by Cecy Robson
“Ev, I’m all right.”
I ignored him as I placed the bell on his back. “Breathe.” He didn’t at first. I waited, giving him a chance. I was two seconds from losing it when he finally did as I asked. “Again,” I said, moving the stethoscope to different sections on his back as he continued to breathe.
No wheezes meant no lung punctures. He was breathing just fine, although the effort clearly hurt him. I placed my finger on his pulse for a full minute without speaking to him. His heart rate had fallen to seventy, normal for him. I took another blood pressure; this time it was 106 over 69.
“I need to look at your eyes.” I used the flashlight app on my iPhone to check his pupils. They didn’t dilate as quickly as they should. He had a concussion. “Move your hand.”
His right hand fell away from his side. I crouched down to inspect the damaged and purple skin on his chest and ran my fingertips along each rib. The bones were badly bruised but intact and in the right place. Nothing seemed broken. It was only because of this and because his vital signs were stable that I didn’t drag him to the nearest hospital. “Chris, can you get me some tape from the medic and find me a clean towel? I need to secure the area.”
Chris returned quickly with everything I asked for. He stepped back, watching me work and keeping any curious bystanders away. Ant held the folded towel packed with ice against Mateo’s ribs as I ran the medical tape from his sternum to his spine. “The ice and pressure will help his pain and swelling,” I said to Ant when his stare cut my way.
“You better, Teo?” Ant asked.
Mateo watched me as he answered. “Yeah. I’m good.”
“Let’s take him home,” I said.
Big Chris and Ant flanked his sides, reaching beneath his arms when he staggered. “Shit, Teo,” Big Chris said. “You all right?”
“He has a concussion,” I told him. I continued ahead, hoping they’d follow, torn between screaming at Mateo and crying. God, how could he do this to himself?
A guy near the back row stopped me on the way out. He leered at me and reached to touch my face. “Hey, sweet lady. Where you headin’?” He was young, wasted, and stupid. I smacked his hand away and tried to walk around him. Shuffling ensued behind me when the guy clasped my elbow.
“Get the fuck off her!” Mateo growled, although I’d already yanked free of his hold.
“Kevon, you’re messing with the wrong man’s woman,” Ant warned.
Kevon backed away, palms out. “Sorry, Teo, didn’t know she was yours.”
A group of young women dressed in barely there clothing hurried down the row. More than one stopped to smile at Mateo. Maybe I was still his, but maybe he also had more than one girl now. They continued ahead, swarming the bloody super heavyweight who’d just moved on to the next round.
Big Chris and Ant helped Mateo back to the church lot and into the front of my Cherokee. The same car he’d basically rebuilt for me. “Should we stick him in the back so he can sleep?” Big Chris asked me.
“No. Just recline the seat. I need to keep an eye on him in case he passes out.”
They waited until I pulled onto the street before following me out in Ant’s car. “You’re pissed, aren’t you?” Mateo asked in the dark silence.
“I’m a lot of things right now.” I wouldn’t look at him and we didn’t speak even after Ant and Big Chris helped him into the apartment. Mateo must have been hurting more than I suspected for him to lean so heavily on his friends.
“You staying with him?” Ant lowered him to the side of his bed.
Mateo sat, but wouldn’t lie all the way down. I supposed he wanted to hang on to what pride he had left.
I spoke as I walked into the kitchen. “I have to.” I reached for two bottles of water from the fridge. “If I don’t wake him every two hours, he could slip into a coma if his brain is banged up enough.”
“No shit.” Big Chris exchanged glances with Ant.
“Later, Teo,” Ant called. To me he whispered, “Call if you need us.”
“Thank you.”
Big Chris followed him out. I tucked the bottles of water beneath my arm and locked the door when they left. I returned to Mateo without another word and helped him out of his shoes and clothes, leaving him only his tight black underwear. I wouldn’t face him at all, even as I passed a warm wet washcloth across his brutalized skin.
