by Lisa Lace
“What? God, Biscuit—how much does he need to know? Quiz one of twenty-five! So much for security. He wants my life story!”
I stare at the first question.
You’re going on a first date at a bar. What do you wear?
A pantsuit
A floral dress and flats
A red dress and heels
“I’m not sure what to put. There’s no option for ‘a paint-covered shirt and some sneakers.’”
I pick the floral dress and move on.
You’re meeting a man on a first date at the bar. Which of the following outfits is sexiest for him to wear?
T-shirt and jeans
A tailored suit
Chinos and a shirt
Two images appear in my mind at the same time. One of Ethan as he was. One of Ethan as he is. T-shirt and jeans, or a tailored suit?
I select “B.” As much as I loved Ethan’s terrible dress sense when we were kids, I must confess that there’s something about a man in a suit. I answer ten more questions and finish the first quiz.
The next one is different. It shows a series of pictures, and for each one, you type the first word that comes to mind into a little box.
The first picture is a man with a puppy. Cute.
A scientist. Boring.
A couple laughing hysterically, leaning into each other and looking into their partner’s eyes. Desire.
I wonder what the point is. Maybe this is how the app figures out your subconscious longings?
Another quiz. I’m starting to enjoy them.
“Are you more of a risk-taker or more likely to play it safe? Hmm, what do we think, Biscuit? Twenty-nine years in the same old town. I think we like to play it safe. Am I right?”
Next question.
“Which Hogwarts house best fits your personality? Hmm. Definitely Hufflepuff, I think. And you’d be my Hedwig.”
I scroll to the next question and read aloud. “Which describes you best: logical or dreamy?” I laugh. “We both know the answer to that one.”
“We need to start making plans, Ethan!” I pull out the map of the world I bought at the bookstore and lay it on the ground. I lie on my stomach with my feet kicking up behind me and let my eyes wander over the world. “I want to go to New Zealand and Russia. Ooh, India! Let’s go there!”
Ethan lies on the ground next to me and scans the map. I wait for his arm to close around my waist and pull me closer, but he doesn’t touch me. There are inches between us that feel like miles.
“And how are we going to pay for this trip around the world, Lily?”
“Pfft! Who cares? We’ll figure it out as we go.”
“We wouldn’t even be able to afford the visas for some of these places.”
“And? I’ll waitress for a bit. You can work in a warehouse. We’ll save up.”
“For how long?”
“As long as it takes.”
“It’s starting to feel like a pipe dream, Lily.”
I turn to face him and frown. “We’ve been talking about this forever. I thought this was the plan.”
“There’s a difference between a dream and a plan.”
A year has passed since Ethan’s mom died. It seems like ever since he lost her, all his dreams have been replaced with plans that will take him away from me.
“Not to me, there isn’t. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith, or else you’ll get stuck in the same world forever.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
I close the inches between us, shuffling across the carpet of my bedroom and rolling onto my back to stare up at him. Ethan kind of smiles, but his eyes don’t change. He’s become hollow lately.
I reach up. My fingers brush against his face. “We can make it happen if we want it.”
“Nothing will ever happen for us here, Lily. We’ll always be living hand-to-mouth. You’ll waitress. If you’re lucky, you’ll still paint in your spare time—if you can afford the oils. And me? You’re right. I’ll probably end up in a warehouse, doing the kind of hard labor my mom didn’t want for me. We’ll scrape by, but never have enough. We’ll argue. Maybe one of us gets sick. Then what? Will we still go to New Zealand?”
I sit up and feel my lip begin to tremble. We’ve been talking about traveling since I was thirteen. It’s the plan, to grow up and see the world together. Now I can feel Ethan stepping back from that dream. I can feel him slipping away.
“You could go to college when we get back,” I say. “You don’t have to work in a warehouse. We don’t have to stay here.”
Ethan stays on the floor, still staring at where I lay moments before. He scowls, clenches his jaw. His hands tighten into fists. “Our lives are going to be exactly like our parents’.”
“My parents are happy.”
It’s true. My family is poor, but we’ve always had each other. That is all I want for Ethan and me. I don’t dream of riches, only of our shared happiness. The rest is all merely technicalities we can overcome, tiny little blips along the way.
Ethan doesn’t reply, but I know what he’s thinking. Things haven’t worked out very well for his family. His father walked out on him and his mom before Ethan was even born. It had always been him and her, and now she’s gone. He doesn’t blame the cancer. He blames himself.
“Look, Ethan—our future is together. This—,” I gesture toward the map, “—is waiting for us. Our whole lives are waiting for us. Nothing ends here. I know things have been hard for you lately, but I promise you we’ll be happy. Please believe me, Ethan.”
Suddenly, Ethan sits up and turns to me. He takes my face in his hands and stares at me with an intensity I’ve never seen in him before. His face is creased in anguish, and when he speaks, I can hear the pain in his voice.
“Lily, you’ve got to stop dreaming. We’re not kids anymore. You graduate next week. Life is going to hit us hard. We’ve got to be prepared. Traveling the world isn’t in the cards for us, and neither is any kind of life if we don’t start facing reality.”
