I heard that he might be seeing someone. I think our communal friends were trying to be nice about using the word ‘might’. It was hard to hear all the same. Even though I was dating, they really didn’t mean much to me. I wasn’t involved; I didn’t hang on their every word. Sure I got upset if one had to cancel or postpone, but that was mostly cause then I would have to be alone with my thoughts… and that I didn’t like.
October was nearly here and I was down to just Ross, who had reappeared and Ken. I had decided that Matt was just, well boring I suppose; too dependable, too nice and lacked excitement. It was an easy call to make, I know, over the phone, not that nice, but in the end it was like cancelling a business meeting. He showed no emotion or reaction and I hung up and returned to my Ploughman’s sandwich.
Still concerned that James would somehow whisk me off my feet and marry me and I would be left with the soulless Lothario; Lucy was intent on finding, what she considered, a suitable man. She had also decided that as Christmas was only around the corner that she too needed a man, as she didn’t want to spend the holidays alone. So she was hot on the trail of the last two perfect men left in the city. – Good luck to her is all I could say!
One morning she came down to my desk grinning from ear to ear.
‘I have it Faye, I know what we’re going to do!’
With raised eyebrows I looked up from my desk. ‘You do now, do you?’ I inquired.
‘It’s brilliant! I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before! You’ll love it! It will be so much fun!’
‘Well tell me then! Tell me what is going to be so much fun?!’
‘Speed dating!’
‘Speed dating, are you serious? Only desperate, no hopers with no friends and possibly no personalities go on Speed Dating!’ She looked a little crest fallen. Perhaps I had gone a little too far.
‘C’mon Faye, it will be great fun! At least come for the laugh!’
‘I suppose it could be fun.’ and secretly it was something I had always wanted to do. What harm could it be?
Chapter 3 – Desperate, lonely and…
It took a few weeks for a speed dating event to come up. Lucy was hot on its tail though. I figured if I was going to do this I needed additional support so I roped Chloe in as well. After all it was a best friend duty, wasn’t it?
I had also decided that if this night was going to crash and burn like I thought it would, I was going to look damn good doing it; so, I treated myself to a gorgeous chiffon dress in purple and matching shoes. My deep auburn hair contrasted nicely against the fabric. It might have been a little dressy for such an event but at this point I didn’t care. I was finally beginning to feel and look like my old self again and I wanted to show it off.
The night arrived and Chloe and Lucy came over to mine so we could all get ready together. Thankfully my flatmate, Sharon was away, because Lucy had covered every available space in wardrobe options – it looked like she had brought an entire department store with her.
‘Girls I haven’t a notion what to wear.’ She moaned as she unpacked outfit after outfit.
It was a side to Lucy I rarely saw; her being so unsure. She tried on almost everything before finally deciding on a fitted black corseted top and a pair of skinny black jeans. With her short black cropped hair and razor sharp features, she looked sophisticated and edgy. Chloe wore an admiral blue shift dress and her chocolate hair curled softly around her olive face, she looked sensational. We all did. Feeling utterly confident armed with plenty of Dutch courage and game for anything, we headed out.
Arriving at the venue, we walked in to find a room sparse with people. Our arrival had brought the ratio up to 2:1 in favour of the men – typical! Perhaps this had all been a mistake after all? Lucy ignored our protests and passed us one of our complimentary drinks.
‘Drink up ladies, the men will arrive!’
And they did. Well at least more ‘males’ arrived, not quite sure I would consider them men. The slow sinking feeling I had first felt when Lucy suggested this idea, returned. I was just about to make a complete and utter fool of myself by attempting to speed date a room full of men I had no discernible interest in. What was I doing? It’s not like I didn’t have options! I had 2 on speed dial right now.
A bell signified it was time for us to take our seats. We spread out so that we wouldn’t make each other laugh and to scout more widely for any suitable men.
Jim was my first date. He was in his mid 30’s and clearly delighted with the effect my fitted dress was having on my breasts. He spent the majority of our six minute date looking directly at them and licking his lips. He had an awful receding hairline and big bushy eyebrows and was an accountant. I crossed his name off the list in the first 30 seconds.