It took me a good while to wipe the dry blood from his chest and face, and I had to change the water in my bowl several times. When he was finally clean and dry, I pushed on his shoulders, encouraging him to lie down.
He clasped my wrist when I pulled the covers over him. “Ev, listen―”
“Don’t,” I said. “You need to rest and I don’t want to deal with this now.” I reached for my iPhone and set the timer for two hours, then kicked off my boots and crawled beneath the covers with him. At first, all I could do was stare at the wall, facing away from him. But when he draped his arm around my waist, I could no longer ignore him.
“I thought you loved me,” he said quietly.
I swallowed the burn threatening to eat through my throat. “That’s part of the problem,” I whispered.
—
I spent the remainder of the night waking Mateo every two hours. “Tell me your name.”
“Mateo,” he answered the first few times.
“Do we have to keep doing this?” he mumbled sometime around dawn.
“It’s still me, beautiful,” he finally said quietly.
Yeah, that was the one that hurt me the most.
I called my clinical instructor shortly afterward to tell her I would miss both days, then called Sam and left a message saying I’d be out my next two shifts. I never missed class or work. But no way was I leaving Mateo alone.
Ant must have called Sam, since he texted me back:
Fine. Take care of him, Malibu.
The next time I woke Teo, I had pancakes, eggs, and sausage in hand. I also had ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and extra first aid supplies courtesy of Elaine. She’d knocked on the door after hearing from Sam and asked me what I’d need for him.
I placed the tray at his bedside table. The swelling on his face had increased and the skin appeared tighter. “Eat first, then take these when you’re done. Otherwise, you’ll upset your stomach.” I shook out one acetaminophen and two ibuprofen from their bottles and placed them carefully on his napkin.
“Are you going to eat?” he asked quietly.
“I’m not hungry.” I waited for him to sit up in bed before handing him his tray. “When you’re done, I’ll re-tape your ribs and apply fresh ice.”
I left before he could say anything more. After I finished cleaning the kitchen, I returned with the medical supplies and ice packs. I folded a towel over the ice, then carefully removed the old tape. My fingertips passed over the stressed tissue and the ribs again, just to assure myself the bones weren’t broken. The area had darkened overnight, but everything seemed okay. “Here, hold the towel.”
“Evie―”
“A little tighter. It’ll help the swelling.”
“Ev―”
“Between the ice and the meds, you should feel better soon. If you don’t, you need to tell me.” My voice had begun to quake and I remained on the brink of tears. Mateo was kind, and smart, and the best man I knew. I loved him with every part of me. It destroyed me to see him hurt, and to see what we had slowly dissolving before my eyes.
I finished fast and reached for another pack of ice to place on his swollen face. This time, Mateo clutched my wrist and wouldn’t release me, forcing me to sit beside him. “Talk to me,” he said. “You ignoring me, it’s killin’ me right now.”
I angled my chin away. “Yeah, well, seeing you like this is messing me up pretty bad, too.” Tears rolled down my cheeks when I faced him. “Jesus, Mateo, you could’ve been paralyzed or worse. And if Ant hadn’t called me, you would have kept it all from me.”
He didn’t deny it. Instead, he pulled me agains
t him, his hold gentle but firm. “You don’t need this shit right now, especially with what you’re going through.”
He was trying to protect me. Maybe if I wasn’t so pathetically weak, he wouldn’t need to. “I’d rather you tell me.” I slipped my arm around his belly, careful to avoid his ribs. “I don’t want to lose you. And I’m scared that’s what’s happening.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “This is just something I had to do.”
I pulled away. “Why?”
His swollen and split lip tightened to a firm line. He wasn’t going to tell me.
I lowered my gaze, trying to keep my frustrations from spilling in the form of tears. “If you need more money for your family, I can pick up more shifts on Thursdays.”
“It’s not about that.”
The quiet stretched between us. After a moment, I lifted the ice pack from the floor and applied it to his face. As much as his silence hurt me, I couldn’t leave him. Not with the extent of his injuries. “If you won’t tell me why you need more money, will you at least tell me this: have you been with someone else?”
