Except that he’d probably be lousy at it, although he probably wouldn’t be around enough to make much of a difference. And the last thing Serena or her children needed was a father who wouldn’t be around much.
She released a little sigh and stretched along the length of his body like a contented cat.
“Feeling good?” he asked.
“More like great.”
“You’re welcome to come and take a shower at my place anytime you want.”
“It’s a long drive from Hopeful.”
He’d known going in that whatever they’d have was temporary. That didn’t mean that he had to like it now. “When are you leaving?”
“I’m not sure yet.” She tapped her finger against his chest. “We have showers in Hopeful.” She lifted herself onto her elbow. “Is there any chance that you might visit Hopeful…sometime?”
He threaded his fingers through hers. “Hadn’t planned on it, but then lately I find myself doing a lot of things I hadn’t planned on.”
She lowered her head and circled his nipple with her tongue. He swallowed and groaned at the same time. She was certainly a touching kind of woman, and he found that he really liked that aspect of her. Hell, there wasn’t much about her that he didn’t like.
“I find myself doing the same,” she said. Another lick. A swirl. “Things I hadn’t planned. Things I wouldn’t have thought I’d do.”
A gentle bite.
What was she talking about? He couldn’t concentrate when she was teasing him like that.
“I can’t believe how quickly I’ve come to care for you,” she said.
“Same goes.”
A flick of her tongue. With his free hand, he clutched the sheet. He’d never realized so little could accomplish so much. It was the anticipation, he supposed, that had him ready, near to bursting.
When she finally got around to touching him with her hands—if she ever did—he didn’t know if he’d be able to hold back.
She trailed her mouth along his ribs. Sweet torture.
Her hand had started to play, her fingers skimming up and down the inside of his thigh.
He was so close to the edge that he couldn’t stand not going over. He reached out to the nightstand, located an unopened packet, ripped into it while she continued to torment him. He sheathed himself, and with a quick move that caused her to gasp, he flipped her onto her back.
“Enough of the torture,” he growled. He grabbed her hands, held them above her head, and entered her.
Now it was his turn to torment, holding her hands in place, and using his mouth to kiss, suckle, caress. He knew he probably wasn’t being as gentle as he needed to be, that his rough beard might abrade her skin, his mouth might leave the mark she’d warned him not to, but he wanted her with a fierceness that he’d never before felt.
He rocked against her, her cries of pleasure urging him on. He knew exactly when she peaked, felt her entire body curling around him, didn’t remember releasing her hands, only knew that they were clutching him as he raced to join her at the finish line.
Never in his life had he been so aware of a woman. Never in his life had a woman terrified him as this one did.
“Four in one night,” Serena murmured, her heart thudding. They were both sprawled over the bed, only their hands and feet touching, as though their bodies recognized that they needed a break from the intimacy. “That’s a record for me.”
“Same goes.”
She wanted to laugh. It was as though anything that hinted at emotional intimacy was something he couldn’t acknowledge with words he’d chosen himself.
“That surprises me,” she said. “You get those condoms on like you’re on an assembly line.”
“I sure as hell don’t want to get you pregnant.”
Her thudding heart pounded even harder. She turned her head to the side and studied the profile of the man lying beside her. She’d come to like that his windows had no curtains. That the moonlight allowed her to see him in shadows, not clearly, but enough so she knew his eyes were closed.
His breathing was slowing, and she wondered if he was on the verge of going to sleep. She’d been close to doing the same until a few seconds ago.
“Would that be so awful?” she asked.
“What?”
“If I got pregnant?”
“Disaster.”
All the beautiful sensations of the night suddenly turned ugly. What was she doing here with this man she barely knew? They’d had a picnic, he’d taken her son to a baseball game, she’d begun to feel a bond building…
He turned his head, and she saw his eyes open.
“That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?”
“I just don’t know why you’d think it would be a disaster.”
With a sigh he sat up. “I’m not looking for marriage. I’m not going to move to Hopeful and open up the Kick-Butt Karate School. I thought you understood that anything with me was temporary.”
She pushed herself to a sitting position. “I did understand that. I’m not looking for anything permanent.”
Only she realized that she had begun to think in terms of permanence. Of spending more time near Austin, of having him visit in Hopeful, of inviting him to spend a weekend at the family beach house.
“I’m just not sure that I’d label my getting pregnant as a disaster.”
“Well, having been the result of an unplanned one, trust me, I know from experience that they are.” He got off the bed and she saw him in silhouette walking past the window as he made his way to the bathroom. He flicked the switch and harsh light poured into the bedroom. He came back and tossed her clothes onto the bed. “Get dressed and I’ll take you home.”
Session over, mission accomplished. She decided it was a good thing that he hadn’t decorated his house with knickknacks because right now she wanted to pick something up and throw it at him.