Paul was next, a rather nervous individual he kept looking around him and scratching his head. He was much taller than Jim, had all his hair and even a few additional strands that hung rather precariously from his nostrils. He blew his nose a lot too. He liked model aeroplanes and I had a vision of us sitting on his mother’s floral patterned sofa drinking tea and eating triangular sandwiches while gluing wings and fuselages together. I shuddered as I crossed his name of the list.
They really didn’t get much better after that. Sure there were ones who were a tad more interesting and normal, but the reality was that you couldn’t form any sort of chemistry under harsh fluorescent lights and racing against a bell to fill in your life story, or at least the part you deemed exciting enough to interest a perfect stranger. After we had all ‘dated’, nibbles and drinks were served so we could all mingle and ‘get to know each other better’. Lucy was pretty taken with an Investment Banker, Ted who actually seemed perfectly nice; I must have blanked out during our 6 minutes. Chloe had found the only Doctor in the place and he somehow got no further after their date, the two were in deep conversation in the corner.
I watched from the sidelines as people paired up and others walked aimlessly around the room. I saw Paul making a beeline for me, well for my chest and I quickly got up off my perch in search of someone to talk to; anyone at all. In the corner I spotted a guy with dark brown wavy hair, he was scribbling into a note pad. I hadn’t ‘dated’ him either… I walked quickly in his direction.
‘Hi I’m Faye.’ I said out stretching my hand. ‘Please talk to me and save me from the leering eyes!’ I said, indicating the approaching Paul.
He looked bemused, ‘Hi Faye, I’m Brandon.’
‘Forgive me, but I don’t remember you from the dating?’
‘Oh, I wasn’t here for that.’
‘Oh?’
He cut across me before I had a chance to continue. ‘So are you having fun?’ he inquired.
‘No. Not exactly, it’s not what I expected. Well actually no, that is not entirely true. It’s exactly what I expected.’
‘It is? And what did you expect?’
‘A room full of desperate lonely people, desperately searching for love.’
‘And you?’ he finished
‘Me?’ I asked
‘Are you a desperately, lonely person desperately searching for love?’
‘No!’ I practically shouted. I was a little shocked at that. But what was I looking for?
‘I see.’ He smiled. ‘You have amazing eyes.’
I blushed. ‘I do?’
‘You do. And your nose crinkles when you smile.’
His face was so warm and welcoming. I realised neither of us had said anything for a while. We were both just looking at each other, it felt like one of those perfect moments in a movie. I was just about to ask him if he’d found a date, hoping he would say me when someone walked by and asked to take our picture, I turned, not thinking, and faced the camera, when I turned back he was gone and I was on my own. I searched the room, looked outside and even casually kept my eye on the door, nothing. Typical, the only half decent, half interesting guy here and he disappears. No doubt kidnapped by some other desperate dater!
Looking
around I could see Lucy and Chloe were still enthralled with their respective dates. I was done with the whole speed dating thing, collecting my coat I sent them both a message to say I had gone home and I wanted to hear all about their nights in the morning and to meet me for brunch at noon.
Sitting in the taxi home, I pondered about what I had said about everyone in the room. Was I just like them? Was I desperate and lonely and looking for love? I suppose I was, I was desperate to have Nate back -even now. Was I lonely? Yes, yes I was. Was I desperately looking for love? Well I wasn’t looking for love, I had found love, but I was desperate to get it back. Maybe, I was no different to what I thought of everyone in the room tonight. Maybe I was just a desperately, lonely person, desperately searching for love.
Chapter 4 – Stop the Presses!
Sitting at our usual table by the window, I glanced out as I waited in anticipation for the girls to arrive. Lucy arrived first, flustered and as she settled herself, Chloe came through the door clutching a paper. Air kissing was exchanged and they both sat down and looked at each other.
