‘Madeleine...’ He spoke slowly, as if to a spooked animal, and she wondered what was showing on her face to make him think he needed to.
‘This is your bedroom,’ Madeleine spat out, taking control of the situation. ‘You didn’t say anything about your bedroom,’ she went on, making sure he knew that she wasn’t going to be swept along with something. That she knew what she wanted and didn’t want right now and was going to stand up for herself.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Finn said, holding his hands up, still using that slow calm tone that made her think she had rabbit-in-the-headlights eyes. ‘I should have explained we need to get to the balcony through my bedroom. Out there,’ he said, gesturing towards the French windows, covered with gauzy voile curtains. ‘The lock is stuck on the other door out and at the moment this is the only way. I’m sorry I didn’t explain that before we came up here.’
He looked at her for a moment longer, and she wondered what he was seeing. She was frozen in the doorway, her hand locked tight around her phone, her mind stuck in another moment of fight or flight. Another time where she had thought she was safe, only to be blindsided with a man’s demands on her. She had run then, and it had destroyed her career before it had even begun. It had led her to the mouldy little bedsit she had been existing in until she had been evicted and found herself on Finn’s doorstep.
So what should she do now? Fight? This was the only source of income, the only roof over her head, that she had for the foreseeable future, until she figured out what she was going to do with the rest of her life. Flight? She could run, to Jake’s. He would make room for her, no matter how cramped it left his family. But she hadn’t wanted to impose before and still didn’t now. And he was Finn’s best friend. What if he asked why she had left? If? Of course he would ask, and she didn’t know what she would tell him.
Finn took a step towards her and she took another two back, glancing over her shoulder just for a fraction of a second to judge the distance to the stairs before looking back at Finn, making sure she had re-established the space between them. He shut the bedroom door firmly and leaned back against it, crossing his arms over his body, creating a barrier between them. His face was hard and tough, and she wasn’t sure whether the suppressed anger she saw there was directed at her. There wasn’t anyone else here.
‘Madeleine, I’m so sorry that I scared you,’ he said. ‘That was thoughtless of me. I promise you have nothing to be afraid of. I didn’t mean anything by bringing you to my bedroom, other than a way to get out onto the balcony.’
‘I wasn’t scared,’ she bit out automatically. She could lie to him, but she couldn’t lie to herself. Her mouth still carried the bitter tang of blood where she had bitten the inside of her cheek and she could still hear the pounding of her blood as it raced around her body, bringing oxygen to the big muscles of her limbs, readying her for battle.
She hesitated for a moment, let her blood pressure drop a fraction, and then a fraction more, Finn still standing dead still against the door to his bedroom. She looked behind her again, making sure she had space to run if she needed it.
‘If you want to leave, I’ll get you a car right away,’ he said. ‘It can take you to Jake’s. Or a hotel. Wherever you would feel safe.’
‘I can order my own ride,’ she said on reflex, before she had really had a chance to process his words. He was offering her a way out. He was giving her sanctuary. Why would he do that if he was a threat to her? She looked up and met his eyes for the first time since they had left the kitchen, and the compassion she read there almost broke her. The adrenaline left her body in a rush, leaving her limp and soft, and she slumped back against the wall. Finn wasn’t a threat. This apartment was safe. She was safe. He was the boy that she had known most of her life, and he wanted to protect her.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, letting her head drop back against the wall and trying to slow her heart rate.
‘Don’t apologise,’ he ordered, looking her hard in the eye. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Getting there,’ Madeleine admitted, letting her eyes shut, blocking out the world for just a minute.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Finn asked, his voice as soft as she had ever heard it. She was tempted, for a moment. For no reason other than to explain what must have looked like truly bizarre behaviour. But she had carried this secret for more years than she cared to think about. And she had always believed that it was best that way. What was done was done, and talking about it wasn’t going to change anything. More than that, talking about it was going to slice into a well-healed wound and make her bleed again, and she had absolutely no desire to give that a try.
Except...except how well healed could it be, really, when this was her reaction to something so minor? She had completely overreacted to an innocent move on Finn’s part. Perhaps reopening that wound would be necessary, one of these days, and looking a little closer at what had got her blood pumping just then.
But she couldn’t do it now. Not when her body was winding down from that burst of panic and her limbs felt like noodles. Not when Finn’s eyes were on her, seeing more than she’d ever intended to show him.
‘Pizza,’ she said at last, loosening her grip on her phone and the sweaty flyer now scrunched in her palm.
Finn raised his eyes, assessing this change in the subject, whether he was going to push her more or let the matter drop. To her relief, he unfolded his arms and nodded.
‘You order. I’m going to check on the kids and I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a bit.’
Space. Silence. Thank God.
She walked down the stairs and perched on a stool in the kitchen, concentrating her whole mind on the simple task of ordering pizza. Because, if she let it wander, all she could see was Finn’s face as she’d stood in front of him, looking at him as if he was a sexual predator, her body primed to fight him. She didn’t want to think about what he was thinking right now. She couldn’t afford to wonder what was going through his mind as he peeked in on the babies and made sure that they were sleeping soundly.