He walked back into the bathroom. She kicked off the sheets that had become entangled around her legs and snatched up her panties with trembling fingers. She jerked them on. Ignoring her bra, she grabbed her tank top and put it on. She had clean clothes in a bag downstairs, but she wasn’t going to take time to retrieve them. Get dressed, get out.
If she wasn’t so far from town, she’d call a cab. Damn him for making her feel cheap. She scrambled off the bed, strode to the bathroom, and staggered to a stop. She’d expected to see him getting dressed. Instead she found him hunched over the sink, his arms braced, his head bent. She could see the dampness on his face, but she hadn’t heard the water being turned on.
“He used to beat the holy crap out of her,” he said quietly. “Blamed her because she and her ‘accident’ kept him from doing what he wanted in life.”
“And what was that?” she asked.
“Who the hell knows?”
“Riker was unplanned,” she said quietly. “But we never considered him a disaster. I don’t think you were the reason your father beat your mother. He might have used that as an excuse, but it wasn’t the reason.”
He lifted his head to capture her gaze in the mirror. “But it wasn’t easy either, was it?”
“No, but marriage and children never are. That doesn’t mean they’re to be avoided.”
“Well, since I’m religious about using protection, it’s not a problem we’ll have to deal with.” Turning from the mirror, he grinned. “You should have put your shorts on, because that little outfit sure is sexy.”
The smile he gave her was one that would have had her melting at his feet only moments ago. Now she simply shook her head. “You’re right. It’s time for me to go home.”
She walked out of the room, went to the bed, and retrieved her shorts. She’d just finished putting them on when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He pressed his mouth to the side of her throat. “Don’t leave mad.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You’re hurt.”
She raised her shoulder. “You’re right. A baby isn’t a reason
to get married, and it wasn’t the reason I got married before.”
She turned within his arms. He’d put on his jeans, but not a shirt. She flattened her palms against his bare chest and lifted her gaze to his. She didn’t want to bring Steve into the picture, but she also needed to be up-front with Hunter. “What I have with you is so different from anything I’ve ever had before.” She released a self-conscious laugh. “I’m not even sure that I can say that I have something with you.”
He arched a brow in question.
“Other than sex. That I definitely have. It’s not enough for me. Even for the short-term.”
“It’s all I can offer.”
She nodded, having finally figured that part out. “Yeah, I know.”
And that realization made her sadder than she’d been in a good long time.
The silence was deafening. As Hunter drove her home, he’d never realized how loud quiet could be.
The silence had never bothered him before, not even after that first night. But now he knew he’d hurt her, and he’d never meant to do that.
He pulled up in front of the house, not surprised to see the porch light on, but surprised to see lights flickering behind the curtains at the window.
“It’s almost two o’clock. Don’t tell me your father is still up.”
“He probably fell asleep watching TV.”
He got out of the jeep, went around, and opened the door for her. She was halfway out when he blurted, “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”
She gave him a sad sort of smile. “We keep moving fast and then we have to slow down.”
“You said earlier that what we have is different from anything you’ve ever had before. It’s different from anything I’ve ever had either. I’ve never considered myself a coward, but I have to admit that you scare me, lady.”
“Why would I scare you?”
“I’m not what you’re looking for, but I can’t seem to retreat.”
“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be flattered.”
“You are.” He didn’t think she’d welcome the kind of heat-seeking kiss that he wanted to give her, so he simply leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I’ll call you.”
“I’m not sure you should.”
He watched her walk up the steps with her little bag in tow, and it occurred to him that maybe she’d planned to stay the entire night. He did best when he just kept his mouth shut.
He climbed into his jeep and headed home—to his quiet house on the lonely stretch of land.
Chapter 13
For the next month Serena threw herself into getting her mother’s things in order, because she was more than ready to return to Hopeful. But then she caught a slight virus that left her tired and nauseous. And it seemed to want to hang around.
Until she finally decided that maybe it was more than a virus.
A watched pot might never boil, but a watched home pregnancy test obviously wasn’t shy about revealing its results.
Serena stared at the pink line that appeared beneath the pink control line. This was so not good. The words were what she knew she should be thinking, what she repeated in her mind because of the words she and Hunter had exchanged their last night together, but they held no real emotion.
She sank down onto the edge of the bathtub and tried to feel alarmed, panicked. Instead she felt almost happy. Granted, getting pregnant had certainly not been in her plans, and she knew it hadn’t been in Hunter’s plans either.
But still she was carrying his child. She placed her hand over her stomach. Flat. No change there, but then it was too early for there to be any. The only evidence she had was a missing period—which she’d tried to attribute to the stress of losing her mother—and breasts that were more tender at this time of the month than usual. Being more tired than usual and nauseous. And the little pink line.
Before she spoke with Hunter, she’d visit the family doctor and have a test run there. If the results came back as she expected that they would, she’d go see Hunter. He wasn’t going to be thrilled, but he was the baby’s father and she thought he had a right to know.