“What?”
I thought back to Ring Girl and how she’d referred to him as “baby.” She’d been there with him before I arrived. That much was obvious. I groaned because yeah, it hurt me that much to say, “You promised you’d tell me if you…”
His spine straightened and his brows tightened as much as the swelling would allow. “You know I wouldn’t cheat on you.”
“Mateo, I don’t know much of anything anymore.” My hand gently touched his face. “All I know is that I’m really fucked up. I never knew how bad, but I am. And my biggest fear is I’m losing you because of everything that’s wrong with me.”
Mateo’s eyes drilled into mine. “Fucked up or not, you’re still the best thing to ever come into my life.”
I swallowed the lump overtaking my throat. “Then what’s going on between us? And why are you so angry? Big Chris, he told me what you’ve been like in the ring―the aggression, the hate. Did I do that to you?”
“No.” His voice was firm. “None of that shit’s your fault.”
“I feel like it’s all my fault.”
He watched me for a beat. “Lay down with me.”
“What?”
He reclined slowly, holding tight to his ribs until he lay flat on his back. He motioned me to his uninjured side when I didn’t move. “Come be with me.”
I did, leaning back and spreading a blanket over us to keep him warm. “I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way.” I didn’t move, unsure and scared of what he would say. “I knew you’d had it rough. Knew it from the first moment I saw you walk into the club. But that night in the storage room―when I found you―I knew then it was pretty goddamn bad.”
He took a moment as if remembering. We’d never spoken about that night before. But even though it embarrassed me, he must have had a reason to bring it up now. He stroked my arm. “I’d seen you, trying to be tough―trying to stay strong. You were hanging in. Then New Year’s came, and you figured out what was done to you. You broke like a piece of glass, right in front of me.” He swallowed hard. “And it fucking ripped me apart. I couldn’t help you, even though I’d promised to keep you safe.”
The air stilled and it felt like my heart had stopped beating. For all I hurt, never once did I realize that maybe he hurt for me, too. Just as he’d likely hurt when his little sister was raped. My tears dripped onto his chest. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been so distant. I thought you couldn’t handle what happened to me.”
He took my hand and linked our fingers. “I can’t, but only ’cause I couldn’t stop it and because I can’t fix it.” He paused. “So I got in the ring, took out my anger, and helped you the one way I could.”
I lifted myself onto my side, the tension in my muscles so tight, I thought the force would snap my bones. “What are you saying?” He stayed tight-lipped again, and it scared me. “Mateo, please tell me.”
“You really want to know?”
I nodded, although I was no longer certain.
He let out a breath, clenching tight to his left side when it pained him. “I had the hospital send me the bill for your stay. Your ex offered to pay the whole damn thing, but you’re my girl. I had to take care of you.” His free hand stroked my hair. “I’ve been paying it off a little at a time. Last night, I made enough to pay the rest.”
I’d been dreading receiving the bill. And now I never would. Mateo had made sure of it. I covered my face with my hand, heartbroken for everything he’d suffered for me, and furious with myself for being so damaged that he’d felt compelled to save me. “God, Teo. I can’t let you do this.”
“It’s already done.”
My eyes scanned his face, his arms, his torso, taking in every blow he’d withstood for me.
He gathered me to him. “Evie. Don’t cry.”
I did anyway.
“Baby…damn, you’re killing me. This is why I couldn’t tell you.”
“I’m going to pay you back for all of it.”
“No. You’re not,” he said, his deep voice grave. “Just get better, Evie. I just want you to get better.”
Chapter Twenty-One
I spent the next two weeks in and out of Mateo’s apartment. He recovered from his physical injuries fairly quickly, but I think he liked me doting on him. And I liked how it brought us closer. We still hadn’t had sex, but he wasn’t so distant or cautious about kissing me anymore.
He moaned against my mouth and rolled me onto my back, his hands slipping beneath my borrowed T-shirt. It was early Sunday afternoon and we’d just woken up, following another crazy night at Excess.
