by E. Van Lowe
“Huh? Well… No.”
“I mean, I’m sure that’s not the Insomniacs’ way, now is it?” My voice went even lower, so low I didn’t recognize it coming out of me. I took a step closer.
“No, no, of course not. Insomniacs help one another when there’s a problem.” She shot a pleading glance at her coworkers, hoping one of them would speak up and agree with her. No one did.
“And that’s what I’m trying to do here, Carly. I’m trying to be a good Insomniac and help you. Wouldn’t want you making a mistake you’d regret now, would we?” I moved even closer, invading all her personal space.
Activity in the coffee shop had ceased. The place had gotten so quiet you could hear a pin drop onto a pillow.
Carly swallowed hard, not daring to meet my gaze. “No,” she said in a near silent response. She was starting to tremble.
“Good. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” I took a grand step backward. “So now that you’ve had time to consider my… talents, what is my assignment?”
“Umm…” She was totally flummoxed. Afraid to say the wrong thing, her eyes darted around, looking to her coworkers for help.
“She can work with me,” said Andie, the barista.
“Everyone needs to learn about the different grinds,” called Bob, who was grinding coffee.
“I don’t mind having two observers,” called Jennifer, the cashier.
One by one each seasoned employee offered me the opportunity to work with them.
“Take your pick,” said Carly, turning back to me, still shaking. “I’m going on break,” she called loudly. Then she pulled off her apron, threw it behind the counter and hustled out the door.
Later that afternoon, Carly Sanchez would resign her post as shift supervisor at the Insomniacs’ Cafe. She would not be missed.
*
I fled into the bathroom where I began splashing cold water onto my face. It was as if I were trying to wake myself up from a horrible dream. I leaned heavily on the sink and looked in the mirror. I saw what Carly had seen. A monster. It was me, and yet it wasn’t me—a horrific, cartoonish version of myself, staring at me with wicked eyes.
A sickening churn unsettled my stomach. I moved to the toilet, feeling that at any moment I would heave my guts up. It was the opposite of the feeling I’d had at the wave pool, warm and delicious. I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if Carly had stood up to me. What would the thing have done to her? I squeezed my eyes tight and shivered at the thought. Fortunately for both of us, Carly was a coward who got her kicks out of intimidating people she felt were weak.
After several deep breaths, the dark thing began retreating, disappearing deep inside me. Another look in the mirror proved it was gone. I was me again. Cute little Megan Barnett. Okay, I wasn’t so cute, and I wasn’t so little, and my eyes were still bloodshot and filled with worry, but I was no longer a monster. I was back.
It took another few minutes for me to fix my makeup and get myself together, after which I exited the bathroom to begin my first day’s work. When I got back onto the floor, everyone applauded, including all the new people who didn’t even know Carly Sanchez. She must have been really mean to all of them, and they were happy someone had finally stood up to her.
Of course, I couldn’t take the credit. It wasn’t me who had stood up to her bullying ways. I would have taken her crap like everyone else, but the dark thing inside me wasn’t having it.
“Let’s get you started over here,” called Bob, standing by the two big coffee grinders. “Coffee grinds 101.”
My shift moved along quickly, and as it wound down, all my nervousness about the new job vanished. Everyone was so friendly and helpful. I was given a crash course in everything from the various grinds to how to make a skinny caramel macchiato. I could tell it was going to be fun working at Insomniacs’, and to top it off, I was earning my first official paycheck. Hoorah!
I was in the back room learning clean-up and maintenance protocols when I heard a male voice ordering a small coffee. Guy. I flushed with excitement when I’d heard him. My boyfriend was visiting me at my job.
Perfect timing, I thought. It was my last assignment of the day. I arrived on the floor to find Guy seated in a high back chair, cool shades covering his dreamy eyes, smiling at me.
“Hey.” I moved to the comfy chair next to his.
“Hey. Good coffee,” he said, nodding toward his cup.
“Thank you… I mean, it’s not like I made it, but I do work here.”
“Worker’s pride.”
“Something like that.”
He continued to smile. It was a smile that touched his eyes and made me feel warm all over. “You look good in that uniform.”
“Really? A white tee shirt and an apron is all I need to turn a guy’s head?”
He laughed. “What I mean is you look professional in the uniform. I like it.”
“Thanks. It feels good having a job.” I noticed some of my coworkers trying to listen in. “I’m done for the day. Wanna take a walk?”
“Sure.” We started out.
“Hey,” called Bob as we neared the door. “Nine a.m.,” he said, tapping his wrist.
“You got it. Umm, ten to nine. The Insomniacs’ way.”
It was a beautiful evening. The sweltering heat had given way to a manageable heat. Guy took my hand, and we walked to the outdoor mall. Over the years, I’d observed many young lovers in the mall holding hands and strolling. Some days I couldn’t help but be envious. They’d fill the air with the kind of giddy laughter that told of relationships filled with promise, and they made even the coldest hearts smile. Today I was one of them. Today I would fill the air with the laughter of love.
“What are your dreams?” Guy asked as we entered the mall.
The question was so out of left field, especially for Guy, I couldn’t help but smile.