Then they could deal with the situation together.
He stepped out of his house before she’d opened the door to her van. She was irritated by the gladness that swept through her at the sight of him. Four weeks had passed since she’d last seen him. He’d said he’d call, but he hadn’t. Of course, he might have changed his mind after she told him not to call.
She was wishing that she’d called him with the news but she’d felt that she needed to tell him in person. He had a right to know. She believed that with all her heart.
Her hands were trembling as she opened the door and climbed out of the van.
“Hey,” he said.
As far as greetings went, she wasn’t too impressed.
“Hi.”
She decided she wasn’t one to talk. Hers wasn’t much better.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” he said.
“I didn’t think you were, but I needed to talk with you.” She crossed her arms over her chest in a defensive posture. It suddenly occurred to her that he might have a woman inside the house. That maybe he’d moved on to someone else.
“Is everything all right?” he asked.
She nodded, shook her head, pressed a hand to her mouth, and fought to blink back the tears that had suddenly sprung forward as though released by a collapsing dam. He was off the front porch and had her in his arms before she had a chance to gain control of herself.
Oh, God, he smelled so good, felt so warm and sturdy. She hadn’t thought she was bothered by the fact that he hadn’t contacted her, hadn’t realized she was bothered by her condition, had thought she was mature enough that she could handle it—even if she had to handle it alone.
“What happened?” he asked. “Is it Riker? Your dad?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted.”
He leaned back until he was looking into her eyes, but his arms remained firm around her. “What is it, babe? What’s wrong?”
Babe. Why did the endearment have to hurt so much? Why did he show concern now when he hadn’t in weeks?
“I’m pregnant.” The words exploded out of her mouth before she could stop them, before she could think of a way to soften their impact.
He released her and moved back as though she’d just announced she had Ebola. With his brow furrowed, he focused his gaze on her stomach as though he thought if he stared hard enough he could see the embryo growing inside her. “Are you sure?”
She nodded jerkily, wiped away her tears, and took a deep breath. She was regaining some of her equilibrium. “I did a home pregnancy test—”
“Those aren’t always accurate.”
“I went to the doctor to confirm the diagnosis.” She nodded again. “I’m pregnant.”
He took another step back, walked to the right, strode back to the left. Stopped in front of her. Now he was the one nodding. “You make the arrangements. I’ll pay for the abortion.”
She staggered backward as though he’d punched her in the gut, when in reality he’d stabbed her through the heart. “I’m not getting an abortion.”
“Then why did you come out here?”
“Because you’re the father and I thought you had the right to know.”
“I used a condom every time.”
“Fine. Then that relieves you of all responsibility, doesn’t it? Sorry if I put a crimp in your day.”
She spun on her heel and headed to the van.
“Serena, wait.”
There was authority in his voice that she couldn’t have ignored if she wanted to. And damn it, she wanted to. She stopped but she didn’t turn around.
“Are you sure—”
“I swear to God that if you ask me if I’m sure if it’s yours that I am going to get into this van and drive it right over you—several times.”
Although she hadn’t been married when she�
��d discovered she was pregnant with Riker, she’d felt joy. Steve had felt joy. They were both scared to death, but they were also happy. Even though they’d been incredibly young. And here she was, older, carrying the child of a man who obviously preferred not to be bothered.
“I wasn’t going to ask that. I was just wondering if there could have been a mistake made with either of the tests—”
“Oh, a mistake was made,” she said, spinning around to glare at him. “There was definitely a mistake made. And I’m the one who made it.”
She jerked open the door to the van, clambered in, started the ignition, threw the gear into reverse, and floored the gas pedal. He didn’t move, didn’t come after her, didn’t try to stop her. And that hurt. Hurt more than she wanted to admit.
She was old enough to know better, old enough not to be caught in this situation. And yet here she was, where she had never in her life expected to be again.
She was twenty-seven years old, wondering how she was going to explain it to her father when she couldn’t even explain it to herself. And what was she going to tell Riker?
She drove fast and furiously until she spotted the flashing blue and red lights in her rearview mirror. With a curse, she slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road. She reached into her glove compartment for her car registration and proof of insurance. Searching for everything through a film of tears, she fumbled around in her purse until she located her wallet and pulled out her license.
And where were the damn tissues? She hadn’t even realized that she’d started crying again. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a rapping on her window. She powered it down and handed over the essentials.
The officer took them, his eyes hard on her. “Are you all right, ma’am?”
Ma’am? They were probably the same age. Did she look as old as she suddenly felt?
“I’m just fine, Officer. Thanks for asking.”
Because Hunter hadn’t asked. Hadn’t asked how she was feeling, hadn’t asked if she was scared, hadn’t asked how she’d manage. He’d just offered to pay for the damned abortion that had never crossed her mind to even consider.
“You were going eighty in a fifty-five—”
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