar and changed the clientele. I just wanted to be …’ He paused. ‘It seemed like I wanted something more than Arnie and Johnnie did, not that …’ He took a deep breath. ‘I mean, how do you pick a partner not just for a few months but for life?’
Kate nodded. Steven had done for months and so had Michael, but for life? How did one know?
Billy continued. ‘It’s not like I’m a snob, or I look down on the guys I know or the women I dated. We had fun. When we broke up I didn’t hurt them. I liked them.’
‘I know you didn’t,’ Kate said. ‘They all like you.’
‘Good. And it seemed to help them resolve things.’ He smiled. ‘I mean they did all get married. My magic touch?’
Kate felt her face get hot again. ‘You know I never believed that nonsense …’
‘Until it happened to you …’
‘It didn’t happen to me. I had known Steven for years. And I wasn’t interested in him anymore.’
‘Really,’ Billy said. And at that moment the band inside began to play the ‘Hokey Pokey’.
Kate pulled herself away from him to look. ‘How did you do that?’ she asked.
Billy just looked at her and smiled. ‘Coincidence.’
Kate wouldn’t accept that. Had he timed this all out? Did he know the band – he seemed to know everyone. She continued to stare at him. ‘How did you get them to play that just now?’
Billy shrugged. ‘Magic?’
Billy leaned forward and nuzzled her ear. ‘“You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out. You put your left foot in and you shake it all about,”’ he murmured. ‘“You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around.”’
He swung Kate out, away from him but held her hand tightly. Then he pulled her back in to him, this time closer than ever. He stopped dancing and put his arms around her. He kissed her, and she let him. She kissed him back even if this was the last kiss he gave her, if he was about to disappear to punish her for her deceptions. ‘This is what it’s all about, Kate,’ he said. Tears came to her eyes. Billy kissed her again.
‘You’re not angry at me?’ she asked.
‘Well, of course I was angry with you. I was furious.’ He paused. ‘You know how it is. The truth hurts. But I figured the entire thing out, and the parts I didn’t know Barbie and Bev were happy to fill in.’
‘They were?’
‘Sure. And you know what the French say: Tout comprendre c’est tout pardonner.’
To understand all was to forgive all. Kate, for the first time, began to feel hope flood her. ‘But we, well, we tried to use you for Bina and I, well, I …’ Kate looked at his clear eyes and felt a stab of grief as sharp as a staple gun to the heart. How could she have been a party to the whole ridiculous scheme? How could she have used him, loved him and lost him? ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you, it was just …’ Ka
te didn’t get to finish. Billy put his hand over her mouth and then kissed her again.
Kate looked through the terrace door to see a large crowd of women gathering around a barely visible Bina and Max. She knew the couple planned an early escape to get the last-minute flight they’d booked for their honeymoon.
‘Kate,’ Billy said, and she turned back to him. ‘I know I just own a bar in Brooklyn, that I’m not as educated as you are, but I can’t stop thinking about you. From the first time I saw you I …’ He was interrupted by a hubbub below them. The wedding crowd was pouring out of the front doors. Billy and Kate watched Max from above as he covered Bina’s face. The two of them were pelted with confetti and flower petals. (Mrs Horowitz had not allowed rice. She said it was too dangerous and could put somebody’s eye out.) The driver of the wedding limo was holding the door open, but the guests and family were shouting and blocking the couple’s way. Billy looked down and grinned. ‘Ah. The usual gauntlet.’
Kate watched her friend. Bina was laughing and struggling to get into the car. ‘Throw the bouquet! Don’t forget the bouquet …’ yelled Barbie.
Bina looked around wildly. ‘Where’s Katie? Where’s Katie?’ She yelled back. ‘She has to catch it.’
Same old Bina, Kate thought. She knew she should be there but she couldn’t tear herself away from Billy now.
‘Let’s go, Bina,’ Kate heard Max urge. ‘We’ll miss the plane.’
‘Not until Katie gets my flowers,’ Bina cried.
Meanwhile the crowd was turning into a mob. Arnie and Johnnie were ‘decorating’ the limo with shaving cream and streamers. Mrs Horowitz was giving a bag – probably full of kugel – to the driver while Dr Horowitz tried to confiscate the aerosol cans.
‘Throw the bouquet! The bouquet!’ Bev screamed.
‘Katie!’ Bina shrieked. At that Max took the flowers from her hand. With all his strength he wound up to the pitch and tossed them in a wide arc, soaring into the blue, blue sky as all eyes followed them.
Uptown Girl Page 34