Maybe she should just go, be a burden on her brother for a few weeks. Sleep on her nephews’ bedroom floor amidst the discarded Lego and Pokémon cards.
Or she could leave London. Go travelling. What, with all the money that she had stashed away for a rainy day from her subsistence-level wage from a second-rate gossip site? Maybe she could find a job at a local paper somewhere dull and anonymous and spend the rest of her life chasing stories about lost kittens and parish council in-fighting. Any of those options looked preferable to having to face Finn when he came back downstairs.
The buzz from the front door intercom interrupted her thoughts. Pizza. Whatever decisions she had to make, she would make them with a full stomach, even if that did mean facing Finn. She wasn’t stupid enough to launch herself out into the night hungry.
As she brought the pizzas back through to the kitchen she heard Finn’s footsteps behind her and felt the colour rising in her cheeks before she’d even turned around to look at him.
‘Hey,’ he said, his voice hesitant as she opened up the cardboard boxes and they were hit by the smell of melted cheese and crisp dough.
‘Hey.’ She forced a smile and hoped that it looked less creaky than it felt. She leaned back on the breakfast bar to eat. Last time they had tried to find an alternative venue it had gone so horribly wrong. And she felt secure with that huge chunk of granite between them. Not that she thought that she had anything to fear from Finn any more. It was just that she thought if he got any closer she might actually melt from shame, if the floor wasn’t kind enough to simply swallow her whole before that could happen.
‘Look, about what happened—’ Finn started, but she jumped in before he could finish.
‘Really, you don’t have to... I’m sorry I overreacted. It’s nothing.’
‘It’s not nothing, Madeleine. You’re my guest and I nee
d to know that you feel safe here. I’m going to say this now so it’s out there. I know that there’s some sort of chemistry between us—I feel it, and I think you do too. But here’s the thing—I’m not going to do anything about it. You have absolutely nothing to worry about on that front. I wasn’t trying to get you into bed, and I’m not going to. You’re Jake’s sister, practically family, and I would never risk that over something... I just don’t want you to think that that’s what I had in mind when I invited you here,’ he went on. ‘I don’t want you thinking you have to be on your guard around me. You’re safe here.’
It was what she wanted to hear. She was safe. She was protected. She hadn’t wanted him to be trying to engineer her into bed.
And yet...it still felt brutal, somehow. The way that he said it—he was never going to do anything about it. The absolute certainty in his voice when he told her that he wasn’t interested in her.
Well, that was fine because she’d had every intention of shutting her own feelings down. This would only make that easier. She could carry on with her role as nanny, or babysitter, or best friend’s sister, or whatever she was to him, without any added complications.
Fine.
She was absolutely fine with that.
CHAPTER FIVE
TORTURE. THAT WAS the only word that could adequately describe the past hour. First, that look in Madeleine’s eyes when she’d thought that he was trying to trick her. Now this, having to tell her that he had absolutely no interest in following through on his feelings for her, because it was suddenly clear to him that this chemistry between them wasn’t important. What was important was protecting Madeleine, and his place in her life—as part of her family. And that meant never following where that spark between them might lead.
There was no hiding the look in her eyes when they had been on the landing upstairs. She had been terrified. Looking for the exits, calculating risks. So sure that she was in danger. He couldn’t believe that he had been so stupid. That it hadn’t occurred to him to mention that the only way out onto the balcony was through his bedroom.
But there was more to the story too. He was sure of that. The look in her eyes and that reaction—they didn’t come from nowhere. And that meant that someone in her past had hurt her. He had been surprised by the rage he had felt when he had realised that. The overwhelming desire to hunt down the person that had made Madeleine so afraid, and to make sure that he could never get to her again. But there was no way that he could say that to Madeleine. Because the minute that he had suggested that she might want to talk about it, her shutters had come down. She’d looked as terrified at the prospect of that as she had at the thought of him trying to trap her in his bedroom.
So he’d done the only thing he could think to do—he’d said what he had to, to make her feel safe. He’d decided that that was more important than any hopes he might have had that this chemistry might lead somewhere. Because of course he had been interested. In other circumstances. If things had been different. If his business had been more stable. If his divorce hadn’t left him convinced that he needed to stay single to protect the life that he had built for himself, then he would definitely have been interested. But now that he had seen she was scared of him? None of that mattered anyway. He never wanted to see that look in her eyes again.
So now he wasn’t interested, he told himself. It wasn’t a lie. Because it didn’t matter what chemical reaction his body threw up when he looked at her, he was more than just an animal reacting to his hormones or his basest desires. He was an adult with full control over himself. And he was using that control now to shut down any hint of attraction towards her. His only priority now was making sure that she felt safe. That nothing could hurt her while she was under his roof.
Thank God she had turned down his offer to get her a car. Because he had never felt such a strong urge to protect someone before. If he’d had to send her out into the night with no idea where she was going, he didn’t think he could have borne it.