“What?” he said, screwing up his face.
“You’ve never asked me anything like that before.”
“Sure I have.”
I shook my head. “No. I would have remembered. Our relationship has always been about the here and now.”
I grinned slyly as I thought of our daily goal at school: to meet in the stairwell as often as possible for a make-out session. That was the biggest dream we’d had. Guy must have picked up on what I was thinking because he began grinning as well.
“Okay, okay. That was the past,” he said. “It’s time we looked into the future.”
We were passing one of my favorite boutiques, and I could see they’d recently updated the window. As much as I wanted to stop and peek in, this conversation was more important. “Let’s see, college for sure. I like math, so maybe I’ll go into the sciences,” I said as we moved past the boutique.
“Doctor, Megan Barnett,” Guy said with a smile.
“Why not?” I thought about it a little more. “I want to be happy,” I said after a while.
“I’m afraid to ask what would make you happy.”
I laughed. He hadn’t said anything funny, but I laughed anyway. “No, no, buster. You started down this road of questioning. You can’t stop now. Ask away.” I squeezed his hand.
“Okay. What would make you happy?” Now that I’d prompted him to ask the question, I was nervous about answering it.
A couple had just moved past us pushing a baby in a stroller. The young man was animatedly telling his wife a story. She was half-listening, half-keeping an eye on their toddler. In that moment, I thought of old movies where the hero always arrives to save the day at the perfect time. This couple and their baby had arrived at the perfect time because, when I looked at them, I knew exactly what I was going to say.
I stopped walking and released Guy’s hand. I wanted to look into his face and see his reaction.
“Marriage,” I said, the word coming off my tongue sharp like a razor’s edge. “A little Nephilim baby would be a nice start.”
He didn’t say anything right away, but h
is eyes were smiling and that gave me confidence. “You mean… me?”
“Yes, you. Duh!” I laughed, happy to discover I wasn’t overcome by fear or doubt. I had told it to him truthfully, and the words left me feeling amazing. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I want to be a housewife. Remember, I do have professional goals.”
“Of course you do.”
We continued through the mall, and before long were in the business district, away from the shops, cafes, and strolling lovers.
“Let me ask you something,” I continued. “Have you given any serious thought about being a fallen angel?”
“Falling angel,” he said.
“What’s the difference?” I was certain his response was a stall for time. Yet he took my hand and escorted me to a bus bench, where we sat alone, away from the evening crowd. He looked into my eyes before speaking, and I knew his answer wouldn’t be something flip or off the top of his head.
“When an angel chooses to wed a mortal and live on earth, he is a falling angel. The belief is once he or she starts to fall, he or she will eventually wind up with Satan.” He took both my hands in his as he spoke.
“So once an angel starts downhill, heaven believes he or she won’t stay here on earth, but will eventually go all the way?”
“That is the belief,” he said solemnly.
“That’s ridiculous. There have been Nephilim living on earth for centuries. I’m sure most angels who mate with mortals don’t wind up with Satan. They wind up like Harrison’s father—with families.”
“I do not deny it,” he said. “It’s just a little heavenly propaganda. And it works. A falling angel can always reclaim heaven if he denounces his life on earth. But once he has crossed the line, he is damned to hell for all eternity. The idea that one could lose heaven forever keeps angels in line.”
His expression turned vulnerable and sad as he spoke, and I wanted to reach over and hug him. Instead I said: “Don’t worry. That won’t happen with you. If we choose to be together, my love will keep you from falling further.”
He snorted out a laugh. “That’s one powerful love,” he said.
“I am known to possess powerful magic,” I said in a comical spooky voice. I moved his right hand to my lips and kissed it. “I would do whatever I can to keep those I love safe,” I whispered.
“I love you,” he whispered back.
In the past, these words would have caught me off guard and left me dizzy with delight. But I wasn’t surprised. I knew he loved me. I could feel it in the way he was looking at me, hear it woven into the fabric of every word he had spoken. He loved me as much as I loved him.
“I know. I love you, too,” I whispered back.
“No. You don’t know.” He seemed suddenly agitated. “I love you, and I will never let anyone or anything harm you.” He squeezed both my hands tightly for emphasis, his face moving close to mine as he peered deeply into my eyes.
The change in him caught me off guard. I figured it had something to do with his guilt over his obligation. The superior angels in heaven had betrothed Guy to the beautiful angel, Roxanne. I got the feeling he was finally ready to defy the betrothal the angels had forced upon him and commit to me and me alone.
I touched the tip of my nose to his. “I have a question. If you choose to stay on Earth, will you become mortal?”
He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “Not exactly mortal,” he said, “but I could die, if that’s what you mean.”
“It is,” I replied, the words nearly stuck in my throat. “That’s a lot to give up—immortality.”
“What good is being immortal if I can’t be with you?”
We shared a passionate stinging kiss right out in the open on the park bench. The kiss swallowed my breath leaving me light headed and dizzy. I didn’t care if anyone was watching.
My days passed easily after that. I loved my new job and particularly loved my angel boyfriend meeting me each day at the end of my shift. We rode to secluded places where we made out, and I reveled in his stinging kisses. We’d sit in empty cafes and secluded glens talking about everything: life, love, people, places, dreams. We seemed to be opening up more and more to each other, and as the days passed, we fell more deeply in love.