I pull away from him and stand. I cross my arms and turn toward the window, shaking my head. “Don’t make me feel like I’m stupid, Ethan. You’re the only one who never has. This isn’t my dream, this is ours.”
I’d forgotten the things he said so quickly. The next week at my graduation, he gave me watercolors, and I knew it was his way of saying he was sorry, and that he still believed in me and my dreams.
The memory makes me tear up. Once, Ethan and I were both dreamers. I guess Ethan was always a bit more practical than me, but with a creative side, too. He was an artist.
He used to be.
Since he left, I’ve turned that conversation over and over in my head. I’ve replayed it a thousand times, knowing I missed the clues that were right there. Maybe he’d been trying to tell me I wasn’t enough for him, that he wanted more.
Now, he has it all.
I still don’t know if I think the gift was kind or cruel. Was it a final token of Ethan’s love for me, or a way to distract me while he was making plans to leave? I stare at the empty tin now, still sitting on my shelf, rusting.
Looking back to my screen, I’m almost to the last quiz. I finish up. I hold my breath a second when I’m done, before finding the courage to hit “enter.”
Destiny, do your work.
Ethan
As I storm into my office at our company headquarters, right in the heart of New York City, Jennifer takes a surprised step back. I pace in angry circles in front of the ornate, antique mahogany desk selected for the way it looked in photographs—a desk I hate.
I come to a stop in front of the glass panels and look down at the busy street below. The people scurry like ants, and up here in my concrete tower, I’m completely removed from them.
Taking a cautious step toward me, Jennifer sets her paper down on the green-leather surface of the desk and pauses. “What’s wrong, Ethan?”
I slam my palm against the pane, and Jennifer jumps. She’s scar
ed of heights and never goes near the glass herself. She bites her lip. “Ethan?”
“Fucking Vincent Oswald, that’s what’s wrong. He’s poached another client.”
“Oh.”
Jennifer doesn’t say anything for a moment, letting me fume. She’s well aware of the situation between me and my business rival, Vincent. Instead, she drops gracefully into one of the executive black leather armchairs in front of my desk and crosses one leg over the other. She waits for me to break the tense silence.
“It’s the Bates contract. We were days from signing. I don’t know what the fuck he thinks he’s playing at. Apparently, he made an offer they couldn’t refuse.” I perch on the edge of the desk and drum my fingers against the wood. “We went through the finances with a fine-toothed comb. We couldn’t do it for less. I don’t know how Vincent could outprice us. He must be losing money, taking on that contract.”
Tapping her foot against the carpet, Jennifer considers the situation. “Tactics, Ethan. He’s trying to take your mind off the defense contract.”
“It’s working.”
“If he’s willing to lose money to steal a client, it shows how desperate he is. He knows that you’re a shoe-in with the Department of Defense.”
“He’s always been a back-stabber.”
Jennifer is silent. She knows exactly how far back Vincent and I go.
I continue to vent to her, going over the same old story. “You know, when we first went into business together, and he told me not to worry about the patent, I trusted him. And that slimy fuck went and swapped our design for a corporate position. Left me broke while he took the fast-lane to the high life.”
“Look at how far you’ve come since, Ethan. He’s the one stooping to dirty tricks to compete with you now. You’re way ahead of him.”
I scowl. Vincent and I first met at Columbia University after we both enrolled in the same software course. We’d both come from Payson, Arizona. When we clicked as friends, it felt like fate was pushing us together. We inspired each other. We were convinced that our first app was going to be the making of a grand partnership.
Instead, only Vincent reaped the rewards. I trusted him to file the documents I’d signed, not knowing that my name would never appear on the final copies. I’d been stupid, young and naïve. He’d taken our idea and used it to get his foot on the first rung of the ladder to success. I’d trailed behind; it had taken me years to catch up.
“He’s never gotten over the fact that Steele Industries bought out his first start-up.”
“You were out for blood when you took that company down, Ethan. You picked it apart like a vulture and then swooped in for the kill.”
“He deserved it.”
“When you play by the rules of ‘an eye for an eye,’ it never ends. One of you needs to stop trying to get one up on the other.”
“He’d love for me to back down. Fuck him, Jennifer. He knew why I came to Columbia. He knew where I’d come from. He was supposed to be my friend, and he betrayed me.”
Jennifer gestures around emphatically. “But look at all you have now. What is this rivalry worth to you? You’ve got nothing left to prove to him or anybody else.”
“I won’t stop until he’s got nothing left, the same way he left me.”
“Jesus Christ, Ethan! You were college kids. I know what he did was wrong, but this is turning into a vendetta—you pick off one of his companies, he steals one of your clients. He gives you some bad press, you steal one of his engineers. Where is all this backstabbing getting either of you?”
“He only got where he is today because of me.”
“Even if that is true, maybe it’s time to let it go.”
“He’s not going to let it go. Sometimes you’ve got to fight fire with fire.”
Jennifer takes a patient breath and sits back. Eventually, she shrugs, accepting that I’m not going to back down. “What do you want me to do?”
“We can’t win back Bates without losing money. Let Vincent have him, but get in touch with Mason. I want to know what contracts Oswald Solutions is chasing. If Vince wants to play it like that, then I’ll bite.”