‘Tell me, tell me everything!’ I squealed
‘Em Faye, have you seen the morning papers?’ Chloe asked sitting in front of me, her foot tapping ninety to the dozen on the floor. Something had happened, something big!
‘OMG you made the papers, show me, show me… how on earth did you do to get into the paper?!’ I said my hands outstretched for the paper.
‘Eh, no Faye, we didn’t make the morning papers… you did!’
Totally perplexed, I looked from one to the other for explanation. Opening the paper and folding it in half, Chloe handed it to me. There I was pictured in my purple chiffon dress from last night. It was a nice picture and I looked well – nothing to warrant their questioning eyes. I went on to read the caption. “Desperately Lonely and Looking for Love” The article beside the picture and caption was written by Brandon Donohue – who, on earth was he and why did he have my picture? Scanning the article it was all about blind dates, internet dating, being set up by friends and the final paragraphs – speed dating. Brandon, wasn’t that the name of the last person I spoke to last night? To escape breast obsessed man? The article didn’t mention me by name, but it did tie my picture back to the speed dating. I looked back up at the girls. This was bad, this was very bad. How could he do this? He didn’t have permission! Didn’t he need permission to take my photos and use it? WHO THE HELL DID HE THINK HE WAS?
‘What the hell?’ I just looked at them both. We were all speechless.
‘Faye, are you ok?’ Lucy was the first to speak.
No I wasn’t bloody okay! My picture was plastered all over the Sunday papers saying I was desperate and lonely and looking for love! With that my phone rang and Ross’s number flashed on the screen. Uh! I couldn’t deal with him right now.
‘How can he do that?’ again I looked from one to the other.
‘I wondered about that too, when I first saw it this morning.’ Chloe was talking now. ‘It was on the form we signed when we arrived last night. At the start, it said there would be a journalist and photographer there and if you didn’t want to be included to tick a box. I didn’t see it either, well I didn’t really read the form. Lucy saw it.’
‘Sorry Faye, I didn’t think anything of it. Had I have known this would happen I wouldn’t have made us go to the stupid event!’
I just sat in silence taking it all in. How bad could this be? Ok my picture was in the paper. It was a nice picture, I looked well, not such a bad thing to happen. And it associated me with speed dating – again… not necessarily a really bad thing, ok slightly embarrassing, but liveable embarrassing. It was the caption and me dolled up to the nines out at a speed dating event that made this all over the top, move to a Caribbean island, never return again embarrassing.
‘How dare he! How dare he write that! He took me totally out of context!’
‘Did you talk to him for long Faye, what else did you say?’ Chloe looked at me anxiously.
I thought back, how long had I spoken to him. A minute? Two tops… he had been so nice though. Warm, engaging, clearly all an act! He had told me what I needed to hear and spoken to me long enough for him to get some choice words and make some really wild assumptions. This was just unbelievable! I sat there, boiling. I took out my phone again and dialled directory enquiries.
‘The phone number for The Dublin Herald please, Siobhan.’ I said into the handset. ‘I am going to give him a piece of my mind.’ I barked to Chloe and Lucy as I jotted down the number.
‘Hi there, I would like to speak with Brandon Donohue, I have an interesting follow up piece for him on today’s article.’ I was being put through. ‘Thanks’
I got his voicemail. I was tempted to hang up but my blood was boiling.
‘Where do you get off? You egotistical, male chauvinistic pig! You took me totally out of context last night and distorted what I said and you know it! How can you turn a 1 minute conversation into a 3 paragraph segment in a pointless, badly written rubbish liner?’ I slammed down the phone on the table after I had finished, forgetting that it was my mobile. Taking a deep breath I turned back to the other two and smiled;
‘Ok, now that is over, tell me all about last night – I want all the details!’
I tried desperately to concentrate as Lucy filled me on her very steamy night with Ted, the Investment Banker. She had spent the night with him and was heading out to the movies with him again tonight. As she told us about his crooked penis that bent to the left, which startled our poor waiter, I silenced calls from my mother, brother and boss. My mother would be mortified. Not as much, I thought, as it would if she was sat here listening to Lucy decide, that while the crooked penis freaked her out a little; she thought Ted would make the ideal interim boyfriend for Christmas.