He hoped she felt safe now.
He risked a look at her over his pizza slice, and found her eyes on him. As their gazes met he hesitated, wanting again to ask her what had happened to provoke such a strong reaction. Wanting to ask how he could fix it. And then remembering that it wasn’t his place to ask. She didn’t want to share what had happened with him, and he had no right to push. He had no right to anything. She was Jake’s sister, and that made her feel like family to him, but he had no expectation that she returned the feeling. To her he was probably just the annoying little kid at the end of her dining table, talking Lego and Nintendo with her brother. He was constantly surprised that she remembered him at all.
The fact that Jake thought of him like a brother didn’t automatically extend that feeling to Madeleine. They had barely spoken when they were kids. The two-year difference in age had been a gulf that had stretched too far between them. Separating their lives into different worlds. She might as well have been an alien for all they had had in common when she was fourteen and he was twelve.
‘Good pizza,’ she said at last, when the silence had stretched out to unbearable. He looked away as she broke their gaze and started to lick the grease from her fingers. Principled he might be, but he wasn’t a saint.
‘Yeah, I’m a good customer,’ he replied, trying to keep his mind on the food. He glanced up at the clock. It was still early, really early. But he had the perfect excuse to hide away from her tonight.
‘Look, I’m sorry to leave you to your own devices your first night here, but would you mind if I turned in? The twins still have a midnight feed, and I could grab an hour or two of sleep before I have to do that.’
‘Of course,’ she said, looking relieved. ‘Will you need my help—?’
‘No,’ he jumped in. The last thing that they both needed was an impromptu meeting in the middle of the night. ‘It’s fine. I can handle it. You need anything before I go up?’
She shook her head, and for a second he thought that she was going to say something more. But then she dropped her head and he knew the moment had passed.
‘Goodnight,’ he said, then turned for the door without waiting for a reply.
CHAPTER SIX
THE NEXT MORNING Madeleine fought the arrival of the sunlight around the edges of the curtains in her room and wished that she’d had the foresight to close the shutters before she’d come to bed last night. With how discombobulated she’d been feeling, it was really a wonder that she’d managed to pull on some pyjamas and wipe off her make-up, never mind fiddling with the pristinely restored period features of the building.
How long could she get away with hiding up here? she wondered. She was under no illusions that the reason for Finn’s ridiculously early night last night was because the atmosphere had gone from awkward to worse. All because of her stupid overreaction to seeing the inside of Finn’s bedroom.
A large part of her insides wanted to curl up and die this morning, when she remembered how she had reacted. The pumping blood. The wild eyes. The implicit accusation in her response.
Not implicit. Explicit. So explicit, in fact, that Finn had felt it necessary to tell her in the baldest possible way that he was not interested in having sex with her. She blushed again at the memory. She was meant to be his guest. But her hair-trigger reaction to the smallest of misunderstandings had meant she’d all but accused him of planning to try and molest her.
No wonder he had chosen to spend the rest of the evening away from her.
She wished that she could check out of her brain sometimes too. Leave the flashbacks and the panic aside, and just live like a normal person. React in a totally normal way to totally normal stimuli.
The sound of a baby crying reached up to her first-floor room and when the second baby joined in she knew that she had to move. She was meant to be helping out with the kids and hiding up here wasn’t just childish, it was dereliction of duty
. A duty that just happened to be keeping a roof over her head and her bank balance in the black.
She pulled a big soft wrap cardigan on over her jersey pants and sleep top, and pulled her hair back into a reasonably respectable ponytail. Drawing back the curtains, she realised she’d been missing out on a truly glorious day. The park in the middle of the square was bathed in golden sunshine and the sky was a deep clear blue. It was enough to blow the cobwebs off her bad mood and actually make her smile.
When she reached the kitchen, Finn was bouncing Bella on his shoulder while making up a bottle, and both babies seemed to be competing to see which could make the most ear-splitting noise. Hart, in a bouncy seat on the floor, looked—or sounded—to be winning, so she scooped him up, taking a moment to fuss over him before turning to Finn. She held her breath for a moment, not sure whether things would be weird this morning, and praying that he had scrubbed the previous evening from his memory.
‘Oh, thank God you’re here,’ he said with a smile, hitching Bella higher on his shoulder as he scooped formula into little plastic pots. ‘They don’t usually gang up on me like this, but when they do—boy, do they go for it. Here, do you think you can manage Bella too?’
Before she had a chance to say no, she had a baby parked on each hip while Finn screwed lids onto bottles and wiped down countertops.
‘I was thinking we should go out for the day,’ Finn said. ‘Enjoy the sunshine. There’s only so much you can do to entertain these two indoors.’
‘Sounds great. What did you have in mind?’ she asked, grateful that they weren’t going to spend the day inside. It didn’t matter how luxurious the surroundings were. If the atmosphere was as tense as it had been the previous evening, then it would be completely unbearable.
Reunited by the Tycoon's Twins Page 4