I sat up when he did, wondering why he’d stopped and why his hands wouldn’t wander past my belly. Maybe he needed more encouragement. So I peeled off my shirt.
Mateo groaned, but then he cocked his head in the opposite direction. I crawled to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, turned on by how warm his skin felt against mine. “What’s wrong?” He kept his face from mine and his hands to himself. My shoulders slumped. “Teo, don’t you want me anymore?”
His head whipped toward mine. “How can you think that? You’re all I ever want.” He released a frustrated breath. “Doc told me to give you time and that you’d tell me when you were ready.”
I fell back on my heels. “Is that why you won’t touch me?”
He furrowed his brow. “Do you want me to touch you?”
The muscles bulking his arms and chest tightened, luring me closer. I nodded slowly, my voice so husky it shocked even me. “I very much want you to touch me.”
His arms slinked around my waist and his hazel eyes sizzled. “If I do, will you tell me if it gets too much for you?”
“I will. I promise.”
His hands lowered, cupping my backside. “I mean it, Ev. I want things to be right between us.”
“I do, too,” I said. And this would help. I knew it would. I sensed his hesitation, and I hated it. To be honest, the only thing I feared about sex with Mateo now was that he wouldn’t be as into it, knowing what happened to me.
He leaned into me, and his lips had just met mine when the floor rumbled beneath us. He swore again. “My sisters are here―something’s up.”
He rushed to pull on his jeans. I scurried to the edge of the bed and searched through my overnight bag for fresh clothes. “Are you sure?”
He yanked on a shirt. “They’re the only ones besides you and Elaine who know the code, and Elaine uses the other garage.”
I’d managed a thong and a bra and was pulling on a tiny shirt when someone knocked on the door. Mateo offered me a quick kiss. “Sorry about this. Come out when you’re ready.”
He shut the French doors behind me. His feet pounded across into the kitchen and I heard him fling open the door. “What happened?”
I heard Lety’s voice. “Carlos showed up at the house last night. Sofia ra
n to the neighbor’s and called the cops on him.”
I stopped in the middle of zipping my jeans, shocked at the news, then hurried to finish dressing. I slipped my sweatshirt over my head as I came out of the bedroom. His sisters’ eyes widened when they saw me. “Ah, hey, Evelyn,” Lety said, glancing back at Mateo. “I didn’t know you were still together.”
Mateo frowned at her. “Yeah. We are.” He came across the room to me, taking my hand and leading me to the couch.
Lety sat on the other side of Mateo while Sofia quietly padded to the small leather recliner in front of the flat screen. Mateo slipped his arm around me. “Why’d you call the cops?”
Sofia clasped her hands nervously. “He showed up blitzed out, demanding that Mami get him food.”
Mateo bristled beside me. “Did he hit her?”
“No, but, um, I knew he was getting ready to. He had that mean look in his eyes. You know, the one he always gets right before he explodes.” Sofia’s voice was quavering. “So I left and called the police. He had drugs on him. They took him out in cuffs.”
No one said anything. And maybe it wasn’t my place, but I spoke up anyway. “Is he in jail now?”
Lety answered when Sofia simply stared at her open palms. “Yeah. I don’t know when he’s getting out, though.”
Although Mateo’s voice was rough, I could hear his worry behind it. “Carlos is going to figure out that you’re the one who called the cops on him, baby girl. The second he gets out, he’s gonna want some payback.”
Sofia nodded subtly. “I know. But I couldn’t let him hit Mami. She’s been sick and…”
I placed my hand on Mateo’s knee. “Maybe you should call Pete. He probably knows someone on the force he can contact.”
Mateo and Officer Pete had grown quite chummy. He stood. “Good idea. I’ll be back.”
Mateo disappeared into his room, leaving me with his sisters. Lety swiveled to face Sofia. “If we’re lucky, he’s been pimping or dealing. If so, maybe they’ll hang on to him a little longer. Either way, I think you should stay with Uncle Lino for a bit.”