As much as I loved the wonderful turn my life had made, a part of me knew I was being selfish. Maudrina hadn’t called, and I’d long stopped trying to make contact through calls, emails or texts. She’s a big girl. She’ll get in touch when she’s ready.
I knew something had gone wrong between her and Curtis, but I didn’t care. Things were going so well between me and Guy I didn’t want to think about problems. So I didn’t. I didn’t think about Maudrina and Curtis and the pain my best friend might be in, or about my precious hell cat living under my roof, or the monster lurking within me, or even about Erin who would be getting married in weeks. All those troublesome thoughts were pushed aside. Love. Happiness. Romance, was all my mind could handle, all it wanted to handle.
On a sunny afternoon Guy and I rode back out to the secluded meadow in the hills. The midday sun cast a golden sheen along the mountains. The day was picture perfect, like a postcard. As Guy spread the blanket out on the grass, my eyes moved to the large oak tree across the meadow.
“You want me to work on my abilities again,” I said.
He stopped what he was doing. “No. Not at all.”
“Then why did you bring me here?”
“I… I thought you liked it here. This was the site of our first date.” He seemed confused, yet he snatched up the blanket and began folding it. “I now realize it was a bad choice. Sorry.”
I moved to him, grabbing both his hands, stopping him. “It isn’t a bad choice. It’s a perfect choice.” I released his hands and took a step back. “You just stirred up a bit of guilt in me is all.”
Concern flooded his eyes. “Guilt? Why?”
“There are some things I need to take care of, and I… got sidetracked. Now that I’m here, I’m remembering.”
“I didn’t mean to. I never want to upset you.” The concern in his eyes transferred to his words.
“I’m not upset. I didn’t think about these things because I didn’t want anything to intrude on my time with you.”
A mischievous smile appeared on his lips. “I can understand that. When you have all this, why think about anything else?” He struck a rapper-like pose.
This coaxed a smile out of me. “You are so conceited.”
“I’m a truth teller,” he replied, starting to chuckle.
“All right, Mr. Truth Teller, I want to show you something.”
I took the blanket from him and spread it out on the grass. “Sit,” I commanded. As he sat, I focused my attention on the big oak tree across the meadow. “Watch.”
We’d been standing next to the tree when I’d first displayed my abilities. Now we were at least twenty feet away. As I stared at the tree, I could feel my mind opening easily. A gust of wind sprang up in the meadow. It tousled my hair as it blew by and began whistling through the branches of the tree, shaking them vigorously.
“I’m doing that,” I said, and as I spoke the wind subsided.
“What?” I could tell from the expression on Guy’s his face he was having a hard time fathoming that I had created the wind. I began to laugh.
“Surprise,” I said with a hint of pride.
“When?” he asked, his dumbfounded eyes working me over.
“I’ve been working on my abilities at home in my spare time.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” A wave of anger rifled through me. “You told me I needed to harness my abilities. I thought you’d be pleased.”
“Yes… I am. It’s just that you caught me off guard.” He smiled. It seemed forced. “Sit.” He pulled me down onto the blanket. Reluctantly, I settled next to him.
He gently kissed my pouty lips. “You caught me off guard, Megan. I didn’t know. I’m surprised is all.”
&
nbsp; “You don’t seem happy.” I was still being stand-offish.
He stared at me. “Well… that’s because I’m worried for you. I know why you want to harness your abilities, and I commend you for it.”
“But?” I said through tight lips.
“But I’m afraid you’ll get hurt. There is something you said to me once: ‘I would do whatever I can to keep those I love safe.’ His expression darkened. “Do you remember?”
“Or is it that you don’t want any competition?”
“Huh?”
The dark thing inside me had latched onto the tiny bit of anger I’d felt earlier and used it to make a surprise appearance.
“If I master my abilities, then perhaps I’ll be your equal. That wouldn’t sit well with you, would it? Being a man and all.”
“What!?” His voice rose in anguish. “You can’t possibly believe that.”
“I… I don’t believe it,” I stammered. The monster was retreating now, leaving me to clean up after it. “It was a childish, angry outburst. I’m sorry.” I rubbed his hand.
“Megan, please believe me. This has nothing to do with my ego. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you. I want to keep you safe.”
“I know,” was all I could say.
He stared at me. “I fear I was wrong in asking you to harness your abilities. I fear if you use them, it will end badly.”
In that moment, my heart melted. I looked into his tortured eyes and realized how worried he was for me. I didn’t dare tell him about the monster that was terrorizing me from within for fear he’d worry even more.
His eyes were smoky-luminescent, and in them I could see just how much he cared. I squeezed his hand. “I’ll be fine. I’m not going to do anything foolish. You’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I added.
He saw the teasing smile easing its way onto my lips. “I’m holding you to that,” he replied, a matching smile sneaking its way onto his.
“Good.” In seconds I was in his arms.
With the bad behind us, we spent the afternoon kissing and chatting. I didn’t use my abilities again for the rest of the day.