I smiled to myself and focused on Chloe and ‘The Doctor’. Theirs had been a far more civilised date, as I knew it would. Dr. Anthony Jacobs had taken her for a light dinner to Torrendo followed by several bottles of wine at his penthouse apartment. They too were meeting again, for drinks, on Tuesday. He had a small GP’s practice in Raheny and was just divine! It was clear Chloe was smitten. It seemed that everyone found love at the speed dating, bar desperate and lonely me!
Walking back to my apartment, I considered phoning Ross to come over. So it wasn’t love or anything close to it, but he made me feel wanted and I think I needed that right then. As I reached for my phone it rang.
‘Hello.’ I answered.
‘Hi, is this Faye Winters?’
‘This is she.’
‘Hi, this is Brandon, the egotistical, male chauvinistic pig who writes pointless, badly written rubbish liners.’
‘Oh it is now. Did you want a comment you can twist for tomorrow’s kitty litter box?’
‘Ouch!... but no, I was just calling, well to tell you that your picture and my caption have caught some people’s attention. Well mostly male attention. Apparently there are quite a few people who are desperate, lonely and looking for love in Dublin this morning and they all want your number.’
‘What?’
‘All the desperate and lonely man folk of Dublin want Faye Winters’ number. It seems you are just what they are looking for.’
‘Is this your sick and twisted idea of joke?’
‘No… so what say you, you interested in dating any of Dublin’s lonely? Maybe even let me cover it?’
‘Are you serious? Do you really expect me to agree to date some sado who called into your office because they saw my picture in the paper and then let you write about it?’
‘When you put it like that. In a word – yes? My editor had his doubts but I knew you would be up for the job!’
‘ Uh!!’ was my response and I hung up. He called back straight away but I hung up again. The next time I sent it straight to voicemail. I don’t know why I listened to the message.
‘Faye, think about it. I’ll call you tomorrow.’
I threw
the phone in my bag and tried promptly to forget about him! The very thoughts of Brandon Donohue made my blood boil!
Chapter 5 – Fortunes click!
The following morning when I arrived into work, there was a beautifully wrapped box on my desk. The note simply read, ‘To Faye Winters’. Lucy was on a call so I couldn’t ask her who had delivered it and no one else was in. It wasn’t my birthday or a special occasion and while I had received gifts from clients before, they were mostly bottles of wine or gift vouchers. I traced my fingers along the gorgeous velvet red ribbon, removing it, I tied it to the lamp on my desk – it was too pretty to throw away. Slicing through the cellotape with my letter opener, the wrapping revealed a gold box. Taking the lid off the box, I pushed aside the tissue paper to reveal half a bag of kitty litter and a small envelope. Totally confused I opened the card. It read;
Yesterday’s chat only gave me enough for half a bag, answer my calls… pretty please?
Uh! Brandon Donohue… well he could add deranged and stalker to his list now as well, if he thought I was going to answer any of his calls and I would tell him as much. Dialling the number on the card I waited for it to be answered.
‘Hello, this is Brandon.’
‘You can add deranged stalker to your list if you think I am going to be answering any of your calls!’ Slamming down the phone I heard him say;
‘I won’t give up!’
And he didn’t, he called me every day, once in the morning at work and after lunch on my mobile, each time leaving an irritating message. Then more ‘gifts’ started arriving. First, a copy of his column in which he wrote about the merits of being a sexy single in Dublin and a woman’s right to choose who she dated; that’s when I made the first of my mistakes. At the end of his column was his email address, and I sent him one, telling him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him, his column and his opinions and was it not hypocritical of him to want me to date Dublin’s lonely and for him to write about it if he believed I had the right to choose. His reply was: ‘Of course I could choose which lonely one I dated – he wasn’t a dictator.’ After that, he added emailing to his stalker repertoire.
The Meaning of Purple Tulips Page 3