Frowning, Jennifer says her piece. “Ethan, I think Vincent is trying to push your buttons. He knows that if he does something like this, you’re going to react. While you’re trying to figure out how to hit him where it hurts, who knows what he’s up to? He could be talking with Healy right now, for all we know. Is it worth your time?”
I don’t need another contract. Steele Industries is stronger than ever; I’m making money hand over fist. But rage burns deep inside me. Vincent betrayed me, and I refuse to see him steal from me again and get away with it.
I look around the bare walls of my new dorm. I’m in John Jay Hall, South Lawn, of Columbia University. Although I’ve only been here five minutes, I know I don’t belong. Regret gnaws at my core, telling me I’ve made a huge mistake.
I wonder how Lily is doing. Is she mad at me? Is she scared? Maybe she’s searching for me.
I push thoughts of her away and start to unpack. I don’t have much with me. I tried to leave all traces of Arizona behind. I have a few pairs of pants, some shirts, a few second-hand books I’ve managed to hunt down for my studies, and a single photograph of Lily.
There is a knock behind me. I turn and see my new roommate for the first time. He’s no taller than me, but appears stronger. He looks athletic and upper-class. I notice the designer logo on the chest of his polo shirt, his expensive haircut. He’s dark-haired, and when he smiles, I’m not sure if he’s had work done or was born with perfectly straight teeth.
He holds out his hand to me. “You must be my new roommate. I’m Vincent. Vincent Oswald.”
“Ethan.”
“Ethan?”
“Steele.”
“Pleasure to meet you. What’s the deal with you? Did you also leave it last minute to arrange your halls? Even my father couldn’t get me a single. He offered to pay for my own apartment off-campus, but I didn’t want to miss out on the college experience. You?”
I don’t want to admit that I couldn’t even afford this shared room. I have loans coming out my ears. I nod.
“Where are you from, Ethan?”
“Payson, Arizona.”
Vincent breaks out into a wide grin. “You’re kidding? Me, too! Small world, huh?”
“Funny we’ve never met before.”
He shrugs. “I didn’t spend much time there. I boarded in England. Eton. I only spent holidays in Arizona, and even then, not very much. We ski a lot.”
“Oh.”
I decide not to tell him that this is the first time I’ve left Arizona, or that I went to a public school.
Vincent casts his gaze around the room and then spots Lily’s picture on my bed. He crosses the room and picks it up. “Pretty. Your girlfriend?”
“Not anymore.”
“That sucks. Still, plenty of fish in the sea, right?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“What are you here to study?”
“Software engineering.”
He grins again. “I can see we’re going to be good friends, Ethan.” Vincent is not the usual type of guy I hang out with. He’s slick and polished. But he’s friendly. I’ve been a mess my whole life. Lily used to say I had a “rugged charm.”
When we chat further, I realize quickly that I could learn a lot from him.
“I think my family would have disowned me if I didn’t get into Columbia,” he tells me. “My father and his father came here.”
“I’m the first person in my family to get a college education. Thank God for scholarships and loans.”
Vincent looks surprised, but he pats me on the back warmly. “I know this place like the back of my hand. Don’t you worry—I’ve got your back. I’ll show you around and introduce you to the right people. You’ll get along just fine if you stick with me. Can I see your schedule?”
We compare our list of classes and find that we share most of them.
Vincent starts giving me the low-down on each of the professors. No matter who’s on the roster, it’s someone that goes way back with the Oswald family. Vincent’s ancestry is practically part of the foundation of Columbia—and he’s offered to take me under his wing.
Mom is gone now, and I’ve left Lily behind. It doesn’t matter where Vincent comes from or how much money he has in the bank. I could use a friend.
Jennifer returns.
“I’ve spoken to Mason. He’s got nothing. Vincent’s playing his cards close to his chest right now.”
“He knew I’d look into him.”
Fixing me with an earnest stare, Jennifer stands in front of me with her hands on her hips. When she speaks, her voice is soft and pleading. “This is what I’ve been trying to say to you, Ethan. None of this is about business. It’s all mind games and revenge. Rise above it, or you might lose something that matters.”
Lily
Chloe is breezing ahead. She looks back. I smile through a painful stitch in my side, my lungs burning. I like the idea of jogging, but the reality is something else. I thought I’d get time to look around at the trees and birds, maybe people-watch a little, but I’m out of breath and sweaty. I haven’t noticed anything around me at all. To top it off, my phone is buzzing in my armband.
I come to a stop, leaning on my knees to catch my breath. “Chloe, wait up!”
She stops and jogs back to me. “Everything okay?”
“Can I take a breather?”
“Sure.”
I nod toward a nearby picnic bench, and Chloe follows me. We sit down, and I can finally check my phone.
When I look at the screen, I see a little love-heart symbol has appeared in the top left. For a second, I’m confused, then I remember, and giggle.
“I’ve got a match.”
Chloe grins. “On Destiny? You did it? Oh my God, let me see!”
She leans into me and looks over my shoulder as I open the app I already downloaded. You have a match.